Don't want to continue husband's 'familial middle name'

[HoitiToiti]

We are in the process of deciding on a name for our son. I'm Irish and dh is Irish too but 'Anglo-Irish' as he'd say.

We are going for an Irish first name. Want a 'Gaelic' middle name too.

DH's middle name is Thomas. His father's middle name is Thomas, his grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great grandfather's middle name was Thomas. His great great grandfather's first name was Thomas.

DH and DMil really want out child to have the middle name Thomas. I don't like it too much. I suggested Tomás as it's an Irish form, but they are insisting on Thomas.

DMil says it is important to keep the name as it's a 'family' thing. The great great grandfather was a successful businessman in Dublin... who moved to Ireland from England. He was born in 1850 something I'm told, and is where dh's parent's modest amount of 'family money' comes from... which they have since spent the last of on Caribbean cruises...

(I love the name Thomas, btw, so I'm biased)

Caribbean cruses is a great way to spend money I hope you get to do the same

You can have several middle names
Seems mean not to keep family tradition but also no one should put pressure on you

Made me laugh :)

I love the way everyone wants to call him STUD.
@Anothernamechange4 DS also commits the MN crime of cheerfully changing his first name according to where we are at the time. He'll introduce himself with one pronunciation in English, another if he's speaking Dutch, and uses the Spanish one in Spain.

It would be fine to have 2 middle names and not matter one bit how many are Anglo or Irish

You are overthinking this. It will barely be used, it's a non controversial name and it will keep the peace

YANBU in general, although your reasons seem to be unrelated to the name.

I put my foot down about a family first name (although not for nationalist reasons - purely because it was boring, and having the same name as your father is a pain with the post), and gave it to him as a middle name instead. I think 2 middle names is the fairest way to go (and nothing weird about Irish names mixed with English names - but then I work with people from all over, so a mix of cultures in one person is very common)

Well, I hope you mention to your MIL that that you are very happy to continue the tradition of Thomas and the grandparents paying for private school, but that they'll be delighted to learn that you prefer day school and Belvedere is considerably cheaper than Ampleforth.

Definitely sneak Clarke in after Thomas as a middle name when you register the birth. She'll never know, but you will and it will be a delight.

Haven't heard the term West Brit in many years!

Have 2 middle names, quite simple really. Kind of what we did, there's a tradition in my husband's family (although no one ever mentioned it when I was pregnant) that the oldest boy takes the dad's first name as a middle name. We never found out the sex until the birth so no one ever really asked us about names. Our second child was a boy and even though I knew we'd have another child I knew I also wanted one of my kids to have my grandads name as a middle name. So our eldest son has 2 middle names my grandads name and my husband's. We picked the order that sounded best and made sure the initials didn't spell something silly! Have 2 middle names then you and your husband are both happy, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Haven't heard the term West Brit in many years!

I don't think I've ever heard it used in sincerity!

When is he ever doing to writing his initials out ? If you told be your babiy name was
Simon thomas devlin I would not roar STD !!! OMG !

They are called STI's now anyways

The precedent being that everything has to be OP's way, her DH has no say in anything regarding his son? Good luck with that attitude.

Oh get away with you. Thomas is a family name, regardless of if all the money has been spent

your dh wants to use it,it’s a middle name,it doesn’t matter and I don’t understand the initial thing, why is the Irish version ok but the English not when they start with the same initial

just give him the name

What in the Somerville and Ross is going on here?

Who knew there were nationalist/Anglos Irish familial struggles going on in 2023. How quaint. Sounds like something from Molly Keane’s Good Behaviour.

I’m Irish, I’m even from the dreaded D4 and I’m not sure I’ve ever met an actual Anglo-Irish person, and certainly no one who was sent abroad to be educated in an English boarding school.

I’d have thought the Anglos would be rattling around their crumbling piles in Wicklow or Sligo.

p.s. My grandad was a Thomas and he did a stint in Frongoch.

I get what you're talking about 'west Brits' and Republicans but really at this point surely that is all in the past. Thomas is a very common name in Ireland I just checked the CSO it was no 16 on the list for baby boys last year.

It sounds like it is important to your DH so I'd go with it. It's not like the family name is 'Flappicuspian' or something

It was definitely a sincere snark (from certain how-can-you-stand-up-straight-with-that-chip-on-your-shoulder quarters) about Trinity students in the 90's.

Or Winston. 😜Flappicuspian is pretty fabulous, though.

Op: AIBU?

Everyone: YES

Op: NO because politics

Give baby two middle names so the poor thing doesn't have STD as initials and stop being so judgmental about how your in laws spend their money.

In the spirit of complete honesty I think I may have referred to John Bruton as a 'west Brit' when I read an interview where he claimed the proudest day of his life was the one when he met Prince Charles.

This is such a non-issue.

Maybe if he wanted the name 'Danger' or 'Spiderman' or even 'Thor'. But it's a nice normal name.

You've got the first name you want. Loads of people have more than one middle name. Just add Thomas in.

This nonsense of an Irish+English+ whatever doesn't match is bollocks. No one gives a shit about middle names, except the parent, and Maybe someone close to a person being honoured by a middle name. No one else cares. You ask what a new baby's full name is, then forget the rest. I've never known people's middle names, unless in a Billy Bob, both names in daily use situation.

You don't like your in laws. Fine. But your husband gets to name his child too.

If it's important to your husband and his family why not? It's a perfectly reasonable name and there is nothing wrong with having 2 middle names

I had the same, OP.
On my ex husband's side they all had the same, very masculine, middle name and expected everyone to follow suit. Even the girls. I agreed to it for my son but put my foot down hard when it came to my daughter. No-one objected. Would have been tough shit if they did anyway.
I am and always will be very glad I did that. And so is my daughter.

Yes I think you are being very U. You are not god of names, your DH has equal input.

Give him Thomas and another name if you don’t like the initials- but clearly this is nonsense as you’d have been happy with Thomas spelt differently (but same initial).

Plus if I am honest this seems like an attempt to align the baby with your side of the family and their beliefs which is absolutely not fair to your DH or the baby. Who knows what the baby will think/ feel. If you give him a choice of names he may well be grateful and can always drop/ change Thomas later if HE wants to.

It’s important to your DH and his family, which you and your children are a part of.

It’s a good solid non offensive name which won’t be used in day to day life.

Pick your battles!!

Give him two middle names then. No one spares a thought to them anyway.

It’s not daft - loads of people have mixed names. I’m in London and loads of international couples with kids choose names that reflect their mixed heritage.

Its actually a nice way to reflect both the cultures that the child comes from.

I get there are cultural differences ( even though both Irish ), but you married and chose to have a child with him- it’s not fair to erase his background.