Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

What a ridiculous agreement in the first place. There are millions of names and yet you claim you can’t agree on any. Try harder.

You’re both idiots. Stupid agreement and you should have said something when you didn’t like the first name. We took ages to sort names for DS but we got there in the end.

We had it similar DH loved a girls name and I didn’t have anything to offer back I loved more the agreement then was I named DS

unfortunately we had a large age gap and DD loved a name that coincidentally happened to be DH middle name and a name he liked and I liked (boys names for me are much easier and I got the middle name) - DS loves the fact DD named him even now at 12. But DH would have gone along with me

As it happens DD shortened her name with a more unique spelling at aged 3. That has stuck and is very much her name.

Those names are completely fine. Your DH needs to get over it.

Edit to add: if it had been something terrible like Witch-Queen OfEvil, then I'd see his point.

I have some sympathy with DH, as I would struggle to accept your names, but a deal is a deal. Can you let him pick which one is first?

So he’s vetoed Mary, Kate, Mary-Kate, Patrick and Kieran?

Sounds like he just wants to name both his daughters himself. Legally if there’s a dispute the mother chooses so he can be grateful he named your eldest imho and get used to Mary-Kate

When it comes down to it whoever gets to the registry office first, that will be the child’s name.
Be warned!

Sounds like the recipe for a happy family life!

Oh and I believe Drew Barrymore’s daughters are called Frankie and Olive! So she must feel they ‘go’ together 😌

I'm with @Spies here - at least compromise on a name you both like a bit

All the names individually are fine (though Olive is my least favourite) and I would have gone back to the drawing board, but unless you live in certain American states Mary-Kate is a name I’d be vetoing too. Mary-Kate put your shoes on, Mary-Kate dinner’s ready. I just couldn't (I love the name Kate though).

Your dh is being unreasonable under the circumstances though as your chosen name isn’t any better or worse than his.

It was a dumb agreement in the first place because now you’re going to have each parent hating a child of their’s name.

Yes. I think Olive is a lovely name myself, and I respect the OP for accepting it even though she wasn’t keen. I hope she will learn to love it - I think it’s really nice.

Why is the compromise only needed when it's OP's turn to choose and not when her husband chose names that OP didn't like, but accepted? You are basically saying that he should be able to choose the names for both children.

I'm with you on Olive- sorry that's an awful name. How can he possibly call your choice extreme when picked that?

Why do names have to go together?

Mary-Kate, like the Olsen twin?

It's like you've both picked random names out of a hat, none of them work together but you had an agreement, he got to pick first time, you get to pick this time.

I’ve just seen your update op and your choice of names is a thousand times better than the one your dh chose. Sorry, I find Olive such an ugly name. No offence to anyone with an Olive.

I think a lot of parents (myself included) like a level of cohesiveness with names. So for me it would be odd to have one called Nefertiti and the other called Janet.

Your choice of name is fine, it's a perfectly acceptable name, he got to choose last time so this is now your turn.
I suspect he would object to any name that wasn't his choice and is trying to wear you down like he did last time, stand firm!

Those are great names 😄

It might be a stretch, but I like CeCe as a shortening for Francesca (as it has two c's in it).

What was the plan if they’d been blessed with twins? Would OP name 2, or would DH name one and they agree have to have a 4th child so OP can level up…

What a stupid way to name your children. Shouldn't be having kids with someone you can't even agree on names with.
Mary-Kate is very dated and doesn't go with Olive at all. Francesca is much nicer. Calliope is awful.

The names only need to go with the surname. They are naming people, not pets.

Olive is an awful name- dated and ugly. It's far more extreme than the OP's suggestion.

Francesca will almost certainly become Fran. And, with apologies to the Fran community, I think that's such sn ugly name.