To think people should try and be a bit kinder

[Trivie]

I haven’t been using this baby names board for very long however I have noticed that some people are down right horrible to an unnecessary amount.
Of course if someone is asking for opinions on a name and you don’t like it, it’s fine to say that. But why do people spin off into “it’s chavvy” “it’s cruel” etc.
Not only are these responses often classist as any name not rigidly associated with the middle class gets abused but they are also totally dramatic and unnecessary. The same goes for the “I can’t imagine a doctor/lawyer/politician” with that name comments which to at least to me just suggest the commenter is bigoted and narrow minded if they really can’t imagine a lawyer or a doctor with a non-traditional name.
I don’t really understand why people can’t just say “it’s not to my taste how about x name in a similar style”.
I know the internet removes a lot of accountability but I don’t think it would hurt people to remember that the odds are these names do belong to real people or their children, and someone might read how cruel you are being about their name and find that rather hurtful.

Why do people feel the need to be so horrible on this board? Why is it so classist? and what do people get out of making comments akin to a bully instead of politely saying it’s not their favourite and moving on?

If you want naice feedback, ask your family and friends.

Asking strangers online is so they can give honest opinions. If you don’t want to hear people’s honest opinions, don’t ask. It’s not required that you ask what people think of your potential baby names.

If it's a chavvy name I don't comment. As I know plenty of others will!

On the other hand - the person posting will get honest responses - which is surely what they want?

And honest opinion doesn’t have to be an assassination of the name.
It’s not just about the person asking the question but also about the other potential readers of the thread who may already have the name or have given the name to their children.
Being a stranger on the internet is not an excuse to be horrible.

Say you don’t like the name but absolutely no need to be cruel.

But surely, it’s not to my taste repeated over and over would also be enough to achieve that without having to go into calling a name chavvy (which is a classist term anyway) and potentially insulting anyone with the name who happens to use Mumsnet too?

🍿

Was it Kodie? 🤣

My learning from the baby name board is that everyone hates every name.

I also think the users of it skew older - as very traditional names seem to dominante what is deemed ‘acceptable’ much of the time, and don’t reflect the actual names I see (as a parent of young kids).

I live in London and honestly you could name your child literally anything and no one would bat an eyelid - the population is so international, so there aren’t the handful of mainstream names there were in the way it was when I was growing up.

People seem very appalled to hear anything new! I don’t actually think ‘real life’ is much better however, the very small number of (top 100) names I’ve suggested might be on my short list to family and friends have also had some weird reactions.

Lately I can think of Kodie, the thread with the friend asking for suggestions where the children were called Nova, Cleo and Zuzu. The twins a little while ago where OP was absolutely demolished for wanting to name them Gigi and Lola. And that’s just a few examples.

I’ve never understood asking opinions on names on MN. It’s your DC so pick the name you like; why would you care what a load of randoms on the internet think?

But if you’re genuinely asking for feedback then you have to accept the good with the bad.

I agree OP but also don’t see any point in asking for opinions on here as you will get mixed responses whatever the name.

Gigi and Lola? Destined to become an identical twin porn act surely?

See I think this is the issue though. It’s fine for someone to want feedback, sometimes genuine oversights can be picked up such as the first name and middle name not flowing well or having a strange connotation. But I don’t think that has to turn into an assassination on the name as the odds are someone with the name, or someone who’s children have the name of reading the thread aren’t none and they shouldn’t have to avoid the entire board just incase someone wants to call their child’s name chavvy, or awful, almost child abuse or a stripper name. There is a line between honest feedback and just being cruel.

Exactly this. If you just want mealy mouthed platitudes then ask family and friends. If you want to genuinely know what people think then ask strangers. It can be helpful to know how others perceive it and what they don’t like about it e.g If that particular combination is also the name of a well known criminal or it is used as an insult in a large part of the country.

A thread full of people saying only that it isn’t to their taste isn’t terribly useful. And if you still love the name in spite of a barrage of negative comments and if it isn’t completely ridiculous then it can help you to determine that it really is the one for you.

As for your patronising “Remember that real people have that as a name”. Well obviously. That’s not exactly a revelation but that doesn’t mean that we have to like the name. There are plenty of people who wouldn’t like my name but I do and it doesn’t trouble me that others don’t. But then I’m not the one asking for opinions on it and if I did then I’d expect to get them.

It's lovely to have compliments about your baby names. That's what your friends and family are for.

Asking a bunch of strangers on the internet, who you will ever meet in person, lets you know a glimpse of the private thoughts that some people will be having but hiding from you out of kindness.

There is no obligation to post your ideas on mumsnet. If you only wabt kindness then stick to only talking to people who love you

See I think it’s fine to pick up on the names maybe not being the best together, but that particular thread spiralled into the OP being told only unambitious parents would name their child Gigi and that it was an awful name. Especially considering there is nothing fundamentally wrong with Gigi or Lola on their own but as a combo maybe the connotations weren’t great. Some posters managed to say that nicely. Others made it their personal issue to make sure OP knew Gigi was a stupid name even after she made it clear she wasn’t going to change the name and had suggested changing Lola instead.

Saying it’s the same name as a criminal, or is used as an insult isn’t the same as saying “it’s almost child abuse to use that name” “it’s chavvy” etc.

I think people need to be harsher about baby names. A couple I see on social media has just named their child Adventure.

Adventure!!! As a real kid’s name, the kid will go to normal school and have to try to get a job with that name.

Surely people use the baby names board to get an honest opinion of their choices - and in the main, that's exactly what they get.

They want to know what random people who meet their child as he or she moves through life will think - and random people are going to make judgements, whether they express them aloud or not.

The OP can choose to think 'the opinions of people who use words like 'chavvy' are worthless' and ignore them, but if they don't want an honest critique of their name choices, they shouldn't invite one.

If you’re this sensitive about what strangers think of the names you’ve chosen, you shouldn’t be on the internet.

People keeping their opinions to themselves when people ask for honest feedback, isn’t going to change that fact that they do perceive a name to be chavvy. The thoughts are still there. Presumably those asking for feedback want to know those thoughts.

Again don’t ask opinions if you aren’t willing to hear them but those are just two examples of what you can learn from asking strangers. Some parents also may want to know if their chosen names would be perceived as “chavvy”. Some people care about that.

I don’t see much point in 30 posts saying “It isn’t to my taste”. I’d feel like I was talking to clones.

@Trivie I agree with you.
The comments are frequently really horrible.
Plus you also get some really random things like "you can't name a child that because it's the same name as a song that was a one hit wonder in 1963 so their classmates will sing it all time" 😂

Exactly. And it's not just baby names. I'm 61 and my name was ripped to shreds on these boards when someone was considering it for their daughter. People said they hated it simply because it's the name of a famous person who isn't popular and they couldn't see beyond that. It's so hard to see your own or your kid's name being ridiculed, it is hurtful.

I think people are missing the point, maybe deliberately as they get something out of being unkind.

You can be honest, point out negative associations etc. without being cruel.

There is a post right now where someone said using the name was almost child abuse? How bloody ridiculous is that!

Or berating names which are actually perfectly fine to use (there is objectively nothing wrong with a name like Gigi, would I use it, probably not, is there something objectively wrong with it? No)

You can be honest and still be kind.

If the parent(s) can't take a few unkind or piddle taking comments about a potential baby name, they need to think about the future experiences of their child. Children are not kind and grown ups are judgemental.

I think it's sometimes fine to suggest alternative spellings (ie Cody vs Kodie) but I agree with you @Trivie . Unless the name is Adolf then it's not exactly child abuse.