How have your toddlers embarrassed you? Tell me I'm not alone....

[We3kingsofOrinocoare]

My 2.6 dd2 had her 18-24 month check the other day (yes late I know!). One HV assessed her, whilst another talked (lectured!) to (at) me.
I overheard some questions the HV was asking my dd:
"Do you know what colour my top is?" "yes, pink" (It was blue - she does know her colours really!)
"Do you know how old you are?" "yes, my 22" (no, just acts it at times)
and then as we were leaving I asked her what she wanted for lunch... "sauce again Mummy"... "what with"... "no, just sauce again Mummy"

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! Tell me you've heard worse...

My two year old (he's three now) nuzzled up conspiratorially to a middle-aged bloke on a crowded bus and said, pointing to my blouse: "Mummy has got boobies in there. Baby Christy drinks mummy milk out of them. Would you like to have some?" The poor man was curled up with embarassment.

Another time we were stuck behind a rather portly lady in a queue at the hairdresser, and he started chanting "Buddy Hell, she's fat!! Buddy Hell, she's fat!!"...I was mortified.

DS1 on the bus going past the local hospital. a man gets on with a patch over his eye. ds1: (loudly) MUMMY A PIRATE ON THE BUS!!!!!!

btw pmsl @ this thread!

Ds (3 yo) wanted the toilet in Sainsburys so off we went and queued up. Ds said in a loud voice "I can smell something stinky is that YOUR bum mummy?" After ignoring muffled giggles and telling him not to be rude the redness of my face faded and eventually we both squeezed into the cubicle. After ds had finished I thought I'd go aswell after the long wait. Ds pipes up "eugh! why have you got fluff on your bum, mummy?" By this point I was sweating and hot and bundled him out - never washed our hands as I couldn't face the queue .

Ds who was 3 nearly 4 at the time saw an elderly man with an eye patch, and shouted loudly "Look Mum, a PIRATE", so I tried the distraction technique "Look darling lots of lovely ducks" "BUT MUM" (100 decibels louder than before) "HE'S A PIRATE, A REAL LIFE PIRATE". He did not look amused.

LOL at these posts! Ds isn't speaking yet but I remember dropping some clangers myself when I was very young. The one that sticks out most is when my mum went into hospital 'for an operation to get remove a stomach ulcer' which for some reason she graphically described to me (though God knows why) as getting it "hoovered out of her 'fairy'" -now it's obvious what procedure she really went in for but being an ignorant 7 year old I went to school and told ALL the teachers..We moved out of the village very soon after! Daft cow!

Whilst walking round the shops, DD 2.9yo and I often have the conversation about how many Nannies she has (don't ask why!). Goes abit like this...

How many nannies have you got?
I got 2 Nannies (followed by a grin and a cheer from DD)
Very good. How many Mummies you got?
I got you Mummy (again same cheer)
How many Daddies you got?
Yay, I got 2 daddies!!! (goes into hysterics)
No, you have 1 Daddy.
No, I got 2 Daddies (grin, cheer and disgusted looks from other shoppers!)

Also when there is a funny smell about (in loud voice) Poo, Mummy, you stink

In a doctors surgery with DD (aged 3 at the time). In comes very large man (very, very large) DD walks right up to him, looks at me and says 'Why is this man so fat mummy'

Cue everyone to look at ground, lots of shoulders heaving and muffled laughter. Mummy wants ground to open up and swallow her

PMSL at this thread

DD a couple of weeks ago needed to go to the toilet in a department store. When we got in there it whiffed a bit. Anyway, i sat her on the toilet and then another woman came in to the cubicle next to us. DD jumped off to look under the cubicle and i had to grab her back and she said "mummy that lady doing a wee wee" "shush DD, dont be rude" says i. DD says "that lady doing a poo poo, poo smell mummy, smell" The lady did start laughing (thank god) and was very happy to chat with DD when she came out

THe other day whilst in a lift DD turned round and called me repeatedly by my first name, to which i replied "its MUMMY to you, thank you very much", which sent roars of laughter through the lift.

DD used to regularly call strange men in the street "Daddy" much to my regular embarrassment.

Sooo funny!!

Just reminded me,when dd1 was about the same age,I returned some well worn books back to the library.

My dd announced in a loud voice in the middle of the library "Mummy have you finished reading those dirty books?"

Bauble - that is absolutely classic.

I have to trot off and tell DH about this one.

chortle

I embarrassed my own mother when aged about 6 0r 7. I took my gran to the next door neighbours annual garden fete and asked my neighbour whether "this little old lady could have a look around" I am told that my gran was aged no more than 52 at the time, was working full time and still had all her own teeth!

