To think people should try and be a bit kinder

[Trivie]

I haven’t been using this baby names board for very long however I have noticed that some people are down right horrible to an unnecessary amount.
Of course if someone is asking for opinions on a name and you don’t like it, it’s fine to say that. But why do people spin off into “it’s chavvy” “it’s cruel” etc.
Not only are these responses often classist as any name not rigidly associated with the middle class gets abused but they are also totally dramatic and unnecessary. The same goes for the “I can’t imagine a doctor/lawyer/politician” with that name comments which to at least to me just suggest the commenter is bigoted and narrow minded if they really can’t imagine a lawyer or a doctor with a non-traditional name.
I don’t really understand why people can’t just say “it’s not to my taste how about x name in a similar style”.
I know the internet removes a lot of accountability but I don’t think it would hurt people to remember that the odds are these names do belong to real people or their children, and someone might read how cruel you are being about their name and find that rather hurtful.

Why do people feel the need to be so horrible on this board? Why is it so classist? and what do people get out of making comments akin to a bully instead of politely saying it’s not their favourite and moving on?

It's a real mic-drop moment, isn't it? Excited new parents introduce their new 'little adventure' and you laugh along with them about all the joys and challenges that lay ahead.

Then you ask what the child's name is, and they look surprised and say "We just told you: Adventure!" and then you just end up staring at your feet and muttering.

Conversely, I’ve never met a young Olivia, Amelia or Isla and they dominate the top 5!

I agree with you OP. Unless someone is suggesting a genuinely made up or ridiculous name there is no need for people to be so harsh.
Kodie, Gigi etc. are not names that warrant the responses they got.
I also realised on the Gigi thread though that many Mumsnet users must be a bit older as where I live in London there are several little Gigi’s, normally the children of incredibly upper middle class, privately educated parents. The little Gigi’s I know are the children of the posh girls I went to school with who were named Poppy, India, Octavia etc.
I just don’t think some Mumsnetters have fully caught up on what names are popular now.

I would assume that, if you were secure and absolute in your choices of name, you'd just announce it after the birth and not take to Mumsnet to debate it. Only those who are wavering (or who think they are being incredibly clever and original) would come on a message board to ask what others thought about their potential name choices.

And sometimes pregnancy hormones run high and make you think that a really daft word that you heard somewhere would make a good name for your cherub. And people forget that it won't be a wriggling bundle of cuteness forever and that you are naming a stroppy teen, an aspiring twenty year old and a potential financial management consultant at the same time.

Maybe it's just me - as I know diminutive names have now soared in popularity as actual given birth certificate names - but I would have definitely thought that Gigi and Lola would just be pet forms of names like Giselle and Lauren or similar, and not their actual real names.

I can never understand why parents would deliberately seek to restrict their child's choice when they're older, in all of the many adult circumstances and situations they may find themselves in. Yes, they may be commonly known as Charlie, but wouldn't it be a helpful option to be able to use Charles or Charlotte in their professional life, should they want to? Would Charlie Bronte or Charlie Dickens really sound like classic authors for the ages?

You suggested a name that posters didn’t like or chuckled at

You started this thread because you were pissed off about it!

I kind of agree with you, OP. Sometimes the comments are very harsh.

But on the other hand, I wonder why people would ask for feedback on the Internet if they don't want the unvarnished truth.

Saying "it is not to my taste" is fine, but it doesn't necessarily convey the truth about how certain names will be perceived by whole swathes of society.

If you were going to call your child a particular name, you might actually want to know what kind of associations it might have for other people?

I think it’s fine to suggest longer names, some people may like to give their child the option, some may not. Just the same as someone might pick Clara as it doesn’t have any real diminutive options over Charlotte which has many. But I think once OP has said she doesn’t like the long names and affirmed she will be using Gigi, people need to step back and adjust their responses, especially in this case where OP had actually taken on the advice offered to her about the names not going well together.
There is nothing actually wrong with diminutive names and they’ve been gaining popularity for a while, even in my generation there were Ellie’s who weren’t Eleanor, Abby’s who weren’t Abigail and Molly’s who weren’t Mary/Margaret. I don’t think anyone is particularly offended by Ellie, Molly or Abby now.

