The incredibly fussy eaters thread

[boschy]

Following on from the thread on AIBU, this is the place for those with incredibly fussy/food phobic kids! If you are fed up with the "eat what they're given or let them starve" brigade, this is the place for you.

(If you ARE one of the 'eat or starve' brigade, please look away now - this thread is not for you, unless of course you've just had the Damascene conversion having discovered that your child is not the great eater you always thought he/she would be, down to your incredible parenting skills and totally relaxed attitude to food.)

My fussy eater is DD1, now 15. All was fine til she hit 12 months - easy to wean, I Annabel-Karmel-ed frantically etc etc.

But overnight she just. stopped. eating. And when she started again she knew exactly what she would and wouldn't eat. We had the tears and tantrums (from me) til I realised it was going nowhere. So 14 years later, here we are.

Her current repertoire is, in no particular order: macaroni cheese (no crispy top). garlic bread. breaded chicken products. chips. pizza with tomato sauce, no cheese. cold chicken (from a packet, not off the roast). spaghetti hoops in tomato sauce. Heinz tomato soup. Milano salami. pistachio nuts. crisps. any sort of bread as long as it doesnt have bits in. wraps. bananas. Innocent fruit smoothies (hurrah!). occasional off-piste forays into things like turkey schnitzel - successful; burgers/lasagne/bolognese - not successful.

She's bored with not being able to eat what everyone else does, but cant bring herself to try. I just try to keep going with the idea that she can try whatever she likes whenever she likes, and that she will grow out of it.

camdancer - exactly. remove the effort and you remove (a lot) of the emotional investment. which then means you dont have to get stressed about the fact that your delicious meal is going in the sodding bin yet again!

I can still get snappy about food even now, but it's a rare event, and I really dont stress about it. And if someone asks me what DD1 (and DD2) will eat because we are going to their house, I just either give them a rough list (if we are staying) or "a quick sandwich" if they are just visiting.

camdancer - that is exactly it. I can count on one hand the times DS (4.8) has said he's hungry in his whole life.

He will eat:
Toast
Bread
Butter
Marmite (I sense a theme :o)
Peanut butter
Cheerios
Milk
Apple juice
Apples
Satsumas and bananas occasionally
Grapes
Corn on the cob
Raw carrots
Chicken nuggets
Eggs - boiled or fried
Chips and roast potatoes
Fishfingers
Philadelphia
Mini babybels
Haribos
Crisps (many flavours)

He used to eat pasta pesto parcels (spinach and ricotta!) and baked beans but has refused them on the last three occasions I've given them to him. He has also gone off smoothies annoyingly

He is not interested in chocolate or most other sweets - we still have stuff left over from last Xmas and I throw easter eggs out. He has multivitamin gummy bears every day.

Since he has started school his appetite has increased so he is finally the right weight for his height but how long that will last with the ever decreasing diet I don't know

Marking place to read through later

Multivitamin gummy bears???? Where???

After reading this, I'm going to get some marmite and see if DS will try it. I'm fed up with doing nutella sandwiches for lunch.

cant believe i just found this thread, such great timing

usually i try to be zen about the whole thing and i think i mostly achieve it but the last 4 days with DD have just descended into massive battles, and i really hate it

today she ate, 3 forkfulls of rice. half a piece of toast.

thats it people. and i have refused to give her milk because she is literally living off of it.

i am trying to maintain a balance between dealing with her food issues, and not letting her get away with taking the piss.

oh god, i dont know. its been a bad week.

Looking back DS1 never said he was hungry, never asked when dinner was or what was for dinner. He was totally uninterested in food really.

I was so surprised when DS2 started asking and attacking the roast chicken before i had served it up! DS1's roast dinner used to consist of roast potatoes and gravy and oh, the stressed 'conversations' DH and I used to have about it.

MsBrian - they're from Boots :)

Thank you so much for this thread boschy - so much of what you say about the emotional issues really resonates with me. I feel like an absolute failure as a parent sometimes because of this.

