Does anyone else want to come and be a better parent with me?

[AnotherMonkey]

I've just deleted my original post in an attempt to be more positive.

I'm very low tonight, both of mine (4.5 and nearly 2) are pushing me so far beyond my limits at the moment.

So instead of posting my rant of misery, I wondered if anyone felt like joining me in choosing one thing to be less crap at at time?

Tomorrow, I am going to begin by taking it all less seriously. I'm going to try really really hard not to shout at all (this is difficult because DS is deaf at the moment and often does things which are not safe or bloody annoying but I'm going to find ways around it if I can). Essentially I'm going to try to take a step back and instead of letting poor behaviour bring me down, I'm going to try to isolate problems so that they can be dealt with. I might even make a list. I like lists.

(This evening was so bad I never want to see my neighbours again. I'm quiet, smart and even tempered in real life. Tonight our house must have sounded like a war zone. Or the screaming toddler equivalent. It's shit and it has to change).

[DishesToDoWineFirst]

another you sound well in the trenches Don't think you are in the realms of over-disclosure yet though just healthy disclosure so reflection and support can flow. Can't say it better than bertie has and I only have the one DC so no perspective on sibling issues. All I know is that I couldn't do it. Well that is to say of course I WOULD do it if it happened, because you do, but I have no illusions that it would be all fairy lights and charming cherubs.

We know a surprising number of families who also have just the one DC but our friends with two or more have consistently said it is HARD until they are all over 5yo. And each child and family is so different too.

I think we are all in the trench with our hearts and boots on. If we didn't love our kids so much we wouldn't spend so much energy worrying and feeling crap. We'd be off down the pub all the time or wherever, not giving the kids a worry or care, letting them parent themselves. People do. You don't and that is both good and much much harder. It's that balance though, taking it seriously but being able to be light hearted too.

For us that meant grabbing a babysitter and taking off down to the pub for a few hours with some good mates, not giving DS a worry or care A few drinks and laughs with other grownups (who like us were also at first stunned being out after dark without the children) meant hours sped by and we returned home tired but full of more energy than we've had for months. We all vowed to do similar again very soon.

Self care!! It works. Thanks another for your fabulous homework assignment xx

I don't think it solves the problems and worries we have but helps fill us up so we can. Or so we can make it through until things sort themselves out. So often it seems the solutions are out of our control and we end up just having to wait things out. I've always been slave to the quick fix so waiting and accepting does.not.come.easy

For the record I love Renegade Mothering. Her life mantra is the same as mine, don't be a dick. It's an ongoing learning process though obviously

[DangoDays]

AnotherMonkey I don't have any answers for you. But there is something you seem to be figuring out yourself which is very useful to me too. The whole point that it was easier when you could just figure out what was going on when it was just ds and react. Yep you might not be able to figure it out all the time now you have dd and are trying to balance it all BUT you are aware of the effect of this change and are weighing up its impact. That to me is a good thing because you are thinking it through and not blindly firefighting. When it is shit - remember that. And if you can't in the moment then do it afterwards. I am saying all this for myself too! I know how fucking hard it is when you feel gripped by panic. But a lot of it is just that and not a real reflection of the situation. You sound like you are an amazing mum to be thinking about all of this and your children are lucky to have you.

We've had a few good days with some toy throwing and hitting but not too much. Is always when ds2 around.

Dishes and Bertie - I'm setting a timer for when mine turn 5! Always good to hear these things.

Okay and now the self care part. God some time away for just getting it all in perspective. If ds2 would just bloody sleep we could head out in an evening...

[DangoDays]

dishes - yes to waiting and accepting and self care in the meantime. I am having a midday bath watching Eastenders and mnetting while dh plays wit ds1 and ds2 sleeps. Happy bank holiday:)

[SearchingMySoul]

