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Original poster

Explaining god - advice needed by non-religious parents

274 replies

BadHair · 18/02/2004 23:20

Ds1 has developed a fascination for churches. He knows the names of all the churches for miles around and can tell you if they have spires, clocks, towers etc. Although I find this a bit strange, as we're not a religious family by any stretch of the imagination, I also think its quite sweet.
However, he's started to ask what churches are, and who lives in them. I've told him that no-one lives in them and that they're places where some people like to go to sing hymns and say prayers, and so far he's happy with that. But its only a matter of time before he asks what hymns and prayers are.
So, how on earth do atheist parents give a simple explanation of god etc to a 3 yr old in a balanced, sensible fashion?

OP posts:
twiglett · 18/02/2004 23:20

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kiwisbird · 18/02/2004 23:26

DITTO! My son was 4-5 and started drawing churches and obsessing!
We are so non religious I could not understand it
My educated brother explained the Atheist/Agnostic/ Big Bang? Stephen Hawking theory in explicit detail at age 6 , this snapped him out of it, much to my relief!
Son then got note home from school after RE teacher accused him of being the the youngest sceptic she had ever met and least willing to appreciate the different points of view.
Ds then moved on to drawing dragons and now aged 10 is into robots, I treat it now as a phase, it's a great opportunity to explain different religions in basic terms and give them an early intro to religious tolerance

Skara · 18/02/2004 23:31

Tricky one, so far ours haven't asked any questions really but then mine is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine, not churches so it's just luck I guess!

My take on it is 'some people believe that...Noah went off on an ark/there's a man called God who lives on a cloud/insert similar religious type idea here' and that's worked ok so far but then dd is only 4. Sorry a bit useless but brain in low gear at half eleven at night.

lavender1 · 18/02/2004 23:33

Understand your predicament here, although I believe in God so my explanation would not be hard to decribe in this situation, perhaps you could say that there is a powerful person that we cannot see and is hard to imagine but he looks after us all and we have to thank him for this....Churches are built so that what God does is thanked for, like you thank Mummy and Daddy for nice things that we do...and songs, psalms and prayers let us talk to God because although we cannot see him and Mummy and Daddy don't know if he is real or not it is good to talk to him, as he is watching us all the time and we have to get to know him a little...sorry...terrible answer, as is not an easy question...

Original poster
BadHair · 18/02/2004 23:39

Before we had children dp and I used to joke that they'd probably turn out to be christian fundamentalists, just to spite their parents! Either that or ardent capitalists.
I don't want to launch into a full-blown explanation of all the world religions, but neither do I want him to think that religion is wrong. I just want to be able to answer his questions without coming down on one side of the fence.
We get some really funny looks though when he jumps up and down with glee shouting "There's St Whatever's church" when we're out for a walk.

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stupidgirl · 18/02/2004 23:41

This one has come up for us, but not in quite the same way. First it came up when my Grandma died and ds wanted to know what had happened to her. I tackled that one by explaning that noone really knows but telling him some of the theories. Ie "some people beleive this, some believe that, but no one really knows for sure, what do you think?" kind of thing.

The whole 'god' thing came up again last night as we were talking about king arthur (ds is obsessed with castles at the moment). We were talking about how it is thought that king arthur existed and when, which got onto AD and BC and then what those meant, whcih in turn lead on to god and jesus. I just tried to explain that someone named jesus existed, and that these stories grew up that said he was the son of god. God is meant to have created the earth, and some people beliee that and it gives them comfort, in a similar way that the greek myths (which we have been reading) helped people then understand things, that they otherwise couldn't.

I would go on o say that long ago when most people couldn't read and write, the stories were used to teach ideas like right and wrong, etc.

I dunno. Play it by ear really. It might be worth getting some books from the library about different religions...

Original poster
BadHair · 18/02/2004 23:42

Sorry Lavendar, crossed posts there. I did think about that, but as I don't believe in God I'd feel that I was lying to him by telling him that there was a more powerful person etc.
It's a bit like Father Christmas, but I guess I'm happy to fib to him on that one.

OP posts:
kiwisbird · 18/02/2004 23:48

We have full scale cardboard handmade castellated castle repro courtesy of DS, god (!) this is bringing back memories, as mum to one a decade old I can see a phaseology happening!
Bless them!

