Name regret...

[Lyndsey8880]

Hi all,
I had my baby in a whirlwind at 30+3 back in July.
Completely unexpected spontaneous labour and spent 6 long weeks in the NICU.
We had a few names, but for about a week he was 'boy'

Then it came to me being discharged...
I said to my partner that I'm not leaving him alone and nameless - but none of the names we picked seemed to work, so we randomly chose Isaac and that was that.

Fast forward to now, 16 weeks + 5 days actual age. Out of the NICU for 10 weeks.
I suddenly noticed i wasnt saying his name or calling him by his name, and then realised that actually... i dont think I like the name at all, i dont think I like the sound of the name, and it really doesnt suit him.

So now im in the dilemma of thinking up other names (he reminds of a rough and tumble type of kid!) Or whether im being silly and his name will grow to be him

But I feel this real disconnect with the name. I love my son with all my heart, he's a character, and a fighter, but the name just doesnt feel right.

Anyone ever had this and eventually loved the name and thought yes its the one?

Or anyone ever changed their child's name?

(I know its easy to do within the first year.. just keen to hear thoughts!)

I have some names i think suit him much more...
Remy
Frankie
Bobby

A bit old school bruiser type names.
But then a name is just a name!

never changed a kids name but i think you should do it.

I see Frankie as a girls name but Frank is nice.

Wilder, Scott, Sawyer, Huxley

Has he got a middle name?
Could you use that name instead?
I knew an Isaac who was mostly called Zack or Zacky so you could use that as an alternative if you wanted.
Or......yes you can change his name. From your list I think Remy is nice.
What does your partner think though?
This is definitely a joint decision.

I like Remy!

I’m not sure which is/are the old school bruiser types, Remy, Frankie and Bobby? All sound quite ‘soft’ in the nicest possible way.

change Isaac’s name if you want to, especially if your partner agrees. Alternatively is there a derivative you like? Zac or Isa?

If you want to change it how about Nathaniel? Nat, Natty, Nate, Nathan, covers all bases!

Don’t use a surname first name. So naff and American.

Which is a surname first name out of what I said? Lol

Remy is a girls name to me.

I wonder if the name now reminds you of your little boy’s traumatic start? If you don’t love the name, I think you should change it. I like both Frank and Bobbie.

Thanks all, for your replies.
Such a tough call!
Yes my 16 week has a face of a little bruiser. That might sound ridiculous but I have no connection with his current name, it feels forced, doesnt feel like him, and im not sure phonetically I like the ring to it..
My partner never loved the name Isaac, he doesnt hate it but it wouldn't have been his first choice - he went with me on it at the time - being an emotional wreck and wanting him named.

I always thought of Frankie and Remy as girls names, but Remy is historically a male name, and of course...Frank!

Im just in this dilemma and going round in circles over it all..

Will he grow to be Isaac, will i grow to love his name - or do i say look i chose this name in a rush. In a stressful time. In a hospital, uncertain environment. And now I want to choose the name that feels right in a loving home setting.

I know nobody can answer this for me, just wanted to see if others had been there and thoughts etc.

Remy comes from Jeremiah. So a boys name.
(love your user name 🐻😁)

Its very possible that im only just coming to terms with everything and maybe yes, the name is a hospital name. Its the name I chose in a rush, in an emotional state, because i was being forced to leave my boy by himself.. hmm maybe has some truth to it xx

Every Remy/Remi I know is female.

Isaac is much nicer than any of your other options, OP. It’s also quite weird that your tiny, premature baby is suddenly giving you ‘rough and tumble’ and ‘old school bruiser’ vibes, especially when none of your alternative ideas suggest that at all!

If it helps at all, I had a child with a traumatic NICU start to life and they were only named late, and because they had to have major surgery and we couldn't face sending them in without having a name. So we chose, then decdied we didnt like it. Now LOVE it, though they are known but a nick name that came about quite organically. I think it might be part of the healing process from a tramatic start.

I agree with the Remy thing nowadays, but it is a boys name historically, its just been used primarily for girls in recent times.

Why is that weird?
Weird that you get a feeling of who your child is going to be?

Im not saying my thoughts make sense, which is why im so stuck. But something isnt clicking.

A friend of mine changed her baby's name quite late on - the baby was almost a year. She said it just never felt right. Everyone told her she shouldn;t do it, but she did, and she has loved the new name ever since.

You should definitely change it. (Though fiwi, I love Isaac - it was one of my top names but DH didn;t like it. I love Zac or Zaccy as nn.)

I don't think of Remy or Frankie as exclusively female names, especially if they are nn for Jeremiah or Frank. They are good names.

Isaac is much nicer than the other names you've mentioned. Remy is lovely and I know a boy one, but I slightly prefer Isaac.

Definitely don't go for a surname Huxley type name, cringe.

Can't you call him Zack? or Isa as a nickname?

I had baby name regret for my lovely firstborn's name, it was a bit of postnatal depression. I love her name now

I’ve got an Isaac! His mates call him Ike. I secretly don’t mind it as a nickname. Sometimes he’s Ikey. It’s obviously a FABULOUS name.

Thank you for this and sorry to hear you had a rough journey also.
Its a tough process that is never quite understood.
This gives me some hope that perhaps its just trauma and maybe I should give it some time!
Even though I rush chose his name, i must've liked it at some point, and maybe I just need to give it chance. Xx

I think I would be inclined to give the name a chance.
You're 16 weeks post-partum, you've both had a traumatic start, your hormones are everywhere and you're probably exhausted. It's completely natural to feel a disconnection somewhere.
My daughter's name is Alice and now she is completely, 100% my Alice and we get so many complements on her name too which is always lovely to hear, but around the same 16 - 20 week mark as you I suddenly felt like we had made a mistake.
Looking back I think it was just the enormity of the responsibility for naming a brand new person and getting to know her and the new version of myself all at once and feeling like something was "off", so my mind latched onto something I could change: her name.
I was worried it was too classic, too safe, it didn't suit her. What if she grew up punk? (I was very tired and not very rational 🤣)

My partner talked me out of it and I am really glad he did. Any other name would have been perfect too, but I love "Alice" and she suits it so well. If you're not 100% set on a particular new name maybe give Isaac a little bit longer and see how you feel.

Thank you!
This definitely helps to know that you went through a similar line of thinking.

With my daughter, i had her name. I knew her name before she was born. She was Alyssa, that was that. I loved it and never doubted it. So I think now im having doubts it feels very surreal and like clearly I must know this name isnt right.

But, they had completely different starts to life too - im sure that must be playing a part.

Thank you, i do have a worry that I'll change it and 6 months down the line regret the change and wish we stuck.

I think youre right, I need to let it lie for a while and see xx

I think if you are going to change it, change it ASAP. If you can't find yourself to use his name, then it is right to change it. For what its worth, I don't think Bobby or Remy are "rough and tumble " type names at all

I agree Remy isn't... it was my partners suggestion. I think my favourite was always Frankie, felt like it suited him. But maybe im rushing and looking for certainty in the one thing I have control over after everything... but thank you for your input!
Definitely helps to see and hear others thoughts!

I would give yourself some time. Maybe focus on processing all that's gone on and pause thinking about names for a while. You can change it months from now if you decide to. It does make some sense that the name feels borne out of the difficult circumstances you found uourself in and therefore holds negative associations. However, it's all very fresh. In time, you may feel that his naming represents that period in a positive way - fighting, overcoming adversity etc.

There's no wrong answer here other what you'd like to do, but I do think you need time to figure out what that is.

I have a franky and he definitely suits it!