monkey - big hugs, I am so often in that place too and as usual you could be me speaking. I have been staying with my brother & SIL and their kids who are similar ages to my boys. The boys have been having a great time but with quite a lot of overexcitement. All in all they have been pretty well behaved but every now and then DS1 will start doing his thing where he is going to be defiant and rude no matter what I say. I have realised that it is when I feel cornered that the bad switch flips inside me and reveals the parent I really don't want to be. When I feel desperate because his behaviour is either under observation by others or he is going to upset or disturb someone else (like his brother or cousins) I end up going down that path: the angry scary mummy path. The one who shouts and grabs and is someone I really deplore. It makes me feel so awful but also has made me realise more recently that I am where most of the issues are. It is in me and my reactions that we have the biggest issues. The same goes for how I interact with DH. And I have to admit that our relationship has been far from great for a while but I am not helping matters because that switch in me flips ever so much easier when it concerns DH. This trip is a hard one because it is so soon into our relocation that coming home and being with family and friends is really testing our decision to make this big move but I am always so defensive about everything, particularly with DH that I don't exactly allow for any constructive discussions even if he was willing to have these. I have realised that we are really not in a very good place but at least knowing that it is really on me to fix makes it seem like it may be achievable if I can just work out how. Anyway, this is maybe not hugely helpful to anyone else but if anything I wanted to show some empathy with the feeling of crushing responsibility and the inability to work through an issue like we used to be able to. And that guilt at relationships lost whether it is through the arrival of siblings or just the dcs growing up is something that I think we have to just learn to live with. I feel like it will only get worse and we need to find a way to be at peace with it. These kids need so much from us all the time that there really is no space to think! I would give anything for a pause button sometimes...

[BertieBotts]

DS is definitely so much easier at nearly six five than he was when he was younger. He is able to be independent (lie ins!!) he doesn't rail against every single thing you say, he still whines but not as much, he's more willing to discuss and reason things out, he can actually be helpful around the house rather than his "help" making things worse (I'm very glad I stuck with encouraging him to help even when it was unhelpful) and he's interested in things I'm interested in.

[AnotherMonkey]

to all of you xx

Bertie oh no sorry about the wasted time! You are absolutely spot on about the 'us and him' issue. As much as I have tried to to avoid this, newborns obviously need attachment and care and time and DS was never fooled by the whole sling-DD-and-play-with-him ruse: he wanted his mummy to himself. As DD has grown, she's become a mini expert in the art of getting your attention. She has a whole arsenal of tools: charm, comedy, tears, screams, dangerous behaviour... She's definitely playing the 'I'm two and I'll jump' card to her advantage.

I started SWR but DD was very small and it was mostly irrelevant then - I'll dust it off and see if it's more applicable now.

At the moment my two can't be left alone for more than a minute without driving each other crazy (by which I mean hitting each other and screaming), but they do have a real bond beneath all this so I am hopeful that as they grow they might start to want to play together a bit more.

Dishes I read your first paragraph and my brain went 'aaaw fairy lights...love fairy lights...' then just sort of gazed blankly at my mental fairy light image for a while. Waiting and accepting does not come easily to me either - I like a good plan, maybe even more than lists. I really have got to stop panicking though, maybe that should be the plan to begin with. I'm going to subscribe to renegade mothering next so that I don't forget about it again.

Dango and searching it is so reassuring to know it's not just me dealing with this kind of stuff. I do feel like I'm going mad/the worst mother ever at times. This thread has calmed me down yet again. I've taken a big step back today and have let DH take the lead (which again highlights just how bossy I am). DH and I are similar in lots of ways and it's kind of funny and educational all at once listening to him deal with (and get frustrated by) the same day-to-day stuff. We've unusually gone for the divide and conquer approach today and it means I've got an hour of peace while DD sleeps.

searching it's good to see you back There's not much I wouldn't give for that pause button right now!

[mandbaby]

Evening everyone.

Anothermonkey big hugs to you. I got a lump in my throat reading your post yesterday. So much of what you write rings true with me too (and probably all of us on here). I suppose all you can do is focus on the positives, know that you're doing your best, and reassure yourself that things WILL get better. Everyone else's advice is great (as usual) and they offer far better words than I can (as I feel completely and utterly hopeless myself a lot of the time).

The whole "looking after yourself" theory is such a good one (and one that I know really helps) but it's got me all worried because I know when DC3 comes along, I'm going to have even less "me" time than I have now (which isn't a lot) and that isn't going to help me be the parent I want to be. It's actually what I'm most terrified about. Long days and long nights = a very grumpy me, which then equals a very irritable mummy. I'm dreading it. :( And I mean, really dreading it. I'm utterly fed up and tired of being pregnant, but I'm terrified that when the baby comes along I'm going to be even more exhausted (physically and mentally) and something's gotta give, surely?

[mandbaby]

I've just read that renegade mother article:(

My hubby is about to join a tennis club (he used to play regularly before we had children and when we just had DS1.)

