Trying cry it out tonight..how do I handle night waking

[PreemieBlessing]

So I'm at my wits end. 7mo cut his two molk teeth and now he doesn't seem that fussy with teething so I want to try cio method. He can't settle himself without my help and he wakes almost every hour at night and only wants 1-2 oz milk. He has two feeds as he can't settle at 2am and 5am without milk.

I tried pick up put down but it wasn't effective. I can count on one hand how many nights he's slept through!

I will try cio with no comforting at bed time but how do I handle night wakings after that? I don't want to make it harsh on him..thought I'd tackle those wakings once he manages to put himself to sleep at the beginning of the night.

Has anyone used cio and how did you handle night waking?

Parenthood- I don't really agree- I am not convinced of the benefits of routine either. Leaving my baby for 5 minutes crying is 5 minutes too long for me.

Parenthoodjourney you talk about "boundaries" as if crying is a discipline issue. What are you teaching a child about boundaries by ignoring their cries?

Well when a child's needs are not met it learns very quickly to become manipulative.

Mine are not generally given to playing me, but then, they haven't needed to because I taught them from the beginning that their needs would be responded to.

Curlew my messege about cheeky chappies was not to the OP. Also I definitely said I don't ignore my child's cries ms miggins. I was offering OP some advice on maybe finding a balance / middle ground between ignoring the cries and lots of cuddles. We all have different parenting ways. I always like to find an effective balance the best I can. I'm still learning myself ! :-) aren't we all.

Parenthoodjpurney- but you have siad that you used CC with your own children- that's ignoring cries.

Yeah I did controlled crying with support from my local health visitors with my son. as I was breast feeding every otherhour for an hour! So you can imagine how exhausted I was life was barely functional for any of us. I went in every five minutes to make sure he was ok and knew I was there. I wouldn't really say I was ignoring my child lol I was very conscious of his cries and I found it hard, however most effective and helped me to stay calmer. I found it to be the best way for me and my son putting him down and then picking him up fro cuddles would make him scream a lot more as it's very confusing for them it's almost teasing them. He responded to this really well and very quickly and would often settle within 20 minutes of me going in every five. That was my advice to the OP no one has to agree :-)

Parenthoodjourney- motherhood can be tough- we all know that.
But deliberately leaving my baby to cry is not something I would ever be prepared to do , HV or No HV- I would tell her where to stick her suggestion.

Even Richard Ferber the Americam psychologist who developed the CC Sleep Programme now regrets the advice he has given, believing it to be too harsh.

It's about having a sensitive and wise hand on the rein, and adapting your approach in a way appropriate to the child's age.

So, in my opinion, it is OK to leave a healthy 4 year old to cry for a bit if they are making a fuss about sleeping. Different if they are ill or have had a rotten day at school.

It's not OK to leave a 4 month old.

In between the two, there is a transition which you have to be sensitive to and judge carefully. In my experience your feelings are a good guide. I don't leave my two year old crying - it would make me feel bad. I do sometimes tell my four year old she needs to go to sleep now and leave her - I don't feel bad about that at all as she is old enough. Your feelings aren't there to play tricks on you. They are real and they are there for a reason - listen to them! What is it in our society where people think feelings are merely misleading or red herrings!

I disagree that being responsive to young children creates badly behaved manipulative children. On the contrary, I believe it creates children with a strong sense of self because they have always felt responded to and like they count in the world. They don't need to act out, they don't need to play up, and they have great trust in their caregivers which makes them obedient. I think if you leave an infant screaming, it erodes their trust in you on some core level which you can never get back. Of course they are quiet, of course they "sleep through" and don't complain - because they have learnt there is no point in trying to communicate and that their needs have to come second to something else.

Of course there might be times where sleep is so awful that you have to do some sleep training with an infant/toddler otherwise the rest of the family will have a nervous breakdown - obviously this is no good for the child either.

But I think it should be absolutely the last resort.

This is one of those threads where I want to shout "It's a baby for heaven's sake- what did you expect?????????"

PS you can be a responsive parent without being a permissive one. We are very responsive to our children's needs when they express them. At the same time we have zero tolerance of mean, rude, or yobby behaviour.