Oh and as for personality, DS is very easy going, eager to please and really doesn't like upsetting me. So this food issue is really totally out of character for him which is why I suspect there's something deeper than just control at issue (which is what most people think it's about). A lot of it is about texture for him.

dont thank me christine, I'm finding it quite emotional actually, because it's bringing back lots of memories of those earlier days. I really hope it will be useful to people with younger children than mine, because I just remember this one issue being such a central part of our lives and one which we really didnt need to allow to bring so much stress into our lives.

Like I said earlier, DD1 is the most fantastic teenager; she is funny, caring, she has a nice group of friends, adults love her, she's a bright person although academically below average, she's got puppy fat at the moment, she loves Robert Pattinson, fights with her sister and then makes up, she steals my clothes, she's just a totally normal, rather lovely kid who's fussy about food!

Thanks Christine, DS had two colds in a row and didn't each much at all, he's really skinny now so will give those bears a go.

Shiney, I'm BrainSurgeon, not sure if you remember me I'm nowehere near as famous as you are :)

Christine are the bears very sweet? Have been wondering about vitamin supplements but DS hates sweets. Anyone come across chocolate with vitamins...?

I hate the word 'fussy'. People still refer to my eating as that now (because I don't eat pasta and am upfront that it is not for a medical reason). I am not fussy - I don't eat things I don't like for the sake of it. As long as it is not making me/ and dds/dss ill then I don't get the need for other parents to try and cure us!

....oh, and for those of you whose dc still have milk (warm or otherwise) ds1's eating only really picked up once we cut down on his milk consumption...i know that sounds really obvious BUT at the time I was just glad he was having something "good" you know?

He used to have 2 cups of warm milk morning and evening. We cut it down to 1 cup and he suddenly started eating more breakfast!

nubbin I am not a pasta fan either.

Hi becaroo!

Ds is now 3 and going through that threenager phase - touch wood he seems to be realising that when Mummy makes a threat she follows through...
In some ways it helps that I'm pregnant and ill and downright lazy as I don't feel that ds is rejecting my loving cooking as I'm not doing any, or only once a fortnight. If he wants peanut butter on toast, yoghurt, omelette and sausage and toast as the bulk of his diet over a week, fine by me - I do the odd bit of 'have some smoothie and then you can have some more pbt' but otherwise have better things to worry about.

For big meals, I get him served with some juice ASAP and then he gets potato and Yorkshire pudding. We try to suggest that if he tries the meat/carrot/peas he can have another Yorkshire and sometimes he'll lick a bit, but tbh if he's happy then we leave it. On the whole he's an amenable child if you don't hurry him when he's busy (or cut up food he didn't want cut, or use the wrong bowl, or cross to the wrong side of the street...) - I suspect in a couple years time bribery to try new foods might help, but in the meantime he is clearly terrified of the idea of certain foods in his mouth. There is the odd bit of progress - he ate a raisin from my porridge the other day and declared he liked them. Will see if Christmas helps with raisiny food - as it was 2 years ago at Christmas he met Christmas cake and mince pies, ate loads, and then went to bread only.

He is equally revolted by sweets, though would eat loads of biscuits and crisps given a chance. Meanwhile dn who is a few months older and has grown up mostly with him will eat any fruit, veg, and protein - he's tall and skinny, his first sentence was 'More veggibles please', and won't eat much carbs. I hoped peer pressure might work but in fact it took them only a few minutes to learn to swap food!

Roast dinners are another success recently, the only thing Dd used to eat were the yorkshire puddings, now she'll eat some peas, green beans and roast potatoes too , the only thing that raises a few eyebrows is that she asks for tomato ketchup rather than gravy.

The tomato ketchup thing is a bit of an issue as I'm aware of how bad it is for her, basically just crammed with sugar and salt. She uses it to disguise food she doesn't like, and half the time I think she'd be better off not eating the one pea rather than eating half a bottle of ketchup to enable her to eat the one pea. Then I also think perhaps if she eats enough peas with ketchup she'll eventually eat some without.

