Does anyone else want to come and be a better parent with me?

[AnotherMonkey]

I've just deleted my original post in an attempt to be more positive.

I'm very low tonight, both of mine (4.5 and nearly 2) are pushing me so far beyond my limits at the moment.

So instead of posting my rant of misery, I wondered if anyone felt like joining me in choosing one thing to be less crap at at time?

Tomorrow, I am going to begin by taking it all less seriously. I'm going to try really really hard not to shout at all (this is difficult because DS is deaf at the moment and often does things which are not safe or bloody annoying but I'm going to find ways around it if I can). Essentially I'm going to try to take a step back and instead of letting poor behaviour bring me down, I'm going to try to isolate problems so that they can be dealt with. I might even make a list. I like lists.

(This evening was so bad I never want to see my neighbours again. I'm quiet, smart and even tempered in real life. Tonight our house must have sounded like a war zone. Or the screaming toddler equivalent. It's shit and it has to change).

We're on holiday at the moment so keeping up with the thread but not getting much chance to post! Enjoying reading what everybody else is up to though and silently agreeing with all the wise words x

I did a huge post yesterday and it's not here Having Internet problems. I can only use my phone and via data and mobile networks not wifi as our wifi is not working.

So I have spent the last 2 nights on DT1's floor from about 10:45pm on. Crunched up on a camping mat in a titchy space. His constant bed sharing kicking equates to 6-7 wakeups it seems. Oh, and with the same 5:30am starts. Though I have to encourage him to stay in bed til 6am when a light on a timer switch comes on. All dc have this now to signal morning (no way was I shelling out £90 or whatever on 3 groclocks! ) . I'm finding it really tough. DT2 also been up twice rhe first night and DD up once and 3 times last night. My 3 year old said to me by 9am this morning "mummy, don't use a cross voice, it's much better to be kind" Needless to add, I've been feeling tired and irritable. DT1 also clearly more tired today and so has been very very difficult. Though yesterday my dad arrived for lunch and the afternoon as he has bought DD an islabike as an early birthday present (she's 4 in September) and it was sunny so we took it to the cycle path by he river and had a fab afternoon. She mastered going straight within about 20 minutes. I was flabbergasted. She's not the most coordinated child and I'd prepared myself to be endlessly patient as bounded even for her to outgrow the bike before she 'got' it. Plus all paddled in the river, fed ducklings. so there have been good moments but I have not been particularly proud of my parenting these last 2 days and am worried about how long this is going to take. I got more sleep before despite the kicking I think!!!! I should have more faith I suppose, she's transformed bedtimes here. As dh has worked late so I've had them alone 7:30-7:30 (barring my dad coming Tuesday pm) I've been able to stick to the sleep plan routine rigidly with no one or fuck it up and it is working.

bertie sounds really great that you did the Germany move for you and with such gumption. I'm glad your relationship has stood the test too doubt my.marriage would currently

forgotten the rest. I'll just see if my phone can actually post this too with out the dreaded "connection to mumsnet lost" message

settheworldonfire me too! and then staying up to write posts that get eaten or being so tired I forget whatever intelligent (ha!) point I was going to make and rambling.

Though I've not started writing yet it seems an issue with me is feeling like things are going to make me late (I'm always late) and overreacting. We've had 3 spilled drinks today (pretty standard) . Each time I've ended up either snapping or doing a really irate sounding "oooooh! " noise. Not so much that I expect 2 and 3 year olds not to knock over drinks but sometimes because they're just messing about- leaning over/up onto the table, gargling in it, trying to pinch something from a sibling's plate causing them to elbow their drink.over while doing it. Irritates me.both for their behaviour but also that it always increases my lateness but my reaction isn't appropriate

Just checking in again for hand holding over the 6 weeks summer holiday, which starts on Friday! I can cope with one or other of them pretty well but both together I find hard. At 2 and 6 their needs and wants are so different a lot of the time and, as someone else said higher up the thread (sorry cant remember who!), most of our stresses come from them fighting/being stupid etc together so 6 weeks with them together all day, virtually everyday is going to be hard. Good luck to everyone else starting holiday time soon!