Tommy · 18/02/2004 23:51

Don't know if this helps since I am a practising Christian and also used to be an RE teacher....but sometimes when the children at school used to ask me things "Did that really happen, Miss?" or "Is that true?" I used to say: "Maybe....."
I found that a good get out - also works with Father Christmas and other myths!

bloss · 19/02/2004 04:07

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robinw · 19/02/2004 04:24

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FairyMum · 19/02/2004 07:45

I think this is very difficult. We are atheists, but I think it's really important for my children to learn about different religious beliefs. I try to tell it as a fairy-tale, but at the same time teach her to respectother peoples beliefs. If you present it too much like a fairy-tale, they will think other people are silly to believe in it. My MIL and PIL are very religious and I let them take the kids to church at Christmas/Easter. Hopefully, they will make up their own mind what they believe at some stage.

Davros · 19/02/2004 09:08

If you are atheists then I think you should explain what you believe. Being what I call a committed atheist, I see it as a positive belief in humankind so I'm a closets Humanist, not just an absence of belief in something else. I think you should also explain in simple terms what other people believe and that we should respect that.

Davros · 19/02/2004 09:09

P.S. I'm not sure I would treat the fascination with churches as anything different to being interested in offices, they're just more tangible and exotic. Explain also about mosques, synagogues etc.

miranda2 · 19/02/2004 09:30

Amazing - I think I'm going to be more 'conservative' than bloss here!!! I agree that you can just say 'Christians believe...' etc, and that's fine. But if you want him to be able to make up his own mind, then I think saying 'mummy and daddy think thats silly because we don't believe that' is a bit too strong - a child will take whatever mummy and daddy believe as self-evidently true at this age. Obviously you want to tell the truth, but maybe you could counteract your position a bit by also saying 'most people in the world believe that there is a God', maybe explaining it/Him as something like 'the love that made the world (like mummy and daddy's love made you, darling) and that keeps everything going'? If he's particularly into the actual church names, you could go down the finding gory stories about the saints route - kids tend to love the more horrific aspects of history...

Janstar · 19/02/2004 09:34

As a devout atheist I agree with Bloss.

Galaxy · 19/02/2004 09:49

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CountessDracula · 19/02/2004 10:09

BadHair last time I was in the library I noticed a section in children's books on religions. They had some quite good books explaining different beliefs, might be worth showing these to your ds and telling him that people who are christian go to churches, hindus to temples etc etc. That way he can put it in context a bit more easily.

aloha · 19/02/2004 10:19

As a devout non-believer I intend to say that lots of people believe in different sorts of God, a sort of person who they think made the world and they go to special and sometimes very beautiful buildings to sing and talk to him and ask him to help them. But Gods aren't real, they are just in stories in books. I think that will do for now And then we get to Father Christmas....ha!

spacemonkey · 19/02/2004 10:19

I agree with Miranda - I think it would be wrong to make a judgemental statement like "mummy and daddy think it's silly" - that isn't exactly teaching tolerance! We're not religious but I've always gone down the "some people believe ..." route as I want my kids to make up their own mind about it.

webmum · 19/02/2004 15:12

I also agree with spacemonkey about the non-judgemental thing, and it's probablyfine at this age, but I wonder when they get older they will want to ask why we don't believe in God, and other people do and I think that will be much more difficult to answer!

Anyone been in the situation

donnie · 19/02/2004 15:24

why don't you buy him a book of Bible stories or a children's Bible ?then he can decide if he believes or not.

Bozza · 19/02/2004 15:29

Its funny whaqt kids will believe though. My DS was totally taken in by Father Christmas - even to the point where he daren't enter the lounge on his own Christmas morning. But I tried to tell him that "Auntie X" was actually my sister and he laughed at me.

twiglett · 19/02/2004 17:58

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aloha · 19/02/2004 19:23

Webmum, that really isn't a problem IME. My stepdaughter is 12 and I tell her that I don't believe in God, but other people do (I am probably more on the fence with her as she's not 'mine' and she is totally fine with that. She doesn't seem conflicted at all. In fact, I find that most 'young people' (I know, I sound about 100) don't know anything about religion at all - not the rituals, the philosophies or the history. I was STUNNED to discover that when I was talking about a statue of the Madonna in a church she didn't have any idea that the pop star wasn't the first and only Madonna (and she goes to a private school too!). She had very little idea about the Bible or anything. I certainly intend for my son to know a lot about all religions, including Greek and Roman ones, but at the risk of causing offence, I truly hope he doesn't end up believing in any of them but has his own sense of morality based on respectfulness to people regardless of gender, colour, country of origin and class. Though I do hope he will not be tolerant of all beliefs and actions.