How have your toddlers embarrassed you? Tell me I'm not alone....

[We3kingsofOrinocoare]

My 2.6 dd2 had her 18-24 month check the other day (yes late I know!). One HV assessed her, whilst another talked (lectured!) to (at) me.
I overheard some questions the HV was asking my dd:
"Do you know what colour my top is?" "yes, pink" (It was blue - she does know her colours really!)
"Do you know how old you are?" "yes, my 22" (no, just acts it at times)
and then as we were leaving I asked her what she wanted for lunch... "sauce again Mummy"... "what with"... "no, just sauce again Mummy"

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! Tell me you've heard worse...

OMG the "homo" moment must have been crippling!!

One of my favourites was when ds1 was 2 and we were staying with hypercritical old witch MIL...ds1 was lying on the floor in front of my feet happily watching Noddy and I poked him affectionately with my toe, just to say hello (I am one of these clingy mums who can't stop bothering them!!) He stood up, hands on hips and announced in a loud clear voice "Ouch, naughty Mummy, why did you tread on me?" MIL came scuttling in from the kitchen looking horrified and I had to explain that he was fibbing!!

dp and I were crying with tears over the "bitch to iron" comment.

Ds1's best one so far (apart from the regular man or woman discussions) was "look mummy, that man looks like the monkey man." This was in the doctor's surgery and only one other person in the waiting room. The monkey man was ds1's toddler gym class instructor who he was in love with - but the poor chap at the doctor's wasn't to know that!

Not embarassing as we were at home, but still very funny. Ds1 stood in front of the mirror this morning and said "I am playing with my balls, Mummy." I made an "I heard you" noise and he said "Yes, because I like it."

My dd is now 5 yo but when she was nearly 4 yo I was shopping in Tesco and had to go to the Pharmacy for something. The lady behind the counter was chatting to dd and ds was crying in the trolley as he was fed up. Dd told the lady ds was tired and the lady said to dd "I bet you're too big to cry now aren't you?" Dd thought for a minute and said "well I do cry when Daddy kicks me" I blurted out "daddy doesn't kick you!" and the lady just laughed and said "they'd get you hung". I quickly exited and kept asking dd why she said that

while on holiday in majorca, one evening we were wandering round a shop which sold everything, my ds1 (age 4) and our friends son (the same age) were unusually quiet at the bottom end of the shop. we crept up on them to find them both sucking on an apron with a set of false boobs on it.
Everyone was looking at them, tutting and I felt like dying.

LOL

ds1 at 3 told the lady next to us in the queue
"i'm (ds1) and i'm 3, that's ds2 and he's one, Mammy's 31 and Daddy's 16!"
As he had clearly gotten eveyone else's age right I had to explain loudly that Daddy was, in fact, 33 and that Mammy was not a depraved cradle-snatcher!

This was all my fault, I freely admit, take care when winding children up.
My nephew J(6)is playing football at a busy barbeque in my garden with another child.
I want him to be careful about kicking the ball over into next door's garden, as my elderly neighboor frequently doesn't hear his doorbell.

Me:Careful you dont let the ball go over the fence
J: why
Me: because all of the little boys that have lost their balls in XXX's garden and gone and asked for them have never been seen again.
J: (scared)Ok I'll be carefull

Sure enough the ball goes over and J is really worried

J: I'm not going to ask for it
Me: (wicked smirk)
DW: dont worry James I'll go with you and make sure youre all right

they return 5 mins later as there is no answer.

Two minutes later the ball flies over the fence

J: (Top of his lungs)thank you scary man that takes all the children away.

I had to go round and apologise

serves me right

Went to a cafe today and they were taking rather a long time to make sandwiches we'd ordered - newphew (5) had started saying I'm hungry louder and louder and we'd managed to quieten him down - after what even to me seemed like an age he pipes up at the top of his voice "How long does it take to make a sandwich?"

Aren't they just brilliant!

When my DS now 10 was 2 we were waiting in a queue, the woman in front was wearing a lot of gold jewellery and she had some tattoos on her arm. In a very loud voice he announced "look Mummy that lady's a pirate".

When my ds was 2 we were at a friend's house. He was sat on my knee whilst drinking from his Tommy Tippee cup (complete with lid). I should point out that he would shake his cup to see if there was any juice left in it.
Anyway, we were talking about him having mummy's milk when he was younger.
He asked me, "Is there any milk left fin there for me?"
"Sorry, none left" I laughed.
He obviously didn't believe me because he then grabbed my left boob & shook it as hard as he could, all the while listening for the sound of milk sloshing about.
Finally, he declared, "Yes mummy, its empty."

Took dts (2yrs) to the doctors last friday, and dt1 was trying to give the doctor a big smoocher of a kiss, when I started to object she started to tantrum, had to drag her out kicking and screaming

DD was about 1 when we took her to Howlett's Zoo - those of you who have visited will know that at the entry point there is a massive king kong type gorilla cardboard cut-out... Anyway, she's always pointed to it and she even learnt what noises monkeys make and how they hold their paws under armpits and go "hu hu hu" and so on. Few weeks later we were in town doing some shopping and she was in the buggy. All of the sudden she goes (her hands in her armpits) "hu hu hu" - we looked around and thought she must have seen a picture of a monkey... She kept doing it. It was few moments later when we realised we were standing next to a massive cardboard poster of a black athlete - where you could only see his eyes and his nose (in the AllSports shop) - my dh and I were mortified! We just hoped noone else noticed and swiftly entered WHSmiths! For months I was worried she would point to a black person and do the same, but luckily she never did. Absolutely gut wrenching moment... She hasn't really done anything so embarrasing since - she's 2.5 now.

Can't quite work out why the 'bitch to iron' one is so funny, but it certainly is!
Pushing dd around supermarket in trolley a few months ago. Turned corner into the wine aisle. "Ooooo look! Mummy Juice!" she bellowed.

DH took dst1 to the toilet in IKEA where he loudly pronounced "Daddy stop touching me" when dh wiped his bum! Needless to say dh came out of the toilets his face scarlet.

dst2 when he was about 18 months old overheard dh one day, then while playing with his blocks, knocked them down and said "Oh f*cking hell!"