Sister about to use my name

[tsapas]

Sister pregnant with a boy and on her short list of three names is Theodore. She's keeping the name picked a surprise.

I only want one child and I have always wanted to call them Theodore/Theadora.

I didn't react when she told me her list. She doesn't know this was the name I was wanting.

I know she got there first so has the right to use but is it worth me telling her that it is the name I want so heads up, if she uses it I will likely too. With a slight hope this will influence her to pick another?

No, you’re not even pregnant leave her alone

Does it matter if there's two Theodore's?

Depending on the type of person she is, telling her might make her more likely to use it. Are you actually expecting right now? It might be frustrating for you but you can’t decide what names people use. Leave it alone.

Nobody owns a name blah blah blah.

Also Theodore? Your (future) baby will probably thank you for not giving them that name anyway.

If she uses the name, when it's your turn I would let go of the idea and pick another name.

Assuming you see your sister reasonably regularly I think it’s really weird to call your future child the same as hers. If you’re adamant that’s what you would do I think you should speak to her now and tell her that so she has a chance to make her own decision. I’d be fuming if my sister called her child the same as mine, and doubly so if she had let me choose that name knowing she was planning to use it down the line as well!

Of course no one owns a name but calling your child the same thing as your sister’s is odd. In the extreme!

Honestly I get that it's annoying but there's nothing you can do, I have always had 2 girls names I loved (and that only me and DP know). Last year SIL had a DD and named her one of the names, she's due another girl in a few weeks and I know the second name is on their shortlist . We just have a very similar taste in names!

Are you pregnant?

If she uses the name, you pick something else. Your child will not appreciate having the same name as a cousin.

It isn't your name ...it's A name

Why not tell her?

oh I love Theodore/Dora, that’s what I am planning on calling my future child.

if she’s half decent she’ll either drop it off her list, or at least discuss that she really loves it and do you mind, in which case you’ll have to graciously accept.

then at least she’s taken you into account and there’s no unsaid resentment.

Hi OP, in your shoes I'd let this go.

I had been obsessed with a certain name for my kids since loving it in a novel aged 12.

I now have 2 DCs and neither have the name! In real life, holding my newborn children, it just wasn't 'their' name...

It's really unlikely this will be the problem you're imagining it to be.

Meanwhile I think it's supportive of your sister for you not to issue a name ultimatum - she's probably got a lot on her mind, don't pull focus on to yourself, just be there for her.

It’s not your name, your sister can pick any name she wants!

You’re being a bit silly

You’re not pregnant

Before I was pregnant, my children were DEFINITELY going to be called certain name. I had always liked them, and they had strong meanings for me.

However- DH didn’t like my girl’s name. And it sounded silly with our double barrelled surname. My daughter is called something COMPLETELY different and the ‘favourite’ boy’s name just doesn’t feel right with hers as a set (if I even want another)

Even if you got there ‘first’- you may not have had a little Teddy either way.

Do you have a partner? Its just they often want some input on the name too and you dont always get the name you wanted since you were young anyway.

Just reminded me of LOTR - Theodore and his cousin Theoden

Seriously, your sister didn't know you wanted that name. Its really six of one and half a dozen of the other if she goes for it first. Sorry OP. You could try asking her about her other two options and see if she will relinquish it.
But it probably is first come first served.

Grow up

It’s a difficult one. I think telling her could make her more likely to pick it. It’s difficult to tell. What kind of relationship do you have? Even if it’s good I’d be annoyed if I had told someone a few names I’m considering and they claimed one for a future non existent child.

Given you're not even pregnant yet then I think it's a bit unreasonable to want her to potentially change her name choice because a future child might exist in the future.

If she really likes the name and uses it then you're likely to take offence.
If she doesn't use it because you ask her not to, and then you don't have any children/you change your mind on names then you've caused her to miss out on her preferred name for no reason.

I’d let it go and not say anything. Especially if you aren’t even pregnant at the moment! It’s a bit weird.

I was absolutely set on a name since childhood, my DH didn’t love the name but understood how important it was to me to use it! There was no other name for me! Baby came out, totally went off the name and didn’t use it! I still don’t like the name now and I’m so happy we picked something else!

Don’t be ridiculous, you’re not even pregnant! Just look forward to having a beautiful new nephew with a name you love and leave your sister alone to enjoy her pregnancy.It would be really nasty of you to put this on her as if she’s doing something wrong.

Sorry, this whole thing is coming across as a bit batshit. You’re not pregnant, she is. If and when the time comes to name your baby, you (as in you and her other parent if there is one) can decide whether or not you still want to use it.

You would be massively U to tell her that. It’s quite possibly her favourite name too, and you would be immensely selfish to try to stop her/ take away the shine of what should be a happy decision.

Grow up.

Maybe you have always liked the name Theodore because you were destined to have a nephew called Theodore.

@WoolyMammoth55 you've intrigued me...whats the name?