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Original poster

Godmother stole my son's name

322 replies

MagsMaggie · 06/09/2023 11:16

My baby son's Godmother recently had a baby boy and called her son the EXACT same name as my son, her Godson. She did not even ask us before stealing his name. I know that my son does not "own a name" however we did not use another name as she asked us not to. The name we gave our son is unusual. She had not heard of the name until we named our son. What type of Godmother names her newborn son after her baby godson? Our sons are so close in age. She even used the exact same spelling. My partner and I are angry. Are we being unreasonable? I feel like she has ended her relationship with us by doing this

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LylaLee · 07/09/2023 18:06

To all the people saying YABU, can you honestly not see what a betrayal that was, and how it would affect the friendship?

It's the sneakiness and double standards that are a deal-breaker.

Life if a friend visiting your house slipped a cheap bottle of wine into their handbag when you popped to the loo. It's the sneakiness and betrayal that would end the friendship. Not the wine, which you would have let them have if they asked.

It's the lack of respect which is the problem.

Jwhb · 07/09/2023 19:11

Just because I think something is a ridiculous reason to end a friendship, doesn't mean I'd do it.

In your example, it's not having the same name that stopped the child playing with their cousin. It's having an aunt who is willing to sever their sibling relationship over something that cannot possibly hurt anyone.

That said, if I were considering the same name as a friend or close relative, I'd talk to them about it. I wouldn't be mad if they said they didn't want me to use the name, but I would think a lot less of them if they threatened to end our relationship if I did use it.

jellytable · 07/09/2023 20:29

Mentaldays · 07/09/2023 16:59

Things I’d like to do to annoy her would be

  1. change my babies name to the original name and say the name she picked was really annoying you and you couldn’t see it being used forever…..so faddie or
  2. Refer to my baby as say Charlie and hers as Charlie2…..with a tinkly little laugh. It will annoy her so much, and if she has the gaul to say anything I think I’d be saying the less she has to say on baby names the better and you’ll differentiate how you like! Keep it up forever!

Write the card:

Congratulations on the birth of Charlie2

Lots of love me and the original Charlie, No1!

It might make you feel better

I love this. Definitely do it.

Blueflower1612 · 07/09/2023 20:40

You have totally misread the comment. Of course people don’t veto their friends based on their names but in a situation where you know the children are likely to be close, why would you deliberately choose the same name. Names are important to a persons identity. At my sons nursey it is always confusing when you have children with the same name as you never know which one is being referred to. Your comment is rude and unhelpful.

StaunchMomma · 07/09/2023 20:50

I mean, a name cannot be stolen, obviously, BUT these are really weird circumstances.

I would have thought she'd at least have mentioned it to you, even if she just said they both love the name and couldn't agree on anything else or something.

Just, well, SOMETHING!!

I take it she's a friend, not a family member? Family would be even weirder.

StaunchMomma · 07/09/2023 20:52

God, I forgot about the bit where she asked you not to use another name and you obliged.

Now it's super mega weird and yes, I think I'd be PISSED!!

IvyIvyIvy · 07/09/2023 21:30

Maybe she loves your little bobby and just wanted a little bobby of her own

CM1897 · 07/09/2023 21:38

You keep saying you don’t own the name, but then act like you do own it. It’s just a name, a bunch of letters. Is it worth losing a good friend over?

Theroom · 07/09/2023 21:44

Tbh I wouldn't have told her my original first choice name in advance. And certainly wouldn't have not used it unless she was, like, weeks away from birthing a definite boy and this name had deep meaning for her husband and her.

If your baby is young enough, and I still preferred original name, I'd consider changing it.

I don't think anyone owns a name, but this specific scenario sounds like just one example of a pattern of her not being a good friend. I'd probably fade her out.

Sparkleshine21 · 07/09/2023 22:01

I don’t think it matters in the long run but I can see why you’re upset and feeling territorial. If it helps, I was so happy when I became friends with a girl who I shared a name with whilst at school, we both thought it was cool that we had the same name and we were mates.

IrishMammy101 · 07/09/2023 22:47

GM is sly and creepy. I agree with the jealousy/not liking OP comments. Under no circumstances should she have used your newborn sons name especially with the same spelling as he is her Godson. To say she was even considered as a Godmother she and OP and or OPs partner must be very close. I would be angry too. This is not the 1950s, the vast majority of people are not called the same few names. Some posters are stuck in the past. It sounds like you could have called your son dickhead and she would have still copied his name. You and your son are better off without that toxic jealousy. Enjoy your baby boy

Manthide · 08/09/2023 06:29

BodegaSushi · 06/09/2023 12:53

I agree, it's weird. My grandmother and her sister both named their first children the same name. Weirrrrrrrrd.

