The incredibly fussy eaters thread

[boschy]

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

[alana39]

Christine thank you for the offer but you said they were from Boots didn't you? I'll be going past one on way to work on Thursday so I'll pop in.

I was thanked for the best meal ever tonight - a sausage and plain pasta. I'm a real Gordon Ramsey, me.

[ChristinedePizanne]

alana - yes they are from Boots but cost about £5 a pack (a month's supply) so not cheap if your DC decides they aren't nice

I could send you a bear :o

[Becaroooo]

Ds1 has the strawberry flavoured pro biotics from holland and Barrat and EyeQ omega fish oil from boots.

[destructogirl]

Hello everyone
I'm 34 and have been a fussy eater all my life. Like many of you have said, I ate normally at first then regressed around 18 - 24 months, after the MMR injection according to my mum.
I've recently had hypnotherapy and I'm slowly getting better. Still don't eat any vegetables but I'm working on it.

It is horrible sometimes, I hate social situations where you have to eat, people look at me like I'm a freak. I'm healthy though, but I worry about it causing health trouble in the future.

I recommend googling 'selective eating disorder'

[Bellagio]

Yes yes yes to all of the above!

I too never ever thought I'd be that mum serving up birds eye potato fuck ass waffles every sodding night.

I too zip my lip at mealtimes for 3 or 4 nights running, do the whole "no commenting on the food" thing only to flip my lid on night 5 over the words "noooooo cheeeeeese!"

I too can never envisage a day when my son will enjoy a shared meal with us.

I'm frustrated, bored and without any answers but...

It's so nice to be here with you all !

[realhousewife]

Did anyone watch "My Child Won't Eat"? On ITV2 tonight? I thought of you all - it's about a specialist in the country that does hands on eating type therapy for fussy / phobic families.

It was a re-run of this programme www.itv.com/PressCentre/MyChildWontEat/Ep1Wk2508/default.html

I think it will help a LOT of people on here.

[boschy]

I will check that programme out.

Just to give hope to you all - its MUCH easier when they are older. they may still not eat, but you get much less pressure to be the 'perfect' mummy with the child that eats sushi and olives. I think this is because people are far more prone to comment on small children's eating behaviour - once they get bigger people seem to be more polite.

After all, no one would say to an adult "if you dont try at least 2 of the veg you wont be having any pudding" would they? not unless they wanted a smack in the teeth that is.

[boschy]

What christine said: "I hate it, I really, really do. If I could make him be enthusiastic about food I would be thrilled"

That's how it was in the early days in a nutshell for me really. But as I said above it becomes much less of a worry when they are bigger and more autonomous. They survive. They'll come through it.

oh sorry, someone above mentioned selective eating disorder. I've googled this a few times over the years and think it is probably a reasonable definition. unfortunately none of the experts seem to have a 'cure'!!

[Fishpond]

I don't see the huge thing over food that people in this country seem to make...after all, children in poorer countries presumably don't get looked at funny if all they eat is rice, do they?

And as adults, is it not our right to be picky eaters ourselves? Would you really force yourself to eat a pea or something bathed in a sauce you hated and that made you gag at the sight of it? Of course not. Perhaps in polite company, but at home you would make the food you like yourself.

I was the opposite - a wonderful-eating child, apparently ate everything in front of me apart from sweet potatoes. Now, as an adult, I have what I class as a limited diet, I really don't eat vegetables, at all. I eat little fruit, unless it's mushed up in a smoothie or homemade in a particular fruit sauce that my grandmother makes, although I will eat bananas.

I am particular on meat, I don't eat a lot of beef simply because I don't like it - I do eat chicken, but my mainstay is bread, which I try to vary by different sandwich fillings, etc.

I'm pregnant with DC1, so most of my food fads are accepted for the moment, but I hope to remember when feeding my little one next year that I wouldn't want anyone making a huge deal over what I didn't eat.

[camdancer]

I completely agree fishpond. I think adults forget how much control they have over the food they eat - especially the ones who do the shopping. Ok, they might have to eat what they are given at a dinner party, but that isn't every single meal. Most people choose their own breakfast and lunch and only cook what they like for dinner. And then everyone expects children to just eat whatever is infront of them every meal.

boschy sushi is one of the things my DS will actually eat. Well, the rice anyway. If it is from the right supermarket. In the right shape. Sometimes.

FioLondon we've had lots of fun with the Charlie and Lola book. We've made up lots of fun names for foods. Nothing extra was eaten though by DS (proper limited eating) and lots more eaten by DD1 (just fussy 2yo). The book I have is How to get your child to eat It is basically very zen about the whole thing.

