Indicators of having a Highly Sensitive Child - your dd or ds?

[Panman]

1. startles easily

2.complains about itchy fabrics on skin 3.doesn't usually enjoy big surprises. 4.learns betterfrom gentle correction than strong punishment 5.seems to read my mind 6.uses big words for his/her age 7.notices the slightest unusual odour 8.has a clever sense of humour 9.seems very intuative 10.is hard to get to sleep after a long day 11.doesn't do well with big changes 12.wants to change clothes if wet or sandy 13.asks lots of questions 14.is a perfectionist 15.notices the distress of others 16. prefers quiet play 17. asks deep thought provoking questions 18.is very sensitive to pain 19.is bothered by noisy places 20.notices subtleties in changes(appearances, environment 21.considers if it is safe before climbing high. 22. performs better when strangers aren't present 23.feels things deeply.

13 or more hits indicates the likelihood of HSC, or much fewer but very strongly.

These characteristics are equal in incidence between boys and girls, and approx. 20% of children have such consistent characteristics.

This thread may trigger parents to reflect on their child whom in some way appears a little 'different'.....

Above is from a book on the subject, and also relates to other threads on the site on HSC.

Any observations??

That politely? Definitely a shuffle......

My ds also has most of the characteristics on the list - he also has dyspraxia.

all interesting ideas. I'll try and get a few books out. Poor ds1, I've been planning to get out the book on 'the strong willed child' for ages as well. I think chief label I would give him is pain in the bum (sorry - just joking and never actually call him that you know!)

thanks jimjams for your input about BIBIC as well.

My dd2 has most of the characteristics on that HSC list. But I wasn't surprised as my psychologist son had already identified her as such ages ago, although I don't think he ever talks in terms of HSC. As with others, my dd isn't shy, either, though that may be because she's used to be round adults.

Am going to check dyspraxia.

VVV - can you show me how to shuffle? Is it anything like mambo?

I will google BIBIC as well as checking the archives on here - thanks for that JJ.

I've been reading more about the parenting techniques that don't work with HSC - v interesting. Have discovered something that works with DS1 though when he's eg bashing a toy on the TV screen - I say "Would you like to give that to Mummy so you don't keep bashing the TV with it?" and he hands it to me perfectly cheerfully and gets on with something else. But if I "got down to his level and told him he was being naughty and if he didn't stop then he was going on the naughty step for two minutes and then I'd expect an apology and a kiss" it would upset him incredibly.

The first bit of the book has upset me quite a lot, actually. I will think more about why and post again, or I might not. It's just very emotional thinking back to what I was like as a child and how awkward I felt. I never felt like a child, I know that.

I'd just like to say that your DS1 is absolutely enchanting whether he's highly sensitive, shy, over-confident .. he's gorgeous and he has very good taste too

Thanks, Twiglett. This has just struck a chord in me and without writing reams and reams of stuff that would be totally dull to everyone else (all navel-gazing stuff, I fear) it's hard to explain quite why it's affected me so strongly and why I recognise myself and DS1 so clearly with this.

And JJ - remember I can TASTE melon if someone else is eating it near me...if that's not highly sensitive, I don't know what is

My ds only has 10 hits but is an interesting thread

Hunker....get it off your chest woman

hunker, I think you can see now why Pan, VVV and I have been discussing this so enthusiastically. Some people look at the list and say "Oh, it can apply to almost every child, get over yourself" and go off discussing labels. But, there are those of us who have always known that there is something a bit different about our child (and ourselves sometimes, too). Then we see this and it just clicks. There is such an incredible "aha" moment. And then there is the relief of knowing that, yes, I was right about this all along, just couldn't exactly put my finger on it and there are ways to make the situation better for everyone.

As far as seeing yourself, I know. I have always made comments such as, "I wish home schooling would have been around more, I would have loved it." And it's not as if I drifted through school as some outcast. But I did find it incredibly overwhelming from grade school on up. And of course, there are other things that I have recognized as well. I guess one thing that strikes such a cord is having the ability to understand this with ds and help him deal with it better than I did as a child, IYKWIM.

