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Mummy and little boys bathing together......?

86 replies

Meanoldmummy · 14/01/2006 14:14

I've always enjoyed having my babies in the bath with me, ever since DS1 was born. I bath every day and it just seemed the right thing to do, as well as being fun and lovely. However DS1 is 3 now and I've sort of stopped doing it lately and started putting them in together without me... I suppose I'm worried that it might be "inappropriate" for a three year old boy to be in the bath with his naked mother, especially now that he asks questions about body parts etc (which I have always tried to answer frankly and without embarrassment)... I feel that DS2 (16mths) is missing out on the lovely intimate bathtimes with Mummy that his brother had, and I miss having them in with me too. Any thoughts? Is it perfectly natural or is it bordering on child abuse? I'm very confused.

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Tortington · 14/01/2006 22:00

i walk around the house butt nekkid in a mornign wondering arounf=d finding a brush or a clean pair of knicks. my kids are 12 and 16 fuck it - whatever floats your boat.

mummyhill · 14/01/2006 22:17

I agree with everyone else cover up when the kids get embarassed. Till then don't worry.

NotQuiteCockney · 14/01/2006 22:28

I haven't worked out how to explain nudity rules to DS1, who is 4.

He'll wander into the loo when we're in there or whatever, which is fine ... except when we have company about, as our loo opens out into the living room.

Once, in Canada, I remember he wanted me to get into the bath with him, which was fine, only I had to kick out the friend of mine who was in the bathroom with us. And then had to explain to DS1 why Gordon had to leave the room. That was fun.

cathyspam · 14/01/2006 22:36

i have never bathed with my kids 2.5 and 1 but it just never occured to me - it is easier for me to bath them together - i certainly dont think there is anything wrong with sharing a bath or changing in front of your child, anyone who does has hang ups.

waterfalls · 14/01/2006 22:39

I still bath with ds (almost 5) my sister on the other hand wont even get changed in front of her kids, not even when they were babies, she was actually embarrassed to so is it any wonder her 2 eldest are now teenagers and very body conscious??

Redtartanlass · 14/01/2006 23:41

I don't bathe with my 2 babies, only 'cos I like the water too hot!!! But ds1 who 20 years old, still occasionally wanders into the bathroom to have a chat when I'm having a bath.

I'm not allowed to see him naked though!! I tell him "I changed your nappy for years, you've not got anything I haven't seen before"

Copper · 15/01/2006 07:08

Agree with Redtartanlass - they don't care about seeing you naked, they just don't want you to see them! As soon as their bodies start changing, they lock the bathroom door.

Medea
I agree with Aloha - don't worry about the psychiatrist. You are the expert on your kids, not him

geekgrrl · 15/01/2006 07:13

PeachyClair, put it up again and remind the visitor where the door is if he doesn't like your photos.
My parents were always open with nudity at home and I often bathed with my dad until I was 7 or so. We also used to only go to nudist beaches on holiday. At around age 11 or so I started to find it all embarrassing and the nudity ceased. My mum would still come and chat to me in the bath, and I'd go and chat with my brother who is 9 years older than me, for years.

winnie · 15/01/2006 08:54

This thread is really interesting. My husband went through a phase of suggesting ds should stop bathing with me (ds is obsessed with 'boobies')... but he is five and we still bathe together & I don't know when it will stop I imagine it will stop naturally as it did with dd (around 8-9 [she got too big]). Dd is now 16 and gets in bed in the morning for a cuddle sometimes. I think it is lovely that she still wants to.

Goldfish · 15/01/2006 09:18

My dss are 12 and 10 and we bathed together for ages. It just sort of phased out naturally. Ds1 likes a bit of privacy now but will still wander about naked looking for his clothes. They wander in and out of the bathroom all the time while both me or dh is in there or if we are getting out of the shower and we just never think anything of it.
If we go abroad and see topless ladies in thongs on the beach my dss have never batted an eyelid.(although ds likes a good look ,ds 2 still gets in my bed for a cuddle some mornings and I would never stop him. I honestly cannot see the big deal.

Goldfish · 15/01/2006 09:19

Sorry, I meant about the topless ladies dh likes a good look, not ds!!!

alittlebitshy · 15/01/2006 10:01

Thank you so much for this thread. We have had a bit of a problem with this lately. Our dd is 2y8m and LOVES having a bath with one or other of us. We don't do it on a regular basis, simply because we forget how much joy it gives, but as soon as we do it we mean to do it more often.

However, over Xmas when we had rellies staying, dh and dd had a bath together. It was a lovely relaxing time for them both. Then blasted mil pipes up about how it is wrong. talks to a friend of hers about it and when dh explains it is perfectly natural, nothing wrong, says he should be listening to her about it. to which he says that yes he is listening, but no he doesn't have to agree (at this point she says he does have to - rofl). She then says, well if you think it's okay, i'll go and ask a paediatrician. Bloody woman. As dh pointed out to her, nothing is wrong with the situatrion, but if she goes and asks about it sounding panicky, people are more likely to think there is a problem and investigate.

I just don't see why it is any of her f - ing business (getting v wound up now). Also, her dh died when my dh was 5 and his bro was 8, so surely she bathed them blah blah blah.

It has got to the point where i have told dh and he has told mil that if she brings it up to anyone else she will NOT see dd again. She cannot see that she is heading towards not only causing problems but giving dh and dd issues over thier bodies. grrr.

I have never thought twice about changing in front of dd. my parents were open about their bodies so i would not think otherwise.

