Does anyone else want to come and be a better parent with me?

[AnotherMonkey]

I've just deleted my original post in an attempt to be more positive.

I'm very low tonight, both of mine (4.5 and nearly 2) are pushing me so far beyond my limits at the moment.

So instead of posting my rant of misery, I wondered if anyone felt like joining me in choosing one thing to be less crap at at time?

Tomorrow, I am going to begin by taking it all less seriously. I'm going to try really really hard not to shout at all (this is difficult because DS is deaf at the moment and often does things which are not safe or bloody annoying but I'm going to find ways around it if I can). Essentially I'm going to try to take a step back and instead of letting poor behaviour bring me down, I'm going to try to isolate problems so that they can be dealt with. I might even make a list. I like lists.

(This evening was so bad I never want to see my neighbours again. I'm quiet, smart and even tempered in real life. Tonight our house must have sounded like a war zone. Or the screaming toddler equivalent. It's shit and it has to change).

mandbaby - for your 4 year old to have cone out with that is awesome, and testament to what a great job you are doing. You should be very proud.
Bertie - I remember he asked what was the world like when millenials were growing up? It was fantastic, it was a great time when everything was in boom mode and was the birth of the dot.coms. People were thinking of business ideas and setting up their own businesses. There was an attitude of go and get it, you can have it all. It was also the time when the most rapid advances in technology were occurring. As a result this generation has a much more optimistic outlook. They are also super social and seek to help each other out and want to share their experiences with others in an almost realtime way. :) I love this stuff. Want to try to see if he has anything online.
Today has been a pretty good day. A couple of total meltdowns from DS2 but I think he is just going though that phase. I don't like that he has started to pummel when things don"t go his way but am mainly trying to ignore. DS1 has been pretty cool today and we managed to take them to a busy Chinese for dinner with little to no issues. All in all I am happy with today. :)

Cone? I meant "come" :)

Searching that was very interesting about generational differences, I think you've described me to a "t", I can totally see myself in that description. Weird.

Having a few good days despite the stress of moving. Dd1&2 have had a few good days (phew).
Just having a nightmare with dd3 who is suddenly wetting herself countless times a day. She's been given abs for a uti, but nit much improvement so far. I really Do not need this now!

A MUCH better day for me today. No yelling, no stress, just perfect. However, DH still has unrealistic expectations from both of our boys. He was complaining that DS1's (4.9yo) bedroom was a complete mess by 11am. Yes, it was. BUT HE'S FOUR!! Seriously, what does he expect?! Does he really think that a 4 year old is going to play in a corner of the room with one toy, then put it away before picking up the next? I don't say anything (or try not to) because he just thinks I'm being critical, but sheesh! It just makes me on edge because I know he's not in the right frame of mind for getting through a day with a 3 and a 4 year old and just makes me want to try and nip all their little pre-school-isms in the bud before hubby kicks off with them. It's just not a nice environment. We are DEFINITELY better parents when both in a good mood. He said he had a headache, which may have been the cause of his intolerance, so I tried to ignore him it as much as I could. He's also been complaining the last two days that the boys don't do a thing he asks. They often don't do a thing I ask either, but are definitely more co-operative with me - more so since I've been reading my books and coming on here. But he still doesn't see it. He still thinks that we should raise them as though we were in the Victorian era.

A much better day for me too. A better nights sleep than usual made a huge difference. My problem is my own unrealistic expectations and frustration that I then shout or snap at them for in the heat of the moment. I will learn to think before I open my mouth. Why is that so hard?? They were slamming a door repeatedly while I was on the loo. Instead of just finishing ASAP and going to stop them I was bellowing at the top of my lungs from the loo at them to stop- I know that's party gear of fingers being trapped but really, didn't help. I am a slow learner

Still, survived a ridiculous Total Warrior event yesterday, first time I've done anything away from the children since the dts were born (bar work, til I quit, which I'm not counting! ) I think it helped me.be better today. Bit of an extreme way of improving my parenting though

dreaming ....what is a total warrior event?
mandbabe what a star your little boy is to notice and be able to describe how your relationship is changing for the better! Brilliant, and it is surely just a matter of time before your DH notices the same thing..... .......surely........ If that isn't motivation to continue I don't know what would be.
Hello everyone else

Another good couple of days for me with the kids, but not so great with DH. (DH stands for dickhead, right? )