I think I spend far too much time worrying about the whole issue really.

nc Sounds like Toby!! A is healthy and happy...ergo you are doing a great job. Sorry to hear the pg is making you feel horrid...I vividly remember the tiredness Worth it, though!

more hollow laughing.

You name it we've tried it (over the last 12 years so time to be consistant)

we eat as a family
we have pureed stuff
we eat stuff raw
we starved her
we gave in and fed her marmite sandwiches
we put the same as everyone else on her plate
she tastes stuff
she grows stuff
she cooks stuff
We argued
We shouted
we didn't argue
we didn't shout
we bribed her

NOTHING worked. zilch, nada, zippo, nowt.

Here, have some

DH tends to get irate over it still, but then he has difficulty dealing with DS2's SNs. I spend half my time defusing the nonsense power struggle between DH and DS2, and the other half trying to find things DS2 will eat.

Do we even HAVE a smiley that's pulling out it's hair?!?! I need that.

I think you do deserve some thanks boschy so you're going to get some [tongue sticking out] :o

I have spent years feeling horribly embarrassed by my problem child. I go on holiday with friends where we all take turns cooking and all the children eat whatever is made, not DS.

I've been to people's houses where they've bought very lovely expensive pizzas and he won't eat them and I've felt ashamed.

I have cried when I have spent ages lovingly preparing meals for him which he refused to even touch (even when he was a baby).

It's caused me no end of stress and embarrassment and I know that a lot of people think it's my parenting that's at fault. I know that people think he's a pain to have round for tea and they think that if I just stopped giving in to his weird proclivities, he'd happily eat school dinners like other children will.

I hate it, I really, really do. If I could make him be enthusiastic about food I would be thrilled

carolcervix, that list is us right now.

for me though, the real stress is also that its not just what she will/wont eat, its the quantities. or the lack therof.

we can get DD to eat more or less reliably (but not ever without alot of resistance)

toast
mashed potatoes
rice
pinenuts (toasted)
french toast
vienna sausages
crisps (one type only and they arent really crisps, more like croutons)
mashed up bananna and apple

on occassion i have convinced her to eat a bit of chocolate, but she spits sweets out. she also will have a spoon or so of icecream.

but its always only one bite, or a couple of spoonfuls.

am looking at this list and its really bad isnt it.

alana - I have tasted one bear and it was more fruity than sweet. I can send you a packet if you PM me your address?

This is a great thread! I have two fussy eaters who drive me potty, although now they are nearly 5 (twins) I have to admit just giving up a bit and feeding them stuff they will eat. Luckily the stuff they do eat is healthy even though it is limited (sooooo repetitive......)

They started school in September and it is absolutely no packed lunches. They have tried new things, although they don't eat much (most days apparently just potato and 'custard on its own'!). I was worried at the beginning but now I think it is great as they are exposed to new food which I really struggle to do at home as I have a full on double tantrum from both of them if I do. Every time I try and give them something new I regret it purely for the upset it causes. So far the new things they will now eat are sausage rolls and rice pudding(!), which is a massive step forward.

At school they can't tantrum (or if they do I don't have to deal with it!) and they are relentlessly being introduced to new food which will become familiar over time. I know they are not going to stave with no lunch, and it's much easier to think this if I'm not present!

With my two it is all about familiarity and fear of the unknown. It is not a coincidence that the twin who is braver all round will try new food occasionally whereas the less confident twin just wont. Similar to others that have posted they dislike lots of rubbish food as well as lots of 'good' food (e.g. they hate haribos as much as broccoli)

There's definitely a genetic component. I will eat absolutely everything, and try anything. My DH will now eat most things (didn't when I first met him) but is simply not bothered by trying new things, he is happiest with what he knows. Amusingly though now he is in a job where there is quite a lot of client entertainment (he is the client!) he gets taken to posh restaurants and good old peer pressure means he will try anything purely to avoid being an embarrassment!