DD hates her name and surname

[9thFloorNightmare]

She is 15 now.

The pregnancy was so good, the only issue was finding a name!
I could not choose. It was agony.

One day, just before her birth, I woke up from a lovely afternoon nap, the TV was on and 1st thing I heard / saw was an ad of a product with a human and - the image of a lovely young girl (I didn't know the baby's sex). Right at that time I decided if she was a girl she would have that name.

It is an international (could be pretty much from a lot of different countries and cultures) short, simple, easy to spell, sounds good (to my ears) name. In hindsight I could have choses a middle name, but I jus't couldn't ;(

She hates it. Hates her surname too which is a traditional surname in the UK.

Any one dealing with the same at home?

But she doesn’t want advice on the name.

It isn’t pointless or tedious actually - it’s interesting really.

Depends on the name - I'm not clear if DD is named after the product (as in Renault, to use a previous example) or the girl in the advert (as in Nicole).

But if it's product, and the name is known for or identifiable as the product, I can understand why DD may not love it.

I’d start a conversation about what she’d like to change it to, and why. Ask her to research how to do it and associated costs.

(A proud name-changer).

I disagree.

OP has asked people to share how they have handled similar situations. Hating your name is one thing, but hating your name, that also happens to be the name of a product that was available to buy in 2007, is another.

The girl might have legitimate grounds for hating her name.

There's absolutely no reason why she can't change her first name. She just tells people to call her X from now on and doesn't answer to anything else. Ask the school to put (X) against her name in the register and they will underline it to show that's what she is to be called. As for surname, she can change that legally herself in a couple of years if she wants to.

Well yes, but that ignores the reality that these default archaic norms in the UK exist — and exist strongly. I only know a tiny handful of married British women who've bucked the tide to carry their husband's surname. Might as well put this misogynistic practice to some use, use it to your own advantage.

It functions as a less hurtful excuse - OP for example is clearly upset by their daughter's attitude towards her name. Many families might view it as discarding family history.

Of course you should be free to choose your own damned surname, but since the majority of women in the UK carry the husband's name, again, you might as well go with the useful default flow.

How would that change the thread though @Calphurnia88 ?

I find this bizarre. Why did your husband keep a name he hates and why have you taken it and given it to your kids?

What difference does it make if Op has or hasn't shared the name?

It could be the plainest name or the fanciest the fact is the owner doesn't like it.

The gift giver is feeling a bit rejected. And probably a bit hurt. But needs to navigate her way out of a situation.

Op thinking of surname, would you consider changing yours too, either back to your birth name, or consider your mum's maiden name?
I do think family names are important as a part of identity.

No, it wouldn't matter to me what the name was or what the product was. If my mother had told me a story about how she woke up and was watching a commercial starring a "human" (?) and a little girl, and decided to name me the name of the product in the commercial, I wouldn't like it.

Is it Daisy?

If it's a nice name that most people wouldn't link to the product she is named after (assuming I've read correctly and that's what OP has done), that might suggest that it's not really about the name, and something else is going on. Or it's a teenage phase. In that case discussing name-change options might be hasty, and/or miss what is really going on.

If however, if it's a name that most people would link to the product then I can understand why DD might dislike it. And kids (especially teenagers) can be cruel. So discussing name-change options might be appropriate.

I guess I've answered my own question. Without knowing the name, OP needs to get to the bottom of why DD dislikes it in order to deal with it appropriately.

Dove?

Don’t entertain that sort of nonsense.

Id just say “I hear you don’t like your name. That must be hard. You can change it to whatever you like at 18. Happy to call you a nickname until then so just let me know.”

Repeat. Typical teen identity crisis- 99% likely she will move on soon.

But nice is very subjective, and the point of the thread is that the DD doesn’t think it is nice.

The name I’ve spent my life being called is beloved on here but I think it’s one of the ugliest names!

I changed my name at 18 OP. I'm 46 now and do regret it but it's probably too late to change it back.

I hated my name in part because I hated myself. But also - my first name never sounded good in the local accent - the first part kind of got swallowed and the second syllable sounded quite harsh. The second name was a foreign name that had been shortened to something that just didn't look or sound right! It felt too short for a surname and people constantly misheard it - and then I'd have to spell out this ugly name - hated it!

So I changed it to a very cool name - which now that I'm older seems slightly silly. It's a beautiful name but it doesn't really mean anything and that does make me sad. I've been thinking about changing it again - to a shortened version of my original first name (which wasn't commonly used in the country I was born in but is fine in the UK) with my husbands surname.

Perhaps you could drill down into what she doesn't like about it - no one really asked me!

I struggled with the word nice too... I guess what I mean is generic/inoffensive.

Essentially a conversation with a DD who hates their name might be different if they're called Zara vs. Apple (if we're sticking with product names).

Of course you should be free to choose your own damned surname, but since the majority of women in the UK carry the husband's name, again, you might as well go with the useful default flow.

The OP's daughter sounds like a young woman who knows her own mind - hopefully she will be one of the (not so tiny number of) women who keep their own name, or choose a new one, rather than meekly 'going with the useful default flow'.

Even Brooklyn Beckham and his wife double-barrelled both of their names.

What a depressing future path to recommend to a teenage girl! "You might as well go along with the misogynist status quo, no point in trying to change or challenge anything, or make your own decisions - why bother? Patriarchy is so entrenched, you've lost before you've even started."

But what if it is a terrible name?

There are plenty of What do you think of this/these name/s? threads on Mumsnet where parents are at risk of subjecting their offspring to a life of ridicule.

Anyone remember Luckey Bouy?!

@9thFloorNightmare , I had this but it was me not DC. I had a common first name and an unusual second name, and was always known by the full middle name.

I wished my parents had accepted that I hated the first name, apologised, and offered to help me get it changed, instead of making jokes about how I was silly for hating it. If they'd done that, I'd have probably got used to it.

It probably isn't the name, but something else. In my case, I think I was 'not allowed to not like it', and might have affected me.

Of course you should be free to choose your own damned surname, but since the majority of women in the UK carry the husband's name, again, you might as well go with the useful default flow.

Might as well? Why?

She has British heritage, the surname is British and the 1st name could be from anywhere in the world

nope

I don't mid if she changes at all - I just want her to stop blaming me - I promise it is a normal HUMAN name

I am happy for her to be called whatever she wants

My DD changed her name by deedpoll at 16. She changed it unofficial at 15 and tried it out, then I let her change it.

She's never looked back.

It was a typically 'girly' name (my username gives it away!) and she's chosen an more unisex natural name (think Rowen).

When the forms came she realised she could change her surname for the same price so thought wth and took my mothers maiden name! My mum is Danish and was the last of the "Danish name"s so I think it's nice.

It did cause some issue when joining the military though, checking she wasn't a spy and explaining why she called herself that.

At first I was sad she didn't like her name, as to me she was "Lily", but now I don't even think of her as Lily at all.

Let her try a new name, my DD asked my advice, and I vetoed a few horrors!