I was upstairs dressing DS2 when DS1 came upstairs crying. He said daddy had smacked his bum because he couldn't have the play doh. I asked what had happened, and DH began by saying he shouldn't have to justify what happened. He said that DS1 had asked for play doh, he'd said no because he couldn't be bothered with the mess, but rather than trying to reason with him, he just told him a firm "no". DS1 got bolshy (and cheeky, probably) so DH smacked his bum. It wouldn't have been a hard smack - he probably barely felt it - but since my "calmer" approach began, DS1 really gets upset now if anyone shouts or gets angry. Then I said to DH that if DS1 wants to play with play doh, we should let him. Yes, it's a pain in the arse, and I don't always feel like getting it out, and will often try to encourage him to do something less messy instead, but who are we to say "no" just because we can't be bothered to clean up the mess? Then DH said (in a real huff) "I might have known you'd take his side for a change". To which I replied why did we bother having children if we can't be bothered with the mess?! So, we restrict our child's creative flair just because we can't be arsed to tidy up? Great parenting!

I'm just as tired (if not more so than he is) and I still make the effort!

He's barely spoken to me since.

mandbaby I do understand where you're coming from with the DH stuff. One thing I find especially difficult is that I am constantly trying to analyse what works and what doesn't, and trying to create an environment which is positive and encourages them to behave well. So when DH comes out with exactly the stuff I'm trying to avoid, I do find myself commenting, often in front of the DCs, and then I get so annoyed at myself!

When it's just me and the DCs, it's more difficult in the sense that it's more intense but it's easier in that I'm the only one in charge. Things run to my timetable, I can organise the stuff I want to do within a structure that works for the DCs, the house is tidier, no-one is confused about expectations.

There is a strong possibility I'm a bit of a control freak . But it's not like we run to a military schedule! The opposite really, it seems to be easier to be intuitive and to respond to everyone's needs when there's just one person in charge.

On phone so haven't really proof read, hope it makes sense!

Hi everyone else, hope the week is going ok.

Oh my goodness. I have had a few days of parenting pretty well and was feeling almost smug about a couple of good days. well, today was dire . In the morning I decided to do some air drying clay modelling with them. Fine. Except it dragged on and on. The kept asking me to make them things (like an aeroplane) which I'd do then they were decorating with jewel and beads and patterns with cutters. except as I helped one and left them to decorate and helped someone else the first would have totally destroyed the thing we'd started and want something else. And jewel things and beads were getting scattered all over the floor and I was tired and hungry and yelled at them all. A lot.

Then had a decent afternoon until dh got home- first comment about soil from a pot the boys keep digging up and destroying everywhere complaining it'll all get walked through the house- especially as did, chief digger, is barefoot. And I'd just mopped the kitchen floor. and they did traipse it in. And I went mad and completely shouted at them. oh I'm so disappointed with myself! !!!!

I think a lot of it is tiredness. But I'm still trying to get them to bed. and then I'll have tea. and then clear up some more. And then, above all else, I want some time for myself. So I go to bed about 11pm. The tiredness cycle continues. The shouting continues. I'm really starting to doubt my ability to parent them in any kind of decent way at all

mandbaby I would be furious if dh smacked ours. Mind I'm so crap at this myself it's not like I've got any good advice. I did the whole shout at the children and rage when it was more dh's issue

I've been a single parent, and I've been a partnered/ married parent. They both have their advantages and disadvantages.
Dreaming you are good, I hate anything 'craft' related

Hmm it's not that I feel that being a single parent would be easier. Definitely not. Just that it always surprises me how the math doesn't work out in our family dynamics!

I definitely underestimated the impact which having children would have on our relationship; but then it's been a bit like shining a massive spotlight on any differences of opinion in all of my personal relationships. I've learnt a lot about my own beliefs too. And had to completely rethink things I previously believed about myself.

It's no wonder we're a bit tired...

dreaming it's so frustrating sometimes! We had a lovely day today but both of mine struggled to settle tonight, both of them were crying and wanting mummy, I can only be in one place at once and was desperate (had been fantasising about sitting down in my chair with a coffee) for a break. DH tried to help and DD screamed louder.

I didn't shout but I was unsympathetic and rubbish with DS and now I feel sad. It was 9.30, he was going to wake DD up again, and I wanted to cry with frustration and desperation. He's with DH, he's fine, trying to focus now on all the times I have been a good mum today instead of spoiling my sitting time being annoyed at myself!

