Page 13 | DD hates her name and surname

9thFloorNightmare · 2023-01-25T22:21:29+00:00

She is 15 now. The pregnancy was so good, the only issue was finding a name! I could not choose. It was agony. One day, just before her birth, I woke up from a lovely afternoon nap, the TV was on and 1st thing I heard / saw was an ad of a product with a human and - the image of a lovely young girl (I didn't know the baby's sex). Right at that time I decided if she was a girl she would have that name. It is an international (could be pretty much from a lot of different countries and cultures) short, simple, easy to spell, sounds good (to my ears) name. In hindsight I could have choses a middle name, but I jus't couldn't ;( She hates it. Hates her surname too which is a traditional surname in the UK. Any one dealing with the same at home?

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 12:02

saraclara · 27/01/2023 11:31

Are you (and others) seriously suggesting the OP put her teenaged daughter's full name on a very popular public forum? Really?

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Did I ever announce this thread as a guessing game? Seriously some ppl need to work on their comprehension skills

OP posts:

Original poster

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 12:04

Calphurnia88 · 27/01/2023 11:47

*spread (?)

Oops!

As I said, I don't use it so I just think of it as butter. Hopefully that doesn't distract too much from the analogy 😇

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When I hear Flora I think of flowers - but maybe because that is how we scientifically refer to the flowers categories where I come from -

OP posts:

Original poster

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 12:04

Tdcp · 27/01/2023 11:18

Is it Alexa?

not Alexa

OP posts:

Calphurnia88 · 27/01/2023 12:16

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 12:04

When I hear Flora I think of flowers - but maybe because that is how we scientifically refer to the flowers categories where I come from -

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Yep, as in Flora and Fauna.

It's a beautiful name but would most definitely conjure up images of yellow, buttery (but not actual butter), spread. In the UK anyway.

I say this as someone who shares a surname with a very niche American singer. Most people haven't heard of him, but I still get a couple of people commenting on it a year. It's fun, but if it happened every day, or even every week, it would get old pretty quickly.

You sound pretty confident that that isn't what's happening though.

saraclara · 27/01/2023 12:21

I love the name Flora. Always have since I first read Cold Comfort Farm as a teenager.

I was gutted not to be able to use it for one of my daughters. I knew that everyone would immediately think of the spread.

user1492757084 · 27/01/2023 13:04

Suggest that your daughter chooses a middle name for herself to add to her name as soon as she can. Then she can go by that.

DogInATent · 27/01/2023 13:55

WimpoleHat · 27/01/2023 07:53

It's also easier to change name starting college/uni/work than any other point in time.

True - but still doesn’t make it without consequence. As I said upthread, it’s now de rigeur to conduct detailed searches when you apply for almost any job. And a name change does ring alarm bells and is flagged. If your name was Myra Hindley and you changed it to Margaret Hindley? Most people would “get it”. I used to work with a lady who changed her surname at university to her mum’s name after her parents went through an acrimonious divorce. That came up in a search when she first joined, but could be explained and understood. But if your name was Maya Smith and you’ve changed it to Charlotte Lucas, then I don’t think people wouldn’t just think “oh, okay”, but would probably assume that you had something to hide in your/your family’s past or that there was some sort of fraud going on. Because, even though you can do it legally, people just don’t. How many times do you meet someone who says “oh, God, no one calls me Terence (or whatever), it’s Tel/TJ/Smithy”. People who don’t like their names generally muddle along with a nickname or abbreviation. So to change a perfectly normal name would raise questions for this girl in later life.

It's not normal for that level of background check for "almost any" job, and where it is it's discovered it's unlikely to raise any flags. Where there's a name change (marriage, divorce, adoption, shits'n'giggles) the only concern is that there's continuity of identity and the change is accompanied by the required documentation. DBS, EDBS, Fit and Proper, etc. all the official background checks would just treat it as a matter of course.

The only issue I've ever come across with a name change was a UK registrar getting all Hostile Environment on someone applying for a marriage licence over a childhood name change (adoption, non-UK) that wasn't even relevant and should not have been looked at.

BellePeppa · 27/01/2023 15:14

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 11:19

This thread genereate an interesting dialogue about the ways of the world which I’m very happy with

I don’t feel safe to reveal the name and surname - and it isn’t even mine to reveal, it doesn’t sound right to me that I write DD’s name here even if she can not be tracked down

She has shorten her name by one letter and it sounds nice

For the ones making jokes using products that are clearly not human names - I sincerely hope you had fun:)

For the ones complaining that the thread is ridiculous and pointless: what are you doing here? Go to a post that is fullfilling to you! No one forced you to read and participate

If the name was so strongly associated with the product to the point people couldn’t think of nothing else when hearing it and it causing bullying etc, how come no one guessed it correctly yet even though I gave two very revealing clues? Obviously the connection with the product is very subtle.

I think it’s been an interesting thread. No one needs to know your dd’s name in order to give a response. All you can do is follow her lead as to whether she wants to change her name(s), use a nickname or keep her name.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/01/2023 15:40

If the name was so strongly associated with the product to the point people couldn’t think of nothing else when hearing it and it causing bullying etc, how come no one guessed it correctly yet even though I gave two very revealing clues? Obviously the connection with the product is very subtle.

Its sad for your DD that you seem more interested in playing games on here than actually giving a shit about her upset.

You clearly do not remotely grasp how hard it is to grow up hating your own name

Original poster

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 15:54

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/01/2023 15:40

If the name was so strongly associated with the product to the point people couldn’t think of nothing else when hearing it and it causing bullying etc, how come no one guessed it correctly yet even though I gave two very revealing clues? Obviously the connection with the product is very subtle.

