Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

Wtf, there is NOTHING extreme about those names 😂I was thinking it would be something ludicrous.
YANBU

Your names aren't my favourite but they are fine. As for his choice, personally, I dislike Olive (Olivia/Livia both fine) but it's not awful and I think is increasing in popularity.

I quite like Theodora. Don't like Calliope or Mary-Kate.

It doesn't matter though because it's your child and your chosen name doesn't fall into the "fgs think of the children!" category.

He agreed to let you name this child and he needs to stick to his word.

Tell him you'll let him choose your second child's name when he agrees to change your first child's name. I.e. never.

Could you compromise and let him pick the middle name?

How does he feel about just Katherine Mary? You could shorten to Kate, Katy.

Lose the Francesca it just doesn't roll off the tongue.

FWIW I also think Olive is an ugly name

Calliope is a Greek name. I believe so is Athena and Theodora. Weird name choices unless he is Greek.

But they are all lovely names And great combinations. Stick to your guns.

I know Olive is not a Greek name, but it does have an association in English (olives) and with Athena and Calliope thrown in the mix I think it’s a fair question to ask if he is Greek or of Greek heritage.

It's a ridiculous agreement tbh, it would have been better to end up with a name both of you weren't overjoyed about rather than one parent hating one child's name.
We couldn't decide on a name for our first. In the end he wrote down a few names he liked and I picked one. Luckily the name was one I loved as soon as I saw it and was one I hadn't even thought about before.

So maybe then still give him a choice (which sounds like more than he gave you for DC1) - Francesca or Mary-Kate? He has to pick, and “I don’t like either” isn’t an option. None of your or his name choices are awful - Mary-Kate and Calliope are probably the more unusual (so personally I’d lean towards Francesca in terms of “fitting in” - although in style Mary actually fits really well with Olive as a sibset imo, both short, sweet and retro!).

Are you both eight?

You're on your second kid. Time to try adulting.

Mary-Kate? As in Mary-Kate and Ashley? Your DH is right. Why would you call your kid that? What are you going to call the next two? Selina and Miley? Olive isn’t great, in fairness, but surely you can settle on something that’s vaguely sensible.

I’d go with Athena Francesca, or Francesca Athena.

A lot of us/pp are missing the point.

It doesn’t matter what WE think of the names Olive or Mary-Kate.

OP is asking for advice/if she’s being unreasonable re: her agreement with her DH about the names.

It doesn’t matter what you or I think of the names.

Stop giving OP suggestions on what to “compromise” with (why should she?) or how much you love the name Calliope because you wanted to be a circus acrobat when you were 5.

OP - unless your DH is willing to get your first DD’s name changed - as a compromise - then you don’t have to “compromise” on your second DD’s name.

Unless he agrees that you can use YOUR “extreme veto” to change firstborn DD’s name now, since YOU dislike it, he doesn’t get to use a (nonexistent) “extreme veto” on the name you chose for your second DD.

Don't understand what all of the nasty and passive aggressive remarks on here are about or what people think they're accomplishing by being nasty... This isn't something that I'd choose to do personally but it isn't childish. It's a form of compromise. It's also not childish to disagree on names.

For the love of god, you've both picked lovely names that complement each other. I was thinking he'd picked a name like Ann and you wanted to call your second child flash! That is not this.

Athena Francesca or vice versa are really nice in my opinion

Mary-Kate is fine. I don't love it and wouldn't call my child it but it's not an objectively awful name. The husband is bang out of order to welch on his bargain when his suggestion is "Calliope".

What happened to "my word is my bond"? Where is his integrity?

With the hyphen it is ‘American’ but on their own Mary and Kate are fairly standard British names. I’d be thinking of the Olson twins.

How is Calliope pronounced?
CallieOP?
Calope?

never heard of that name or word.

My grandmother was called Olive and loathed it - doubly so because she wasn’t given a second name so couldn’t change out evolve it into anything else. She felt it was very flat, boring and utilitarian; a very ugly name that had no redeeming features.

i prefer Francesca to Mary Kate - partly because I was at school with a Francesca whose nickname was Cheskie which always seemed to be a cool nickname - so would thinking about what nicknames you’d use help to solve the dilemma of what to choose?

I do think that you need to point out (again!) the reason that you made the deal was because you couldn’t make a decision last time and that if you had pulled an exception to your first child’s name as he is trying to do, then you would have done so as he didn’t do a great job and you would still both be therr trying to decide a joint name. So no, he doesn’t get to have an exception, he gets to learn to live with your choice of name. Maybe if his sibling or parent had been murdered or raped by someone called by one of your chosen names, but I feel it is reasonable to assume that there is no obvious reason to play the exception card and that you have excluded any names that might be obviously traumatic for him.

It’s a long time since I had to register my dcs names - in person in the registry office, using the form that we had been given when the dc were discharged. I did dv1 on my own whereas DH was able to come along too for ds2. Just make sure that you keep the forms somewhere safe so that he can’t try to register the names himself. If I was devious I’d suggest just registering the name you want and presenting it id as a fat accompli.

And definitely start by choosing the name you like and start using it and telling people do it becomes harder for him to make it all about his choice. If he wasn’t prepared to honour and respect your original joint naming decision, he shouldn’t have made it. Or maybe say that he can have his choice of name but only if you get to do a deed pool and change your first child’s name to your choice and make the fires child change their name, regardless of whether they want to or not, because it’s the fathers choice.

Mary-Kate reminds me of the Olsen twins, HOWEVER, they are of a past era so meh no one your child’s age will associate that.

I think although not my personal choice (except one which is a family and a middle name for one of my DDs) they are very nice names.

Your DH is a controlling prick. I’d avoid any more conversations and don’t let him register the birth. Just go do it. My DF registered me (a long time ago) and I ended up with a name my DF chose not my mother, he had better taste thankfully, but I was lucky.

Cal - lie - oh - pee
She was one of the Greek Muses and the name means beautiful voice.

Wading in…to be frank, personally I think Olive is quite cute and Francesca is lovely. Mary-Kate is awful. Kate is pretty dull.

Calliope sounds like calipers (sorry!) Theodora is too much of a mouthful, though I quite like Dora.

I think you had a deal and I don't see why you should compromise on anything. Stick to the original deal. You pick the name this time.

Same way Persephone or Penelope are pronounced. Ca-lie-oh-pee