Do you feel that pull sometimes between the mummy you want to be (encouraging messy play, loving the creativity and sensory blah blah) and the person you actually are (bloody hate mess, hate that feeling of never actually achieving anything because it gets undone instantly or is cancelled out by the chaos created while you were doing it). I get this ALL the time.

Yes the analogy of the spotlight is so true. I often think in many ways it was an advantage to meet DH after I'd had DS, because I sort of got to see in advance how he was with DS, how he supported me with the other stuff around it, etc. You can see signs of that before you have children, but you don't always think to look for things like that and of course the other point is that before you have children, you tend to assume your life will be the same with some children in it, perhaps less working, lie ins and boozy lunches, you don't really realise how much else changes and how much what you need from a relationship changes too. I've been thinking about doing a blog post along those lines, actually.

You know how they say that relationship abuse often starts in pregnancy or at the birth of a first child, I don't think this is the case. I think that the relationship often has red flags for abuse before this but if you're both fairly independent, self sufficient, get up and go, don't let much throw you etc then it can be easy to overlook things or laugh it off as him being a bit selfish/lazy/jealous just as a minor sort of character flaw thing. But then when you have children and you really need them to be there supporting you emotionally, picking up the slack on the practical stuff, backing you up both privately and in front of the children and noticing and being aware of all this stuff without having to be told, and also having a mindset that what comes into the family (money etc) is pooled and just as much the SAHP's as the working parent's. You kind of need them to fall back on. I think that the reason abuse starts to become obvious at this point is because you never needed that before. You may have always assumed it was there, he may have told you in words that it was there, but now it's being tested is where they drop you to the floor and then laugh when you look shocked and struggle to get up.

Not saying anyone here's relationship is abusive, BTW, and perhaps it works with "nice but clueless" guys as well as abusive arses (except they wouldn't point and laugh, but they might look at you confusedly on the floor saying "What are you doing down there??") just I thought it was a good illustration of how a relationship which seems good before children can be really shaken after children, especially these days when we (women) expect to be very independent and self sufficient. We just underestimate how much support we're really going to require when raising children. I know I definitely made that mistake the first time, thinking that I could do it all alone, but it's very hard to do it all alone when they're there - it's odd, hard to explain. It was easier to do it alone when I was genuinely alone, even when he didn't take DS at weekends or anything. But yet it is easier again with DH, even though there are things at times that I think "Aaaaaargh why did you say/do that" or disagree with him on some point or another.

And yes I must admit I say no to messy things more often than I should because I can't face dealing with the mess. Something I should start doing is instead of saying a flat no, saying when we can play it, so I've sort of locked myself into an agreement I can't back out of later even if I can't bear the thought of doing it now.

monkey that's just it. I was enjoying doing the clay til it seemed there was no end in sight, the mess was escalati with no 'finished product' my stress levels were rising out of proportion to the incident. I mean, so what if it's a crappy lump of clay that's the end result?! Why did I get so awful about it?
I've been in.tears over it all tonight. I do have more to say but must get to bed.

Easy 'messy' play:
'Painting' with water on paving slabs outside, and, when you are redecorating a room, real paint on a wall at home just before you get the steam stripper out. They won't remember the day the wings fell off the air drying aeroplane, but they'll certainly remember the day you let them paint all over the bedroom wall.

Pavement chalks outside

Hand and foot printing (no I'm joking that's the absolute anti-mess-Mums nightmare scenario and -whisper it- I've never done it .. Surely that's why we send them to pre school )

Play Doh I used to quite like, so long as they stayed in the kitchen, which has a laminate floor, it wasn't a problem, I even used to make it, kneading cochineal into warm homemade play Doh is really quite a lovely thing to do on many levels. Then extruding it through those gadgets that make it into different shaped stringy play doh. wonder if they are too old now.....
If you have a bread maker some pizza dough would do, and you get to eat it later........if your children are reasonably good with hand washing and bogey disposal.

Oh Dreaming :( Don't be sad. I'd say it's quite legitimate to go mad at someone for messing up a floor you've just cleaned!! I mean yes maybe not a baby or something who didn't know better but when they're older you expect them to have some common sense. Maybe shouting wasn't the most productive way but you can't let them know your feelings in the most productive way ALL the time.

