Indicators of having a Highly Sensitive Child - your dd or ds?

[Panman]

1. startles easily

2.complains about itchy fabrics on skin 3.doesn't usually enjoy big surprises. 4.learns betterfrom gentle correction than strong punishment 5.seems to read my mind 6.uses big words for his/her age 7.notices the slightest unusual odour 8.has a clever sense of humour 9.seems very intuative 10.is hard to get to sleep after a long day 11.doesn't do well with big changes 12.wants to change clothes if wet or sandy 13.asks lots of questions 14.is a perfectionist 15.notices the distress of others 16. prefers quiet play 17. asks deep thought provoking questions 18.is very sensitive to pain 19.is bothered by noisy places 20.notices subtleties in changes(appearances, environment 21.considers if it is safe before climbing high. 22. performs better when strangers aren't present 23.feels things deeply.

13 or more hits indicates the likelihood of HSC, or much fewer but very strongly.

These characteristics are equal in incidence between boys and girls, and approx. 20% of children have such consistent characteristics.

This thread may trigger parents to reflect on their child whom in some way appears a little 'different'.....

Above is from a book on the subject, and also relates to other threads on the site on HSC.

Any observations??

many of the points are incredibly subjective in viewing a baby ... and only go to reinforce what people already believe

so if you believe your baby is highly sensitive then you'll tick the boxes and say 'aha justification' ... I can tick many of those boxes for DS 5.5 and I don't think he's highly sensitive at all

I do think there ARE sensitive babies in the world .. but this seems to be pseudo-psychology and I hate pseudo-psychology

Interesting topic. It's true many mothers would tick lots of boxes about their little treasures. My DS is now nearly 8 and I've always thought he was a sensitive child, never realised there was a label for it

He's never been a boisterous, noisy, messy, rampaging boy (what I would call typical, having 2 older brothers) and he fits many of the descriptions in the list 18/23.

It's quite nice to have a quiet boy but I do worry about his future mental strength - he seems to be overly anxious about things sometimes. One of my brothers has suffered since teens with bi-polar disorder (manic depression) and I have heard some reports that there is a genetic predisposition to it.

Not sure if being aware of an HSC condition may alert us earlier to any future problems so would like to know more, Panman.

Well, Twig, we aren't looking at babies, rather young children and upwards. Additionally, it is nigh-on impossible to be objective in analysis of your own little ones, yes?

I, and indeed the author of the study, are not wishing a tightly-defined tick box approach - the 13 is a guide on a spectrum.

After realising, more or less since she could open her eyes, that there was something different about dd (now 6yo), I am pleased to discover a recognition of many of her traits and how to approach them, over and above an intuitive reaction.

If you think this is psuedo-psychology and you hate it that, ignore it.

Interesting. When DS was younger there were many on that list that I would have ticked off (at least 3/4) but with maturity he has 'lost' many of those highly sensitive traits (eg. used to be careful of climbing high but now has very little fear with physical stuff).
I think it is becoming so easy to 'label' children more and more these days. Some people are more sensitive to others - why put a label on it? What purpose does it serve? Aren't there enough labels as it is?

I'm with ghosty - all children and adults have a variety of personality traits. Why label? It is easy to move from labelling to medicalising ordinary facets of human behaviour.

Agree, so one has to be sophisticated on slavish adherence to what comes with the label, s you have seem to have done.

My dd hasn't lost ANY of the HSC traits she had when a baby, and as she grows she exhibits more ofthem. It ISN'T a "condition" to be "treated" at all. But there are observable characteristics that are more clearly visible in some than others. "Shyness" is a label that, it seems HSC are given, but there is so much more going on that just an exhibition of shyness.

No ,there is no 'judgement' being applied, or treatment, medical or not, neededed.

I have a psychology degree, worked in research and was about to do a Ph.D when I became pregnant with DD, I hate pseudo-psychology. However, I have a DD with dyspraxia, hypermobility & hyptonia who fits the profile of an HSC perfectly, there is only one or two of the things on the list that doesn't apply. I don't think any more labels than she already has helps.

