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Original poster

Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

365 replies

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 17:02

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

OP posts:
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ChrisPPancake · 28/04/2023 18:59

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:45

I say the same thing I said before. He isn't her father and he hasn't raised her completely, they had shared custory. She was home every other weekend and half the holidays.

Yes again, she has known everyone and everything more than me. She knew the existence of Colombia before me. She has known our mum more than me. All these don't neglect the reality that it is our mother and Colombia is a country.

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Tf has Colombia got to do with it?!

If you'd explicitly said "Hey sis, I'm naming my baby after dad" and she'd got there first then I can see why you'd be miffed, but from what you've posted you didn't do that?

You can speculate all you like but if you want to know why you did it you'll need to ask her. And if he's been in her life since she was 2 it's entirely possible that he sees her children as his first grandchildren.

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 18:59

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 28/04/2023 18:55

It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Your sisters baby is his first grandchild.

We don’t know if he considers the sister’s baby to be.

He may very well consider OP’s daughter to be his first, which she indeed is.

SongsThatBoughtTheHouseAndCars · 28/04/2023 18:59

I think she sounds a bit desperate OP. Giving kids a middle name that’s a nod to a relative is one thing, or giving one child a grandparents name is possibly sweet, but giving both her children the names of her mum and step dad, it’s too much. I bet a part of your parents think that too and I’m not surprised your dad apologised to your sisters real dad. It’s ridiculous.

Imagine your parents introducing themselves and your sisters kids to someone one day ‘I’m Jane, this is my husband Philip, and here’s 2 of our grandchildren also called, erm, errr, Jane and.....Philippa.’ 😅

My advice would be to give your new baby girl a new name. She’s not a mini ‘girl version’ of your dad and she deserves a name different to her cousin.

Minimalme · 28/04/2023 19:00

Please let this go. You are so fortunate to have a Dad you love enough to want to name your child after him.

I had a shit Dad, shit Mum and because of our shit upbringing, have no relationship with my siblings.

On the upside, I also have no one to feud with.

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 19:01

aSofaNearYou · 28/04/2023 18:47

What kind of logic is this? Is this a reasonable stick to beat all younger siblings with?

Personally, I think OP is just going to have to let this one go - if she didn't make her intentions to use the name clear then it's just one of those things. But the comments on this thread are dismissive and nasty.

So often it's argued on MN that there is no reason for younger half siblings to have any complex feelings about growing up with half siblings they are constantly made to concede are just as beloved to their parent as they, there biological child is, even if they have two present parents themselves. Well, here is the evidence that they can and do. If only there was half as much empathy for that as there is for step children.

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Indeed. Telling them they’re wrong for feeling that way doesn’t change the fact that many do.

ittakes2 · 28/04/2023 19:01

If you had said you were going to have a particular name and she took it that would be unfair. But it’s alarming you think you have more tabs on your father as she is not his blood. She has known him as a father for as long as she can remember and I am guessing he feels strongly about her too.

Original poster
Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 19:03

KnackeredAF · 28/04/2023 18:50

Well

I’m the sister in this scenario.
My son has the same name as my half sisters’ deceased father. He was absent for one of them, and he was a horrible abusive husband whilst married to my mum.
I’m the youngest, so had nothing to do with him.

The name is a family name for my partner, and two of our closest friends have the same name. We both had it as our first choice. I discussed it with no one because I didn’t want to encourage the association - I clearly didn’t pick it for him.

Are you sure there’s no other reason for her picking the name? Maybe her partner loves the name and it was nothing to do with your dad when they picked it?

I am very sorry to what happened to you and your family.

I am 100% sure she named her "Alexandra" for my dad. She was like "I have surprise for you, look at the name tag". She keeps sending messages on the group family "Cheeky like "Alexander" bet she will be a great cook like him".

Like 10 or 20 messages a day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 19:04

ittakes2 · 28/04/2023 19:01

If you had said you were going to have a particular name and she took it that would be unfair. But it’s alarming you think you have more tabs on your father as she is not his blood. She has known him as a father for as long as she can remember and I am guessing he feels strongly about her too.

She has not known him as a father. She has a father who is present and helped raised her. She knew who her dad was growing up.

OP posts:
SongsThatBoughtTheHouseAndCars · 28/04/2023 19:05

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 28/04/2023 18:55

It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Your sisters baby is his first grandchild.

You can say that, but it’s not true. This woman has a bio dad who is involved in her life. It’s his grandchild.

bridgetreilly · 28/04/2023 19:05

Great news, OP, you still have two and a half months to GET OVER IT.

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 19:06

ittakes2 · 28/04/2023 19:01

If you had said you were going to have a particular name and she took it that would be unfair. But it’s alarming you think you have more tabs on your father as she is not his blood. She has known him as a father for as long as she can remember and I am guessing he feels strongly about her too.