Jigglebum, I think it was me that said most of our stresses come from our boys fighting. I also have DH at home all day every day through the six week holiday so it's extra stressful. I'm really dreading it and what's really sad is that I actually wish I was at work :(

Here here. It's mine squabbling/ quarelling/ being violent to each other which drives me over the edge... And mine are mostly all together all the time, DD does 2 mornings a week at preschool. BUT I go to toddler groups etc which help a lot, and won't be running over the summer. I join with the the worry over how well it will go... AND i find it near imposisble to be punctual with my 3 and if I don't worry about it I don't get snappy at them round getting ready. Yet I've agreed to run a busy toddler group from September which would otherwise shut. DTs are also Velcro boys even at 27 months- literally, to the point other mums frequently and annoyingly comment on it. WTF was I thinking?!?!

DT2 has a vomiting bug. I have had 3 hours sleep max I think. Keeping my temper today will be a challenge!!!

Ice pops in freezer . Check.
Valium in cupboard. Check.
Park with water play area identified.check.
Sun cream supplies topped up (and raincoats found). Check.
Calendar to cross out the days and plan ahead. Check.
Paddling pool cleared of spiders and checked for punctures. Check.
Gird your loins, here it comes.....the summer holidays are upon us!

I've had the boys all day to myself while DH goes to the end-of-school-year piss up meal with his colleagues. Whilst I don't begrudge him time to unwind, it does sort of get to me because he complains all the time how much he hates his job and his colleagues but will happily spend all evening with them rather than his wife and his family

Crying now.

Hormones, fatigue, a shitty day with DS2, husband who doesn't appear to give a shit about me or improving our parenting, and a very uncomfortable pregnancy makes for one very unhappy me .

I lost it with DS2 this afternoon because he was being cocky/answering back/blowing raspberries at all of my calm, non-confrontational requests. That then affected me for the rest of the day as I find it so hard to turn things back around as I'm so angry at myself for losing it.

Really don't know what's going on with me at the moment. I just hope and pray it's hormones and not the start of a slippery slope into something more sinister :(

Pregnancy hormones can be responsible for a lot mandbaby - I cried v easily when pregnant with DD (more so than DS) as when you have children already you are tired as well as emotional.

Epic parenting fail this evening. DD is being an absolute nightmare going to bed at the moment. Only needs to be a 5 min nap in the day and she will be up for hours. I am trying hard not to get stressed about it so leaving her to pootle in her room, all lights out so it gets dark. I have to continualyl check on her though as she is a monster. Tonight was sudocreme all over teddies, her hair and some on the wall, carpet, curtains etc. I should have learnt from the excema crème incident earlier in the week. DS just went to sleep or read in his bed - DD has to trash her room. Threats don't work nor do bribery. Any suggestions?

Stay with her? That is what I used to do but appreciate it's a bit of a pain in the arse. If you have a tablet/phone/kindle etc though it can be quite relaxing!

When pregnant and weepy, with me it was usually lack of food or lack of sleep.
Thinking of you mandbaby and jiggle. The hot weather can make it all tougher too. Cooler here today with some grand lightning and storms.

DD had no sleep today and still took over an hour to wind down to sleep. Unfortunately if I stayed in her room she would witter on and on and be up even more. She is such a Duracell bunny she struggles to switch off. I do sit with her for a bit and sometimes she falls asleep having milk and a cuddle but less and less frequently now. When she actually stops and lies down and is quiet she falls asleep fairly easily and at least she stays in bed at night now thank god. We are moving her to a "big girl's bed" next week - not sure if it will be better or worse!

Mixed day here on the first day of the hols. DH had to work most of it. DCs went crazy for a period this morning and ended up both in their rooms. Seemed to calm down after this and we played and then I took them swimming on my own which was surprisingly fine and they played well together. DS is such a moaner though - it really annoys me!

Yes DS is a chatterbox. I used to give him the condition that I'd only stay in his room if he lay down without moving or talking. He really struggled to switch off - I think he still does sometimes - and having me in there reminding him to stop fidgeting or even sometimes it was just a way he was holding himself, all tense, that I could see he wasn't relaxing.