However, I have read the book that this list comes from and have to say I after reading it (when she was about 5, she's 7 now) I found it very helpful and very slightly change the way I reacted to her which I feel has helped her. It is hard to say how much this has helped the huge amount she has come on recently and how much of it is just down to a normal developmental spurt and how much to the extra help she has at school because of her dyspraxia.

Like Panman, I realised that there was something "different" (and I really hate using that word)about DD very soon after her birth and unless you've experienced that in your child it is very hard to explain or comprehend. I have a 3 year old DS who a lot of the questions could apply to but his way of thinking and behaving is so so different to DD. If I had just had him I would probably have thought it was all a load of rubbish, but due to my experience with DD I do think that the book is actually helpful.

Thinking about it, reading the HSC book gave me the feeling of "that's exactly it " that I got when I first read about dyspraxia before DD was diagnosed.

Kitty - I know that feeling of connection.

I am cynical too, along with many others, about the conflagration of psychological theories - a bit of a confusing curse of modern times!!

I raised this issue (and is what brought me to MN) as these traits are so easy to dismiss as chronic shyness. The basis is that HSC process stimulation more thoroughly than others, and this often leads to a "label" of being odd.

It was my wish to raise awareness of HSC, and to invite parents to consider looking at their little ones in a differnet way, IF they exhibit indicators. No more or less than that. Please dimiss this if you don't think it relevant.

Kittypickle- ds2 has lots of ticks (15) from that list- and I've always thought has a lot of dyspraxic tendencies If you're interested in that sort of thing there's a good book by Stella Waterhouse- a positive approach to autism- which looks at hypersensitivity an the role it plays in the development of autism and dyspraxia. It might be in a library (that's where I first read it) The Olga Bogdashina books are good as well- but less aboout hypersnsitivity and more about the completely screwed up sensory input, so more relevant to autism than dyspraxia.

I think that its better to 'label' a child "highly sensitive" than "shy", "reserved", "introverted" - which are all a negative sort of description.

Any 'ideas' that can help people/parents interact with or develop a child that is any one of the four 'labels' above, is perfectly acceptable, IMO.

I speak as someone who was a painfully shy and introverted child. I see the same in my DD, and am keen to find ways to help her overcome a 'shyness' that took me over 20 years to get past.

Thank you Jimjams, I am really interested to find out more about the hypersensivity combined with dyspraxia so I will get my hands on a copy of that. I was filling in the new calendar last night and cringed when I saw we are rapidly approaching Nov 5th again !

As an aside, we're still very keen on the Bongo idea and went to have a look at the ones in Imperial in Poole. Fantastic (expensive !) conversions but we just need a basic van with an awning I think.

Why would I ignore it? This is a discussion forum .. the point of it is to discuss ... all views are relevant (unless they are insulting purely to be insulting)

Maybe I'll learn something from this thread and others personal experiences .. maybe I'll change my mind ..

neither of these will happen if I just ignore the thread

sorry that isn't what mumsnet is about

enjoy your discussion .. but I'm not going anywhere as long as I find it interesting

I don't see what the difference is between labelling a child as shy or highly sensitive, are highly sensitive children more middle class? And I do agree with you twiglett (no suprise there).

Ifg a child has a problem they need a label to access services. If they don't have a problem why not just accept for who they are- little complex bundles of individuality. Reading the list that defines a highly sensitive child I would say if your child ticks lots of the list and its affecting them then do sopme OT work- - the book the out of sync child is full of ideas- most of the list can be made more bearable with work.

Panman-Most of those things are on that list I could say ds displays.

He also hates having his nails or hair cut.
Is very sensitive when he falls over and does'nt like me making a fuss.
He likes his food cut a certain way.
He likes to choose his own clothes.
Talks loudly in a stressful situation ie family gatherings
I could go on.
Not sure if some of these tendencies are just genetic as I am quite a shy,sensitive person myself and feel it is good for a child to have some sensitive qualitys, shows they care about things.My DH always says ds is very sensitive and I suspose boys are expected to be tough and not display sensitivity as much as girls.I like that quality in him.

