To think people should try and be a bit kinder

[Trivie]

I haven’t been using this baby names board for very long however I have noticed that some people are down right horrible to an unnecessary amount.
Of course if someone is asking for opinions on a name and you don’t like it, it’s fine to say that. But why do people spin off into “it’s chavvy” “it’s cruel” etc.
Not only are these responses often classist as any name not rigidly associated with the middle class gets abused but they are also totally dramatic and unnecessary. The same goes for the “I can’t imagine a doctor/lawyer/politician” with that name comments which to at least to me just suggest the commenter is bigoted and narrow minded if they really can’t imagine a lawyer or a doctor with a non-traditional name.
I don’t really understand why people can’t just say “it’s not to my taste how about x name in a similar style”.
I know the internet removes a lot of accountability but I don’t think it would hurt people to remember that the odds are these names do belong to real people or their children, and someone might read how cruel you are being about their name and find that rather hurtful.

Why do people feel the need to be so horrible on this board? Why is it so classist? and what do people get out of making comments akin to a bully instead of politely saying it’s not their favourite and moving on?

Well some names are bordering on child abuse.

No I’m not missing the point. I just don’t agree with you. I didn’t reply to the Gigi thread but I did think that together they sounded like stripper names which is a perfectly valid point to raise even if it’s more robustly than you’d like because some people may prefer to know that. I think OP lived abroad so the names may not have had the same connotations there but it clearly is an opinion that a lot of people shared so perhaps worth taking into account.

But some names ARE really chavvy?!

I think if you expect adults and children to be cruel about the name of someone they know then it’s bullying and those people need to consider why they feel the need to be horrible to people in real life and teach their children not to be.
No one should be bullied for their name and the fact that it might happen is not an excuse to start bullying here.
When I was in school the names that got bullied weren’t related to if they were “chavvy” or “uncommon”, in fact it was normally just the perfectly normal names that ended up being teased and it was because that child was being bullied in general, which is obviously never okay.

No - we're not missing the point or being deliberately cruel.

Many people are not agreeing with your opinion. There is a difference.

They really aren’t. Trivialising child abuse like that is absurd behaviour. Short of Adolf I’m not sure how any name can be called child abuse.

So?
That's your opinion but what difference does it make to your life if a child that isn't yours has a name that you think is "chavvy" (urrgh I hate that word)

No I agree, and some posters did kindly point out the connotation and OP suggested changing one of the names, then posters continued to comment berating the name she didn’t want to change which is a perfectly fine name even if they didn’t like it.

No I agree. I actually like a lot of unusual names and I also like some “chavvy” names but some names really aren’t wearable. Not MN but I saw someone wanting to name their child, Satan, on another board, some names are so ridiculous and unwearable they are unfair on the child or they carry such cultural baggage that it’d make them a figure of ridicule.

It’s not so much that people are unkind, more that they’re just a bit stupid.

All opinions on names are just opinions, but some stupid people are so puffed up in their own self-importance they can’t see that, poor things.

Why ask for opinions from strangers at all?

Most of the time they are saving posters from themselves.

Many women have a mental phase in pregnancy when they pick outlandish names. I know I did ‘My late teens are horrified at what they were nearly called and rightly so.

They really are.

You have to keep in mind that you’re naming your child for life. Not just the cute newborn stage. Examples of names I’ve seen over the last few years

River
Adventure
Cove
Koazy (pronounced cosy)
Kove
Nahla

yeah okay they might even get through primary school okay, but they’ll never be taken seriously at work. They’ll face barriers in getting jobs.

Some names are so awful it would be cruel to inflict them on a child. It’s important to point this out to prospective parents.

Also some first time parents don’t get the popularity of some names so it’s helpful to know.

A third of the girls in dd1 reception class had the same name. Several mums muttered if they’d known it was that popular they would have made a different choice.

You are correct obviously it’s mad.

even when someone says “we are this ethnicity and have narrowed it down to these 3 names that are of that ethnicity” Someone is like oh no those are awful why not Harriet 🙄

It's sometimes helpful to get advice about different spellings of a name or if people know what's the meaning or background of a name.
But i agree - sometimes the posts are a bit pointless really.

You exhort people to be kind yet call others bigoted?

You need to practice what you preach OP.

You could also try looking up the meaning of a slur before throwing it at others.

Nahla / nala is a pretty common names in certain ethnicities

But they will be taken seriously at work as

1. Most people in the workplace don’t decide if someone is worth respect based on their name, those who do are narrow minded and judgemental people
2. By the time they enter the workplace these names will be more common place and less outlandish therefor not get as much attention

I’d be wondering why I needed the approval of strangers. Names do affect people’s chances, people judge. People in here do and people in real life do. Why would you want your child to have that to contend with?

Yes, it's bullying and I do expect it. It isn't fair and it's wrong but that will never stop others doing it. Therefore sensible parents need to be mindful of it.

Horatio who will go to Eton or Westmonster will be fine. Horatio at the local sink comp, probably not.

Nevaeh at the local sink comp will likely be OK but of she's a clever girl and ends up as an Associate at Eversheds, there will be raiswd eyebrows. She migjt by then have started using her middle name if it's sensible.

They won’t. I’m sorry you picked “outlandish” names for your child to try and be different, but the vast majority of people will think they’re weird and they will be judged for them.

Nala is.

Spelling it Nahla to try and be different is just as bad.

Tbf, for many people ‘Gigi and Lola’ immediately connects to ‘strippers’ mentally. They are possibly ok in another culture/language, but not the UK. Which is a shame because, in the abstract, I like both.

Names should be something a child can live with easily. Not a way to demonstrate how cool the parents are. If you want cool - give them a nickname later.

And yes, people could be nicer - but look also to the many threads where the OP discounts any attempt to say it nicely, latches on to the two posters who are egging them on, and only accepts it’s dumb when the majority tells them bluntly and repeatedly that their name choice is stupid. At which point the OP starts crying that everyone is mean. You can’t win - but at least the pile on means the child probably won’t be stuck with a terrible name in the end.