The incredibly fussy eaters thread

[boschy]

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

[ShropshireRosie]

I joined Mumsnet today, as I'm having multiple problems with my 6YO son, eating is one of many at the mo and this is my first post :)

Hello all!

Anyway, I can echo the others who say 'Thank you!' for this thread, it makes me feel normal. And not a bad mother.

He will eat

Shreddies
Brown bread with butter or marmite
Toast
Cheddar cheese, sliced only
Sausages
Fishfingers
Peas
Baked beans
Scrambled egg
potato in most forms
Pasta with olive oil only. No sauce. Ever.
Pancakes
Yorkshire Pudding
Toad in the Hole
Ready salted crisps.
Popcorn, salted not sweet.
Plain cheese and tomato pizza, thin crust only.
Milk
Apple juice
Red apples, chopped.
Chocolate chip cookies
Chocolate Brownies.

I have got used to it, and accepted it, and stopped stressing about it. Just occasionally I think - today's the day I can introduce a new food item! So I plan, and prepare, and present it on a plate........ and of course!!! He won't eat it! Why did I try?! Laugh to stay sane.

[floppops]

So glad to have found this thread! My DD is 2.3 and it worries me how little she eats and such a limited choice.
Our doctor says if I want her to eat something to leave it on the table and give her nothing else till she does!! I wonder if doctors have any real knowledge in this really difficult area. Doesn't seem so to me.
I am trying to give her the foods she will eat and introduce new ones without pressure and hope one day she will grow out of it!
This is our list
Baked beans-asks for these at all meals.
Bread- no butter. Can hide peanut butter under jam sometimes.
Porridge-sometimes with nesquik in.
Munch bunch strawberry and banana fromage frais- no other type or flavour.
Most fruit especially berries and pears- saving grace!
Sometimes hot chocolate made with nesquik( has to be in favourite rabbit mug)
And just recently-drum roll-a bit of scrambled egg! Yey!

No meat,potatoes,fish,pasta,rice,couscous,vegetables,cheese,etc.

[sparkout]

Has anyone on here got a LO who eats and likes quite a range of foods but has a real fear of trying new foods? We have tried giving stickers for him trying new foods but he will just touch it to his lip and spit it out.

I can tell whether he will like a new thing or not by his mood and our approach so ti really seems to be a fear thing. For example if I offer him something new very casually, perhaps while he is doing something else, make little eye contact and seem "not bothered" then he will almost forget his fear and try it and actually give it a chance (ie will taste and think and prob swallow and then decide). The other day he tried a prawn cracker, I nearly choked on mine!!!

If He is in a stressy or grumpy mood, or if anyone mentions the new food he will switch to being worried/scared, he will "try" it but I know he has already decided he won't like it, he then touches it to his lips or tongue in a super cautious ways then spit spit spit until every little microscopic bit is removed from near him.

I really want him to try more things so am offering lots of new but kind of familiar things to lessen the worry as he will happily try different cakes/cereal/crisps etc but anyone have any suggestions for getting him to feel more confident around different foods

[ThisIsYourSong]

can I join in too . DTs are 2.7, DT2 eats anything except maybe cauliflower. DT1 eats:

breakfast, is good with this, hurray (porridge, stewed fruit and yoghurt)
any dairy (still has two bottles a day, I am not willing to give them up as he doesn't usually eat dinner!)
sandwiches as long as they are vegemite. Will eat cheese on toast but usually just picks the cheese off
muesli bars, slices, sweets, chocolate, biscuits, sometimes cakes and muffins
savoury snacks i.e. rice cakes but only the highly flavoured kind
lots of fruits
sometimes a couple of pieces of pasta with cheese sauce
sausages (most of the time)

That's about it really. We're ok with breakfast and during the day, but dinner time is a nightmare. Most of the time he won't come to the table. Does everyone just give what they will eat every single night? with a bit of whatever everyone else is eating? Which for us would be a bit of mac'n'cheese, a bit of sausage or a sandwich...