Only popping in to apologise for absence/ lack of posting. I'm reading but been so tired doing this sleep consultant programme I've not been posting.

well the good news is for the first time in 27.5 months my dt1 slept through til 5:40. Hooray!!!!! The bad news is tonight at bedtime it went totally tits up and I was so snappy and cross and awful with them. oh god, I hope I haven't cocked up all the progress with my dreadful parenting.

And the summer holidays are upon us with the joy of everywhere being ram packed and it being even harder to supervise my 3...

sorry for such a me, me, me post. will try and do better tomorrow.

Hooray for the sleep consultant!
Dreaming lets hope you soon have ti change your nickname.

Hi, may I join? I don't have much time for posting but will do my best. I have a 3 month old and 26 month old. I am being shouty, short tempered and aggressive when I don't want to be. I am trying to potty train and it's not going well. I am so tired from nights with a baby and also baby waking toddler up...I had 2 hours sleep last night between them.

Feel like all I do is say 'no' and get cross with baby when he cries. Pre baby I was all about positive discipline and never shouty. Now I really don't like myself. And, toddler who is advanced verbally, ( I can't get a word in edge ways) learnt a very bad swear word from me and uses it in the right context, and normally when we are out.

Am crap, crap mum.

Oh of course you aren't don't be silly :) Come in, have a tea and some cake and we'll all laugh at the inappropriate uses of swearwords by toddlers.

I too remember fondly the days when I thought that positive/gentle discipline had all the answers, I realised it did not. It has a LOT of great things, don't get me wrong, and I stick to the principles whenever possible, but nobody is supermum and it's okay to not be perfect all of the time. And three months into being a mum of two? Give yourself a break.

Welcome popalina - 2 kids is hard! Anyone with more I am in absolute awe of, and anyone with twins - well hats of to you dreaming. I have not got the excuse of lack of sleep and I am still shouty and snappy at my two too often. Its going to seem a long six weeks!!!

Today's positives - good session in the library, signing up for the reading challenge, generally good behaviour at the park (and I even joined in the imaginary shop play for a looonng time!), they both enjoyed swimming and DS tidied up with no moaning!

Negatives - huge epic temper tantrum by DD whilst driving to the park, probably lasted 20 mins plus and I was less calm than I should have been, DS smacked DD hard when she took something of his, I have told DS off more than I should have to, their attentions spans are too short! I set up things to play with (ie the paddling pool today) and they only played with it for about 20 mins. Oh and DH being an arse - glaring at me as he thinks I have shouted at the kids too much. There are huge disadvantages to have a DH who works in the house - especially in the holidays.

Oh the whole perhaps a 50/50 day - will aim for better tomorrow. How is everyone else surviving so far?

Welcome popalina. Don't beat yourself up, it's hard trying to juggle the demands of two toddlers - especially when their needs are so different, as yours are.

Dreaming great news on DT1's sleeping.

Jigglebum A 50/50 day is good, in my opinion. It's normally what I aim for! I've probably had the same sort of day...

DS1 has been great today (and for the last 2 days) but DS2 has driven me to yell today :(

Do anyone else's kids seem to be a tag-team when it comes to bad behaviour?! We rarely have days when they're both angels, but instead one will have a couple of great days while the other is a nightmare, then vice versa. Starting to wonder if it's sibling jealousy..?

A I said, DS2 has just been a little sod for a couple of days now. He took MUCH longer than normal to settle at bedtime despite them both getting lots of exercise and fresh air today. (Maybe he was overtired??) But 45 minutes after lights-out he was still chatting away. I then heard him whimpering so went in to see if he was ok. In his bed he must have had about 30 toys varying in size, but he looked thoroughly uncomfortable. He does have a thing for taking a toy (usually a cuddly one) to bed, but lately has been taking weirder things like little wooden brio trains and model dinosaurs. I told him he must choose ONE toy, a cuddly one, to have in bed and the rest would have to go. He then got upset so I put my "empathy hat" on and offered him cuddles. He then proceeded to launch said brio train across the room. So I ended up snapping at him, putting him back in his bed (and not very gently either ) which of course made him scream for daddy.

