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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

End of my tether !!! Boarding school for 5 year old ??

145 replies

scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 10:44

Sorry to rant - but I really need some help here !!

My 5 yr old DD is driving me insane !!

Morning tantrums again !! Last two mornings she has had the most almighty tantrums about getting dressed - just refuses to ! Last night had a long talk with her about how this was very unhelpful to mummy and put me in a bad mood all day, and I have to drive to work and do my job etc etc - and she promised to be good this morning - but no - worse than ever ! We talked about doing a star chart - and she said she would be earning her star tomorrow !

When she was 2 she wouldn't let me help her dress - now she is 5 she apparently can't do it herself ! But she can - and she should at least make some effort !

She is usually fairly well behaved and very happy, and there haven't been any changes or traumas in her life that I know of - so I am a bit baffled really !

Anyway - short of sending her to boarding school or having her adopted - I REALLY don't think I can live like this anymore - have any of you wise ones got any tips ??

BTW - naughty step and being sent to her bedroom don't seem to work on this one - she just screams and screams and screams !

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 10:58

DH has just rung me to say that he thinks we should take DD to doctors as he thinks she needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist !!

WTF ??

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 25/01/2006 11:01

How long has she been doing this for?

Is she getting enough sleep? How is her diet? Is she enjoying school?

They are sometimes difficult, I think, at whatever age (my eldest is 4, and is sometimes a bit like this). How do you deal with the tantrums? I find staying calm, and saying things like "is this the sort of morning you want?" sometimes help. (And sometimes I just shout at him )

alexsmum · 25/01/2006 11:03

does she have the tantrum because you won't dress her?

puddle · 25/01/2006 11:04

Is it just getting dressed? What about a timer - make it into a race?

My two are allowed to watch 15 mins of TV before school only if they are washed and dressed, teeth and hair brushed.

Is she tired? maybe get her to bed earlier? Is the morning routine stressful and is she picking up on your stress - I find all goes much more smoothly if I prepare the night before.

Original poster

scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 11:04

Diet is good, School is fine, she sleeps 7pm-6.30 every night. Nothing has changed that I can see !

Had a phase of doing this a few months ago - then got better - but has been like it all this week and was heading this way last week too.

DH and I both knackered and angry with her - tried reasoning with her and ignoring her initially - have now subsided into shouting ! Accept that this makes it worse - but both really at end of tether !

Wonder if Supernanny is free ??

OP posts:

giddy1 · 25/01/2006 11:05

Message deleted

LIZS · 25/01/2006 11:05

If it is any comfort our dd (4 yrs 4 months) has been defiant about getting dressed for school since the christmas break and also wetting herself. We've currently got a sort of sticker system going for the latter.

I think a lot has to do with her having got used to a different sleeping pattern over the holiday and she still isn't going to sleep as early as before. She enjoys school when she gets there, we have a routine beforehand, and is learning lots but perhaps deep down it is still a lot for her to deal with. Could the same apply to yours?

Original poster

scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 11:07

Good thoughts - maybe about manipulation - she definitely doesn't like being told what to do - although she is extremely well behaved at school ! At weekends she potters a lot and quite often doesn't get dressed until later - so it doesn't tend to arise then.

I do get everything ready the night before - clothes laid out on chair etc - school bag ready -
Having a race is good idea - sometimes do race her myself to see who is dressed first - but once she is in strop doesn't work !

OP posts:

shimmy21 · 25/01/2006 11:08

I find dh often tells the children 'look I have to go to work and you're making me late/ stressed/ upset'. I don't think this really works with kids (it definitely doesn't with ours anyway!) What do they care if you have a bad day? They are so egocentric at this age that this is really the last thing that will motivate them. My advice is good old fashioned bribery (or do your star chart if you want to make your bribery PC ) Since we started awarding our boys with a sweet (given after their tea) for being ready on time each morning, our mornings have been transformed.

puddle · 25/01/2006 11:09

Shouting never works in our house.
Maybe call her bluff and prepare to take her out to school in her pyjamas?

NotQuiteCockney · 25/01/2006 11:10

I lay out my DS1's clothes in his room, and ask him to dress before he comes down. This seems to work ok for us - he gets dressed in his own time, really.