Now DS3 is turning out to be an incredibly fussy eater too, he is 14 months and would happily just breastfeed and not eat any food I think. We had a slow start due to a sensitive gag reflex, he couldn't tolerate any kind of lumps etc until about 10 months. Now he can chew some foods without being sick but doesn't get much down. Have had success with:
cream cheese sandwiches
fruit or vege/fruit purees (i.e. the 4m+ ones) with baby muesli
savoury snacks that dissolve in his mouth e.g. organix carrot sticks
grated cheese

He will chew a couple of bits of grape quartered and peeled (!) but then lose them and chuck the rest over the side. He still gags on most meats whole and won't eat more than a mouthful or two of pureed meat/veges before refusing, even if he is feeding himself.

I'm just finding it really dispiriting not to mention tiring! Dinnertime is tantrum city at our place!

All I can say is that my twins have always been offered the same foods and one eats anything so clearly its nothing to do with what has been offered/done, if that is any consolation to anyone out there...

[colditz]

I feel like a have Trenton this, just in case you haven't noticed ....

Hovering over your child, commenting on how well they're eating, reduces their food intake by about eighty per cent.

I was a very fussy child, at my worst I was down to plain white bread with ketchup. When my mother had another baby, she simply couldn't hover over me, commenting on how I was eating, or what I might like, or what I should taste etc. I initially starting eating properly at school. The complete lack of scrutiny was a like a weight off my shoulders.

I have one very sensitive to texture, and one very sensitive to appearance of food. But I do find that the best way to encourage food intake is to not eat with them. I put the food on the table, then I busy myself. I tell them it is fine to leave it, but there is nothing else.

I'm genuinely not being blasé, I was nearly hospitalised as a child because I was so malnourished, but nothing my mother did would have made me eat more. It was when she stopped involving herself, and I managed to explore my own appetite at my own pace, that I learned how to enjoy food.

[JuniorBarns]

So sorry to hear about this situation. How are things now? I have an extremely fussy eater too, though not quite down to just cherios yet. Has a few things that he will eat. No fruit or veg though of any kind. I worry about his health. I also get a bit tired of the general attitude of grandparents who think I am not being strict enough or have been lax with the discipline.

I am guessing that if the HVs weigh her and her weight is ok, then that at least is good. I wonder what they would do if it wasn't ok? I hope they would do something a little more helpful than dole out advice that has clearly been ineffectual.

All the very best with it. Let us know how you get on.

JB

[JuniorBarns]

That last post was aimed mainly at JuCo. Sorry, forgot to mention that!

[JuniorBarns]

To Colditz and other current or ex fussy eaters,

It is very helpful to have your point of view. There's nothing like hearing what it is like from the other side of the plate!

Please keep posting.

JB

[ConstantCraving]

Just wanted to let you all know that my DD 2.8 has given up her last good meal - pasta and pesto - and is now down to fishfingers and beans, or breadsticks and hummous . I am not showing a flicker of emotion about this but inside i am soooo stressed! DH tells me to chill out and that she'll grow out of it, but its a struggle. colditz, i'll bear in mind what you said.

[gemma4d]

Well that meal was a fucking disaster. Someone tell me what I should have done?
Fussy DD (4) ate one of the few meals she will eat, fishfingers with tomato sauce and bbq sauce (wonderful, eh?) and we actually managed to get her to try brocolli with no fuss at all (!!!!). She then made herself sick because she didn't like it. We told her if you are sick then no pudding, but no effect. She got sufficiently upset over no pudding that we back tracked and agreed that if she ate all her dinner (she had only eaten her usual one fishfinger, there was another one there) which she did (reluctantly) and so got an apple. It was horribly like we were force-feeding her the fishfinger: if she goes off them we are buggered. So what would you have done?

And in case anyone would make the following suggestions, I have already: had her grow veg, pick them, prepare them, cook them, made them into shapes and funny faces (stopping just short of actual origami).. all the obvious ones. Pudding is fruit, the only thing I haven't done is stop snacks because I can't imagine her surviving without them (2 snacks a day). Main meal wise, she eats 1 fishfinger, 2 or 3 turkey nuggets, or 1 sausage. With Tom Sauce and BBQ Sauce. Occasionally real spagetti (unpopular) or tinned spagetti and sausages (far too popular). Or a jam sandwich.

[BlueEyeshadow]

JuniorBarns - here's my 2p as an ex-fussy eater (at one point my repetoire was bread, cheese, sausages, plain pasta and rice...) My mum encouraged me to drink a lot of milk for extra calories.

