Sister about to use my name

[tsapas]

Sister pregnant with a boy and on her short list of three names is Theodore. She's keeping the name picked a surprise.

I only want one child and I have always wanted to call them Theodore/Theadora.

I didn't react when she told me her list. She doesn't know this was the name I was wanting.

I know she got there first so has the right to use but is it worth me telling her that it is the name I want so heads up, if she uses it I will likely too. With a slight hope this will influence her to pick another?

"Band" = "name"

But another name might not have the same sentimental value... just as you could choose another name, there's also nothing wrong with picking the name YOU want for your first choice

Their "own" Name IS their name, no one owns a name and you do realise more than one person can have the same name and it still be "their" name?!!

Why is it? Genuinely interested

Oh ffs come on, of course sisters can’t have the same baby name.

tell her. won't do any harm and she may think its nicer to leave that name.

If it makes you feel any better, my ex named his son (with someone else) the name I always wanted to use if we ever had another which I always thought was a bit weird 🤣

But you don't 'own' a name. And there will be others out there you like if you do ever decide to have kids.

I didn't call my DS1 my planned name, I changed my mind while I was pregnant. I'm glad I did because DS absolutely does not suit the original name. You may only have baby girls. There are too many variables. Your sister on the other hand, has a baby boy on the way and he needs a name. She has picked one she likes and it would be very unreasonable of you to dictate how she names her child in favour of a baby who doesn't even exist.

And yes, cousins can have the same name, but it would seem a bit odd to the rest of the family and will possibly cause tensions. Is the name Theodore really worth it?

I mentioned a name that DH and I were strongly considering when I was pregnant with DS, and my sister was adamant that we couldn’t use it because it had always been her favourite name. We didn’t use it, and when she then had a boy four years later, she didn’t use it either because her DH didn’t like it!

Ffs why?

There are cultures where you name your child after your parents so all the eldest cousins in a family will have the same name. If a man has children with multiple women then he can give each first born the same name as well.

MN will tell you noone owns a name etc and to an extent true....but I definitely would not be giving my kid the same name as my niece/nephew.

Either tell her you'll be doing this (which seems unfair and a bit weird as you're nor pregnant anyway) & give her chance to pick another one of her shortlisted names, or keep quiet and choose a different name for yourself when time comes.

Of course they can.

I wouldn't, if she doesn't change her mind then it will probably cause tension forever (for you)

Get a cat and call it Theo, all sorted.

Oh god please don't.

If you were pregnant I'd say it would be different. We had a message from BIL about 8 weeks before our baby was due asking we didn't use a certain name because it was one they always lived and really want to use it.
They weren't planning a baby in the near future so it really upset me.*

What if your sis really loves that name? It's not fair to tell her not to use it. It's her baby and she should be able to give them a name she loves.

*Funny thing is, this was 6 years ago and they've just had a baby and didn't even use the name they asked us not to use 🤪🙂🙂🙂

Haha, you clearly don't come from an Irish Catholic background. The amount of Aunts, Uncles, siblings and cousins I have called Mary, Patrick, Margaret and Theresa is obscene!

I do. Wouldn’t dream of using the same name as my sister. A cousin, yes. But not my sister or brothers.

Genuinely can't believe this sort of thing. My ex-SIL did the same when I was pregnant. Told me I couldn't use the girl's name we wanted when I expecting a girl because it was "her" baby name. She didn't even have a boyfriend at the time. To my great irritation, ex persuaded me that it would be easier to choose a different name because his sister was a massive narcissist and would make such a fuss, and we did.

Many years later (after ex and I had split) she ended up having 2 boys. Silly cow.

If you haven't used your words, you are stuck with it.
Fwiw my 2 adult daughters had a sensible conversation about this when the younger one was pregnant. There is a family name that is the eldest middle name. Younger daughter had it in mind but eldest particularly wants to use it if she has a child. Younger DD agreed not to use it.

So what if the older one never has a child or never has one of that sex? First in, first served, but obviously they worked it out between them and are both happy with that.

Perhaps instead of the Government mucking about with this namby-pamby nonsense with the economy etc. they should focus on creating the equivalent to the Sorting Hat in the Harry Potter septology but for deciding upon off-springs names?

They could have another one for selecting cabinet ministers instead of the dart-board that one assumes they use at the moment.

😉

A member of exdh family died and when dd was born we named her after the person. A year or so later his cousin had a dd, she gave her another variation of our dd name. Think Elizabeth and Lizzie . We genuinely did not give it a second thought. You can't ask them not to use the name because you don't own it. If they choose it you would need to make a choice if and when you have a baby as to wether to use another name or keep it the same.

No you’re not pregnant and your future partner whose last name you might want to use could be anything. You wouldn’t have a Theodore Dumbledore