My son is so unhappy at nursery - please help

[Lndnmummy]

Hello, please can one of you ladies offer me some advice, I am at my witts end with my son who is 3. A truly amazing, happy, confident and chatty child although "high spirited". He has had a hard time at nursery since he started last year, when he was 2.

Basically he is being permanatley told off and put on the chair. Often he gets told off for things that are not even him ie other children snatching toys off him yet he gets blamed. He is ignores in the mornings even though I have asked staff for more support as he is upset in the mornings. Always the same girls on their laps and when I asked if my son could also have a cuddle and some reassurance from them they said "he isnt a very cuddly person".

He feels left out now, says the teachers are always cross with him and that he never gets any stickers only the chair.

I am heartbroken for him, he tries so hard but they seem to scape goat him. It has knocked his confidence and he says things like "oh dear mummy, im a naughty boy at nursery".
We have repeatedly raised these issues but staff are very defensive there and even though a chat resultsnin temporary improvement we are soon back to where we started.

Please help me, am overreacting?

Different nursery! Some kids suit different nurseries. Just like everything else with children. The one you are at may be brilliant with some kids.

My son is mixed race and he was at an initially very good nursery however staff left and he was bullied by two boys whose parents were racist ! Unbelievable at 4 my son stopped speaking cd only stammer it was awful I took him out that day and he never went back. I went ballistic at the nursery as the two boys had punched spat hit him and the nursery were useless, he stayed with his grandad until we got a space at a child minders for 3 months before school began. He regained confidence in a week but even now 8 years on he remembers those boys and what happened there good luck with your little one the nursery sound awful x

Friggin move him! Immediately

Oh parsley thats just heartbreaking. I'm so glad your ds regained his confidence, even tho the memory of it is there.

Parsley, i am so so sorry

Lndnmummy good luck tomorrow

Thanks ladies I didn't post for the sympathy vote but to illustrate that before my son I wouldn't have ever believed issues like this Wd have happened. The manager of the nursery was so awful I was left gob smacked all the pc crap about we can't exclude a child I did point out by their ineffectual policies they were excluding my son ! When we moved to the child minders her friend had worked there and she left because of dreadful management oh I just remembered when I called to discuss the issues I had regarding my son she had me on speaker phone to the entire staff cohort ! Very professional good luck London mummy it's not your beautiful boy !

It is shocking. I never in a million years thought that I would experience what I have as a parent, in 2015.

Oh and our meeting got cancelled...

'the chair' sounds like a horrible punishment! It reminds me of the corner with the dunce hat. Sorry, but what he is describing to you is bullying. I would be making a huge complaint to OFSTED. These nursery assistants have created a culture of scapegoating and that is not right.

Don't blame yourself, you had no real idea and now you have realised what's going on you are being very proactive. He will be alright. You can teach him that if an adult is cruel, he must tell you just like he has and you will sort it out. Poor lad. But he won't be scarred for life as he has loving parents and family. He'll soon move on with a normal, caring nursery environment.

I would go for that nursery with both barrels because really it sounds abusive. They need to know what has been going on and get new staff.

Hi op

I work for a local authority and part of my team's role is to oversee inclusion, including that of BME pupils. Contact the lea and inform them of our concerns and they will have a duty to act under the equalities act. There is come back, even for a private nursery

Your not our.

Oh god, OP, poor you and your poor boy, how appalling.

Definitely complain to Ofsted. It sounds like you have some of the behaviour well-documented and frankly their discipline techniques are horrible. I'd be inclined to drop the nursery an email saying you'd hoped to discuss with them to clarify some points before making a complaint to Ofsted, but now feel you've been left with no option.

We've been so lucky with DS's nursery (SW London) - inclusive, supportive and really good at working to the needs of individual children. I have a friend whose child is objectively challenging and they've worked so hard with him on the things he finds tough. DS is quite shy/reserved and equally they have helped to turn him into a really confident child in a really gentle way - not something we'd have managed.

It sounds like you've found a nursery that is giving you a better vibe - I hope it's wonderful for your DS.

Agree wiv other posters, this nursery is no good, find another local one with better staff & procedures. They seem to have labelled ur son, knocked his confidence & perhaps are not understanding of his cultural background (if u kno wat I mean?) I am qualified Careers Adviser, worked wiv 13-19s for 12 years & hubby is Primary Teacher - inappropriate to treat child like this. You are a fab mother, have done everything right & are doing best by your son if you move him ??

really good to hear for you and your ds. it's not your fault. don't let the old nursery get away with it, no child should be made to feel the way he did. good luck

I'm pleased you have moved him, and that you've found a lovely new nursery.

This one sounds as if it should be shut down, and they so obviously don't care. People who don't care shouldn't be providing care for small children.

I had a long chat with a lovely lady at ofsted today. I found it very helpful. She believes that there needs to be an investigation on several grounds: failure to safeguard, inclusion, aggressive staff.
It was very theraputic to talk to her, she was amazing. I have not yet given her the nursery details we just had a chat about the experience and she said she urged me to give the name. I will call her back tmrw.
It felt really reassuring.

That's fantastic news. It's all very well having other mums agree with you but it must have felt great to have ofsted take your complaint seriously. Sometimes when you're in the middle of a situation it's so hard to see. I hope there are consequences for this nursery and its staff.

You are so right, I will give them the name today. There was another complaint made early last year (before we joined) relating to similar issues, they came out as "good" from that. It might be a second, unrelated, incident report would prompt a different response.
My son also had a very serious accident there in his first week (ambulance was called and he was uncontious). Apparantely the nursery had a duty to report this which they did not do.
And hear hear to springmama. We do salute all you brilliant, engaging, caring, and inclusive nursery workers and teachers out there. You are so important to our children's lives.

It sounds like you are aware of this, but please don't be surprised if Ofsted don't find anything (other than the incident they should have reported). The nursery staff are unlikely to behave badly under observation. It doesn't mean it didn't happen or that you aren't believed.

But two such complaints to Ofsted on two years looks terrible.

Did you give them the name, OP?

Please report this nursery to ofsted
They deserve to be closed down
I'm a manager of a nursery and I hate thatbthwte are nurseries like this still able to operate