Its sad for your DD that you seem more interested in playing games on here than actually giving a shit about her upset.

You clearly do not remotely grasp how hard it is to grow up hating your own name

of course because, because you know me and my daughter very well and also knows everything that goes on in my home, as well as my character, personality, feelings and motivation

get a life

or maybe keep attacking people online anonymously and spreading negativity

you choice

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YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/01/2023 16:19

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 15:54

of course because, because you know me and my daughter very well and also knows everything that goes on in my home, as well as my character, personality, feelings and motivation

get a life

or maybe keep attacking people online anonymously and spreading negativity

you choice

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Your manner on the thread is very telling.

It’s very telling that you’ve ignored the few of us on the thread who’ve been in your DD’s situation and focussed on the silly “I’ve given so many obvious clues but I can’t possibly say…” games and attacking posters you disagree with.

You’ll destroy your relationship with your DD if you don’t actually focus on what is important.

But as you said, we all make our own choices. Don’t come whinging when your DD makes hers.

Original poster

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 16:31

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/01/2023 16:19

Your manner on the thread is very telling.

It’s very telling that you’ve ignored the few of us on the thread who’ve been in your DD’s situation and focussed on the silly “I’ve given so many obvious clues but I can’t possibly say…” games and attacking posters you disagree with.

You’ll destroy your relationship with your DD if you don’t actually focus on what is important.

But as you said, we all make our own choices. Don’t come whinging when your DD makes hers.

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I responded to some people who guessed names or asked questions (I think) - no time to respond to every single poster and to the ones who shared similar stories, I read and took onboard what resonated and left the rest without judging

Unfortunately there are no reaction buttons here to make all people acknowledged - I also don't look at people's nicknames so easily loose tack to whom is saying what

If my manner is very "telling" about whatever you want to make it up to be "for you" so be it, I don't mind

I'm gobsmacked that you are making predictions about my relationship with DD, or what I am focusing on, or even thinking that you know what I am about!

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YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/01/2023 16:35

I'm gobsmacked that you are making predictions about my relationship with DD, or what I am focusing on, or even thinking that you know what I am about!

As is your right.

Just as I have the right to express surprise that someone in your situation focussed on stoking the guessing game fire over everything else on the thread

Original poster

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 17:35

@YetMoreNewBeginnings

I see you really, really wants to win
You can be the winner

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YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/01/2023 17:45

I really couldn't care less.

I'm not the one focussing on posturing on the internet rather than my child's distress.

Agapornis · 27/01/2023 19:25

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 11:06

The product is named after a human

I have never used that product

I like the name and the product just brought the name to my awareness

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That wasn't what I meant. Does she know that it was inspired by the ad?
It may not be about the name itself, it may be about the manner by which she was named.

Original poster

9thFloorNightmare · 27/01/2023 20:48

I think I told her once long ago but can’t be sure when, she was probably KS1 or 2.

My mum named me after the director of a soap opera she was watching at the time - she liked the sound of the name - I don’t remember feeling offended about it or wanting the story of my name to be more profound but I appreciate people are different

Also always when I asked DD why she doesn’t like her name, she doesn’t give me any explanation, she just says she doesn’t like it

Anyway, fortunetely she can change to whatever she wants and it will not offend me one little bit.

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BridieConvert · 28/01/2023 07:04

it is her dad's surname - I took the same upon marriage - so we could have the same but kept after divorce -

is the divorce recent? Does she have a relationship with her dad?
my parents split when I was 8 and my mum kept all our surnames as my dad’s name, at the time we were happy with this but as I got older I definitely had a phase as a teenager where I wished we didn’t have his name (we have no relationship). I wonder if the same is happening here? Could you speak to your daughter to find out exactly what her concerns are?
I also went through a phase of hating my first name although that was at a much younger age, I’ve been going by a shortened nickname since about 12/13 though.

StickofVeg · 28/01/2023 07:24

Onw of my sons went through a "I hate my name phase" I just said "oh I like it. Nevermind, when you are 18 you can change it". He never has changed it.

Newstart2023 · 28/01/2023 08:03

MARIE? MARIA? X

Betque · 28/01/2023 08:33

I think with the singer hint I can work out your daughter’s name. It’s probably considered an old fashioned forename and is paired with a very common surname.

Do you know if it’s one name or the combination she has an issue with? I’d probably ask her to think carefully about what she’d like to change and assist her with this. She’s 15, her whole life ahead of her, let her name reflect who she wants to be.

NOTANUM · 28/01/2023 09:18

I think I’ve guessed the name but won’t put it here as I know you don’t want to reveal.

I know you said it’s unisex but does it sound more male than female? Is it a Frankie or Bobbi type vibe? I won’t say my guess but I wonder if that is what jars for her.

At this age they’re exploring who they are and creating their own narrative around that. If it wasn’t the name it would be something else. I was told I was pronouncing one of my teens’ names wrong, despite being the person who picked it!

Regardless of the name, I’d go all cool and say that you love it but if she doesn’t, she can change it when she’s an adult and can pay for it. That’s true anyhow and makes it clear it’s a choice.

MrsRaspberry · 28/01/2023 09:28

See if you're asking for advice you could at least share a first name. Nobodys about to find out exactly who she is by a surname as I'm guessing its not exclusive to just one single person unless you mashed a made up name together that n

NOTANUM · 28/01/2023 09:34

i do think some names are instantly recognisable. If it’s the one I guessed, I think I’ve met one in RL ever.

hot2trotter · 28/01/2023 10:49

Honestly, I think she and you both need to get a grip. If she's that unhappy she can change it herself in a couple of years by deed poll. No big deal.