Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

Knowing the names now he is being very unreasonable. I personally do not care for Mary-Kate but its not out there or something he cant get used to just like you have got used to Olivia.

How long do you have to pick a name?

It's your turn to pick first and middle name now according to your agreement. Its a complete role reversal!

Mary -Kate is a lovely name, but I agree it's got a very Irish/ Catholic vibes. Or reminds me of mk olsen.

Remember the big picture its not really "you pick, I pick" The Baby has to have the name for their whole life. That you think suits them.

Francesca is cute
I just wouldn't bring it up again to him. You know you're going to name baby this time, so drop it for now and then just take charge at the birth and after by naming her.. perhaps telling midwife her name or what not. He will just have to get over it if you made this sort of agreement
I think it's crazy to do personally. You couldn't have used one of those baby name swiping apps to find anything you agree on?!

I like Francesca but that's her husband's idea, and you have to think about the nickname/ shortening. Franny, Cheska? Neither are horrible. But pick the one you both like most

I don't like Olive either, although it has risen in popularity.
Nor do I like Mary-Kate but agree it's your turn.
I love Athena and Francesca together.
The latter often gets shortened to Fran, Frankie or Cesca though.

Olive and Fran
Olive and Kate
Olive and Mary

Plus the 2 and the 3 hyphenated is annoying

Olive Athena
Kate Francesca

is a decent compromise

But you are right - if he agreed then reneging makes him the asshole.

Calliope Theodora sucks btw

OP this is bizarre. He says the names you've chosen are extreme, but they're perfectly normal names and on a par with the ones he's chosen. There is a bigger issue here if he is happy to override your choices on child one, but refuses to give you the same courtesy on child two despite the agreement.

How is your relationship generally? Do you both agree on how you raise your children, have similar values and are able to compromise generally?

Your husbands options are much nicer

Francesca is OP's idea. Calliope Theodora is her husband's idea.

Yes, I should clarify because there are so many names that have been mentioned. Mary-Kate Francesca is the name that I want.

DH likes Calliope Theodora for this baby, and he named our first daughter Olive Athena.

Disagree, but it’s not relevant anyway. Husband got to name baby one, OP gets to name baby two.

I agree with others, this was a terrible idea, however, he really should have seen this coming given your respective tastes.

eta - sorry, should have RTFT those names are all fine. Your DH is an idiot.

There are olives across the med.

Athena and Calliope just imply he likes mythology.

Tough shit, he needs to stick to the deal. If he wants to name this child tell him you will be changing your eldest's name by deed poll to the one you wanted (only half joking!). Our eldest has a name which we both agreed on but it was a specific spelling that reflected DH's culture. It was always agreed that if we had a daughter she would have a name that reflected mine and it did.

Francesca goes better with Olive, I think. Your DH is going to have to live with whatever you choose - that’s the agreement he made.

Disagree. Olive and Calliope are atrocious. I'd hate to be called either of those.

But he was perfectly happy to keep to it when he got the name he wanted?

Who gives a shit if he is- why does he get to change the deal and force OP to have a second name she doesn't like. Op has her heritage as well.
He was happy choosing the first and middle name of their first DD.

You know it'll end up as MK or Franc (Frank/Frankie).
I prefer it to Olive though. Olive Oil.
There's a Tiktok video going around and the girls name is Barley, she talks about how she has bad hay-fever!
Names are a tough one, good luck. It'll be a race to registery office, to see who wins!!

I vote (francesca) Frankie and olive for what it’s worth, after you’ve put your foot down and told him if he hasn’t signed to rename olive to something you like you will be going ahead and naming your second baby as agreed.

Calliope Theodora?! Christ, what a mouthful.
I do agree that Maty-Kate is very 90s American, and I personally don't like hyphenated names. But it's difficult to object to Francesca, it's a lovely name and even if it's not his taste, it's a perfectly "normal" name. They could be Liv and Frankie when they're older, which is a nice combo. I'd stick to your guns, but use Francesca the first name, especially as you've said you don't mind which way round the names go.

Calliope is the muse of music, song and dance. I knew a Calliope, who was always known as Poppy. Having said that, if you had an agreement with your DH and you accepted his choice of names, then he should accept yours. No question about it. If you have a third child, then you can start arguing!

On another note, I must say that I can't believe how many pp are saying that they find the husband's choices lovely. I've seen how brutal and picky MN can be when it comes to baby names. If someone made a regular baby name thread stating that they wanted to name their daughter Olive Athena or Calliope Theodora (especially this one), majority of MNers would be suggesting that they need to be sectioned for even thinking of it (bit dramatic but you get what I mean). Why the discrepancy? 🤔

Could people stop saying Olive is a horrible name? It’s the name of her first child, she already says she doesn’t like it. The OP needs to learn to love her first child’s name (which btw I genuinely do), she didn’t ask for opinions and you’re not helping.

OP, I wouldn’t hold him to this agreement for the sake of it. You already know what happens when one of you doesn’t like the other’s name choice. There must be one you both like?

I also think that choosing such different non matching names could be problematic for your girls. People who like one seem not to like the other, and that might be the case for your daughters too.

There obviously wasn't a name they both liked when naming their first child which is why they agreed to this arrangement of each naming one of their children. OP's DH agreed to that and he got the first child which gave him an advantage as they might not have been able to have a second child.

He is being both childish and dictatorial, reneging on the agreement which suited him at the time. His choice of names was more 'extreme' than OP's so he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He may not 'love' OP's choices, but they are perfectly normal names that won't raise any eyebrows. OP should stick to her guns. It's her turn to choose and her DH can suck it up like she had to.