The incredibly fussy eaters thread

[boschy]

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

I've got one of each type of child DS (7, AS) has the real phobia type problem, was fine until 18 months etc. Fortunately what he does eat is generally healthy (eats red peppers every day for example, in fact he will sometimes ask to buy one in town and walk round munching it like someone else might with an apple). However he won't eat anything in breadcrumbs, sausages, chips, baked beans, all the things that people assume children will like so I do have to warn other parents who have him to tea. Party teas can be a problem too, quite often the only sandwiches are jam or ham, both of which he hates.

DD (5) is just posturing most of the time and does respond to the eat it or not, your choice approach.

Although DD eats a far wider variety of foods than DS, to my intense annoyances she doesn't like some of the few things he does like.

DS won't eat potatoes in any shape or form but loves pasta and noodles and will eat rice.

DD loves potatoes, pasta and rice but won't touch noodles.

DH doesn't like pasta or potatoes but will eat them grudgingly

Someone mentioned how it is easier when you are grown up because you control what you buy and cook, I had an interesting conversation with DD about this last year, we were talking about all the different things we don't like, as listed above and a few others. She looked at me and said "There isn't any food that Mummy doesn't like" and I wondered what had made her think that when it isn't true, there are foods I don't like, then it occurred to me that because I do all the shopping, menu planning and most of the cooking we just don't have the foods I don't like. Which is a benefit I had never thought of.

DS is gradually getting better. He asks to try new things sometimes when I am preparing them and he knows that if he comes to the table politely and tastes things if they are new he will be able to have some bread and butter so he doesn't starve. He doesn't have school dinners but has started to eat raw carrot, tomato and apple because of the free snack fruit in KS1. Apples have to be peeled and sliced for him but I don't mind that. He has also taken to fresh pineapple recently and we have discovered that he likes tinned peaches and pears, winter fruit was always a problem as he has never really eaten bananas, apples, pears or oranges, only summer fruit.

I have been wound up on so many fussy eater threads before by people who say that if I had given him family food from the start like they did (well I did actually) then I wouldn't have had this problem, or that I have let him get away with it for far too long, it is really nice to know I am not alone.

We also had gagging and crying with new foods hairtwiddler. And dd is a very cautious personality. Amongst her first words were 'careful, mummy, careful'. She is a stickler for keeping to the rules, loves her clothes until they fall off her back and has knickers that she's had since she was 6 (she's now nearly 11) because whenever I buy her new ones she says they're not comfortable. She's not in age 6 clothes, by the way...just her drawers are quite stretchy :)! To say she's not a big fan of change is putting it mildly! Perhaps that's in the mix of the food mentality too??

Fio I could have written your post, and my DS's list of foods is very slightly shorter than yours.
I have stopped battling with him at about 15 months when it waa clear that lumps/bits are not an option.
I can't say I'm Zen about it, there's a big sadness inside that will never go away, but at least we're not having mealtime upsets anymore, and most of my friends and family know what to expect.

This thread is pure gold. I told DP about it last night (he was relatively good throughout all this malarky as he is bloody fussy himself) and he sounded relieved and happy I am feeling better about it all.

So thank you boschy

I didn't know you could give bouquets now. Agree totally with MsBrian. and I know it's early but here, or if you're otherwise inclined, try this . And if any gimmers who did the 'ooohhh...let em starve' line, or 'try cooking with them' or 'you're too soft on em' happen to be reading any of this, here...have a jammy dodger

flap that's amazing your DD is exactly like my DS! Soooooo resistant to change! YY to favourite clothes and YY to "careful, mummy!" - unbelievable!!!
He is also slow to eat, not very confident but has a nice personality, is bright and pretty healthy thankfully
I wonder if a child psychologyst could make anything out of this thread.

DS has a physical, visceral reaction to hated foods. And oh god yes, it takes him an age to eat. I've had to put very little stuff in his school lunchbox otherwise he leaves half of it.

Have had several years of dealing with my DS (he has many sensory issues to do with taste and texture of food) and his many food phobias which kicked off in him at around 18 months. He was also diagnosed with speech and language delay at that time and that too has played a part in all this.

He did become anaemic and was prescribed a special banana (he didn't like the other flavours!) drink to help him (this was prescribed by the private based bod detailed below).

I found the NHS nutritionist to be useless; his fear of food had to be worked on and we visited a private based therapist for a year. It has helped to some extent; this person did some work with us all as a family and point blank told me that as his mum it was not my fault that DS has these issues.

I feel for you all very much on this thread; everyone else around me seemed to have children who ate everything given to them and I did blame myself for his feeding issues. There is an awful lot of myth surrounding such problems and they are very real for the child and their associated family members.