It’s not alarming that his actual daughter thinks that she is special to her own father.

LuckyPeonies · 28/04/2023 19:07

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 18:58

If I was her father. I'd be p*ssed off. Now I just need to find a new name.

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Yes, that definitely sounds like a deliberate snub to her father. Which, considering you stated he was in her life and shared custody and they have a decent relationship, is not nice of her at all. Did you tell your dad you meant to name your child after him? Does he have a middle name you could use instead? Or a relative he loved you could name your daughter after?

DannyZukosSmile · 28/04/2023 19:07

ChrisPPancake · 28/04/2023 18:59

Tf has Colombia got to do with it?!

If you'd explicitly said "Hey sis, I'm naming my baby after dad" and she'd got there first then I can see why you'd be miffed, but from what you've posted you didn't do that?

You can speculate all you like but if you want to know why you did it you'll need to ask her. And if he's been in her life since she was 2 it's entirely possible that he sees her children as his first grandchildren.

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Yeah, I don't get the sister knowing about the existence of Colombia reference either. Confused

TheMarsian · 28/04/2023 19:07

She also had an involved step dad and wanted to acknowledge that.
what’s wrong with that? Are you only ‘allowed’ to acknowledge your bio dad?

NewNovember · 28/04/2023 19:08

Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 17:17

And? He is not her father. She has known our mother longer too, doesn't make me any less of my mum's child. She has a father, who took care of her.

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Yes he is her step father. Sorry your second opinion didn't go well.

TheMarsian · 28/04/2023 19:09

LuckyPeonies · 28/04/2023 19:07

Yes, that definitely sounds like a deliberate snub to her father. Which, considering you stated he was in her life and shared custody and they have a decent relationship, is not nice of her at all. Did you tell your dad you meant to name your child after him? Does he have a middle name you could use instead? Or a relative he loved you could name your daughter after?

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Or he’ll be delighted she had someone else in her life that had her back….

Original poster
Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 19:09

whumpthereitis · 28/04/2023 18:59

We don’t know if he considers the sister’s baby to be.

He may very well consider OP’s daughter to be his first, which she indeed is.

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No. He doesn't consider her children as his grandkids, as a way to show respect to her father, who became his friend. He is known by a silly nickname made up by the oldest who couldn't say his name properly. It stayed since!

OP posts:
ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 28/04/2023 19:10

Did she say she was choosing the name because he's a dad to her or was she choosing it because she likes the name and appreciates everything he's done for her? They're different. I don't think she's done it because 'it's her dad'.

Original poster
Maxinemumof2 · 28/04/2023 19:11

NewNovember · 28/04/2023 19:08

Yes he is her step father. Sorry your second opinion didn't go well.

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What?

Her bio dad also took care of her. We can't erase that fact.

OP posts:
messysewingbox · 28/04/2023 19:11

What's done is done, and as she obviously won't be changing her daughter's name all you can do is find a name you love for your daughter and put it behind you.
If I were you I'd find a completely new name that you love outright, or, if family names are important to you you could look back along the family tree to find a first and middle name which reflect both sides of your family. Grandmothers or great- grandmothers?

DollyP88 · 28/04/2023 19:12

It is annoying when this happens but he was her stepfather at least. My husband’s totally unrelated friend named his child after my husband’s late father. Weirdly not his own kind father. But some people are totally fine with there being several with the same name. Might you regret already using his name (but not really as it’s a different name) if you have a son one day? I’d go for a different girl name personally and keep your father’s actual name for a potential son one day. At least she can’t have an Alexandra and an Alexander if she ever has a son now.

EspressoMePronto · 28/04/2023 19:13

Going against the grain, and given everyone has already said you don’t own a name: I think it’s pretty fkn weird she called her child after your dad when her dad is both in the picture and was a decent dad. That just feels odd to me.

Do you and your sister get on well?

InvincibleInvisibility · 28/04/2023 19:13

I agree with PP. Your baby is a brand new person. Not a tribute to any existing living person.

Give her her own name. And use the middle name to "pay tribute" to a parent if you want.

DS1 = first name = his own, middle name = DHs name

DS2 = first name = his own, middle name = name linked to my name

Both boys are thrilled to be linked to us like that (they can be soppy)

Jellifulfruit · 28/04/2023 19:15

No I’m with you. Sorry but it actually annoys me when people name their kids after mine, totally petty but still doesn’t change my view 😄

DollyP88 · 28/04/2023 19:15

EspressoMePronto · 28/04/2023 19:13

Going against the grain, and given everyone has already said you don’t own a name: I think it’s pretty fkn weird she called her child after your dad when her dad is both in the picture and was a decent dad. That just feels odd to me.

Do you and your sister get on well?

I’d be pretty gutted as the actual dad, if I thought we had a good relationship of course. But I know someone who did the same thing with someone unrelated. I’ve written about it in the post above yours.