[flapperghasted]

I love this thread. I think I love everyone on this thread. My daughter is now 10 and still has a narrow range of foods but I think she ticks off most of the food groups most days. She's healthy and is so rarely ill that I've completely stopped worrying about it, though I still stress over the boring, repetetive nature of her diet. She eats:-

Rice Krispies and milk every morning for breakfast
But she will eat toast if we're at a hotel
Plain french bread, or bake your own roll for lunch, not butter, with Cheddar biscuits and an apple (she eats a few mouthfuls, but that's all...mind you that's a breakthrough, she wouldn't eat it before unless it was sliced).
Cheese at home...Goats cheese is popular, but has to be a certain brand and she loves Monterey Jack. She will eat it in lumps, but not on a sandwich.
Cucumber (she loves cucumber).
Peppers - red and yellow, sliced, though she goes off em every now and again
Gammon
Chips
Macdonalds chicken nuggets and chips (especially the chips)
Carrots (cooked or raw, but prefers them raw)
Chicken (roast, or cold slices, or fried - like the cooking you give them before you smother chicken chunks with curry sauce).
Turkey
Yorkshire pudding
Will eat one small roast potato but isn't really a fan and only does it so she can have a pudding.
Melon
Chocolate
Sweets (a recent addition, last year or two).

At one point she ate meatballs and plain pasta constantly, but the brand of meatballs can't be varied at all. And she's now gone off this meal.

If she'd eat anything with a sauce I'd be in ecstasy, but it's never gonna happen. I keep trying to get her to eat pizza and spag bol, as I've told her she'll need these when she goes to university. She says she'll try them at some point, but I don't think she will.

She's not special needs at all. She's academically bright, funny, good humoured (though she's hitting pre-teens like a bull in a china shop) and she's fabulous in every other way. And she ate everything til she was about 15 months old.

She went to nursery from being 12 months old and they tried to get her to eat. I had one assistant there, a lovely Asian lady, who fretted so much over how little she ate. I just told her not to worry and we'd try her at home.

We have raged and raged at meal times, and that did expand her diet (I raged at her til she ate lamb and that went on the menu at one point) but God it was painful and I got fed up with being so upset all the time. I still sometimes lose it at meal times. The other thing is she's sooooo slooooow when it comes to eating. Are yours like that???

Sorry this is an essay, but it's the first chance I've had to rant in a non-judgy forum for ever...thank you....

[boschy]

flapper your DD eats loads of stuff! and cooked in different ways too.

Yes to the slowness of eating although that has really improved since she started secondary. Used to drive me bloody insane - and of course whatever started hot was stonecold and therefore inedible anyway.

[flapperghasted]

It's more than she was eating at 4 and 5 but that list is pretty much everything she eats (except for ice cream...forgot about ice cream)!

It's such a monotonous diet...no sauces, no mashed or boiled potatoes. No rice. No pizza. I'd kill for pizza to be added to the diet. She likes bread, she likes cheese, but she would never put the two things together. Not even on a sandwich. Actually, thinking about it, it's the tomato sauce I'd like her to get, cos then she'd be more likely to do spag bol. (I just can't imagine her surviving uni without spag bol)

Things can touch on the plate now without her complaining, but she'd still rather they were separate. And she has gotten much better at not needing her toast done in a certain way. And she'll eat chip shop chips, which helps on a Friday night when I'm too lazy tired to cook :)

Do you find that sometimes a new food will go on the list, but something else will fall off? We had the pasta and meatballs falling off the list when the gammon and chips went on.

I console myself that she has eaten it, so she probably will again at some point.

[boschy]

oh yes, add something new and an old stand-by is sneered at. but it must be in their memory somehow right?? (please say yes!)

[boschy]

Fio look at your list again - most of the food groups are covered I reckon. And he is eating stuff he has to crunch/chew, so its not just puree.

Interesting about the reflux as a baby; DD1 was a constant vomiter, we'd get through 6 or 7 babygros a day, we were just told it was normal and she'd grow out of it - which she did. and re the choking on lumps - yes, I did not puree some carrot enough, and that certainly put her off.

I would go the minimal stress route if I were you, but it's easy for me to say that now because I'm much further down the line than you. But the stress damages everyone in the family, and it certainly doesnt help the child at the middle of it. Being stressy about eating made us all unhappy; surely much better just to try and chill - even if you're pretending at first - and let things be.

All the 'help' I could ever find was aimed at the fussy child rather than the incredibly fussy one; so all the tips about 'make mealtimes a game', 'let him choose peas or carrots' etc were no good for us (and I suspect not for others on thread). Because that advice relates to the child who would prefer to eat rather than starve, not the one who can't eat.

[Doobydoo]

Thank God for this thread!
My ds1 is 12 and we have been through similar to most of you.He ate well when a baby up until about 3.
Now he eats very limited diet.
Rocket and lemon
Pickled onions
Baked potato
No butter or dairy spreads
No cheese[will eat on cheese and tom pizza if not too much]
No yogs[will eat the crappy mueller ones and the odd frube]
Nutella
Brown bread and wraps
Chips
waffles
boiled spuds
Apples
Pears[sometimes]
Tom sauce
Patsa[reluctantly]
Garlic bread
Peas
Carrots[likes em raw]
Shallots
Cheese nibbles/biscuits
Ice cream/ice lollies
Chicken[roast]
Veggie sausages/burgers.
But even these things he seems to eat reluctantly.
and maybe a few other bits
Eats crisps and sweets!

