Trying cry it out tonight..how do I handle night waking

[PreemieBlessing]

So I'm at my wits end. 7mo cut his two molk teeth and now he doesn't seem that fussy with teething so I want to try cio method. He can't settle himself without my help and he wakes almost every hour at night and only wants 1-2 oz milk. He has two feeds as he can't settle at 2am and 5am without milk.

I tried pick up put down but it wasn't effective. I can count on one hand how many nights he's slept through!

I will try cio with no comforting at bed time but how do I handle night wakings after that? I don't want to make it harsh on him..thought I'd tackle those wakings once he manages to put himself to sleep at the beginning of the night.

Has anyone used cio and how did you handle night waking?

And yes I did breast-feed pretty continuously through the night because it comforted him, and I not only had a partner who needed to work and a school run, I also had to work full time. And am now so glad I did cuddle him thru those endless nights, because nothing I do for him now he is older is anything like as important as being there for him when he was a baby, and was frightened and in pain during the night and his mum was there for him.

lol Ms Miggins - yes ours has incipient moustache too, and will not let me cuddle him

MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano - you are so right- I look back to those days nurturing and comforting my babies in the moonlight- one of the most special memories I have and it feels so right to have done things this way.
Not that I had any real choice- when my babies cried I comforted them- wild horses wouldn't have stopped me from responding to their cries- a baby's need for comfort is such an important thing.

So hold on these children such as mine you are referring to 'four year old' they feel the need to act out? But hang on - they're also quiet and sleep through? Which is it? What number of four year olds have you psychologically analysed to have this very contradicting outcome.

I'm a bit confused by this. Acting out is nothing to do with sleeping through or not or being quiet or not. It's where a child does recognise an emotion and/or does not know how to express emotion so instead acts it out with behaviour?

Jeez at some of these comments.

7m is way too young to be thinking of CIO.

I can't believe HV still advocate this crap, when do they ever get updated on research? Its harmful FFS. If a mum was bf and baby waking hourly I'd be advocating co sleeping and thinking a growth spurt / teething was the issue. I wouldn't be advocating leaving a baby who knows no reason why its been left to just break their heart.

I may convert over as a HV one day. It pains me to hear these things.

Also just because a mum doesn't like CIO / cc doesn't mean they AP to whoever said that. Gets right on my tits when people spout that.

Have you heard yourself seriously and you speak of harsh? I still haven't seen you reply to my question. You are making out like I have said that I leave my tiny infant to cry in pain. Please quote me when I once said this. If my child is in pain I think of nothing else and run to him instinctively. Tiny or 30 I will forever. It would be great if you could quote me where it looks as though I leave a baby in pain. Thanks. You just seem to not like the fact I was giving OP a bit of advice rather than target her and be HARSH like yourselves. If you could let me know at which point in this thread I agreed leaving a baby in pain to cry was that would be fab.

For the record, nobody was even slightly harsh to the OP until she, several posts in, said she had done it, her baby had cried for an hour and she felt he had learned a valuable lesson.

Thank you for all of your feedback, I think everyone has mmade me realise that it's the wrong approach and I need to be more comforting. Incidentally a colleague of mine had told me about this approach and
I was silly to listen

Suffice to say I have become more gentler. I put him down in the cot and sat right next to the cot, it was the least amount of time it took for him to fall asleep. I think he just needed to be sure I wasn't abandoning him.

Please don't get me wrong if he is crying at night I would attend him and feed him if required.

Whilst I appreciate all of the comments I feel concerned at how harsh some people have been on here, at the end of the day we are all parents, I myself am a first timer and make mistakes from time to time. Are you seriously telling me you have not made mistakes and learnt from them?

I went through a very difficult birth and for the first three months of my son's life I went through hell, in and out of hospital and often not sleeping for 20 hours straight and having to ask my family for lots of support. I am not complaining but I would go through that again if I had to because I would go through anything to provide for my child. I have seen a comment that I shouldn't have had a baby you should seriously hear yourself.

Good luck to everyone but unfortunately I won't be posting on this site again. People have been complete bullies rather than offer constructive advice.

I am so sorry.

Please stay.

I am a sleep deprived mess and I lost it a bit yesterday.

I am really pleased that you have changed your mind about cio.

I couldn't understand why someone so articulate thought it was right.

Please accept my apologies. You clearly have his best interests at heart and yes, I have made plenty of mistakes.

Not sleep deprived from crying baby I should, probably, add...

ps the comment about not having babies was more general - at those who promote that sort of approach and continue with it despite a screaming child.

If it's something people consider and maybe try, then, well it's just a mistake, but there are people who really push it and advocate it and that's wrong.

All you did was give it a try and decide it wasn't for you.

Premmie please take the harsh

Well done, everyone, you've actually bullied someone off mn.