I am particularly indebted to you jabs re this thing. Even today I was with dd at my sister's/her cousins house and witnessed her having 'deep thought' moments amongst the fuss that their house brings. It stood out.
Prior to MN, I would have inclined to try to explain, poorly, her 'absence', but today none of that was there. Just a better appreciation of how she works and a sneaking admiration for it.

ds1 gets mostly ticks on this list. Will definitely get the book. He has been diagnosed with oversensitivitly to sound and touch which make him very distractible in class so he's always daydreaming. Very bright also but it's not much good being bright if you're virtually "absent" from the class! How are you, jabberwocky? Bump coming along nicely?

I might be missing the point here but I am alone in thinking that some of these are actually positives to have or exibit? I am a little confused as to why displaying lots of these traits are a problem. For instance:

2.complains about itchy fabrics on skin - would you wear something that itches you? I wouldnt & I certainly wouldnt expect a child to either.

4.learns better from gentle correction than strong punishment - not sure I even agree with using strong punishment at all with children

5.seems to read my mind - & being in tune with each others feelings & thoughts is bad why? Being around people for long periods of time means you get to know their habits, likes & dislikes etc so surely a child knowing what you were going to do or say simply means that they are getting to know you?

6.uses big words for his/her age - why should being intelligent be a problem per se? (& is there even a right age for using certain words?)

7.notices the slightest unusual odour - not sure about this one - using ones senses to the best of our ability is somehow strange now?

8.has a clever sense of humour - again, not quite sure how being clever is somehow seen as a problem.

9.seems very intuative (see 5)

10.is hard to get to sleep after a long day -sounds like most adults I know, let alone children!

11.doesn't do well with big changes - who does!

12.wants to change clothes if wet or sandy - see 2! Why should a child be left to be uncomfortable?

13.asks lots of questions - The day my child stops wanting to learn is the day I shall give up as a parent .

14.is a perfectionist - striving to be the best at something is not a good thing then. Yes I can see how this could be seen as obsessive, but not sure how a child wanting to get something right could be a strange thing - most children learn lots of things by repetition.

15.notices the distress of others (see 5.. again!)

17. asks deep thought provoking questions - see 13

18.is very sensitive to pain - and being numb to pain is a good thing

20.notices subtleties in changes(appearances, environment - again - uses our senses is surely a good thing?

21.considers if it is safe before climbing high. - better than falling off something imo!

22. performs better when strangers aren't present - I dont know about you all but I get nervous if I have to "perform" anything in front of strangers & people I know!

It's not negative at all. It's just different. Got to go to bed or would write reams more

how would you notive he notices odour?

sometimes people give too much of a shit.

Hey, chipmonkey! bump is coming along nicely - 26 weeks now. Did you know there is another optom MNer? Froot, I believe.

no terramum, none of them are a problem at all - they rightly shouldn't be read as such. So you are correct. But, that isn't the point of the thread, to find 'problems'.

too late in the morning to write anymore.

but custy, what on earth does that mean? Goodnight.

I would like to say that when DS was 2 he was totally unrecognisable from the 5 year old he is now but at both ages he ticks 14 of the boxes

as a 2 year old he was placid, reserved and tended to watch the world go by with a serious face ... he is now at 5.5 loud, brash, joke-cracking (and they're really bad jokes too) obnoxiously confident and will talk to anyone at length about whatever is in his head at that time ..

I would just caution that parents of toddlers be wary of self-categorising their children because they 'fit' into this schematic .. they change a lot in years ... and I do think grasping 'seudo-psychological labels' can be detrimental .. I really really do

your ds sounds like ds2 twig (same changes as well).

In ds2's case he ticks the boxes because he has some sensory integration problems- it's something we noticed when he was very young (being tuned into that sort of thing). It means that we recognise the types of things that he needs help with.

That list is VERY like a checklist for dyspraxia. DS2 does have some tendencies although is nowhere near bad enough for a disagnosis. However if your child fits that list I think that you should keep an open mind to dyspraxia. Undiagnosed/unrecognised dyspraxia can cause a child major grief at school, when there is no need (with recognition suitable help can be very easily put in place).