We also had an incident this afternoon where DS2 was picking up gravel from the bottom of the garden and carrying it in a watering can and depositing it all over the patio and lawn. This was causing DH to get VERY irate. I kept telling him he was overreacting, that it wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, and that if necessary, I would tidy it all up - as long as DS2 was having fun, what was the big deal? Of course, this did little to appease DH and in the end, I ended up getting cross with DS2 for doing it JUST because I could see it was putting DH into a really bad mood. What the hell is all that about?! Surely I should have just ignored DH's mood and let them have fun? Then, DS2 ended up having a huge tantrum when I took him inside the house because he started to throw the stones at me when I asked him (calmly) if he would help tidy up the stones, and then stood banging on the patio doors begging to go back outside because he wanted his Daddy! I'm always the bad guy! I didn't even have an issue with him carrying stones across the garden and making a mess, but it was me that ended up upsetting DS2 and therefore getting the brunt of his own anger and defiancy. Just great.

My new diary arrived the other day but the first day printed in it isn't until next week. I'm dying to write in all the positives because there have been so many in the last few days but they all get forgotten about when silly things like this happen.

No yoga again for me tonight - it got cancelled by the teacher :( And I was SO in need of it after a fraught couple of weeks.

I finished reading my book "10 days to a less defiant child". It was brilliant. Nothing revolutionary, really, but very easy to read and made so much sense. I've now got "Siblings without Rivalry" to read through which is by the same authors that wrote "How to talk so kids will listen..."

Sorry for the long post. I read everyone's posts every day, but often don't get chance to post myself! Here's to a good night and day tomorrow for all of us...

xx

maandbaby yes, yes to the tag-teaming. When one of them is acting up, sometimes the other will be good, sometimes they'll both have an awful day together. The days when they're both good together are much, much rarer...
It's awful when you tell your DC off for someone else's sake and then have to deal with the meltdown, knowing it was all unnecessary to begin with. DP and I don't always see eye to eye on parenting and it stresses me out, how stuff which really doesn't matter, stresses him out. He tends to have rose tinted goggles where other peoples' DC are concerned and think ours are the worst behaved ever, I see a lot more children at toddler groups, etc and have a more realistic view (I think).

jigglebum I take your 20 mins with the paddling pool and raise the bar to a full 30 seconds! I got paddling pool out and set it filling during school run, arrived home to full pool with 2 DC who wanted to lie on sofa and watch TV. DS2 eventually expressed a desire to go in pool, but only if he could wear his wetsuit, wrestled him into wetsuit, he sat down in paddling pool and asked for a toy, which was in the car from the weekend and at work with DP. When I couldn't produce the toy he demanded to get out the pool...

popalina welcome, DS1 once asked to have his nappy changed FFS, as he'd heard the phrase somewhere, the early days of having 2 are not easy. I did potty train DS1 when DS2 was 3 months, but I look back now and think it was an utterly mad thing to try and do. Would it be possible to wait and give poty training another go in a few months?

At the moment I'm not shouting much, but annoying myself by how often I know I sound utterly exasperated. DS's both keep asking for unreasonable things RIGHT NOW and demanding attention whenever I'm trying to do anything else. Tonight I was trying to make supper and they were both standing between me and the fridge, the worktop where I was trying to put everything together, in front of the cutlery drawer and complaining they were hungry... I hate being so annoyed by my own children (who I love dearly), but when they get in the way and whine so much, it's really hard not to want to scream at them.

It might not be popular but I'm looking forward to the holidays, I hate the school run, DS2 drags his feet all the way there and back twice a day, DS1 is a nightmare to get ready in time, we've always forgotten to do something vital which is due in that day. I think a break will reduce stress levels here. Looking forward to being able to get up in our own time, mooch around a bit and have a few days out at the beach (if it doesn't rain too much).

mandbaby that is exactly what happens here. I see DH getting cross about wanting them to stop doing omething, or hurry up leaving the house, and then I end up snapping at them/ being negative/ aggravating the situation trying to avoid him being really cross with me/them. Ridculous.