And with the clay thing - just try to see it as a sensory experience next time perhaps? Not as a project? I have a thing about stuff being wasted so I really have to sit on my hands with things like that, but when going through my old stuff, I found craft stuff that is almost brand new from MY childhood, that I'd saved all this time, using tiny pristine amounts so that it wouldn't run out. What for? I'm grown up now, and I never got to use most of it :( I gave it all to DS and he is using it with wild abandon and I'm torn between " - save it for something special" and "Hurrah, he doesn't have the crazy hoarding tendencies that I have!"

I find if I'm getting emotionally involved in something I have to detach which means getting out of being practically involved in the project. You could put some clay aside for yourself to have a go at making things, if you want. But don't try and do it with them. If they want to make a project, pick something which has really clear defined stages and is pretty hard to mess up but you don't really care about, like one of those horrible magazine "crafts" they always include like make an Octonauts boat out of a butter pot, or something. When you're working with something like clay that you have a finite amount of and is perhaps quite special but also hard to make do what you want especially for a child, the emotions come in again.

It's baking that does it for me. Both of them want to do everything, it combines just about everything on my annoying things list (sibling fighting, mess, waste, rubbish hygiene, danger (DD is like a moth to the oven), impatience, grabbing, independence warfare) into one fun activity. Eesh.

Oh I don't know if I could cope with more than one of them doing cooking! You're braver than me! :)

OK - lots of points to empathise with here. Firstly, baking/cooking. My kids love helping to cook. And I love cooking with them. Well, I liked cooking with one of them when he was small enough to sit at the table to do the easy stuff and didn't complain about the stuff I was doing. Now, I have two who both want to be on the same step pushing the other off it whilst trying to "help"; I have a 5 yr old who wants to use knives and cheese graters but has the coordination of a drunken bluebottle; I have a 2 year old obsessed with fire and the oven; I have a tiny kitchen with no room for arguments and stress! It generally ends in disaster.
On the DH front, monkey you speak my thoughts again. I am so much more able to stay calm when it is just me because I feel in control of how things are going and if the kids play up then I am dealing with it in my way. When DH is there and they play up I am much more likely to lose the plot - mainly because I am stressing over how he is going to react or is reacting and annoyed about how different our reactions are. I seriously wish people would have told us how much that spotlight would shine once kids came into the picture. It would have maybe forced us to deal with some of the underlying issues (the fact we do not communicate well for a start!). And yes, I admit I am a control freak. But what makes me sad is that now that I am working full time I feel like I could be doing the SAHM role so much better than I ever did in the past (rose tinted specs) - I always seem to convince myself that the path I have chosen is never the right one and I beat myself up over it. I am having guilt issues for always being at work and also start panicking a little when I think about the future because I see my DH being less and less employable the longer he is a SAHD, meaning that me staying in my job extends unendingly into the future. And I like my job so I don't know why it panics me so much, but it does.
dreaming don't give yourself a hard time. We all have those moments - craft sessions like that have the potential for being homely, lovely, feelgood activities or turning into utter hell. You never know which way it will go. I regularly have this issue and realise that I am being a control freak over my kids creations. I need to take a chill pill and make my own and leave them alone!
Tonight I had to do bedtime by myself and it was so much calmer than when we are both here. The boys were not calm but I was, even when DS1 ended up going to bed with no bath, story or anything for pushing his brother. But I didn't lose it and I think that was because it was just me and I was in control. Sad that I missed out on bedtime story with DS1 though :(

I can sympathise with you Dreaming re clay activity, I used to be the same, just wanting to create these lovely things with my children, and hated the mess and more than anything the waste! I do have a tendency to be a control freak . I notice dh is the same, but I've learnt that the process, the activity is much more important than the end result, especially for pre-school children, so I have learnt to just "let it go" (and now I can't stop singjng the freaking song , I also have to sit pn my hands and bite my tongue though!
And preventive actuon, ie covering up everything in sight, of course helps limit the damage! and not getting distracted with mumsnet

A few good days here, but of course it helps that they're at nursery in the morning, when I get to do all yhe boring jobs, then I am more relaxed in the afternoon. It also helps ghat we virtually live outside and our road is bursting kids, who love to play with my dts, such a shame we're moving!

I have to say, as toddlers, these two are way more reasonable than their older sisters, I hardly ever have a fight to get out of the bath, go back home from somewhere, etc, when do all I need is to raise my voice once and most of the time that'll be it. I wonder if it's just pure luck, different nature, or if my different approach (slightly more attachment parenting style, definitely less rigidity timeouts etc), has a role in this.

