Help needed in order to allow dd2 (3yrs) to continue sharing our bed.

[Wills]

DD2 has always shared our bed and until the last 6 months its been fine. In the last 8 months we've moved house and had ds. We've moved a long way from dh's work which means he has a 2 hour commute in the morning and 2.5 hour commute in the evening. But the move has enabled us to live in a wonderful house and that I have been able to give up work and be a SAHM for the first time. BUT he gets up at 5.00 am and leaves the house at 5.30. This can't change if he wants to be home before 8.00 pm. dd2 is disturbed by dh getting up (and he's really really tried hard to be quiet), so that she's normally up around 5.45. When dd2 gets up (she's 3) somehow the rest of the house has to get up including ds and dd1. She knows exactly how to get her own way in my desperation in keeping ds and dd1 asleep and is now regularly getting away with murder. I've had to bring her bedtime forward as she's shattered, dd1 is tired, ds has a sleeping pattern all over the place and I'm tired too. I'm not not sleeping with my dh (we tried that for 2 weeks and we felt like we were barely seeing each other).

So.... Any thoughts about what I can do that don't involve me moving her out of our bed.

[alcyone]

There doesn't seem to be any solution for your early morning commotion, like i said before, these things just have a way of sorting themselves out, perhaps dd will sleep a little more deeply as she gets older, things change, and i applaud you for wanting your child to stay in bed with you, before you know it they will all be teenagers sleeping in till midmorning, if you can put up with the current sleep deprivation now, stay sane....good luck and best wishes

[FluffyMummy123]

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[FrannyandZooey]

I don't know why people are thinking the dh is getting sleep deprived

erm he has to get up at 5, no-one is waking him up, he is waking them up

a child's need for comfort and security in the night is not a whim

if you can meet that need in other ways then fine, but in some families the natural way to reassure your child's fear of being left alone at night is to co-sleep

[Wills]

No worries Frany - you go for it!

But seriously, yes possibly its partly me, if I didn't enjoy it and was only doing it because i felt it would seriously harm her health this would be as good a reason as any to turf her out. But I genuinely feel she finds it scarey being in her own bed. When we transfered her from cot to bed I was so pissed off by her coming into our bed I even went back to putting her into her cot (she promptly climbed out!). Lets be honest - I don't have to sleep on my own - I get to sleep with my dh. Why should she be forced to sleep on her own when I don't have to.

BUT lack of sleep is intolerable and if I can't find a solution then I'm going to have to bite the bit and transfer her to her own bed through the night. Just hoped to find an alternative solution.

[hermykne]

wills
in a few years time you'll look back and say we were mad, get her in her own room, let her come into you in the morning time when she wakes at a reasonable hour and cuddle then. but for good sleeping habits down the road - her own room.
sorry. we all need our own space imo.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[moondog]

Staggered at suggestion that you even contemplated sleeping away from your dh but with your dd.

[taffy101]

I'm sure dd is v. reassured to sleep in your bed but if you were happy with it you wouldn't be posting it on here. Just mean to say one day she will need to go in her own bed permanently (correct me if i'm wrong) and circumstances would SEEM to dictate atm. I think delaying it might make it even harder imho

[FluffyMummy123]

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[hermykne]

wills - when shes 16 and says to you "you sleep with dad why cant i sleep with X" or words to that effect, s;eep over, will you agree then? no mums and dad sleep togehter as adults. kids sleep with their story books and toys in their zone. with cuddles at ngiht and in the morning!

[FrannyandZooey]

Wills people are basing their answers on their kneejerk reactions that a child should be in their own bed

you do what you think is best - a compromise is obviously needed here but your 3 year old's need for security is not to be dismissed lightly

(I do think you could gently move to a separate room if you wanted to, but that isn't the only solution)

Could she share with one of your other children?

[Aloha]

Move her into her own bed! It's not torture! I'd kill for my own bed sometimes.

[taffy101]

I liked sharing room with my sis. If i had a bad dream or whatever I'd wake and see her sleeping peacefully and felt ok, that sounds like a good idea

[FluffyMummy123]

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[FrannyandZooey]

"mums and dad sleep togehter as adults. kids sleep with their story books and toys in their zone. with cuddles at ngiht and in the morning!"

Hermykne that is one way of doing things

some of us have another

Moondog, Wills' dh is presumably an adult and able to take care of his own needs better than a 3 year old? It's hardly the oddest thing in the world to hear of an adult making a sacrifice for what they feel is best for a child.

[Aloha]

Buy her a Princess bed, let her choose her own bedlinen, stories, cuddles, lie on the floor by her bed while she nods off if needs be, then give her a present for sleeping all night like a big girl in her own princess bed. You can't go on like this. Tis madness.

[Wills]

Actually given my dh's ability to snore like a pig sharing with dd2 and not dh isn't always unappealing .

Hmm the idea of the two girls sharing is a thought though.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[brimfull]

If I had my own way I'd half my own seperate wing and dh could visit me occassionaly.

I would make a big deal of her new bedroom and give her rewards for staying in her own bed like a big girl until a reasonable time in the morning.

[Aloha]

I think childrne benefit hugely from seeing their mum and dad as a unit tbh. My dd got a set of dolls house people for her second birthday and said, 'mummy and daddy cuddle' and did it with her dolls, and I was really pleased!

[hermykne]

FandZ i dont get sleeping all night with them in the one bed? nothing knee jerking about my reaction. but stories and cuddles prior to sleep and pitter patter feet in to oyu in the morn? why do want your children beside you all night.

note to read up on this another day.

[FrannyandZooey]

I agree with you Aloha, except for the last 2 sentences

Lots of people go on co-sleeping for as long as they want and it isn't madness, that's very dismissive of Wills' parenting choices I think

[FluffyMummy123]

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[taffy101]

i want a time delay lock LOL