The other day he said he would try and play every week, sometimes twice (if his work commitments allowed) in the evenings when the boys are in bed. When I pulled my face, he agreed that he would only play twice a week when he wasn't watching his footie team play on a Saturday (he goes to every home game) so he would never be out of the house more than twice a week. So I reluctantly agreed. But I'm filled with jealousy. He would NEVER not go to a footie home game, no matter what, and I've known that since I met him and have learnt to live with it. But I know that in 4-6 weeks time when DC3 has arrived, I will be on my own every other Saturday afternoon with THREE children under the age of 5. He will NEVER be on his own with all three for at least another few months, until DC3 is no longer a "newborn".

Whilst I don't begrudge him joining a tennis club (and in fact, I KNOW it will be good for him - we ALL need "me" time, and he's far calmer and happier when he's taking out his frustrations on a tennis ball), I just feel SO jealous that I never rarely get any opportunity to play sport, meet friends, relax, go out by myself.

Like the article said, we're "mothers" 24/7. I am the one that plans the weekly menu, cooks the meals, does the nursery run, plans the birthdays, washes/irons, etc.

If I suggested to DH that I just take myself off to bed/for a haircut/massage/go and sit in a coffee shop with a book for two hours, he wouldn't object, but my guilt at being so selfish and leaving him to it stops me from asking. How pathetic is that.

[BertieBotts]

It's not pathetic. But maybe you should make that a priority? Just plan two hours a week guaranteed "off" time. You could stop it for a couple of weeks when the new one arrives but then get out there ASAP, even if you're breastfeeding they're OK without a feed for an hour or two. Just ride through the guilt and do it - it's important.

I know in the past you've said you don't always feel supported by him, but this you've said you know he wouldn't begrudge. I think you should take that and run with it. You will probably find after doing it for a fairly short time, you won't feel guilty about it any more, perhaps you'll even feel more confident in your right to ask for/take more. Two hours a week is really a tiny tiny thing to ask.

I know I just posted the thing about DS being older and easier, and it's true, but I feel like an entirely different person for sharing the "off" time with DH. I teach a class one evening a week and I go out about once every 1-2 months in the evening, he goes out in the evenings occasionally (much less often than me). We both go off for a sleep in the middle of the day whenever and it makes such a giant difference, I can't even explain, just to know that you don't have to be on duty ALL the time, 24/7. It's so so worth pushing for, especially if the guilt is coming from you rather than being projected by him.

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

I've not time to post properly. again. But another your post rings so true. Again. As foes yours searching for the flip switch being too close to the surface and way too easily activated.
I am panicking a bit I will never be the parent I want to be. Being sleep deprived doesn't help and it's late so I must go to bed.

Issues discussed which really resonate though are loss/lack of relationships. As you know I had 3 dc 18 months old and under. My dd was practically a baby herself when the dts were born. It has been like wading through treacle a lot of the time since then. I missed/miss dd. She's injured her foot (jumped off the sofa into a plug last Thurs. Hideous implement injury. Day 5 post injury now and she still can't put her foot down but can tiptoe a bit.) so I'm at my mums for help while she's less mobile. Today she can ride her bike so we took a break in the rain and went round the block on bikes. I went with her and my mum and her dh stayed with the boys. It was so, so different. dd didn't have to stop and wait. And stop and wait. And stop some more. She could pedal, she had choices, it was so different from normal.and so much fun. It made my heart ache that I've no idea when it can happen again. My dt1 is very difficult to manage for anyone else. He's no cake walk for me. Anyway. I really must go to bed. I'll post more coherently ASAP and read the renegade mother thing.

[AnotherMonkey]

mandbaby your post makes me feel a bit wobbly! I know exactly what you mean about the 'off' time. It's very, very difficult I think when the baby is brand new. By the time my DH was home from work, we'd entered those hazy, screamy, milky, cluster feeding twilight hours and even if I could have torn myself away, I wasn't really feeling in a fit state by that point to go anywhere! If I could go back and do it over with DS, I'd get DH to take him out in a sling for long enough for me to at least have a bath or something. But I don't think this would have worked with DD (DH had her while I put DS to bed and that was our only alone time so I wouldn't have given it up) so when you've got two other little ones, I'm not sure how feasible that is. The fact is that it is different for mothers.

My DH was the same though - after both births he was back to his evening fitness/social nights a couple of times a week within a fortnight. Back to work, out for meals, his aftershave smelt so strange compared to my world of milk and poo.

Bertie it sounds like you've got a good balance going there.

Ouch dreaming she really did land on that plug, didn't she :( It's interesting that so many of us have these guilty feelings about our relationships with our little ones for such different reasons.