I guess I'll never know!

Dreaming, I have been where you are so many times, it's embarassing, you have 3 preschoolers, and have had nearly three years of little sleep (I remember our antenatal thread) I'd be rocking in a corner, yet you do clay.

Big hugsxx

I might disappear again for a few days, moving next week!

Re: messy play. I generally hate doing it with my kids even though I'm really creative myself. My problem is I'm a perfectionist and a control freak and constantly fight and lose the urge to take over, whether it's painting, baking, play doh. I took DS1 (4.9yr old) to a paint-your-own-pottery place yesterday. You pick a piece, paint it, then they fire it and you get a lovely glazed product back in a week. I fought the urge (for 95% of the time) to take over and let DS1 do it himself and do you know what, he did an amazing job. Whether this was because the mess was all somebody else's to clear up or not, I'm not sure.

Like you said, anothermonkey, I am CONSTANTLY torn between the mother I want to be (think Maria in the Sound of Music) and the mother I am (Cruella De Vil).

As for single/co parenting: I definitely find things easier when I'm alone. Yes, it's harder physically, but I do find that I'm more in control (most of the time!) By that I mean that there is nobody else who you feel you must compromise your own style for. As I've said before, I definitely find myself being more "shouty" with the kids if DH is around and in a bad mood. I jump on their every move to prevent a deterioration in behaviour and therefore the mood of the house rather than letting the little things go. DH tends not to let the little things go, and then gets more and more wound up. If I then get defensive of what they do, he sees it as a personal attack on him. So I either have to be on his side (and be shouty at the kids) or be on their side and have him go sulky because he thinks I'm unsupportive and critical. I can't win! It drives me insane. This is why I was dreading the school holidays so much and having him at home all day.

Dreaming I AM furious inside when DH smacks the boys, but don't say too much because the way he sees it is that HE is their parent too, and I shouldn't be able to tell him how to parent. However, whilst he's still in the "the odd smack does them no harm" camp, he has definitely been holding back on the smacks more since I've been calmer and less shouty. (He doesn't smack them often, nor hard. It's more for "shock" value to get them to stop doing something or other). Whilst I don't like him doing it, I can understand how sometimes their behaviour drives him to do it. Oh God, now I sound like I'm making excuses. I suppose I have to forgive him for it because he doesn't know any better himself. Yet. I haven't suggested he reads the books I've read - as I'm sure he'd just scoff at the idea. But I'm hoping that over time he will see that the calmer parenting works.

For example, today, on our way to go swimming, we called in at a retail park. I had something I needed to buy and DH had something he needed to return. Rather than the 4 of us all go into the shop (which can be chaos) DH waited in the car with the boys while I went in the shop, then vice versa. When I returned to the car, DH complained how they'd been a real pain in the arse - unfastening their seat belts, climbing all over the seats, etc (we've just had a brand new car, so obviously DH doesn't appreciate this sort of behaviour. Whilst I don't either, I'm realistic and know that nothing stays looking new when you have kids). When DH went into the shop, I put the boys back in their carseats, strapped them in and they were as good as gold. When DH returned, I told him how great they'd been and he said something like "Well, I don't know what it is, why they behave for you and not for me. They must be scared of you or something". Hmmmm. Well, I certainly hope not! I don't EVER want my children to be scared of me. Respect me, yes. Scared of me, never.

Yesterday, all four of us were in the supermarket and I was getting a little stressed with the boys for pestering over new toothbrushes, so I just left them with DH while I went off to pay for the things in our basket. Next thing I know, they've both run off from him . They would NEVER run off from me in the shop. For starters, I wouldn't give them the ability to - they'd either be in a trolley, strapped in a pushchair or holding my hand firmly. And secondly, I have enough voice control over DS1 (not so much with DS2) that he wouldn't run further than a few yards. Of course, they both came back after a moment or two, but that didn't help stress levels in the house between DH and I. I sort of blamed him for allowing it to happen, and he blamed me for going off and leaving him with them. Ok, maybe I shouldn't have gone off. But there have been plenty of times (hundreds!) when I've been alone with both boys in a supermarket and they've not run off. The problem is, he gives them a little bit of a free reign, but has little or no voice control and doesn't want to shout or get angry for fear of making a public show of himself. I couldn't give a shit what other shoppers think! If my boys were running off from me down an aisle, if I had to yell to get them to stop, I would! Whereas I bet he didn't.