What I am worried about is that the diet affects his mood.What do you all think?

[Doobydoo]

DS2 4 eats lots of different things and will try food.

[frikonastick]

Yes at eating so slowly!! It takes about 40 minutes to get her to eat half a slice of toast. DD is 3, does anyone else still give theirs milk?

[wolfhound]

Great thread. DS1 (4) turned into one of these limited eaters at 18mths-2yrs. He will eat:-

Mashed potato (I sneak sweet potato & cheese in to it and he has this for dinner 4-5 days a week)
Chips with ketchup.
Porridge with raisins
Cheese toasties.
Milk to drink. Occasionally a sip of apple juice.
Pizza (as long as no toppings other than cheese)
Philadelphia & breadsticks
Chocolate in all forms (buttons, cakes, biscuits)
Fruit flakes (his only form of fruit...)
SOMETIMES - tiny quantities of peas & broccoli (with a whole lot of making-it-a-game and having-a-race and cheers and other exhausting stuff).

I have taken the route of not trying to force him to eat other stuff (it wouldn't work, he is highly-strung and would just melt down into a sobbing screaming heap - I think the idea of eating stuff he doesn't want is actually horrific and disgusting to him, like trying to make someone else eat vomit or something).

He is anaemic and has to take iron supplements, but fortunately will take those. I also give him a vitamin supplement. Paediatrician says we are doing the right thing by not making food an issue.

Oh yes, and we have breakfast & dinner together as a family EVERY day, and he grows veg in the garden (but doesn't eat them) and he gets involved with cooking all sorts of things (but doesn't eat them) so all those cliches are rubbish.


Dooby - yes, I wonder about mood too. He is VERY moody, and I don't think limited eating helps.

[boschy]

dooby moods - DH was convinced that diet affected mood. I'm not so sure myself, I think the stress around meals might have been more of an issue. there is probably some research somewhere...

frik mine had milk at bedtime til she was about 10 - I used to think well at least it was something healthy, calcium etc. Not so much during the day tho, but she was a big drinker (weak squash, water was the devil's stuff).

QUESTION: those of you who manage to get yours to take vitamins etc, I just want to ask HOW?? I went through a stage of thinking fish oil would be the thing (snake oil more like) but just couldnt get it down her in any way shape or form.

Also just want to say to everyone, I hope I am not coming across as a know-it-all or something. Obviously I dont, or I wouldnt have an incredibly fussy eater in the house!!

[Squiglettsmummy2bx]

Had to join in as my ds 6 is mega fussy too.
He eats
Plain white bread/toast/dry crackers
Chocolate spread
Plain pasta
Thomas yogurts & munch bunch drinking yogurts
Morrisons value pizza if it is not too cheesy
Chip shop chips
Mcd nuggets & fries
Almost any fruit
Cucumber, tomatoes & carrots
Milk
Sweets & chocolate
Walkers cheese & onion crisps, plain hulahoops & pombears
Occasionally he will eat a small amount of Heinz spaghetti but only worms not shapes.

I tend to go with it as dd 8 was similar & lived on pasta dipped in ketchup for ages but is quite a good eater now.
I do worry about ds as he doesn't like eating at other peoples houses & is narrowing down his list but is old enough & intelligent enough to be reasoned with & we did increase the list a fair bit recently with bribery. If he tasted something different he got a drip of my fizzy drink.

[kreechergotstuckupthechimney]

Thank goodness I found this. I thought I was alone with my DD. She's said she is hungry four times in her 10.6 life.
She will eat
Octopus, squid, mussels, razor clams and any other fishy stuff till it comes out of her ears.
She won't eat veg in any shape or form. I used to make her have 15 peas till common sense over took me.
She does like pasta, but it must be plain. Sauces/gravy are a no no in every shape.
For lunch she often takes pasta with a cut up sausage or cut up ham.
She loves meat but is much less keen on carbs.
She will eat eggs, but not scrambled or omletted.
She drives me bananas but we've had to accept that that's the way she is.

[hairtwiddler]

I have fond memories of DD (nearly 6) picking fresh fish from the bone aged 22months on a trip to Lanzarote. Then, like many others on the thread, she just stopped wanting to try things. Her repertoire:

On (no bits) bread she will tolerate fruit spread (from health food shop), jam, and marmite. Sandwiches are not eaten, unless cheese toastie.
Meals - pasta pesto, fish fingers, corn on the cob, pizza (no toppings), chips, baked potatoes, plain boiled rice, yorkshire puddings. Veg - only the heads of broccoli, very soft carrots, or peas. Pasta with bolognese sauce is picked out of the sauce. No other sauces tolerated. She'll eat cubes of cheese, breadsticks or toast as a snack. Also loves beans or spaghetti hoops. Most forms of cakes or puddings welcomed!

She can be persuaded to try things, but is so stressed out by it we rarely try, as we don't want to make her hate mealtimes. You can see the fear all over her face. She gags, cries, makes a big fuss over taking the tiniest mouthful she likely can't even taste.

She's always been a very cautious personality....

Luckily she never leaves the fruit bowl alone.