I'm sure a lot of it is fear of the unknown. I can still remember the absolute conviction that I didn't like X food without having tried it. I'm trying to use this to empathise with my DSs but my fear of them turning out like I was keeps me on edge and losing it when food gets rejected.

When I got to the age of 8, my parents insisted I started to try things and I gradually acquired new tastes until now when I'll eat almost anything. I'm hoping that the boys will also grow out of it - DS1 is already getting a little better about voluntarily trying things. We have also encouraged him to "try things thinking yum not yuk" which sometimes helps, as does reminding him that he used not to like chicken and now he really does, and so on.

gemma4d - if she eats jam sandwiches, can you get any other food into a sandwich?

[alana39]

I haven't been back yo thus thread for a while, but after several years of DS2 being on a very limited diet he has started to talk snout trying new foods.

He hasn't actually eaten any (although is back on fish fingers at least after a wobble earlier in the year).

It isn't just food though, and what has just been said about deaf of the unknown (so sorry can't remember poster's name and on phone so can't see it) really seems to fit.

This is a boy who refused to go away with cubs at the weekend because it's a different camp site to last year and he might not like it.

It's just so frustrating.

[gemma4d]

BlueEyeshadow yes, I can. Peanut butter and Jam. Nothing else. I even tried her on dinosaur ham, but not even the vague outline of a dinosaur would persuade her. At least it means she will eat bread, even wholemeal bread - handy since she doesn't eat rice/any potato/ other carbs except porridge (with syrup).

[alana39]

Sorry it was BlueEyeshadow - and thankyou BE for that insight which has struck a chord.

[ConstantCraving]

Oh God! I sympathise Gemma but can't offer any advice. Mine refused her only proper meal tonight - fishfingers and beans. Ate one bite of fish finger and then said 'not hungry'. She eats lots in the day - but not balanced. E.g. toast, cereal, hummous and breadsticks, hot cross buns and croissants (all bread-y) oh, and yogurt (sometimes). No fresh fruit or veg anymore, not pasta - she did used to eat peas and sweetcorn but not anymore. I just took the meal away (as you are supposed to) and left it at that. Am wondering about moving the main meal to lunchtime as she seems to do better in the day, have more energy etc. She was tired tonight (though maybe cos hungry) and was in bed 6.30. From what people have said and the sites i've googled the answer is wait it out. Apparently our responsibility as parents is to provide a healthy balanced meal, but it is not our responsibility to make them eat it. Easier said than done, though. Oh - and I give Mindex vitamin and iron tonic, which I can just about get into her.

[musicmaiden]

Is Minadex the best one, then? I have been giving Abidec up to now which has more vitamins, but I am a bit concerned about iron too, although DS does eat fortified porridge.

We went to a very gourmet gastropub on holiday last week. There were several other kids DS's age there, all eating bits of roast dinner from their parents' plates. I had to secretly feed DS his usual cream cheese sandwiches from under the table :(

[camdancer]

Just bumping this to get back to you lovely people after reading the thread on AIBU.

musicmaiden I HATE going out for meals like that. You get a whole bunch of children tucking into plates of food and DS running around bored as there is nothing he wants to eat. When we are at home I can pretend that my DC's diet is ok. When we go out it just shows up the horrendous problem.

[notnanny]

Gemma4d - you asked what you should have done - hard to say, but you shouldn't be making deals about food with a child with such strong views about it. I was on this thread way back but my advice is still as it was then - ignore ignore ignore. Do exactly as Colditz said above.

Put the food on the plate and see what happens - if nothing happens they go hungry. But always put it on the plate. Never just put what they want on the plate, always several things. Eat with them if you like, but don't discuss food. If they are looking for a reaction, walk away and busy yourself.

Make sure when you cook food and allow the cooking smells to roam around, this will encourage her appetite. Fry the fish fingers, don't do that oven thing. Chicken/veg stock is a good one for this - I used to add it to rice and pasta and they would eat it. I picked that up from my Grandma - her potatoes always tasted so delicious, I later understood why.

[Alwaysawake45]

I came across this thread as I have an incredibly fussy eater. I was wondering if any of the original posters were able to comment on how things have developed 6 years later on?!

[Jossina]

How can a parent know whether their child is the type that will eat when they're hungry enough or if they should be more catered to just to make sure they eat something?