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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

1 year old is really spiteful!!!!!

55 replies

GypsyTaylor · 08/01/2013 21:31

My girl who is one is so spiteful. She marks my face and pinches me, pulls my hair out and she has made me bleed several times. She bit her dads nose the other day and he was really angry. I don't know what I can do to stop it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Shakey1500 · 08/01/2013 21:33

Sorry but one year olds cannot be spiteful!

Constant telling with a calm but firm "no" should help

TheTiger · 08/01/2013 21:33

If she is only 1 then I'm sure she isn't doing it on purpose or to be 'spiteful'. Is it not just a phase she is going through?

CocktailQueen · 08/01/2013 21:33

She's not spiteful. She's 1! She's being curious and pushing boundaries. You need to stop ehr, calmly, when she does something that hurts. Tell her it hurts mummy/daddy, stop it. And remove her.

TheTiger · 08/01/2013 21:34

Perhaps try saying 'No' and putting her down when she hurts you.

FlushedGrollings · 08/01/2013 21:35

It's her way of showing affection believe it or not. Please don't be angry with her. Just remove her hand and say gentle and show her how to touch you nicely. It's a phase.

Slainte · 08/01/2013 21:35

One year olds can't be spiteful. My DD used to bite when she was overtired, so as soon as she went to bite us I put her down for a nap, could it be that?

seeker · 08/01/2013 21:35

She's a baby- she's not spiteful. Say no, firmly and put her down on the floor when she does it.

And make sure her nails are short and smooth.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 08/01/2013 21:35

She isn't being spiteful, she is being one and seeing how things work, what she can and can't do. Just tell her 'No' in a firm voice when she does it. She will soon learn.

NomNomDePlumPudding · 08/01/2013 21:35

your one year old baby is not spiteful, she has no conception that her actions can cause pain. do not get angry with her, this is unfair. if she scratches you/pinches you/whatever, put her down, telling her no in a firm voice, so that she will learn appropriate boundaries over the course of time.

HecatePropolos · 08/01/2013 21:36

She is 1, as others have said.
You need to stop putting adult interpretation onto infant behaviour.
At that age, its not controlled or with any real intent
If you don't change the way you see her, it will affect your relationship.

Beamur · 08/01/2013 21:37

She doesn't appreciate that it hurts you yet, good advice above - say 'no, that hurts' and put her down or away from you. She won't twig it hurts you, but she will understand that that behaviour gets her put down.
Don't take it personally.

3littlefrogs · 08/01/2013 21:40

I think you should invest in some basic parenting books that can help you to understand how babies learn and develop. I am sure many people on here can recommend some - Toddler Taming by Christopher Green comes to mind. I am probably not as up to date as many on here, but it sounds as if you have no experience of babies/young children so it would help you to do some reading as you will encounter many more challenges as your little one grows.

A one year old cannot be spiteful.

3littlefrogs · 08/01/2013 21:41

You say that her dad gets angry with her. That is very worrying.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 08/01/2013 21:42

a one year old cannot be spiteful

she is frustrated, there is a reason why she is frustrated, she doesn't know how to say it yet so is telling you in other ways

PrincessMononoke · 08/01/2013 21:42

I agree with pp, she can't feel what she is doing so can't tell it hurts, I used to take dc hand and trace it along my face and say gently, stroke her face too so she can feel it.

juneau · 08/01/2013 21:45

DS2 does this. He pulls my hair, scratches me, head butts me (he split my lip open this week), smacks and hits his brother - but I remember his brother being just the same. It's boundary-pushing, he's seeing what happens when he does something new. A firm 'no' and putting him down either on the floor or in his cot is my solution. He loves it when I saw 'Ow', so I try not to do that - just put him down immediately.

Fuchi · 08/01/2013 21:48

My goodness what a lot of spiteful messages from people definitely old enough to know better. I'm no expert (I doubt the others are either) but probably one year olds are not spiteful. However, I believe they are naughty and certainly when my 14 month old does something that causes us discomfort (pinching our noses for example) she is delighted and laughs. As others have mentioned, it does seem to be a boudary testing thing. Saying no etc etc seems to be the way to go.

NellyBluth · 08/01/2013 21:48

She pulls your hair because dangling hair looks interesting. She scratches without realising as she doesn't understand that she has nails that can cut. She pinches because she is trying to play with your skin or your hair. She bites because she has spent the past 2 months putting things in her mouth to see what they are like, and now she doesn't understand that she has teeth that hurt.

She is not being 'spiteful'.

If something hurts, just say 'no' and walk away. She will start to learn that certain things get a less fun reaction and will start not to do them. But please don't accuse a 1 year old of having adult emotions

Original poster

GypsyTaylor · 08/01/2013 21:58

I'm not accusing a baby of having adult emotions I'm saying that when I tells her no, she comes back and does it again and again. She know what no means and I class that as spiteful behaviour that needs to stop. My girl can speak lots of words, and respond if I say things like change your nappy, lay down, eat your dinner, etc she understands me, so why can't she understand that straching biting and hitting are wrong?

OP posts:

Minshu · 08/01/2013 22:00

I understand how it can feel like malice when they do "horrible" things, but it sounds like a phase of exploring what happens when she pinches that interesting looking nose tantalisingly in reach. A firm no, put down and a distraction. And remember, this too shall pass.

LineRunner · 08/01/2013 22:02

So don't let her 'come back and do it again and again'. Put her down calmly in her cot or playpen and leave her without response for a few minutes.

She is not 'spiteful'.

Minshu · 08/01/2013 22:03

It will be a while yet before the concept of right and wrong enters her understanding. Lots of praise for the good things and minimal reaction to the bad.

I found Green's Toddler Taming helped me understand how much my DD could understand at that age.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 08/01/2013 22:04

worrying posts, i think. are there parenting classes in your area?

asleb · 08/01/2013 22:06

As others have said, it's just her age. She doesn't understand it hurts and she will grow out of it.

What I always did was to say "no" calmly and firmly and would also pull a bit of a sad face (not sure if that actually works!?) so that they would learn that it hurt. Plus I would always take my toddler's hands from a young age and get them to stroke my cheek and say "gentle, gentle" so that they would eventually learn what gentle was. Then if they ever tried to hurt me, when they started to understand a little more, I would say "no, gentle!" and then they would normally stroke my face instead! It's good for teaching them how to be gentle with pets too.

Remember she is only tiny still though, she doesn't mean it to hurt you. It's just a phase.

HecatePropolos · 08/01/2013 22:10

She's ONE.
She is not malicious.
Do you think that she thinks "I am going to attack my mum, that'll show the bitch" ?
Of course not.
Ive got stuff lurking in the back of my fridge that's older than your child!
You need to understand child development. Can you talk to your health visitor and see if there are any classes?

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