My mother in law and her sister both had baby girls the year after their db committed suicide and they both gave their daughters the female version of his name. They also both shortened the name to the same pet name ( only used for girls).

Manthide · 08/09/2023 06:36

My eldest daughter has an unusual name ( in the UK not in dh's home country) and my cousin said she really liked the name and asked me if she could use it for her baby if it was a girl. I didn't mind in the least - she had a boy in the end - but in that case we only see each other a few times a year and there would have been about 15 years age difference.

dressedforcomfort · 08/09/2023 08:21

More weird than anger inducing IMO.

I agree with this. It's not something I would do. But maybe she just really really fell in love with the name.

Tbh, I can't believe you would consider ending a relationship with your son's Godparent over this.

LadyBird1973 · 08/09/2023 08:32

I'd end the relationship because it's not just a name - using a popular name really is different to copying an unusual one! There could be a million good reasons why a person chooses a popular name, but no good reason why they copy their friend's unusual choice, bar jealousy. It's creepy behaviour. She's sly and a bit unhinged and I wouldn't want that in my life.

I also suspect the people who say it's just a name, get over it, wouldn't be so blasé in real life if they were in your position. Names exist to identify us from other people - in copying so completely she's rendered the purpose of naming completely null and void.

Angrycat2768 · 08/09/2023 09:48

dressedforcomfort · 08/09/2023 08:21

More weird than anger inducing IMO.

I agree with this. It's not something I would do. But maybe she just really really fell in love with the name.

Tbh, I can't believe you would consider ending a relationship with your son's Godparent over this.

If she'd fallen in love with the name ( both first and second?) then surely you would mention something to your friend. Especially one that months before you has asked not to use their first choice name because you wanted it? Not sure I'd want her as godmother to my child

Manthide · 08/09/2023 12:03

Dd2 has a ds whose name is slightly out there. I can't imagine there will be another child with the same name at school when he goes. It would be strange if one of her close friends who lived near her chose the same name but I'm thinking of the second baby who will know the first baby had the name first! It'd be different if the name was relatively common eg Archie or Harry but if it was something like Artemis I think it would be odd. I don't think I'd end the friendship but I'd probably ask why.

Manthide · 08/09/2023 12:07

My friend's dil was expecting a baby around the same time as dd2 ( live very far apart) and dd2 had told me if their baby was a girl she'd be called Evelyn. My friend's granddaughter was born first and they called her Evelyn. I was pleased dd2 had a boy.

Sennelier1 · 08/09/2023 14:55

YANBU, I would be upset too. I just wonder.......why??? Maybe she would like for other people to be confused about who's baby is hers/yours? Does she try to identify with your life? Does she have any reason to be jealous? This is not normal behaviour, especially not since she asked to save your first choice of name for her child!

FreddieMercurysCat · 08/09/2023 18:55

I seriously couldn't even be bothered to be arsed about it. We have several family members with the same names. No one bats an eyelid.

Totaly · 08/09/2023 21:09

We have several family members with the same names. No one bats an eyelid

Just because you don’t mind doesn’t mean others wouldn’t.

The whole thing is rude!

Missminniesmummy2023 · 09/09/2023 11:20

YADNBU
She’s not your friend… she’s a CF!!

I’d cut her off!

Beachywave · 09/09/2023 18:15

I’d think it was bloody weird but I wouldn’t end a friendship over it.

LylaLee · 09/09/2023 18:56

Beachywave · 09/09/2023 18:15

I’d think it was bloody weird but I wouldn’t end a friendship over it.

This is someone who has been given a unique position of honour in OP's life (godmother).

This person clearly thinks it is important not to duplicate names. She even vetoed a name OP loved in order to avoid duplication.

Then she turns around and (1) does the thing they asked OP not to do, (2) did it without discussion or apology.

"Maybe if she has said, I'm so sorry OP, we were dead set on Braxton-Chaz, but when we saw him he looked like a 'Rhubarb', that would still have been irritating but nowhere near the level of disrespect as just silently doing whatever the fuck she wanted.

The people you need in your life are people who like and respect you. The CF has demonstrated neither sentiment towards OP.

As the saying goes, 'with friends like that who needs enemies?!'

Lalalalala555 · 10/09/2023 01:38

You've got a right to have emotions.

But also. It is a name. People have the same name. People are allowed to name their children. Yes it may be frustrating to you. But you do not own rights to a name. No one does. (i think?)

But ultimately, if this is a person, that you care about besides this issue. And that you enjoy having in your life. Then I wouldn't end a friendship over a name. Friendships are very valuable if they're are good ones.