But he wakes up without any help from me, making all this possible.

puddle · 25/01/2006 11:11

Star charts come into their own IMO if you focus on specific tasks, like getting dressed before breakfast on school days.

Albert · 25/01/2006 11:11

Just a thought, why don't you let her go to school in her pyjamas one day. Perhaps the negative reaction of her friends and teachers would encourage her to get dressed the next morning. Has she told you why she doesn't like getting dressed? Is she OK changing into her pjs at the end of the day? Is this a problem every morning or only on school days? How is she if you help her to get dressed? TBH if she is OK with you helping her I would go for that option and admit defeat so that you can get on with a 'normal' day afterwards. I hope you can find a solution, it would drive me bonkers too!

LIZS · 25/01/2006 11:12

I've frequently threatened dd iwht shcool in pyjama's ! it dioes woirk if a bit sulkily ! Now ds - 7 - (who gets himself ready and will even race her to try to get her going) tells her that himself !

alexsmum · 25/01/2006 11:12

i would just dress her without making doing it herself an option. it might call her bluff.

Original poster

scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 11:16

Really - are you guys serious ??

This child can strip off and get into complex dressing up outfits in 2 seconds ! It's not that she can't get dressed - just that she won't !

I suppose treating her like a baby might make her get her act together - but I think I prefer the star chart plan really !

OP posts:

fennel · 25/01/2006 11:16

is it just the getting dressed which is the main problem? my 5 year old is fairly resistant to getting dressed. she doesn't scream, she goes for non-compliance.

if so, we have said if she's too tired to get dressed in time she has to go to bed earlier. she doesn't like that as it means she goes before her 4 year old sister.

also if they are dressed well in advance of time i let them watch 10 minutes of tv before going out. that's a big incentive for my tv lovers.

NotQuiteCockney · 25/01/2006 11:19

When my DS1 fails to dress himself in time, I dress him. It really annoys him and pisses him off. And makes him dress himself faster next time.

prettybird · 25/01/2006 11:20

I like the diea of just taking her in her pyjamas , so that she understands the consequences of not getting dressed (as you have explained, she is big enough to do it herself).

I'm sure I recall Supernanny or Little Angels recommending that once.

But that's if your star chart doens't work - much better to reward the "good" behaviour.

WigWamBam · 25/01/2006 11:20

If she likes school and is keen to go, then what about saying "Oh well, if you won't get dressed then there's no school today, you'll have to stay here and sit on the sofa by yourself while I get on with things" and walking away? I know that would work with my almost 5 year old dd, because she'd rather be at school than anywhere else. Wouldn't work if she's desperate to stay at home though ...

I'd also suggest not letting her mooch around in her nightwear at the weekends - maybe keeping it consistent would help.

alexsmum · 25/01/2006 11:22

really serious fennel! if getting her to dress herself is causing mega stress then i would just dress her. it will take five minutes and no stress. this is just a phase -she won't be refusing to get herself dressed when she's twelve and if it means an easier start to the day then i would do it everytime.

fireflyfairy2 · 25/01/2006 11:23

I was given the advice before to take mine to playgroup in her PJ's.. we got as far as the car door and she was begging me to take her in she would get dressed

alexsmum · 25/01/2006 11:23

sorry, meant scatterbrain-not fennel.

ScummyMummy · 25/01/2006 11:24

What is your morning routine like? Mine don't get breakfast until they're dressed and if they faff about I have to choose their cereal for them to save time (I invaribaly choose the most bring one available if this transpires.)
And yes- I would definitely go the school in pyjamas route if you're at the end of your tether, especially if she is good at school and might not want to blot her copybook there. We did this once when my sons first started school. My stubborn yet fashionable son who was the source of the problem fronted it out right till the end of the street when i cruelly mentioned that i felt his classmates would be interested to see how tatty and mismatching his pyjamas were. (He needed new ones at the time- thank goodness i was tardy in providing them or he might have liked the idea of showing them off.). Where upon he tearfully begged for mercy, which was granted, and we've had very few problems since. A very sweet victory, i felt.

madmarchhare · 25/01/2006 11:25

Threatening school in pjs sounds like a good one to me. She need to know whos in charge here.

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