Go on OP… put us out of our misery….
What name were you thinking that you suggested on mumsnet and the response to which was less than positive?!!

But I think once OP has said she doesn’t like the long names and affirmed she will be using Gigi, people need to step back and adjust their responses

Or…. How about the OP head off? Made her decision so 🤷‍♀️

I started this thread as someone commented “it’s almost child abuse” on a thread. Not a name I would use but I thought for goodness sake what a horrible thing to say about a name, which is fine. Other than Lucifer, Adolf and Satan i’m not sure many names can actually be classed as child abuse.

Because people continued to comment cruel things? The OP updated the thread with her new choice and people decided it was still fair game to ridicule that?
People would be annoyed if she hadn’t updated!

I won’t be having any more children, and I’ve already shared my children’s names on this thread.
You know it is possible for someone to feel empathy and compassion for others and speak up about it?

I think it's useful to know what people REALLY think about a name, and the only way to find out is in an "unkind" forum. I can't believe someone can name their kids Gigi and Lola and think no one will think of a burlesque headline. I asked about names for my DC here and got interesting feedback from people from other cultures that I wouldn't know otherwise.

Like I’ve said, I think it was fine for people to point out the connotation of the two names together. I don’t understand why people kept having a go at OP over Gigi once she changed Lola to something else. Gigi on its own doesn’t carry the same connotations.

“Almost” child abuse!

Maybe channel that effort in to something a bit more meaningful than pleas for kindness on a baby name thread, when the OP could just, oh I don’t know, hide the thread?

The OP sounds like a sucker for punishment!

This is such a mind-numbingly stupid take. I’m sure Tony Blair or Bill Clinton regret not using Anthony or William in their professional lives.

DH and I have always used the short form of our names at work - I gave up putting my actual name on my CV years ago - no one (and I mean no one) has ever used it. It’s just a pain that I have a name on my official documents that’s never ever used.

And I’m sure all the Jane’s and Clare’s, who’s parents didn’t give them the option of two different names to use, must be furious with them.

Honestly, this take just shows how fearful so many middle class people are.

When me and DH were stood in a queue the other day, the dad in front of us called to his child. His name was Cosmo. Me and DH looked at each other thinking that poor kid!! People will always judge names, I felt so sorry for the kid as he’ll get the mickey taken his whole life. And if you ask an internet forum what people think, and the majority don’t like the name, it’s probably a good thing you asked!

I agree, I have seen one of my children’s names ripped apart on here, luckily I don’t care about what strangers on the internet think, but it’s still not nice.

Edited to say I never posted the name, I don’t post my children’s names, it just came up, actually a few times and it’s definitely not “chavy” I have plenty of “chav” relatives, most thought I was lumbering my child with an old fashioned name.

I have made comments in the past on peoples posts when asking for opinions that people need to be careful as names get ripped apart on here.

But he probably won’t from his peers. Only stupid judgemental older people do that.

I don’t like the name and wouldn’t use it but I doubt his friends give two shits. Unless their parents like to slag off their friends names round the dinner table, of course.

There are lots of names that are not 'traditional' but have not been made up by people to be different. I had a flatmate in University called Wetherly scarffe. He was African. Would you not take him seriously too? I knew someone called Thams Cook when that was a thing in the eighties. One of my good friends was called Julie Hardon. She got some stick at school. My cousin called her daughter Isla Skye. Another person I know called their daughter Jade Green. I work in the NHS and some of the doctor names have been great: Dr Flucker, Dr Hacker (surgeon) Dr Payne (anaesteist) Dr Morte, Dr Whu, Dr Butterball. I try not to let other peoples decisions bother me in the slightest. Want to call you child Coazy? Go ahead. i am sure there are things I do that make no sense to anyone but I am happy, not hurting anyone so live and let live.

If you want to get cute and clever with names and spellings, you need to be told. Your child will carry this name like a weight around their neck for their life—spelling/correcting/explaining 20 billion times.

It’s the equivalent of a face tattoo—you can’t hide it, and yes, everyone is judging you. Except rather than being self-inflicted, it’s parental-infected.

Save the cute and clever names for your pets.

Some names are actually ridiculous though. My 4 year old has a boy called Dude in her class, his brother is called Jale (pronounced jail) just why?