Things continue to be madder than ever. DS is completely bonkers. He's developed an alter ego: 'Bad [DS]'. His words, definitely not ours. I can confirm that Bad DS is a pain in the fucking arse. It's so bad at the moment that we've actually moved from heartbreak territory (Me: Hi DS! How was your afternoon? Give me a hug [nickname]. Did you have a good time with Daddy? DS: NO! I DON'T LOVE YOU! BBlllllllph. [hits me]) into almost comedy. I can feel myself detaching a little and I don't know whether this is a bad thing or whether it's something we're all supposed to go through one way or another at this age.

But the ignoring and the stupid nonsense responses when I talk to him and downright refusal to cooperate so much of the time, are really really really really REEEEEAAAAAALLLY really annoying. REALLY annoying. It's all come out of nowhere after a great few weeks. hmph.

[AnotherMonkey]

The flip side of this, as I don't want to ignore the positive, is that it's not absolutely constant, there are still lovely moments, it's just that when he's being annoying it's REALLY mindblowingly rude and annoying and for more of the day than not.

He's totally using this 'I love you' stuff as a bartering tool too - this morning he told me that he didn't love me then and would walk out of the door (complete with pointed unlocking and holding open of front door and wide, 'I really mean it' eyes) because I said he couldn't have crisps for breakfast.

That was roughly the point at which I started to see the funny side...

[mandbaby]

Bertie Yes, I remember posting how I felt completely unsupported by DH. And I admit, that there are still many days when I still feel like this. I suppose yesterday was a good day when it felt like we were singing from the same hymn sheet. And I know that if I did catch him in the right frame of mind and asked for some "me" time, he'd happily oblige. For example, this afternoon, I just came out and asked him to take the kids off while I got some sleep. I'd had DS1 to myself all morning (shopping for school shoes), while DS2 was at nursery, so DH had the entire morning to himself (7am-1pm). So I felt no guilt in asking for 90 minutes to myself to catch up on some much needed sleep. I just know that these moments are going to be even rarer when DC3 makes his/her appearance. Like you said anothermonkey, those days weeks, months when they're cluster feeding/collicky/etc are just so hard. I also remember with DS1 savouring every moment I had in the bath one evening when one of DH's friend's came round to visit and DS1 fell asleep in his arms (a very rare event as DS1 was a very clingy baby and only ever fell asleep if held by me!)

Actually, with regard to DH, even though he hasn't read "the book" (as it's now referred to in our house) he's actually doing quite a bit better at the calmer parenting than me sometimes. (Admittedly there are many moments when it's obvious his buttons are being pushed but there is definitely a vast improvement). The other day, DS1 (4.10) had the mother of all meltdowns in the park. Honestly, I bet the other parents thought we were trying to kidnap him as he kept running away from me and screaming that he wanted his Daddy. DH was able to be far calmer with him than me and try and talk rationally with him whereas I was in the "just-throw-him-over-your-shoulder-and-lets-get-out-of-here-right-now" camp.

Anothermonkey I also suffer with HUGE guilt when I have days which happen far more often than I'd like where I feel like I don't particularly "like" one of my children due to their defiance, rudeness, etc. DH is better at me than seeing the funny side and I definitely think that this is a good technique, but as with everything else these days, sleep deprivation, pregnancy hormones and just all-round feeling like shit, has affected my sense of humour.

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

mandbaby I don't feel that supported by my dh fairly frequently. For example these few days. As I said my dd impaled her foot in a plug (yes, really bad, jumped a huge jump straight onto it and it completely punctured her foot. DH is a GP and reckoned we could avoid A&E and just steri stripped it himself but it just stopped bleeding today, 6 days post injury and she is inly tiptpeing on it so a nasty one) He said he really needed some 'me time' and didn't come to my mums with me despite me taking 2 X 2 year old and an immobile nearly 4 y.o. dd to stay with my 63 year old mum who finds them exhausting anyway. And the only thing I do for myself is run. At best twice a week for about 45 minutes each time and he's always at me to hurry, have them, he has to go and do X y and Z etc the minute I walk back in the door. I don't even get a leisurely shower. And if I say I want some time why doesn't he take them out he says he can't safely supervise all 3 by himself . WTF does he think I do?! I admit I'm a bit laissez faire bit no one is dead yet

DD is still constantly pushing the dts out of the way to get up the playground slide first, snatching, pulling them over- you get the idea. Sigh.

