How have your toddlers embarrassed you? Tell me I'm not alone....

[We3kingsofOrinocoare]

My 2.6 dd2 had her 18-24 month check the other day (yes late I know!). One HV assessed her, whilst another talked (lectured!) to (at) me.
I overheard some questions the HV was asking my dd:
"Do you know what colour my top is?" "yes, pink" (It was blue - she does know her colours really!)
"Do you know how old you are?" "yes, my 22" (no, just acts it at times)
and then as we were leaving I asked her what she wanted for lunch... "sauce again Mummy"... "what with"... "no, just sauce again Mummy"

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! Tell me you've heard worse...

ds in the gym changing room " mum! I saw that ladies bum.......and her wee wee!"... .......is she angry mum?

dd1 at the age of 3 was shouting 'F*ck' around tescos after nursery (ah the little darlings who went there with her.....). i told her not to say that word as it was naughty. dd1 then changed her shouts to 'BAD MUMMY, YOU'RE A BAD MUMMY, BAD MUMMY BAD MUMMY' Peter just laughed.

Ds aged 2 in bra shop changing room with me.

"Boobies!"

"Yes, darling, mummy's boobies. Shush."

"BIG boobies!"

"Yes, darling, SHUSH!"

"Big booby BRAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

"Do you want some chocolate? Buttons!"

pmsl about the bitch to iron and the lady or man. Sitting in the car with my lovely but slightly traditional and conservative mum, dd started unpacking my shopping and telling us all what I'd bought: "You got some biscuits, some tea bags, some things to stick up your bottom..."

well Ds isn't a toddler (8 years) but today we were in the local goth shop and at the back they have 'adult' games, chocolates, bath stuff shaped like willies etc, I normally stay away from that part but Ds found them and asked in a loud voice 'Mummy whats a Sex Bomb??' I left the shop very fast.

we have an orchard in the middle of our village with chickens and roosters/cockerels.
dd1's word for the cockerels for ages was "Big Daddy Cock"
so she would run up to the orchard shouting - look mummy: Cock! Big Cock! Big Daddy Cock!"

DW finds this mortifying.
on returning home one evening DD was excited to see me as always and is saying "bike bike Daddy bike" as park in the garage. I said "does DD want to sit on daddy's bike", "yes" she says.
so I put her on the seat and made Brum brum noises as you do and she shifts and says "Hot Hot"
on lifting her off I found she had rested her heel against the exhaust briefly much cuddles and fuss there isnt even a mark. But for ages she went round proclaiming to any audience.
" Hot Daddy, Hot Daddy"
Any reference to me at all and it's "Hot daddy" if you ask her about it she will mention the bike and touch her heel

great thread! I made the mistake of telling my 2yo ds that 'those are (loudly)point out other 'boobies' - sometimes by touching them!!!! I also used to work behind a deli counter and I once said to a toddler 'hello, how are you?' his reply was 'you're fat!' The truth hurts!!!!!!!

Dont know what happened there - was supposed to read... mistake of telling my son that 'those are mummies boobies' when he asked, he now likes to (loudly) point out other boobies - sometimes by touching them!!!!

Dd has got in to announcing sticky poo everywhere we go now for some bizarre reason.

When changing for swimming, DS2 (probably about 2.5) pointed at my bottom and shouted "Poo!"

I was wearing my emergency not-done-the-washing Winnie the Pooh knickers...

DS is a bit of a car spotter - from a young age - just turned 2 - he could spot different models of car. However he had a problem pronouncing Punto - he seemed to think the first letter was a c.

there is a picture of a very skinny boy in shorts at playgroup - with labels of relevant body parts - my twins insist very loudly whenever they see it that its DADDY - to much giggling of all adults in ear shot - DH takes them to playgroup 2 days per week so is well known.

I once overhead a little girl in a supermarket say to her mum loudly
"how many boyfriends do you have ?"
answer inaudible, little girl responds
"but Mummy, there is John and Peter, and Jack and ......"
mother and daughter exit stage left very rapidly

When ds1 was around two, we took him out to a restaurant where one of the waiters had a lot of facial hair. He pointed and said, very loudly "Don't like 'rilla mummy". I told him "He's not a gorilla, he's a man with a beard", which ds1 dutifully repeated when said 'rilla returned to take our order.

He also gave a really clear rendition of Flanders and Swann's "Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers" in a National Trust tea shop.

DD(4) in a very loud voice as I'm, in a hopeful manner, taking a size 14 shrug & sparkly vest top into the changing room much to the amusement of the assistant 'Mummy you'll never squeeze your body into that!' Then 2 minutes later poking her head round the changing room door from her Kiddy Kab 'See I told you it was wayyyyyyy tooooo small!' . Needless to say I bought it anyway.

DD (2.3) often tells me "something smells stinky" in front of people.

I hope they don't think its me

Dd1 aged 2.5, very loudly on the bus, "Mummy, has that man got a baby in his tummy?"

Ds, at a similar age, at the library as I tried to strap him back in his buggy (again, very loudly): "Don't hit me Mummy!" (and I've never smacked a child in my life).

DD (2) pointing to wart on face of pretty (but very self conscious) au pair from over the road: 'ouchy, spot!' or kissing my grandmother (98) 'ouch, prickly chin!' I could go on...

PMSL at gorilla waiter..

a few years ago dd and ds had gone to stay with granny and grandpa whilst dh and myself went away for a weekend to ourselves. at the tea table, granny said, i wonder what mummy and daddy are doing now? ds: "probably having sex"!

this was cheerfully reported back to us by a seemingly unembarassed but amused granny when we got back...

ds1 on bus when 3 years old turns to man behind us (who i have never seen before in my life) and asks "are you my daddy?"

My brother once pointed at a rather large lady with facial hair and asked at the top of his voice, "Why is that man wearing a dress?". And repeated it over and over whilst being pulled away as fast as possible by my dad.

Am still crying laughing at "bitch to iron"!

DP's daughter saw an elderly Sikh gentleman when we were out shopping once. She asked me in a loud voice, 'is that man a genie ?'