Like I said, our parenting is so different, and I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. You know, good cop, bad cop. Our boys definitely see Daddy as a pushover (a "funtime Frankie). And I wonder if that's why they don't listen to him, because they don't respect him.

You must all be bored of reading this now, so I'm off to get some cheesecake. Have a good evening everyone x

We do clay quite a bit. last time was a huge success so maybe that's another reason why I got so stressed about it this time- they're still playing with last time's efforts I agree with all the points about waste and control. I've found unused notebooks and pens and other things from my childhood so I know 'saving' it doesn't make sense but to waste all these sparkly flowers and beads you've paid for it utterly infuriating as I know I'll end up buying more. We do painting with water and outdoor chalking a lot (they love doing the 'crime scene' draw round yourselves type pictures, have an easel inside too, do painting probably every fortnight in this weather but probably weekly in winter, glueing and collage making a lot- we did underwater scenes sticking on shells from the beach and my rubbish cut outs of sharks and fish the other day. They do do a fair bit of crafting. They don't go to nursery though so I need to do it!

The difference in thinking my.dh has is so infuriating. He really shouted at dd today for kicking him.while he was driving (she was rf in the front passenger seat) . They had all fallen asleep late and we'd stopped to buy drinks and sweets to wake them up and keep them awake. She then decided she couldn't eat the whole packet (fair enough) but when she- with sweets, just woken up and tired still- wouldn't hand them over he basically snatched them off her and she went mental. So both of their faults. But I wouldn't have snatches them or shouted then as it just made her worse , and do it again. I got them both to apologise to each other once they'd calmed down. well, dd just apologised. I poked him for one. He says he thinks they need telling off for tantrums. she also had a tantrum that he'd told her she could have an ice cream at the end of the walk and they didn't sell them.sonshe had at tantrum. Instead of empathising he told her off. She was worse. Why won't he listen to the other options? !

crikey claire, it's come around fast. see you on the other side and good luck!

Digressing a little, but... I just read my OP and thought 'DS - 4.5 - really?'. Did a quick count up and realised that this thread has been going for 6 months. Amazing. You lot are a lifeline, I've learnt so much from you all and you're often in the back of my mind when I'm dealing with difficult moments. I don't know what I'd do without you.

The good weather had absolutely made this summer for us. Our garden is small, but I've set it up so that there's a little sandpit and physical stuff to do and a cheap as chips table in the shade for creative (ie messy) stuff. It also makes a cracking den :) They love bubbles and water painting and water play and basically anything involving water!?! We still get out every day but it means that there's loads to direct them to while we're at home and being outside just seems to keep them happy.

The aha scaffolding stuff, where you counsel them rather than get involved in sibling disagreements (I guess that's also very much from HTTSKWL), is still working well too. Every day it's like starting from scratch, though.

My main sticking point is the difference in DS's behaviour when it's just me and him; and his behaviour when DD is around. It's actually quite bizarre. We are making progress but it's sloooow. We've actually had some quality one-on-one time this holiday and it's been quite enlightening. And really special.

searching yes - that is exactly what baking is like!! So glad it's not just my two monkeys. I think I've watched too many dettol adverts.

mandbaby rant away :) I would find it really difficult if we were both at home for that amount of time. So would DH. We get on really well but still find co-parenting chaos difficult to navigate without wanting to kill each other sometimes.

claires good luck with the move! crazy lady

bertie I think I may have mistakenly given the impression that I still bake :) I keep considering it while we could use the outside table, but still. Probably not. It's the fierce competition over the egg possession which tips me over the edge (you'd think it would be the oven)

Sorry, introduced myself and then disappeared again. As others have said I often find it hard to make time to post. Finding the thread massively helpful though, definitely like therapy!

Definitely identify with the all going pear-shaped after they hit 3. DS arrived when DD was 3.2 so I think that didn't help. DD found/finds sharing me and DH pretty tough and I found parenting 2 DC tougher than I ever imagined. Plus I think I maybe find toddlers easier than preschoolers. Toddlers are a handful but it's for me its easier to appreciate that their still babies and are easily overwhelmed by their feelings. I think I maybe expect too much of DD sometimes.

Interested in the pushing buttons book. Is it worth a read?