I hope you're pleased with yourselves.

OP, please stay. There is NOTHING wrong with CIO when used correctly. Unfortunately a lot of people don't understand it (but are happy to slag it off anyway).

"There is NOTHING wrong with CIO when used correctly. Unfortunately a lot of people don't understand it (but are happy to slag it off anyway)."

That may be your opinion, but many of us will disagree.

Words with a pinch of salt - it is very very easy to be abusive online to people and it is a shame that you came for advice and got the response you received. Mumsnet does have its dark side unfortunately but in the whole it can also be a great source of information to.

The best advice I can give is that every mum and baby is different and what is right for one is completely wrong for another. I often find that people that shout the loudest can be the most insecure of their choices and feel they have to justify it to everyone.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is just do what feels right to you, your his mum and you know him far better than any anonymous poster on mumsnet or work colleague. There really are no right answers with parenting but their is always a hell of a lot of guilt. Ignore anyone who makes you feel even more guilty, us mothers put enough pressure in ourselves as it is.

I thought your last post was brilliant by the way, very articulate and really puts some in their place. Take care.

msmiggins yes of course, and that's fine, we're all here for the debate after all!

Unfortunately it's an emotive subject preemie.

I actually hadn't posted but was following it with interest as my hv has advised me to do CIO with dd, against my judgement with dd's higher-strung personality and the fact she adores co-sleeping with me. I did it with my first some years ago, at 7 months but was lucky it lasted one night 20 mins and he has been a fabulous sleeper from then. He always was and still is very relaxed and laid-back.

Sorry you got a hard time but mn isn't normally this so stay. I once got a pasting too for a post but luckily had been already round a while so knew to dust myself off and ignore Best of luck to you.

Various claims have been posted on here about brain damage/psychological problems caused by letting a baby cry (I understand some posters to be saying that these problems are caused whether "controlled crying" or CIO is used). The only scientific evidence I've seen posted amongst 141 messages was the link posted by roweeena, in which the studies on which Dr Sears relies in support of his attachment parenting thesis are explained. I have read articles on both sides and although I'm not by any means a scientist, I've not seen any convincing evidence that controlled crying over a short period causes either brain damage or long term psychological problems.

We all have instincts. For months I wouldn't allow my baby to cry without going in to him. I cuddled him and rocked him. I patted him for hours. I tried co-sleeping. None of these methods worked. He was awake for hours in the middle of the night. I was exhausted. I was snappy and angry with everyone including him. Eventually I tried controlled crying, and it did work for us. Now he is 19 months, and except when he's ill, he sleeps through the night. I'd always thought he was a pretty happy baby, but it was only when he began to sleep that I realised the night time sleep deprivation had impacted on the way he behaved. Once he began to sleep properly, he was so much happier.

Was that because we did controlled crying for 3 nights, or was it just because, by coincidence, he was 'ready'? It could have been either. But I know I don't regret the controlled crying.

For me personally, I don't think I could have left him to cry for an hour without going in. But I agree with what some others have said above - the OP is clearly exhausted and looking for some help. OK, this is AIBU, so you don't have to treat her with cotton wool. But I do think some of the reactions on here are extreme, and to warn of dire medical consequences with no scientific back-up is, in my view, unnecessary and ill-informed scaremongering.

Everything Welshwabbit said.

Except a minor correction - this isn't even AIBU, it's Behaviour/development

No evidence of harm is not the same as evidence of no harm.

I agree that we don't heve enough evidence either way, but to me it would feel very alien and quite wrong to leave a baby to cry deliberately- for any length of time.
A baby's cry is supposed to tug at our heart strings, we naturally respond- or even have a milk ejection relex. Homo sapiens are supposed to stay close to primary caregivers in the early years- it's what higher primates do.

Give it a break msmiggins we are fully aware of your point of view

"No evidence of harm is not the same as evidence of no harm".

Sure, but you can't live your whole life that way. Do you refrain from engaging in any activity whatsoever unless it has been positively proven to be harmless? Do let me know how that works out for you.

Sorry, that's probably needlessly antagonistic. Absolutely, none of us know for sure that what we're doing is Right; we can only go with what we believe to be right, based on whatever belief system and decision making apparatus we prefer to employ. It's no surprise that there are as many different parenting philosophies as there are parents.

As such, the only thing that's the really pissed me off about this thread is that some people chose to express their views in so unhelpful a manner that it left the op feeling unwelcome, and disinclined ever to come back here again. That's not exactly a win for anyone, is it?

I disagree - we now have the happy situation of a baby who is not being left to sob it's heart out. Sounds like a good result to me.

You're right puntasticusername - but I think I can be forgiven for the confusion!

Ummm happy baby but a mum who feels like shit - pretty sure that's a crap result msmiggins