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Original poster

End of my tether !!! Boarding school for 5 year old ??

145 replies

scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 10:44

Sorry to rant - but I really need some help here !!

My 5 yr old DD is driving me insane !!

Morning tantrums again !! Last two mornings she has had the most almighty tantrums about getting dressed - just refuses to ! Last night had a long talk with her about how this was very unhelpful to mummy and put me in a bad mood all day, and I have to drive to work and do my job etc etc - and she promised to be good this morning - but no - worse than ever ! We talked about doing a star chart - and she said she would be earning her star tomorrow !

When she was 2 she wouldn't let me help her dress - now she is 5 she apparently can't do it herself ! But she can - and she should at least make some effort !

She is usually fairly well behaved and very happy, and there haven't been any changes or traumas in her life that I know of - so I am a bit baffled really !

Anyway - short of sending her to boarding school or having her adopted - I REALLY don't think I can live like this anymore - have any of you wise ones got any tips ??

BTW - naughty step and being sent to her bedroom don't seem to work on this one - she just screams and screams and screams !

OP posts:
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snowleopard · 25/01/2006 12:20

Ooops, I was halfway through writing post when I got distracted, came back later and posted it without realising thread had moved on!

fennel · 25/01/2006 12:33

the thought of implicitly giving dd1 permission to go to school naked, snowleopard, is terrifying - i can see her calling my bluff on that one too and suspect it would be me who got into trouble for that one.

snowleopard · 25/01/2006 12:44

Yes it is. Just reporting what my acquaintance said they said, which apparently worked. My DS is still a baby and I have no personal experience of this... I myself would not march a child out of the house naked, though I might in pjs.

Original poster
scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 12:54

Hmmmm - Thanks everyone for your ideas !

Think we are going to try being a bit more regimented in the mornings - no playing with anything until fully dressed and downstairs.

Tonight she will be put to bed 15 mins early as punishment for having the tantrum this morning. A star chart will be introduced tonight too.

Tomorrow morning - if she will not get dressed I will take her to school in her pyjamas, or will at least threaten to, in a non shouty, calm (I don't care !) manner !!

Wish me luck !

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 25/01/2006 12:55

My dd would be like this if I let her. In the mornings she takes forever to get dressed, in fact she takes forever to do anything. Our routine is as follows:
Up at 7.45, dd has an alarm clock that sets off at this time, so I don't have the trauma of having to wake her.
Into the bathroom to clean her teeth and ds's. Then they don wooly cardigans and go downstairs.
I make them porridge with cinnamon and honey, always the same! After breakfast, dd has to get dressed by herself. If she does this in a reasonable amount of time she gets to watch a little children's telly before she goes to school, if she does not, then no children's telly. If we are going out of the door and she isn't fully dressed, I would take her as she is.

If you think you might have to take her to school half dressed on a regular basis, it might be wise to keep a few essentials at school for her to change into and tell the teacher this. She will be so embarrassed turning up at school half dressed in the first place that I can't see it lasting that long.

What I will emphasise though is routine, routine, routine. And consistency. Once you have thought of a punishment, you must stick with it, no softening. They will push you the furthest you will go, just to test how far they can go. Once they have established this they will settle down. If they know that you will not back down, that the routine will not change and that you will not give them a reaction, they will back off, I promise.

Rhubarb · 25/01/2006 12:56

Oh and I really do believe in punishments on the spot. You cannot punish her for something she did this morning, in her mind that is long forgotten. Either punish her there and then or not at all.

Rhubarb · 25/01/2006 12:57

And one last thing! Don't use threats if you are not prepared to carry them out. Put some spare clothes in a carrier bag in the car now just in case you do need to carry out your threat, she can change into them in the toilets at school.
They will soon realise if you are bluffing, then you've lost the battle.

giddy1 · 25/01/2006 13:01

Message deleted

prettybird · 25/01/2006 13:12

I agree - if you threaten sometihng, you have to be prepared to follow it through, however much it might embarrass you!

Otherwsie she will know that she can ignore you with impunity.

NotQuiteCockney · 25/01/2006 13:18

At school, DS1 has to get changed after PE, so he has to be able to dress himself! He's 4 and a bit, but kids in his class were having to do this at 3 (he's old for his year). Of course kids of this age can get dressed on their own.