It would never be a resort for me I'm afraid. And i wouldn't leave a four year old- or anyone for that matter to cry themselves to sleep.

Bumpsadaise I agree with your last comment. I practice AP, but I have very high expectations of behaviour.

It always amazes me how 'AP' parents often seem to be the most agressive and unsensitive posters on Internet forums!

Oh how I wish I could "like" your post roweeena

Someone has to speak up for all those poor babies crying and being ignored. That's not being insensitive. Their own mothers are even ignoring their cries- no-one is listening to their pleas for comfort.
That's why I speak out for those infants.

So hold on these children such as mine you are referring to 'four year old' they feel the need to act out? But hang on - they're also quiet and sleep through? Which is it? What number of four year olds have you psychologically analysed to have this very contradicting outcome.

Yes. Sleep deprivation can be very damaging to households, like I said it was for mine so I did sleep training. Checking on your child every five minutes and laying them down calmly each five minutes for twenty minutes is damaging? No. I think that is perfectly safe for them. I would not call this ignoring a child. I never did sleep training till after one years old and could say juice, milk, mum, dad, etc. And in turn this gives the whole family sleep and children are then living in a much more calm, happy and productive environment. Rather than run, stressful, run down and almost unfunctional.

I am very pleased for those families who have not gotten to that dreadful sleep deprived state and have never had to resort to sleep training but sometimes for emotional, mental and physical health of all involved the pros outweigh the cons. No one wants to leave their child In a cot for five minutes. Or purposely does it to cause them emotional damaging. Gosh.

OP was looking for some advice as she is at her "wits end" I didn't agree with the leaving for an hour. But if someone is at their wits end and it is effecting the day to day function of life I'm pretty sure some controlled crying is OK. However I did state that for teething infants and those who cannot communicate leaving a child to cry would be heartbreaking. You cant attack everyone who doesn't completely do what you do as a parent and make them feel awfully guilty I t's unfair. Offer advice and support to help someone in a tough time. Don't kick people whilst down

It's not simply a case of those two scanarios though.
"And in turn this gives the whole family sleep and children are then living in a much more calm, happy and productive environment. Rather than run, stressful, run down and almost unfunctional."

Don't imaginge that those of us who choose not to use CC don't have challenges- we do we simply choose to solve them without resorting to harsh methods.

7 months old is too young for CC/CIO/PUPD. Poor child. How did they sleep last night? Still 12 hours?

I can understand how exhausting it is having a child who does not sleep, my youngest didnt sleep through until 16 months, was ever so tiring having to get up 3/4 times a night. Leaving a 7 month old is not right though, especially crying for an hour. They are too young to understand at that age.

Ok so when you're breast feeding for an hour every other hour and you are getting no sleep and you have school runs and works and your partner has work and you are completely run down and you find you have no energy for your children during the day and cannot focus at work and you and your partner start bickering due to stress and the whole family is feeling the strain and your cuddling and feeding for weeks on end but it's not working - what would you do because I feel that advice on the technique you would use would be very useful to this thread

marzipan -Both my DC slept through by seven months, four and five months respectively even. I didn't think it was that unusual??

:( I was hoping you meant trying it tonight & someone could talk you out of it :(

Parenthooodjourney- As I say we all have challenges.
I was tandem breastfeeding, a new baby feeding hourly through the night and an older baby too. I also cared for my disabled mother and worked 30 hours a week- we all have stresses.
I co slept to protect our sleep- not everyone's cup of tea but far more preferable to allowing my children to cry.

Agree Rooners- babies stop crying because their spirit is broken and they learn their voice is worthless. A big harsh blow to the self esteem at such an early age.
Being a tired parent goes with the territory. A 7 month old baby, teething, in pain, crying for its mother. For an hour?
I was a zombie with DS2, but just cuddled him in bed with me, night after night because he was my priority, not me. He grew out of it, and is happy and adjusted, and guess what, does not want to sleep with us now!

MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano - well said.

Unsurprisingly my oldest who is 6'2" and has a moustsche doesn't want to sleep with me either :)