Today I have been surprisingly ok for having had another dreadful night with dt1. It seems his sleep consultant stuff isn't working out of our home environment (and I haven't done any of the room prep work here which may be a factor) and that is usually a huge trigger for me. He woke up at midnight and kept me up til 2 am then reemerged at 5:30. Another sigh. However I think the reason it was ok is my dad collected dd at 11am today and we met them again in a playground at 3pm. Just the twins is a total doddle compared to all 3. In fact any 2 is much easier -even if it includes dt1-- I find it hard to acknowledge that as it makes me feel guilty that some of my inability to keep calm and cope well is having too many small children and then I feel guilty about that. Ridiculous. We wanted 3 with relatively small age gaps but of course we never expected twins. And now I am.hankering for just one more baby. One . I had no special time.wirh either of my hideously unsettled dts. I was repeatedly told it was colic and just seemed worse as there were 2 babies. Until the reflux and multiple food intolerance diagnoses for one and cows milk protein intolerance diagnosis for the other. I feel like one more has to be better than that as even if we have similar problems I'll be on the ball this time. No waiting 15 fucking months til I have a dc losing weight and am a ghost of my former self for his reflux/intolerances to be fully dealt with. And yet for so many reasons on this thread another baby would be madness- and ultimately to compensate for my guilt over such limited time with my dts? missing their intolerances? hating much of their babyhood and my inability then to get out with 3 under 2 by myself?? I have a lot of guilt over those things.

Today I feel I might just improve my parenting. I hate feeling so up and down about it. overall I need more opportunities for 1:1 or 1:2 the with them but realistically it'll be rare. I'm dreading winter. Dreading it. I envisage spending a small fortune for soft play hell to get out of the house to keep my sanity.

forgotten the rest. ..

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

another I see your frustration with your ds. my dad often seems to have a split personality where she can be so, so lovely or so, so awful. The old "there was a little girl, who had a little curl..." rhyme springs to mind

Anyway do finally asleep. best be off. I don't have much time.for mn at the minute and it's impacting more than usual on . my inability to add useful posts to this thread, sorry.

[SetTheWorldOnFire]

Still haven't caught up, but this had fallen off threads I'm on and I need to get it back! Will try to add a slightly more worthwhile post soon...

[Letsgoforawalk]

So much to read!
Can't comment and name check on all the stuff posted while I've been (getting more wine and more sleep than you even dream of, sorry!) in France.
Just a couple of thoughts:
mandbabe why don't you suggest a deal with DH that on the Saturdays when he's not at the footy, he takes the older two off for the afternoon (or you take the baby off for the afternoon) so that he gets a bit of weekend time with them and you get a break?. If he can take the time for footy......

Bertie, have you done any CBT to help when you get into your negative spiral? This is a site that was recommended to my daughter when she was suffering, I don't know if it is any good but may be worth a bash.
www.llttf.com.
dreaming I am flabbergasted at your GP DH not wanting to take that injury to A&E....there are so many structures packed into a foot and being impaled on a plug is not a scratch to patch up with steri strips. Hope she is feeling better soon. I can sympathise with wanting one more baby even though in your rational mind you know it would be a Terrible idea. I could not breast feed my youngest for purely mechanical reasons (a massive cleft palate). It had been such a lovely thing with both of my older children that I wasn't quite ready to accept that she was the last and I would feed no more.

A big yes to the value of self care and getting out and having a laugh with RL friends.
here is to all my chums 'in the trenches' I hope you have had good days today

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

letsgo I asked another GP friend and a paediatrician friend. As it went in to the sole of her foot but didn't penetrate it fully it wouldn't have disrupted anything they'd fix- plantar fascia at worst. At A&E they probably would have stitched it but it would have been so traumatic for her. She did it on the Thursday and we went out for dinner on the Friday with the other GP/paediatrician couple (though she said in hospital paeds she doesn't see wounds and it's years since she did A&E but anyway) . Anyway. day 6. steri strips off but still can't weight bare on it Unsurprising I guess.

Home.from my mum's and the snapping is way worse.... interesting. I think dh is a big trigger

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

As in his expectations of what he should do and my expectations of what he should be doing etc etc .

[RichInBunlyGoodness]

Ugh, full on screaming tantrum from DD in the museum gift shop today. 'If you don't buy this for me I won't stop screaming' over a princess dress. She was true to her word too. Had to wrestle the dress from her and carry her out still screaming with DS under the other arm. Fun.

