Sister about to use my name

[tsapas]

Sister pregnant with a boy and on her short list of three names is Theodore. She's keeping the name picked a surprise.

I only want one child and I have always wanted to call them Theodore/Theadora.

I didn't react when she told me her list. She doesn't know this was the name I was wanting.

I know she got there first so has the right to use but is it worth me telling her that it is the name I want so heads up, if she uses it I will likely too. With a slight hope this will influence her to pick another?

Does your partner agree about calling a future child this?

altho unless you are pregnant, it’s really a moot point

You’re not even pregnant and you want to gatekeep a name? Your sister can choose whatever name she likes, it would be unkind of you to tell her you’d also hoped to use that name hoping that she won’t…

I suppose it depends on your relationship, I remember discussing names with my sister when I was pregnant and crossing one off my list because she had had it in her head for her future baby. Didn't bother me at all, but I'm quite relaxed. Try having a chat with her (as others have said)

'If she is half decent she will drop the name.' WTAF? Are you having a laff? She is entitled to use whatever name she wants for her child. If my sister or cousin came to me when I was pregnant and said 'you can't use that name coz I want it for the future child I may or may not eventually have!' I'd laugh at them and tell them to grow up.

A lesson learned here though. NEVER tell anyone the name of the baby you are carrying. Only tell them when he/she is born.

It's her name, fgs! Not yours. She's choosing a name for her actual child, you don't have one.
It makes as much sense as keeping your parking space empty because you intend to buy a car one day, and forcing your sister to park three streets away.

You have zero monopoly on this. Step away and stop being so mental. If she uses it there are plenty of other names to use.

Is it not so much the actual name but that you had a dream for the future and your sister has possibly taken it from you?

I'd say definitely talk to her, tell her how much it means to you?

Asking her not to use a name when you're not even pregnant is batshit territory.

Don't be one of them

Neither party owns rights to the name and is free to make their own choice.

For all the people saying 'talk to your sister, she might respect your feelings'... the same could be said for the OP and she should respect her sisters feelings. They both have valid reasons for wanting to use the name.

I have to say if someone came to me whilst pregnant and asked me not to use one of my shortlisted names I'd seriously reconsider my relationship with them. And think they were a little unhinged.

In my family there are cousins with the same first name (different surname). It's literally never been mentioned and isn't a problem for anyone.

Theodore is in top 10 names of 2022... there's going to be tons of them.

@tsapasT, it's not as if it's an unusual name. Theo, Teddy and Theodore combined makes by far the most popular name at the moment.

Whaaaa? What's wrong with Theodore now? 🥴

@LaLuz7 , Theo and Theodore]] are very popular, so at some point they'll drop out of favour.

Theodore

I seem to be in the minority but I think it's fine to tell her that you might use the name too. She's told you the list so presumably she wants to know what you think. You're not asking her not to use it.

When you get to having a baby you will probably feel differently. I told a friend of mine I wanted to call my boy Alfie James and she called her child Alfie Jack. We are no longer friends for other reasons but when I came to having my own child my partner didn't like the name and I wasn't as attached to it. Honestly don't make a fuss.

I was the sister in this scenario. I used my sisters favourite boys name without realising she always wanted to use it. Had she told me when I was pregnant I wouldn't have used it.

But she's never had a son so it wouldn't have been used.

I've also been you, my brother named his DD the name I've always wanted for my own DD. I've never had a DD, but this way my niece, who I adore has the name I love.

Why do you like the name?

Is it possible your sister likes it for the same reason?

I think you could possibly say 'oh Theodore, I love that, that would have been my choice of name for a boy' and see what she says.

That said, if she chooses Theodore, you shouldn't use it in the future.

Here we go AGAIN !

Don't tell her, she might not use it and if she does you'll have gained a nephew with a name you love. By this point she's already decided on the name, she probably wouldn't change it. At an earlier stage than you, but my sister did this to me, and honestly it came across self centered and strange. She didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and was no where near planning a family. We didn't use the name but I've always judged her for her attitude towards it.

Jesus wept. Are you suggesting you try and manipulate your sister into not using a name, so you can use it. For a child you may or may not have?

Did you seriously say you'll be using the name anyway, even if your sister already chooses it? That's weird.

I would tell my sister. But it depends on your sister. Mine I could tell openly and we'd discuss it and she'd come to a decision and I'd accept it.

It will be an issue if she doesn't choose it due to you and you then don't use it if you have a child.