Annoyed that my sister named her baby after my father

[Maxinemumof2]

Hello everyone. I have already posted on reddit and people were in majority saying that I was an assh*le. So I thought my not ask mothers/future mothers or fathers what they think rather than a bunch of adolescents.

I am pregnant, due July the 14 with a little girl that I was planning on naming him after my father. My sister was also pregnant and gave birth on the 4th of April to a gorgeous girl she named after my father ( Think Daniel/Danielle , Alexander/Alexandra). I am happy for her but I am so annoyed.

He is not her father, but mine. Our mum met my dad when my sister was 2 , they got married and had me 8 years later.
She has a father, he didn't abandon her. She is in good terms with her and our mother and even goes play golf with my father.

So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild. I wanted it to be special for him.

Should I say something or just move on?

This woman has called her first born after her/your mum and her second child a variation of your dads name, who isn’t her dad? Wtf? She’s mad. Is she trying to be the favourite? 🤣 I’m imagining your mum and dad to be called Claire and Paul and she’s got these two poor kids called Claire and Paula. 🤣 What a nutter!🤣

I think call your daughter something new, something that suits her when you see her, and keep her out of the family name weirdness. She’ll thank you for it one day. 😉

OP I can see why you’re frustrated and it’s always a bit complicated with blended families so there are probably other elements at play that have led you to feel resentful. Why don’t you honour your mother or fathers line by choosing a grandparents name? Or choose a totally different first name and then keep the dad name as your baby’s middle name (or choose your mums name for baby’s middle name). You can say that you don’t want them to have same first name as cousins but still wanted to carry on the family names with the middle names.

@Maxinemumof2 I have to say I'd be pretty pissed too. But unfortunately nothing you can do about it now. Did your sister know you were planning on using that name?

Maxinemumof2 · Today 17:02
So why name your baby after my father? It is his first grandchild

Because she likes the name and probably your father too ?
As PPs have said, that doesn't have to mean that you can't use it too.

OP, I can sort of see why you feel put out, but would it help if you look at it from the angle that she clearly loves / appreciates your father, which is a great thing, rather than seeing it as something that she might have done to slight you?

😂 also this. Quite strange to carry on the name with the first names. Just imagining my daughter Stevenia really loving her name 😂

It sounds like your bio dad / her step dad spent a lot more time bringing her up than her own bio dad did. She was only with him every other weekend, it's not that much in comparison. Is it so hard for you to believe that someone can be closer to their step dad than their bio dad?

We had a similar situation. My bil found out when baby was a few months old he was a father. He stepped up. Baby was called the same name as his grandfather. (Absolute fluke as he did not name baby) fast forward to me and DH having a baby. We decided on a name. It was my DH grandmothers name. Bil said even if you call baby by that name I will also call my next child same name. We chose a different name (really pleased we did) bil was true to his word and called next child the grandmothers name. Really pissed me off at the time.

I am clearly in a minority but I’d be annoyed too. I wouldn’t say anything but I’d be quite gutted.

YABVU. He’s raised her since she was two. He IS her father. How mean of you to say he isn’t!

She uses your dad’s name because she loves him. He’s been in her life since she was two years old and she loves him. It’s really that simple.

‘She has her own dad’ doesn’t impact on that. Perhaps she loves them equally, perhaps she loves your dad more. It’s honestly none of your business, as you don’t own your father, you don’t get to gatekeep who loves him and how much, or how they choose to express that love.

The overwhelming majority of posters on two very different platforms have told you that they think you’re wrong. As you’re apparently unwilling to accept either that YTA or YABU, what is it you’re hoping to achieve here?

Thank you. At least the baby will have my dad's family name. So I have that to give some happiness and reassurance. I don't know why I feel this way, I am happy for my sister and my dad is a fantastic person so I should feel happy that my sister all feels that way.

I am struggling to move on.

You can still use the name. Cousins with the same / similar name is really not an issue in real life only on mumsnet

There's no family tradition here. OP told her she wanted to name her child after a family member but she didn't know who yet, which is quite strange.

Her sister had already named her first child after their mother.

Her father also raised her. Why is everyone talking like she has been abandoned by her father? I still see her dad to this day. He's very much present in her life.

I'd be pissed off and i'd tell her why it's upset me

I've read further back in the thread, and also re-read the original post.

Your question tends to whether you should say something to your sister or not. When I contemplate any form of confrontation, I ask myself what it is I hope to get out of it.

In this instance it seems there isn't anything to be gained. The baby is named. This isn't going to change no matter what you say to DSis. It's not going to bring about any outcome other than angst - most likely on your part, because it might be seen as territorial over who has the 'right' to see dad as dad. She could then claim with some justification that you were being unreasonable.

I see why you're upset. But it does seem that this is one of those issues in life to which there is no solution. A PP gives excellent advice when she says this is a little person in her own right and deserves her own name.

It's your first child. IME there's no time in your life that could ever equal the happiness that comes with expecting your first and celebrating your new little arrival. You will likely come to regret it if you allow this situation to spoil it.

Congratulations on your new family and I wish you a safe and happy delivery.

I’d say give her, her own name and then use the female version of your dads name as her middle name. My cousin has the same first name as my middle name as that’s how it worked out - we were both named after our great grandma 😁

You could consider what was done years ago in naming tradition and give baby your maiden name as her middle name. Or give her a slightly different name to your mum's which has her name within. Think Lisa, becomes Alissa, Melissa, Helen becomes Ellen or Elena etc.

Thank you. We have a list of names we like. So time to go through that. You are very understanding.

I think you're being petty.

Name your baby after your mother.
Or use the feminine version of your father's name as a middle name.

Or go outside family names altogether. There are thousands of nice names out there.

Just get over it and name your baby how you like. Plenty of cousins share names from relatives. Or choose the same name because they like it.

Just appreciate the fact you are having a baby and enjoy.

I would just name your baby after your dad anyway to be honest!

I'd carry on and use the same name personally.

@Maxinemumof2 - did your dad have a second name that you could use (in a feminine version) for your dd?

Or would you share the name here (maybe in the baby names section) and see if we can come up with something similar, that you would like?

YYY to this!

You never hear of testosterone being blamed when there's a knife fight or football hooliganism. But it's the root of so many problems in society.