Agree with Twiglett,it is so easy to just tick the boxes and justify something.

My son has selective mutism and not sure if his sensitivity stems from this or is just in his nature?

Im not especially keen to give my daughter a middle class title JJ.

It wouldnt suit anyway (after her learning to speak, we are now struggling to get her to put the "T"'s back in again a la Heineken..."the Water in Majorca doesnt taste like what it ought to...")

I certainly think its the case that alot of people view shyness as a negative trait, so to try and swerve it away from being so can only be a good thing IMO.

VVV-Totally agree.My in laws seem to see shyness as a negative trait and especially with my son's SM I hate having to explain to people when he does'nt talk to them straight away that he is shy.The more he hears me use that as an excuse he will thing oh I won't talk I am shy.

Shyness should not be seen as negative,we can't all be over confident the first time we met someone.I like to thing my ds is weighing someone up first and making his own opinions of that person before he feels confident enough to talk to them.
Don't some adults do that?

But how on earth does saying "oh he's a highly sensitive child" make it any different? Won't he just think I won't talk I'm a highly sensitive child?

Exactly. The HSC 'theory' (I believe - have only read a small bit so far) gives suggestions to us (some of us socially inept ) parents as to how to best deal with the issues that crop up like you mentioned - having to explain to others within earshot etc.

are you telling me all kids don't do most of this stuff then? oops! so my 2 are not as , ahem, 'normal' as I thought then!
One thing I notice with ds1, who goes through a lot of doctor/hospital visits, injections etc is that he is a worrier and perfectionist. I think this is more due to his experience of life than his innate personality but who knows.

JJ, I think you are being a little obtuse about the whole thing.

Being shy has a stigma attached. We all know this, dont we?

the funny hting is that neither of my kids is actually remotely shy, yet it seems this is a euphamism for shyness? people often comment on their sociability, yet they both score highly on the chart. Why is that?

jimjams2-I would'nt say to anyone he is highly sensitive.It is very difficult with a SM child to know what to say as my ds is often viewed as rude when he does'ny reply to people when they talk to him.
As VVV says I know I need to learn a better way to deal with these situations when they crop up and don't always feel I should have to justify my ds's SM.Also discussing this in front of ds is depremental and so most of the time am at a loss as to know what to do.

People that know ds has SM ie family memnbers still choose to ignore this and make unhelpful comments to him and as much as I try to explain to them they don't really underestand.
I still have a lot to learn myself and mumsnet is a great place for that.Learning from other peoples experiences and getting advice fron other mumsnetters who are far more knowledgeable than myself.

morocco-My ds is a perfectionist and a worrier also,he probably gets that from me.
He has been diagonoised with SM and I believe they are some of the traits associated with this.I however did not have SM as a child.

Twig! - please, you said you hated it (psuedo-stuff), so purely on that bit I'd simply suggested you needn't read it all. That was all! Indeed, MN as I've come to know, isn't about exclusion, so please do keep an eye.

Praactical examples of HSC being misunderstood. dd will remain quiet for extended periods - OFTEN seen as 'anti-social', or innate reserve (my concern before I joined Mn) - understand now it is her sitting there deeply processiing something that happened back in time, weeks, months ago. I 'evidence' this by the fact thatr she will suddenly make an observation/ask an insightful question on the subject I had long forgotten. Others CAN interpret her behaviour in a negative way, but coming to understand HSC better I see her in a different way. Reading the book and exchanging with other MNers means Ihave come to understand her motivations much better.

Class? Not sure about this. I was raised working class (without doubt) and on reflection do show some HSC characteristics. Class analysis here isn't useful, at least IHMO.

Again I am not being evangelical about all of this, just inviting parents who haven't comeacross this to reflect on it. If it doesn't suit, then bin it.