She has been ok generally but seems to lose all sense around anything princess related. She has recently developed a very keen sense of what her friends have that she doesn't. Fucking Disney.

mandbaby I hear you on the guilt thing. DH is and always has been very supportive and involved but I still feel guilty asking for 'time off'. I also keep a sort of mental tally of how much I've been away for the kids for fear they might be irreparably damaged by me popping out for an hour. I think partly it's the feeling of having to ask for permission. The kids are de facto the mum's responsibility unless she makes alternative arrangements. Definitely agree with pp though that tough as it can be it is really important. If I have one regret from DS being tiny it's that I didn't make myself enough of a priority and I think we all suffered for it (and he was only number 2 so I'd imagine it'll apply all the more for you!).

Bertie sorry to hear you're struggling. I have done little bits of CBT and found it useful in part. Moodgym and CCI are both good resources.

Dreaming you did well to cope on that night's sleep. Tiredness is a killer. I still struggle at times with feeling guily/resentful that I maybe didn't enjoy DS babyhood as much as I wanted and things didn't work out the way I'd hoped. I know the problem - too many shoulds, too high standards/unrealistic expectations, not enough self compassion - but I still don't really know how to accept and move on.

Thanks Bertie for the renegade mothering tip off. Really loved the 4 year old post; unpleasantly familiar. Had to fight the urge earlier to ask DD why she was being a knob...

[Letsgoforawalk]

dreaming ah! that all sounds very reasonable I will put away my 'flabbergasted of Milton Keynes' hat.
bunlygoodness love the image of leaving the gift shop with a child under each arm muttering "fucking Disney". Is it very wrong of me to find that funny? No advice but you were Absolutely Right not to get the dress, as it am sure you know. Good luck for next time ....

[AnotherMonkey]

Phew, yesterday was tough

If I tell you that while I was washing potatoes, DS had a bad fall, and we had to get him checked out, and that fortunately he was fine, and for this reason it was actually the best bit of the day because everyone just shut the f*ck up and started being nice to each other for a bit... that might give you some indication of how fun or not the rest of the day was.

WHAT am I going to do about this personality transplant which DS undergoes whenever DD is around? Again, I felt like I was going under yesterday; the weight of the shit behaviour and my guilt at not feeling like I'm dealing with it well enough and disappointment at myself at the point when I basically just throw a tantrum of my own (and the embarrassment that it's that which the neighbours can hear). The fact that my nerves are frazzled by DD's tantrums don't help. Maybe DS feels the same but that's definitely not all there is to it.

mandbaby I struggle with seeing the funny side too for the most part, if I'm honest. Some things just aren't funny.

dreaming there is not a thing wrong with your posts, they read like you are intelligent, coherent and busy.

Hi, settheworld :)

bunly I sympathise - DD is upping the tantrums to another level at the moment. It's only a matter of time before I have to do the same manouver (can't spell that word...), no question.

letsgo welcome back

[AnotherMonkey]

Just have to add... I should be at work today so DD is at nursery and it's just me and DS at home.

It's like a parallel universe. All the hyper and the impulse and the rudeness and the disconnection have gone.

He's still him; he still makes up songs about bottoms and disagrees with some stuff, but he's funny and happy and settled and gives me no cause for concern at all. He was a bit rude this morning, but on one occasion I just ignored him and he came back and asked properly (no attitude), and a couple of times we've laughed our way out of it. The connection is there. He plays happily by himself when I'm doing the jobs I need to do. I haven't had to say a word about behaviour when out, even when we had to stand for aaaages in the queue at the supermarket.

I'm aware that I'm more relaxed too. I can breathe and think and exist.

So this isn't just a phase, is it. The cause of his behaviour when DD is around is something I have to find a way of dealing with. It gives me hope though that in a few years, as DD grows up, things might get a bit easier. We needed today.

why can't he be like this all the time why why why

[Letsgoforawalk]

monkey that's really insightful. and it will get better, soon I hope.
dreaming I must apologise. here is not the place, however lightheartedly I intended it, to be questioning your decisions about how your daughters injury was dealt with. Sorry.
I am repeatedly impressed at how you (all) continue to deal with your wonderful but relentlessly challenging families. (That's DHs as we'll as DDs and DSs )
Happy Friday

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

Only popped on to say.i have done my 'homework' been out with my friend and drunk a bottle of wine over tapas. Absolutely great :D

Another good day today with going out on bikes then playing at a friend's house.

letsgo no hard feelings. It's a horrible injury. I was most pissed off my dh wouldn't ring his (currently under a lot of stress) foot and ankle surgeon friend and if he weren't home I'd have taken her to A&E.