Mimsie · 15/01/2006 10:04

A very interesting thread for me... I bathe with DS who is 5, nearly 6. I did wonder after hearing a conversation with other mums last year saying how disgusting it was (I wasn't taking part in the conversation they were going on about another family) and thought mmmm maybe I should phase it out... so came to bath time... I tried to explain to DS that he was a grown up boy now and maybe mum shouldnt go in with him anymore... It really upset him!!! He sort of thought he had done something wrong... And we missed out a lot, we talk a lot at bath time! He knows my bits are private... So we resumed as normal and all is well.
More recently this year it's in the bath that he mentioned to me that a friend of his had asked him to bite his willy... I tried not to over react, I do know that boys explore at this age... but asked him what he had done and he assured me that he didn't. (I do believe him as he used to hate seeing the friend in question) But that he didnt tell me straight away because his friend had said that it was a secret and that he wouldnt be his friend if he told. I do feel that without the closeness of the bath and without us having open chats about how his willy is his private bit he might have reacted differently or kept the problem to himself.

Meanoldmummy · 15/01/2006 10:14

Mimsie your post was really interesting - I agree that it was the closeness of the bath that allowed your ds to open up about something which he has already learned is private and sensitive. It's such a criminal shame that the recent (well-founded but very sad) paranoia about sexual inapproriateness has effectively put an embargo on intimacy of any kind between parents and children. We're all told the benefits of "skin-to-skin contact" (!) when the baby is born - but once we take them home and start bringing them up, society starts imposing confusing and frightening rules! I know daddies who are even a bit nervous of cuddling and picking up their little girls in front of others. It is awful but it would be madness not to be aware of the danger of being accused or witch-hunted for overstepping some invisible mark. If my MIL threatened to contact a paediatrician about something I was doing, I would be very worried indeed, because there have been paediatricians who have completely overreacted and had people's children removed on the basis of very little evidence! It's got to the point where I can't hear my own instincts any more, I need help to decide what is right and wrong for my own children. And that's why mumsnet is a godsend!!!

OP posts:
faeriemum · 15/01/2006 11:07

i remember bathing with my siblings until i was about 9...then we all started to get too big to bath together...
....im 19 with 20m DS and we still jump into bed with DM when i stay at her's at weekends! ...although i cant remember my mum ever being naked in front of me...always bra and knickers........i dont worry too much about cover-up to DS as we were born naked and see it as a natural thing.....IMO it helps with the relationships between parents-child....children will have questions and will not hesitate to ask you if you show them that your open to them and its not an embarressing subject.........
i would stop dressing in front of DS when i or him start to feel uncomfortable.

lucykate · 15/01/2006 11:16

haven't read the whole thread but, bathing with the kids is completley natural in our house. dh is a bit funny about doing it but i often jump in with dd and ds, all 3 of us in together! a friend of mine has never bathed with her dd who's nearly 2.5yrs, now i think that's wierd.

kalex · 15/01/2006 16:22

I saw both my parents naked all through my childhood. I still go and talk to my mum when she's in the bath, and get into the bathwater after, (we both can't fit)

Although I was really self concious about her seeing me in the bath afeter my Hollywood wax, I bit my tongue, and she never said a word, maybe didn't even notice [I don't think so though)

Both Children DD 7 and DS love me bathing with them. Also they wander in and out of the bathroom on weekdays when I shower,

It's a naked body. SO WHAT!"!!!!!!!!!

kalex · 15/01/2006 16:24

i even had a bigger bath installed to make more space

PS Partner is totally anti this - but hey he doesn't live with me so I ignore!!

fsmail · 15/01/2006 21:34

Still bathe with DS 5 very occasionally although prefer not to now simply because I like a bath in peace or with DD (18 months) because she is smaller. We still go swimming together and get changed together - I do not see any way round that. I did have a friend who still showered with her brother when they were teenagers and their parents were nudists which I found difficult to understand but that must be extreme but it was nice that it was very natural.

sleepycat · 15/01/2006 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ja9 · 15/01/2006 21:59

i've never had a bath with ds (16 mths)....

i think i'd like to...

i think i will...

tomorrow.

thanks for bringing it to my attention

MrsMiggins · 15/01/2006 22:01

I bathe with my children - DS nrly 4 and DD 19 mths

they both wobble my breasts and laugh at my hairy(!) BUT we all just get on with spending time together

thats the crucial thing isnt it

Meanoldmummy · 15/01/2006 22:49

Thank god for that ladies.....thank you. Communal bathtime chez Meanoldmummy will be resuming forthwith. I feel so much happier Seriously though, isn;t it a pity how our instincts can be drowned out by horrid cynical public suspicions? It's another example of a few b*stards ruining it for everybody else. It's awkward these days to comment on how gorgeous and appealing children are. But they ARE!!!!!

OP posts:
Cabe · 15/01/2006 23:56

What a lovely thread
Sleepycat - I'm just like this with my dd - she's 14 now and we get a cushion to lounge against the radiator and natter whilst the other one bathes
It's difficult to have any mental secret when you don't have any physical ones

Skribble · 16/01/2006 00:05

DS 9 objects to anyone joining him in the shower to wash his hair as he gets cold, other than that he is not bothered. I object to him strolling in and dropping a stinker when I am in the shower . DD 6 still has showers with DH, she likes him to wash her hair as he takes his time and uses conditioner , they usually overlap so they both get a chance to wash properly. Plenty nudity in the morning with 4 of us running about looking for clothes and trying to get a shower.