To think people should try and be a bit kinder

[Trivie]

I haven’t been using this baby names board for very long however I have noticed that some people are down right horrible to an unnecessary amount.
Of course if someone is asking for opinions on a name and you don’t like it, it’s fine to say that. But why do people spin off into “it’s chavvy” “it’s cruel” etc.
Not only are these responses often classist as any name not rigidly associated with the middle class gets abused but they are also totally dramatic and unnecessary. The same goes for the “I can’t imagine a doctor/lawyer/politician” with that name comments which to at least to me just suggest the commenter is bigoted and narrow minded if they really can’t imagine a lawyer or a doctor with a non-traditional name.
I don’t really understand why people can’t just say “it’s not to my taste how about x name in a similar style”.
I know the internet removes a lot of accountability but I don’t think it would hurt people to remember that the odds are these names do belong to real people or their children, and someone might read how cruel you are being about their name and find that rather hurtful.

Why do people feel the need to be so horrible on this board? Why is it so classist? and what do people get out of making comments akin to a bully instead of politely saying it’s not their favourite and moving on?

I bet you are called something like “Sarah” @Trivie and so haven’t endured the crap of going through life with a novelty name

If people want to name their kids names so strange they need to ask for strangers' opinion on the internet

1/ why don't they change their own names and see how it goes rather than treat their child as hype accessories or projections of themselves?

2/ the internet should be frank and honest like a loved one could not be because it is actually what people think irl.

Again, it happens with stupid people. And we don’t need to pander to stupid people.

I worked on a project with a Lola a while ago. Not once did I think “oh, I can’t take this woman seriously, no matter her professional qualifications and experience, because her parents gave her a stripper name.” Because I’m not stupid.

This particular Lola also was African American, something that the Little Englanders on the baby names board definitely can’t get their heads around.

But she also wouldn’t be the only Sarah in the class, which is a fate worse than death for most MNers.

Absolutely, I don't disagree that people who make those assumptions are stupid - we shouldn't be making such stupid judgements, which are often likely to be wrong in any case. And of course we don't need to pander to stupid people, but there is no point in denying that such people exist, and some parents might prefer to choose a name for their child that isn't going to be exposed to that sort of prejudice.

If you're asking for feedback on potential baby names on an internet forum, that suggests that you care to some extent what other people think. So you might find it useful to know that there are certain people who will make certain judgements on the basis of certain names. That doesn't legitimise those judgements, it simply acknowledges the fact that some people do still think like that.

@ItsNotPerfectBut
Your comment just reveals how out of touch you are, some of those names are popular, none of them are offensive or would stop an adult getting a job. Blind reading of CV’s is standard in all good workplaces to prevent sexist, classist and racist opinions preventing the best candidate being interviewed for the post.

I think it’s incredibly important people know the reaction to their potential name choice.

If someone is going to go ahead and saddle their kid with a name despite being aware of the negativity and that their kid is going to have to deal with that for their entire life because I don’t care I think it’s cute! Or because it’s just so unique! then they are going to make a very selfish parent who doesn’t put their kid first.

Exactly. I mean, it was news to me until I joined Mn that people old enough to be able to read and write and join an internet forum would actually see the name Orla and think ‘Oral! Like oral sex! Fnar!’ or see the name Lana and think ‘It’s ‘anal’ backwards!’

So it has absolutely been instructive. Depressing, but instructive.

Because that's what other folk are going to think but are too nice and polite to say so. At least on here you get the truth.

@AngelinaFibres great example. I actually love those sorts of names. I used to work with a lot of people from Nigeria, so, not AA but there are some crossovers. Lots of people have really great names like Blessing, Precious, Gift. It's quite common there. I really like these names! I wouldn't name my child Blessing because I'm not Nigerian, but it's lovely, I think. I feel the hopefulness and joy of the new mother in them.

Also I subconsciously associate them with engineers, lol, like Jack and Grace and Amy. If you've ever worked in large international teams you get a good sampling of nerds of the world names.

Racist and classist. Go you.

Not the actual person named Sarah though, unlikely the child will care if there’s loads of Sarahs.

That’s the issue. It’s the parents named something completely “normal” never having endured having the piss taken out of their name, thinking that they’ll try out something fun with their children.

The ‘truth’?

That’s quite an arrogant assertion!

I take a lot of opinions here with a large grain of salt as I think many are very narrow minded and almost scared of anything unusual. I’ve seen posters claim that children get beaten up because their name is not a top 100 popular name for example.

Thankfully I live in a more open minded community and work for an international company where most people actually value diversity and differences!

In other words, your ‘truth’ may not be my truth.

Yes, but MN parents live in horror that their child might have to cope with another child with the same name in their class. (I live in an area like this and it’s amused me no end that despite us giving DD a popular name, she’s never had a girl with that name in her class, as all the local parents will have bent over backwards not to lumber their child with a <gasp> popular name. Horrors!!!)

You’ve nailed it though in that the child probably doesn’t care, just as most children don’t care if their best friend is called Prudence or Destiny. It’s just a name to them.

This.

Yeah there’s a lot of snobby people here so not worth asking.
Love the ones where they say names shouldn’t be shortened as they’ll stand out in a negative way when they’re older. Yet society will be full of adults with shortened names in 10 years

It is worth asking. You don't have to agree with all the replies. If everybody said the name was 'gorgeous', you'd not realise that many don't like the name.

Yet society will be full of adults with shortened names in 10 years The shortened versions tend to only be popular for a while, then a different form becomes popular. At least with a name like Alexander or Elizabeth, you could use a different version, but Bill and Lisa would put you into an age bracket.

But there are ways of explaining your opinions which are less pointlessly derogatory. One of the first posters in the Gigi/Lola thread did it really well. Said although the names were individually fine, as a pair they had unfortunate connotations. No need for the flurry of 'stripper/awful/won't ever get a decent job/like child abuse' comments which followed.

The worst is when posters criticise existing children e.g. 'Brother for Zeke' and then comments about Zeke being 'low-end' or whatever. Totally pointless- they're hardly going to change it.

I'd class Cosmo as middle class aspirational/trendy. Similar to Hugo, Milo, Jasper, Sholto, Jago, Barnaby etc.

What's wrong with Cosmo?

A quick browse of the board will show you what type of response you may get if you create a thread about potential names. If it isn’t the kind of feedback that you want ask elsewhere, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

Why are names (like Cosmo, Hugo, Sebastian, Quentin, Jago etc) even described as ‘aspirational’ or even ‘trendy’….?

What if parents of ANY background simply like the name? Maybe inspired by a book, movie or a person they’ve met with that name? Why are some posters accusing these parents of ‘trying to be something they’re not’? Is it not simply possible that they just like the name?

@Zitroneneis , because parents sometimes have aspirations for their DC that aren't realistic.
Sometimes the name the parents like is influenced by the name. e.g. Gigi might conjure an image of a glamorous beauty, but the reality is average-looking child.

If you've been that child with a name quite different from your peers you'd understand. Would you want to be called something like Aphrodite or Eurydice if your friends were Isla, Ava and Mia?

The idea of polliing opinions on here is that they are going to be from strangers who don’t have to try and be diplomatic. Frankly, some of the names suggested on MN are ludicrous at best. These people need to be told.

I sometimes fantasise about being a registrar where the rules dictate I could veto any names of which I don’t approve. I have no problem with people saying ‘chavvy’ - it’s a perfectly useful descriptor.