I would also recommend (again) the out of sync child as that gives physical exercises which will help tone down many of the oversensitivities.

In summary I agree with twiglett. Would also add that if your child has such great problems from features on this list that you feel a need to labal them with something then you really should be reading/investigating further to make sure they don;t have a genuine condition that can be helped. What's the point of spendiing your life being viewed as highly sensitive when a decent sensory programme would have made you a lot less sensitive. If it's just for an interest well you could still help a lot of the physical oversensitivities with a sensoiory programme (which are remarkably easy to do we even managed to set up a successful one with ds1).

I'd highly recommend Madelaine Portwood's book on developmental dyspraxia, for further reading. If you read that and think your child ticks some of the features but not all that many then the out of synch child will give loads of practical ideas of how to help physically. Don't hold your breath for an OT assessment on the NHS- locally children who can't walk have to wait 2 years + but the dyscovery centre in Cardiff is supposedly excellent.

Have you read the HSC book Jimjams?

Are there any aspects of it that are similar to the sensitivity exercises you mention?

I've read the comfort zone on the website and it dooesn;t seem to suggest anything that I would call a sensory program. Some of it overlaps with the sorts of advice that would be given to someone with some sort of sensory integration dysfunction- such as keeping outside distractions minimal (first thing you have to do with ds1 if you want to teach him anything his visual system is so hyper is remove all extra visual stimuli, all he'll get distracted by crumbs, and patterns and keyholes).

I haven't seen anything on there giving exercises such as swinging, rocking, balancing, wobble boards, rubbing textures on the skin, smelling, sounds, massagers, rolling, and pressure- all of which can make a huge difference to someone with any sort of sensory integration dysfunction - preferably tailored to the individual. If those sorts of exercises are in the book then I would do them daily- you'll see a difference very quickly.

I keep saying but I do feel strongly about it- if your child is seriously having a lot of problems coping with nursery/school/life in general and is ticking a lot of those boxes then you should be ruling out genuine conditions such as dyspraxia. Undiagnosed/unrecognised dyspraxia is a miserable experience, but can be helped. If your child is diagnosed with dyspraxia and struggles at school you have a chance of making things easier for them, via the provision of suitable equiipment, an IEP etc. If you have self diagnosed your child as a HSC then you have no chance of getting the school to take ot seriously.

Now ds2 ticks lots on the list but doesn;t need extra help, sothem I'm back to not really seeeing the point of it, he;s just a variation of completely normal- a strong visual learner (but tough he;s still going to have to learn phonics that's the way of the world now), who can't remotely tolerate the beach. DS3 - also NT we hope- is completely different to him and has to be parented differently again, but I don't think either of them need lables to be attached, it's just common sense.

HSC is more working with and making the best of rather than trying to 'fix' or de-sensitise, because its not considered as a "dysfunction", iyswim.

I suppose though if you deal with extremes of behaviour/personality everyday then I can well imagine that you see this as quite pointless. Must be hard work for you. You clearly have done lots of study of this stuff. Will definitely have a nosey at the books you suggested.

but if it's a simple physical probelm that is causing a problem that makes you worry about how your child is going to sope with school/life in general then why wouldn't you want to do some exercises to help them cope. The out of synch child doesn't lable as such just tells you how to identifiiy which senses need some help.
With the exception of factors 5, 8 and 23 (whcih lets face it are very subjective) ALL other factors ARE indicators of very treatable sensory dysfunction. You cansay you don't want to view it negatively, but is that an excuse for then not doing anything about it? ("YOU" here being used as "ONE" btw). Recognising that a child has a problem doesn't mean you have to be negatiive about them. Ds1 for example may be autistic but that doesn't make us view him negatively it just provides a starting point to suss out the help he needs. We could call him an ultra highly sensitive child (which after all is exactly what autism is), and "understnad" him and view him with understanding, but what he actually needs is help.

I think i need excercises to help me type label. label label label.