For comparison, our routine (such as it is): DS1 wakes at sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 (He has a nightlight on a timer in his room, which tells him when he's allowed up. He's taken to getting up earlier, though). He dresses, alone, in his room. Sometimes I have to stick my head up to check on him, but that's it.

He comes down, can hang out in my bed with me and DS2, then we all go down, have breakfast, and leave the house, by 8:30.

littlerach · 25/01/2006 13:18

I have threatened to tell DD1's reception teacher why we are late if she has fussed around getting dressed.
Worked a treat.

But we do find it easier when they have breakfast straight away, then immediately get dressed and washed, then they get a bit of time, if they have been quick, to watch tv or play PollyPockets.

Original poster
scatterbrain · 25/01/2006 13:23

Tried that Littlerach - no effect on mine I'm afraid !

OP posts:
alexsmum · 25/01/2006 18:51

back again! i didn't say that that five year olds are too young to get dressed by themselves( my ds is five and is perfectly capable of doing it), what i said is that refusing to get dressed is a phase and if it is quicker and easier to dress the child then that's what i would do.
i think at five they are expected to be grown up in so many ways- at school, in social occasions, and at home where they are expected to be independent, and i think sometimes they need a bit of babying.it helps them feel secure.
all this battle talk of taking them out in pj's and threats and rewards seems ott to me.
someone suggested getting dressed together and i think that's a great idea.i stick by my view that they need a bit of supervision/support.

Enid · 25/01/2006 18:56

i agree with alexsmum

I would dress her myself if she was compliant. If she fussed I would stop.

Then when she is more cheerful I wuold start making her do it herself.

She is only 5 you guys.

Enid · 25/01/2006 18:57

and I also think the taking to school in pjs is totally OTT

alexsmum · 25/01/2006 18:59

THANK YOU ENID!!

if it was a 12 y/o we are talking about about then maybe get harsh but she's 5!

Enid · 25/01/2006 19:00

I still dress my 6 year old 3 days out of 5

I do the 3 yaer old and 6 year old together while they both watch scooby doo

alexsmum · 25/01/2006 19:02

i help my five year old most days only because he would dilly dally otherwise.it takes five minutes and nobody gets cross.

xfactormum · 25/01/2006 19:20

I think going to school in Pj's is very OTT. I have twin boys aged 4.5 who I help to dress every morning because they would never get out the door to school nor would I get to work on time. If I make it a race i get some enthusiasm especially from DT1 who is very competitive. He is the least likely to try if just asked by me to do so and would argue forever. I am not bothered, I know that I will not be dressing them forever and as someone said your DD is only 5 and children these days have to grow up so fast. I think the star chart is probably a good idea although it doesnt really work that well with my two. The boys have a system in school where the teacher has a set of circles the same colour as traffic lights. All the children have their names in the green circle at the start of the day and if they are a bit bad they go to the orange circle, really bad to the red and so forth. I have done it in the house now and the boys will do anything(well almost ) to not get in the red circle

nannyme · 25/01/2006 19:46

I agree alexsmum, enid, et al.

The rest of you suggesting the school in PJ's, er... nothing like a bit of threatened humiliation then? God, you may as well be whacking and smacking if you are going to go for the emotional abuse option!!

amyd2 · 25/01/2006 20:01

omg it could be me sitting witing your stressful situation!! my dd1 is the same stroppy little nightmare in the mornings-at least she was until i introduced wait for it...a sticker chart!!i have explained that she gets £2 a week pocket money which can be earned mon to fri, there are 4 points for each day and she earns 10p for doing each, the mornings she has to get washed, dressed,hair done with no fuss if she doesnt then she gets a black cross, this really works as she is a really proud little girl and hates explaining to anybody why she has it.(chart is on fridge for all to see!!) i also agree with nannyme.good luck

pepperrabbit · 25/01/2006 20:08

I had to go school in my petticoat once cos i wouldn't wear the skirt.
Note the use of the word "once"

aviatrix · 25/01/2006 20:15

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amyd2 · 25/01/2006 20:20

aviatrix i am just wondering why you disagree with star charts? it is the 1st time i have used one and it works.

Enid · 25/01/2006 20:22

just thinking about how I would react if I saw one of dd1s classmates being frogmarched into school in his/her pjs......