DS will now eat:-
garlic bread with or without cheese
cheese toastie from Subway
cheese pizza from Pizza Hut or M & S (please do not change the recipes!)
salmon
nice biscuits (only from one supermarket chain though)
white bread with crust cut off
steak
Plain hamburger from McDs (no other chain)
chicken slices
dairylea cheese sandwiches
croissants
Ben and Jerrys or Rossis vanilla ice cream

I have noticed as well that once a food is dropped or the recipe for a dish is altered, he does not readily want to retry it.

My ds1 too...he will happily eat chicken fingers, nuggets, goujons and even a breast in batter or breadcrumbs BUT if I try and get him to eat a piece of plain roast chickin he chokes and gags

Realised a while ago that all my ds1's fave foods are a bit...beige...

I just try and buy the best quality I can but it a bit depressing

I wonder if it is genetic!?

I have 'fond' memories of traipsing around many a town whilst on holiday with my family when I was a child. We had to check every restaurant menu to see if they did chicken and chips or steak and chips, the only things my brother would eat off a menu.

This was useful for using as a reminder for my Dad when his patience was wearing thin with DS1.

I think there could be a genetic link MRSJ DH was just like DS1 when he was a child. And he is still alive and reasonably healthy. Plus he eats most things now. So there is a glimmer of hope ahead.

"yellow breaded poultry products" is the phrase that defines DD1's relationship with chicken. Big breakthrough in the last couple of months though is that she will now eat those slices of roast chicken in packets (proper chicken breast not the processed stuff). She still wont eat a bit off the roast, tho, either hot or cold. It looks different.

When we were in the chicken nuggets phase they had to be Birds Eye. She could tell the own brand or other brand ones were different, and woe betide if I got the battered rather than breaded ones - which is obvious actually now I come to think of it.

I do like the phrase 'food resistant' because fussy just implies it is something easily got over (hahahaha).

See, my DS is the opposite, won't touch anything in a breadcrumb but will quite happily eat cold chicken breast from a packet or chicken curry. Not so keen on roast though and doesn't like any other element of a roast dinner (Christmas dinner is a bit of a sad meal for him!).

Our big breakthrough towards normality was a couple of years ago when he started eating pasta with tomato (ragu type not ketchup) sauce, he loves this and it means I always have a standby meal, also we can go out together and eat as most chain places and pubs serve this.

As for pizza, he loves it, but will not eat any shop bought type except Waitrose stonebaked pizza bases (the sort with ragu already on) with peppers and cheesed. I have to admit, these bases are better than any other shop bought pizza I have tried either, but it is a problem at other people's houses. Pizza Express Margarita is OK too, but woe betide anyone who buys the basic or deep pan type pizza .

This thread is very cathartic!

I think there is a personality/genetic element involved. There's a real fear of the unknown where Dd is concerned. Known to say, "is it plain?", or "will it taste the same?", if offered any slight variation on her norm.

We do still have family meals. She often survives on the plain carbs. Christmas dinner she will eat potato if we are lucky.

It's so hard wired in her brain that it's frightening for her to try new things. I try really hard not to label her as fussy to her face, instead acknowledge her fear and tell her I believe that one day she will wake up and not be so scared. She knows it's up to her to decide whether to try stuff or not. The current strategy i'm adopting is to serve her the same stuff over and over but let her choose one new dish she wants to try. Homemade chicken nuggets have now been tried (painfully) twice. Won't try anything new until she's no longer frightened of those.

Lord I hope her brother doesn'tngo the same way. He currenty prefers milk to all food, and has just turned two.

Whilst I am sorry you (and your dc) are all going through this, its good to know I am not alone x

At school parent council this morning, the inclusion manager was talking about training she had with the borough healthy eating people and local eating disorder specialists. They back up the "just give them stuff they will eat and make no fuss" that we are aiming for. Definitely not the eat it or starve approach.

I know that but like to rake any expert view that I actually agree with as validation.

Good xmas name Beca :)

I know how you feel becaroo - it's a bit less lonely isn't it? :)

Reading through this thread, I'm struck by how similar the acceptable food lists are. Has anyone else noticed that? It's not even that all the foods are bland - marmite is quite strong-tasting. Anyone got any theories?

No theories, Christine but I always wondered why DD went for goats cheese and she'll do mature cheeses too. In fact cheese is the one thing she will try more of. And she'll eat the darkest chocolate in the land and love it. And that's usually quite a complex taste for children, isn't it??? Hope someone has a theory on this one...

I think it must mean tastebuds are developed differently, as the more complex tasting foods probably taste different to them than other children? (speaking in a very very non-expert way)

Yes, I'm always amazed that Dd will eat a really strong tasting pesto, and I guess ketchup has a very definite taste, but gags at what I consider to be very mild bland foods.

Like your xmas namechange too ChrisMsBrian .

Ooh what shall my Xmas name be? Fishpole?