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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My son is so unhappy at nursery - please help

125 replies

Lndnmummy · 14/05/2015 18:03

Hello, please can one of you ladies offer me some advice, I am at my witts end with my son who is 3. A truly amazing, happy, confident and chatty child although "high spirited". He has had a hard time at nursery since he started last year, when he was 2.

Basically he is being permanatley told off and put on the chair. Often he gets told off for things that are not even him ie other children snatching toys off him yet he gets blamed. He is ignores in the mornings even though I have asked staff for more support as he is upset in the mornings. Always the same girls on their laps and when I asked if my son could also have a cuddle and some reassurance from them they said "he isnt a very cuddly person".

He feels left out now, says the teachers are always cross with him and that he never gets any stickers only the chair.

I am heartbroken for him, he tries so hard but they seem to scape goat him. It has knocked his confidence and he says things like "oh dear mummy, im a naughty boy at nursery".
We have repeatedly raised these issues but staff are very defensive there and even though a chat resultsnin temporary improvement we are soon back to where we started.

Please help me, am overreacting?

OP posts:

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icklekid · 14/05/2015 18:04

Are there any other nurseries? Doesn't sound like this is the best place for him?

Lovethebubbles · 14/05/2015 18:07

Really sounds like you need to change to a different nursery. I wouldn't be happy taking my DD to one that makes her feel like that.

hedgehogsdontbite · 14/05/2015 18:07

Move him. He's unhappy and they don't care.

TheTravellingLemon · 14/05/2015 18:09

This doesn't sound right to me. I'd seriously consider taking him out. DS is 2 and a half and his nursery is wonderful. They don't do naughty chair or anything like it at that age. I think if his upset you should just take him out, it doesn't sound like a very nurturing place and really, at that age that's what they need. Poor little boy shouldn't be taught that he's naughty at 3.

bigbuttons · 14/05/2015 18:09

why have you left him there for so long? take him out as soon as you can. poor lad.

WipsGlitter · 14/05/2015 18:11

I'd move him too. Sounds like they're not interested in helping him.

girliefriend · 14/05/2015 18:13

Why haven't you moved him? Maybe a childminder would be a better for him?

The nursery sounds rubbish.

confusedandemployed · 14/05/2015 18:14

Sorry, yes. Move him. He needs somewhere else.

Pico2 · 14/05/2015 18:16

Find a new nursery! Neither of the nurseries DD has been to has had a chair. And in her current nursery, even when a child has a bit of a reputation amongst the other children (this can happen, even if it isn't deserved), the staff are good at not labelling and seeing the good in every child.

Great nurseries exist. Once you know that, it is easier not to tolerate a poor one for your child.

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 14/05/2015 18:16

Ah thank you, really? You dont think I am overreacting?
I have left it as long as I have as I was led to believe that we were working together. I would hate to be the kind of parent that never admits that their children do wrong but I cant cope anymore. My son is distraught and wants me to tell the teachers off. I feel so upset for him.
Oh and he is mixed race and the manager said that "certain families have children with more challenging behaviour".

OP posts:

Chottie · 14/05/2015 18:18

Please take him out, why are you letting your LO be so upset? If he started in the nursery last year and is still not settled, it's not going to happen now.

Please listen to us all and take him out tomorrow

jelliebelly · 14/05/2015 18:18

Find a different nursery - this one obviously isn't working and difficult to see how to change it really

bearhugsmum · 14/05/2015 18:18

I would take him out asap. Poor thing, I'm sure he will have a better experiance somewhere else.

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 14/05/2015 18:19

They marked him down on his 2 year review as he couldnt put on his shoes and coat and "refused to butter his own toast". He does it all at home.

When they praise other children and their new clothes, ds tries to say "look I have a new jumper too" and they just ignore him or roll their eyes as he speak.

OP posts:

Chottie · 14/05/2015 18:19

OP - I've just read your update, what's being mixed race to do with it?!? He is a little boy who is unhappy at nursery - end of. Please move him.

morethanpotatoprints · 14/05/2015 18:20

There is no way on God's earth I'd have put up with this.
Get him out now and don't go back not even tomorrow.
Poor child deserves better than this.

TheTravellingLemon · 14/05/2015 18:21

Not in the slightest. He's still a baby really. I would take him out immediately and find somewhere else. And as for the certain families comment, well that tells you all you need to know really. Don't send him back.

bigbuttons · 14/05/2015 18:21

I hope you are not going to send him back there ever again. you need to protect him. i would make a formal complaint.

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 14/05/2015 18:21

I am frm overseas and where I am from you dont just remove your children, you work alongside the institution to improve things. I have tried this, but I can not continue like this.

OP posts:

BrockAuLit · 14/05/2015 18:23

Oh please take him out of there. What a horrible way to treat a little child. Poor little thing.

Marked him down at 2yo for not being able put on his shoes and coat?? FFS, don't even know where to begin with that. These people have no clue about little children.

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 14/05/2015 18:23

I am saying that he is mixed race because I believe that this has an impact on how he is being treated. As an "agressor" and "trouble maker". Can I make a formal complaint about this? Is it not a he said/she said scenario?

OP posts:

girliefriend · 14/05/2015 18:24

I would be complaining to OFSTED about the treatment of your son, they sound terrible.

Please don't send him back there.

overthebliddyhill · 14/05/2015 18:24

This nursery is damaging your child. Please don't leave him there.

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 14/05/2015 18:25

Also he comes home with scratches on his face and no one had ever seen what happened. But if he has done something (like throw sand at someone) then they have all seen his "unprovoked attacks."

OP posts:

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 14/05/2015 18:26

Would I be able to complain to ofsted? I have photo evidence of his scratches and torn clothes. Will they believe us?

He is not going back.
Thank you for all your support. We have failed him as parents.

OP posts:

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