Godmother stole my son's name

[MagsMaggie]

My baby son's Godmother recently had a baby boy and called her son the EXACT same name as my son, her Godson. She did not even ask us before stealing his name. I know that my son does not "own a name" however we did not use another name as she asked us not to. The name we gave our son is unusual. She had not heard of the name until we named our son. What type of Godmother names her newborn son after her baby godson? Our sons are so close in age. She even used the exact same spelling. My partner and I are angry. Are we being unreasonable? I feel like she has ended her relationship with us by doing this

Unreasonable is the nicest term I would use for her.

That is some kind of F'd up to ask someone not to use a name because they are going to use it and then steal the name the other person did use.

Mind-boggling!

It's super weird and I'd consider going back to the original name you wanted.
Maybe she'll change her son's name, too, and it will confirm you are dealing with someone not playing with a full deck. It sounds already like there is something wrong with the GM.

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I can never really understand what sort of harm is caused by two humans having the same name. How is this actually going to affect you or your son in any way?

The only situation where I could see it was genuinely inconvenient and confusing was a news article by a man who had 2 daughters called Molly - one bio and one stepdaughter. But even then, it’s only a problem until one of them leaves home.

Given the background with her asking you not to use a name, I would be very clear to her that "either you choose another name immediately, perhaps to the one you asked us NOT to use and which, honouring your request and valuing our friendship, we chose a different name, or it becomes irrelevant if the boys have the same name as they won't be in each other's lives. "

So many people would lose a friendship over a single, odd decision. How sad.

GM has just given birth. She may not be thinking straight.

She also may not have thought it was a problem. Your child probably won't either. They'll probably bond with the younger child over their shares name.

of course, it could indicate a problem, but until you talk to her, all this talk of cutting her off is so sad.

I agree. If you still really like your original name choice, change it.

Have you had the Christening / naming ceremony yet? If not then change his God mother too. No apologies.

OP, I would say YANBU in this case, because of this point: ”I know that my son does not "own a name" however we did not use another name as she asked us not to.”
I would be asking her why she didn’t at least mention it to you to find out if you would mind, since she was so hell-bent on “reserving” a name that YOU weren’t supposed to use, at her behest.
Godmother’s use of a name that she had not heard of before you chose, it is at best, duplicitous…

She’s not a good friend and whilst no one does own a name, I think it was Shitty thing to do, in the same way as asking you not to choose the other name. Did she take that for the middle name too?

I sounds like this is a pattern of behaviour from her, and maybe time time to step back.

Very strange. At first i wanted to say how lovely she is honouring her godson, she didn't steal the name as you still have use of it but now... How odd. You say there are jealousy issues, could she be attempting to gain some control over you by getting you to change the name so they didn't have the same name, then copying you anyway! Sounds like a power trip.

YANBU. My kids have slightly unusual names and it would annoy me too. In fact I deliberately didn't use a name for DD2 that we quite liked as two old school friends had used it.

She does sound a bit unhinged to use exactly the same name that you've chosen and not the one she specifically requested you not to. The fact your mutual friends are messaging you to comment shows what they think of her.

Except OP has said there is more to this “friendship” than just this one instance of dickheadedry.

Although if she felt like that anyway, why make her god mother in the first place?

She sounds like a narcissist, wanting to be in control. She gets a kick being able to control and manipulate situations. Avoid, avoid, avoid - and you can definitely be angry.
I would walk away and never look back. Trust me, I know the signs. Dont ever let her influence you again! And dont give her the satisfaction of a confrontation either.

No big deal. Takenit as a compliment. Snd I would tell them so glad our name inspired you to use it.

YRBU

The kids are unlikely yo be close or friends later in life. And it doesnt affect then.

No. It’s a different name. That’s why the OP is upset. She didn’t use the name because she was asked not to- she chose something different. Then the GP used her new name.

It’s a compliment. I gave my daughter the same forename that my friend gave her daughter and one of my DH friends liked it and named his daughter the same. You do realise that they have popular baby name lists, how else would the lists change?

Is the name Bob-Buttons?

But GM gave same forename and middle name! OP says "both names".

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest but yes the fact she asked you not to use a certain name suggests she would be unhappy if shoe was on the other foot

Oh no. What is your son called now his name has so awfully gotten stolen from him???

Grow up. It's a name l. You do not own that collection of letters in that order. People can call their children what they like

“Stealing” isn’t quite the right word here because your son still has his name: “copied” would be more apposite I think. I can see why you’re annoyed, because it’s not generally a socially acceptable thing to do.

Oh well in that case go to the church elders and request all godparental rights are revoked!
Unless they have the child’s surname changed by deed poll to match as well I really wouldn’t worry about it. They’re just names that they both liked.

She is wrong to do so - particularly if she asked you not to use a specific name in the past.

I think what I would do is to say ‘that’s brilliant - we’ve been unsure about the name for 6 months (obv doesn’t work if your dc is 4 months!) so now you used it, we’re going back to the other name’.

If she’s that jealous, she may well change her name back and then register the birth!

Bit of a stretch

I hate this ‘just’ a name

When naming kids we don’t put a pin in a book and go ‘ah it’s just a name’

if it was we’d ask the midwife to choose.

Names have meanings, they need to fit the baby into adulthood, parents discuss and agonize over choices and even fall out over it. Some names make your blood ruin cold. Some names bring joy and happy memories.

All this ’gosh nothing to be upset about’ when clearly it is something people do get upset about.

If you are one of those people who ‘don’t own a name’ do you realize you are causing hurt and upset to others?

My sisters have children ‘with the same name’ and they haven’t spoken in 25 years. That’s how upset the older one was.

It hasn’t made a difference to the children involved? They both had one less cousin to play with.

If you stole a name can you hand on heart say it really didn’t make a difference having your child call Sarah’s Molly or Dawn’s Moly?

If think very differently of someone named their child the same as a close friend.

So yes it bothers people - it’s caused hurt, and I think that should be recognized.

Yes. Marvelous idea.

Bully the child and encourage your kid to do the same when it is absolutely not their fault.

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