I embarassed by mum dreadfully when I was about 3...we live in a rural area where there were not many ethnic minorities until the last couple of years but one day my mum and i were in a butchers shop and a coloured lady came in with her baby and having never seen a coloured person before began to shout 'dirty baby, dirty baby, dirty baby needs a bath mummy!' Thankfully my own kids are more used to seeing different ethnicities!

Lost count!
Memorable ones include:

1. Asking my very large friend if she had a baby growing in her bottom!
2. Turning to me on a very crowded bus and asking in a very clear, loud voice : ''Have I had any food today mummy?'' Me, hissing ''of course you have darling, you had a big breakfast and you've just had fish fingers for lunch. '' Him:'' Did I ? I don't remember...I just know I'm very hungry....Did I have any food yesterday etc etc''
3. Telling the poshest mummy at preschool that we all had nits (we didn't! For once!) because I'd been combing his hair tht morning.
4. And the crowning moment is.... coming into the living room and lying down in front of a room full of people and placing my ''chicken fillets'' over his eyes saying: ''very relaxing eyemask mummy!''.

These are all hilarious; For me the only thing that comes to mind, is the day I went shopping and left both dd's safely strapped in the e3 at the front of the shop (shop was very tiny), not long after two women come in, and start cooing at both the e3 and dd's to which dd1 hollers 'Mummy, Mummy, where are you??? These women are annoying me...'

They weren't annoying her they were telling her she was very cute, but thank god dd was hollering in a language other than english....
Oh and a few days ago in front of my dp's nephew, I told off dd1 for something to which she replied, 'I don't like you I want another mummy'

PMSL at this tread, especially 'the bitch to iron.'
Let me see,this week I took ds1 to physio with me and as I was changing into my shorts he shouted 'Mommy you've got no trousers on', cue stifled laughter from the other cubicles. Then on the same day we were at the hairdressers and as I was lifting him into the seat he announced 'Mommy I've done a poo' and looked very proud of himself. He's 2yrs 5 months, there are distinct disadvatages to having a child who speaks loudly and as clear as a bell

fmf the chicken fillets one has me in stitches!

These are brilliant

I've lost count of the things my dd has done a few are

Taking of all her clothes at my friends house and flushing herself down the toilet then coming and telling everyone

Telling her teacher I have a baby in my tummy and then having to explain I'm not

Pointing and laughing at boys "winkles" and telling them that they're really small in the changing rooms

She's obsessed with tampons and telling everone when I'm using them that I have cotton wool coming out of my bum

we where in sainsburys & my son said in a really loud voice, muummy quick lets get our food there,s a big fat man & his trollys full, hurry before he gets ours. i told him to be quite & a few minutes later we tunned down another aisle, my son said look he is still here. god i couldnt wait to get out.i must admit when my son was out of sight we did laugh!

Possibly when ds2, just having become confident on his feet, kidnapped a man in a wheelchair in the museum...I had turned to explain something to ds1 and before I knew it ds2 was marching off, puching the wheelchair and looking very pleased with himself. I was completely mortified but thankfully the man was amused rather than cross.

Ds1 is a close second when at the age of 2 launched into a very loud redition of "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" but stuck on repeat of "bloody, bloody Sunday". He was in the trolley whilst I was gathering fruit & veg and a few feet away; I did wonder how long I could leave it before I had to reclaim him and the trolley as mine.

We were in a very quiet train carriage yesterday with Ds2 age 3yrs. A man blew his nose loudly and Ds2 says (at the top of his voice) "Mummy the train just hooted." of course I said "No, I don't think so darling." But he kept repeating it louder and louder, so a quick change of subject was in order!!

rofl!!!!! bump!

When my DS was about 4, he picked up a packet of towels and said rather loudly "mummy do you need these nappies for your poorly bottom"? I was stood in the queue at the time. One time in the butchers he asked, again loudly, "how old is my daddy - 56"!

Oh I think this thread is one of the best I have ever read! Absolutely wetting myself!!

I should be getting the boys ready for school, but i have tears streaming down my face at this thread.

Once when i was clearing out my underwear drawer i put some bras in the bin and Ds2 ran downstairs and told Dh, MIL and FIL that
"Mummy's taken her boobs off and thrown them in the bin"

Another time in Asda changing rooms Ds1 asked why i had a map on my legs - it was my varicose veins, which i'm very touchy about.

Same Ds was a toddler, and we were in Woolie in Huntingdon, and two men were holding hands and looking at calendars
Ds1 starts pointing and shouting
"Homo, look mummy" of course i was absolutely mortified, as were the men, until we all realised he was in fact pointing at a Homer Simpson calendar!!!