Still skulking. Still parenting pretty shittily on the whole. One good night and huge setbacks with DT1 refusing to settle to sleep without me there again and waking ++ - I spent 12-3:15am on his floor and back again by 5:15 am til we got up at 6:15am last night. Plus a gettin up for a wee and water to drink for DD break in my floor time
I think I have lost it too many times at bedtime with DT2 now and now he is enjoying the 'wind mummy and daddy up at bedtime' too much to even think about going to sleep

Hello popalina I was barely functioning when my twins were 3 months old- in fact, I really struggle to remember much of it except I'd spend a good portion of most evenings crying with both babies crying....and my DD was a baby herself practically, she'd have been 21 months when they were 3 months old. You are surviving and right now that has to be enough. Aim for small changes I still am And id does get massively better but if your baby is as miserable as mine were might not be imminent Have a and settle in. My boys once went round chanting 'crap, crap crap!' joyously for 2 days... And did you read the recent toddler swearing thread? Cheered me up a treat

The swearing thread was great, until it got all judgy at the end, I had to close it although I know the guy was being a pompous arse, it was just a bit too close to home and I'm avoiding any kind of "you're a shit parent because..." threads, articles etc at the moment. I get enough of that from myself!

Thanks everyone! I love the 'crap, crap, crap' - that made me giggle.

I said fu*ing under my breath and later he said 'oh my fck' which meant he absorbed it in full context and used a bit of imagination! Now he says it really, really loudly when something goes wrong, like when he did a poo by the pool and DH panicked!

And yes, positive discipline is good to a point but sometimes it's just not enough.

Hilarious popalina! My DD was a slow talker- at the boys age, where they talk in full sentences she had barely 30 words, despite being a PFB and baby signing, and a zillion books read, and parent facing- all the things my boys did't have! Yet she once managed to parrot, with perfect enounciation (ad she still says 'be-yana' for banana at age 3 years 10 months) 'oh bloody hell ' with the emphasis just right and just as I'd said when I nutted my head trying to put the washing line up.

So by 8:30 am this mornig I'd shouted twice. Both for stupid things which I feel crap about already. Once, I was trying to get their breakfast, DT2 was demanding loudly and continously to sit on my knee, DT1 was demanding toast, DD was asking for a yoghurt. Did i calmly say 'there's one of me and 3 of you, I'll get round you all, but wait a minute?' or did I holler it like a banshee? Place your bets.

Honestly, I'm ashamed I can't just think for just half a second before opening my mouth and/or engaging my brain. I'm getting seriously worried I'm going to make a total balls up of this parenting busines and my lovely dc. I know what I want to do. I knwo I just need to not worry. So they're all shouting now. Right now. In 5 minutes it's likely at least one will have stopped, don't sweat it. Yet I still do Is there any hope for me?

Anyway so far, after that (once I had something to eat am like a child and lose it particularly when hungry) I've pulled it together and we've had a good morning- doing th egames in DT1 bedroom, and they're now in the garden with the water table and my dad just arrived for the rest of the day. So fingers crossed I can be a better parent for the rest of the day... bertie once that guy started posting I admit the fun went out of it and I had to leave- I'd read it as support thread for all those who regretted swearing in front of their children getting it off their chest in a lighthearted way-til he arrived... I' feeling very guilty about my parenting at the minute- as sometimes its great and I'm proud but the last month it's been erratic and I wonder how on earth the dc can predict how I'll react

And popalina i put off potty training too and did it when DD was 2 year 8 months (so twins then a bit older, i think around 11/12 months) and it was also much easier, all done in 3 days. I thought it was worth having 3 in anppies for 14 months raather than attempt potty training!!! And everyone who says once you start you can't go back I think are talking rubbish. And I mean, really, if you start and decide they're not ready and wait a bit more, they'll still be in nappies at 10?! My boys are 27.5 months and I'm vaguely wondering about trying them- but they both said no, so phew, decison made. I do have the potty around now though though I admit DT1 took off his nappy and did a wee and poo on the potty at 19 months and my response was to hide the potty then

hot hormonal teenager and pre teen. They've been at home zll day on the x box playing in the paddling pool and supposedly having the opportunity go meet up with their mates. They've not left the house. DH and I have been at work. The bucket of wet washing was still where I left it this morning when I got back. I asked them to tidy up and sort out their school books which are scattered about. They haven't. Mm