Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

[Maxinemumof2]

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

This.

What say you @Maxinemumof2 ?

@Maxinemumof2 I understand you feel gazumped, but if your dad came into her life when she was 2 then he was very much involved with her upbringing and it seems she loves him too.

Could you name yours something hyphenated or something?

I think the family name is a nice thing, and it'll mean any subsequent children you might have can share it too without having to worry too much.

Same, I'd be gutted.

I think I'd still use the name though. It wouldn't feel right to not use a name I loved for this reason.

I can see why you’re upset. That would piss me off too. But in my experience if there are two pregnancies in the same family and there could be contention over a name, it’s always best to get in first and shout from the rooftops about what you intend to call them.

Your Dad must be a great man for you both to really want to use his name. Carry on and use the name if you feel strongly, but there are some lovely girls names out there, and if you’re using the Alexandra / Danielle purely because it’s a nod to your Dad and not just because you love the name then maybe have a rethink.

Might be off the cuff here but I think it's wrong

As someone who has half siblings in my life, if they named their baby after my mum, I'd be fuming

“No, she wasn't supposed to know the family member was my dad. “

So, she didn’t know that you wanted to use Alexandra (say) - I really don’t think she’s done anything wrong here, though I understand you are upset.

FWIW, I decided the name of my first born when I was 8 - if my MIL had happened to be called Davina, I would still have used David for him (not the actual names) and it wouldn’t have been to “honour” her.

I say the same thing I said before. He isn't her father and he hasn't raised her completely, they had shared custory. She was home every other weekend and half the holidays.

Yes again, she has known everyone and everything more than me. She knew the existence of Colombia before me. She has known our mum more than me. All these don't neglect the reality that it is our mother and Colombia is a country.

What kind of logic is this? Is this a reasonable stick to beat all younger siblings with?

Personally, I think OP is just going to have to let this one go - if she didn't make her intentions to use the name clear then it's just one of those things. But the comments on this thread are dismissive and nasty.

So often it's argued on MN that there is no reason for younger half siblings to have any complex feelings about growing up with half siblings they are constantly made to concede are just as beloved to their parent as they, there biological child is, even if they have two present parents themselves. Well, here is the evidence that they can and do. If only there was half as much empathy for that as there is for step children.

For the same reasons than you. She wanted to celebrate the man that has brought her up since she was 2yo. The man that is NOT her father which is why this was probably even more important for her to acknowledge that bond.
I Actually think that what your sister did is lovely tbh

Well

I’m the sister in this scenario.
My son has the same name as my half sisters’ deceased father. He was absent for one of them, and he was a horrible abusive husband whilst married to my mum.
I’m the youngest, so had nothing to do with him.

The name is a family name for my partner, and two of our closest friends have the same name. We both had it as our first choice. I discussed it with no one because I didn’t want to encourage the association - I clearly didn’t pick it for him.

Are you sure there’s no other reason for her picking the name? Maybe her partner loves the name and it was nothing to do with your dad when they picked it?

If it was a completely unique variation of the name that no one else in the world had, I'd be annoyed.

Otherwise there are lots of people out there with that name so I wouldn't be annoyed over one instance of it. And I'd just name my child the same thing if I wanted. My brother just named his son the same first name as my partner of 15 years (just because they liked the name), no one was bothered.

I do get why you'd be annoyed by it but you can't really call dibs on a baby name. Especially if your sister didn't even know you wanted it.
In this case I don't think your sister did anything wrong, sorry.
Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones!

#TeamReddit

You don't seem mature enough to be having kids.

By all means smoke Netmums and Tattle up next though.

“I clearly didn’t pick it for him” meaning the deceased father, not the newborn son. I definitely picked his name 🙃

EH?

It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Your sisters baby is his first grandchild.

Because she loves him OP I can see your point but honestly let this be the last time you think about it. It’s over and done and it won’t help you to go on about it.

Hi @Maxinemumof2, I'd be annoyed, too. Actually upset, probably. So what if others think you're unreasonable, it's your first child, you feel what you feel. That said, I hope you can all be friends going forward, it'll be fantastic for the girls to have each other growing up.

Thanks for the advice and for your ability to judge my maturity to have a child :)

I would be really upset if this had happened to me!

So now she has little my mum and little my dad.

I would use both your mum and dad's names as two middle names, and an even better fabulous amazing first name. Your baby will be her own person with her own name and also honour your parents. Head over to the baby name forum and post an if I like this name what else would I like and we will suggest some lovely names.

Not really though, they aren’t related at all.

OP’s baby is his first grandchild.

If I was her father. I'd be p*ssed off. Now I just need to find a new name.

I’m with you @Maxinemumof2 - I think it’s a bit strange for sure and I’m sure she 100% realised what she did.

I do wonder though if her reason was a thoughtful one - kind of showing your father how much he means to her….. you don’t need to prove anything to him as he’s your own father but perhaps she wanted to show him a special thank you for bringing her up so nicely (even though she also had her own dad).

That being said, she was pretty thoughtless to you/your feelings and I think should have mentioned it…..but that’s why I don’t think she did. I think she knew what she was doing.

There are so many ways in which you can show your father how much you love him and your baby’s name is just one of them. And to be honest, the female version of your dad’s name isn’t really naming her after him. It’s a nod towards but not his actual name. I think it would have been worse we’re you both having boys and she had named her boy after him - same name.

You could always see what your dad’s name means and then find another girls name which has the same sort of meaning. Or like others have said, use your mother’s name as a middle name etc.

I agree with Reddit. From the way you were writing the post I assumed your father has tragically died! No one owns a name.