Sister about to use my name

[tsapas]

Sister pregnant with a boy and on her short list of three names is Theodore. She's keeping the name picked a surprise.

I only want one child and I have always wanted to call them Theodore/Theadora.

I didn't react when she told me her list. She doesn't know this was the name I was wanting.

I know she got there first so has the right to use but is it worth me telling her that it is the name I want so heads up, if she uses it I will likely too. With a slight hope this will influence her to pick another?

My sister always said she was going to call her Ds jack (our grandads name) when she got pregnant. I got pregnant first so used jack as a middle name because of what she had said. When she did eventually get pregnant she didn't even use the name 🤦🏼

I've recently been in a similar position.

We're expecting a baby girl in 3 weeks' time. We had already named her but not told anyone the name. Both super happy with it and it's the only name we agreed on..

My cousin had a baby a few weeks ago and used the exact name (different spelling) to what we had picked out and been calling the baby. They had no idea we had already picked it, so not their fault at all. I was conpletely heartbroken.

We still love the name but absolutely won't use it now. I'm gutted still and we can't agree on a new name but at the end of the day it's our fault for not telling anyone our name plans and keeping it a secret. We will pick a new name and get over it.

I honestly think it would be unfair for you to say you want it when they've already said they like it. Just makes them feel guilty when it's already such a hard decision to make.

There is no reason you still can't use the name. It's even a different spelling.

@lifeilifeinthehills It just doesn't sit right using the same name as a very recently born family member. Both girls will be so close in age etc. Just feels unfair.

@lifeinthehills , use the name anyway. Three of my cousins, and they are also each other's cousins, used the same popular name for a DC. They have different surnames.
2 cousins, again each other's cousins, have a DC with the same not hugely popular first name. Another 2 cousins, again each other's cousins, have a DC with the same not hugely popular first name, but this is more obvious as the DC were only a few months apart.
It's not really been an issue. We just say Dave's Amelia and Mark's Amelia, or whatever.

Obviously that's your choice. I can understand being more concerned about it if you are close to your cousin and see them regularly.

When one of my friends used the baby name I'd had in reserve for years, I just called her and explained that my last baby was going to be the name she used but was a boy so we didn't use it, this one is going to be a girl and we'd still love to use it, would she mind? She didn't. I'd probably do the same with cousin. "We had decided to use this name well before we knew you were going to use it too. Would you mind if we still used it, but with different spelling?"

Conversely, I had my heart set on my kids' names in my early teens. 20+ years later I have two children, and did indeed give them my long-loved names.

Op, if your heart is absolutely set on it, I'd tell her that it's your favourite name. And encouraging her to choose something else.

My point being I have lots of cousins with the same name, so their parents chose the same name as their siblings did for their children.

Off the top of my head I have about a sibling and ?4 cousins called Paul (not real name) a sister and a first cousin called Harriet (not real name), about 4 cousins called Mary (so 4 children siblings called their child Mary) and I have 3 Theresa's. So lots of grandchildren with identical names.

Off the top of my head I have about a sibling and ?4 cousins called Paul (not real name) a sister and a first cousin called Harriet (not real name), about 4 cousins called Mary (so 4 children siblings called their child Mary) and I have 3 Theresa's. So lots of grandchildren with identical names.

That must be so confusing

It is normal in certain cultures. Asian and Irish families, particularly large ones will pick the same name and it’s no biggy. In smaller families then yeah it’s a bit weird. I wouldn’t want my kids to have the same name as their cousins.

It really isn't.

Asian and Irish families, particularly large ones will pick the same name and it’s no biggy.

Names were invented to IDENTIFY us so having the same name as someone else, especially in the same family, does not help in identifying someone!

I assure you, I have never had a problem identifying any of my cousins. Neither did the teachers at school and neither has anyone in our adult lives.

I'm in one of the large Irish Catholic families mentioned where certainly in the past it was common, not so much now as the Catholic Church's advice on contraception is ignored these days!!!

TBH I never found it that confusing, if you were talking about two family members with the same name it would either be clear from the context who you were talking about or you'd also say the surname, or you'd say ''Mick and Mary's Theresa'' (Mick and Mary being Theresa's parents.)

you'd also say the surname, or you'd say ''Mick and Mary's Theresa'' (Mick and Mary being Theresa's parents.)

Wouldn't it be soo much easier to just say Jane or Mary?

@Pinkdafodils , why would you say Jane or Mary if you were referring to someone called Theresa?

This has got to be a wind up.

You say she has a shortlist - it's not even definitely going to be Theodore!

IF it really meant this much to me then I might say something like "It's so funny you've chosen Theodore! I LOVE that name and it's been top of my list for years!" And then leave it there. She may let you have it or she may not.

You have no idea how long she and her partner may have wrestled over it and disagreed and struggled to find something they both like.

A friend of mine and her DH spent months agonising over names and compromising and actually arguing over names. They received so much unnecessary criticism from friends and family any time they mentioned names they were considering that if her sister had tried to claim one of the names they liked I think it would have led to some kind of emotional breakdown.

Just don't. There are so many lovely names in the world and who knows how fashions etc will have changed by the time your imagined small one comes to be.

When you do get pregnant use the name you want to use even if your sister also uses it. I have cousins with the same first name different surnames, yes they are named after someone but still it’s never been an issue

Because if they had their own names like Jane or Mary they wouldn't have to be referred to as Theresa 1, Theresa 2 or Theresa 3.

Not if the parents wanted Theresa. Nobody names their child for the convenience of others. It's not inconveniencing anyone, anyway.

But Theresa might hate sharing her name with 3 other cousins..!

My sibling used the same name as one of my dc for their children. It’s madness.

I agree, @Johnnysgirl , you can always use the middle name as well, or the surname, or use a nickname or diminutive. e.g. Theo and Ted or Tess and Terri
Many grandparents will happily add the middle name if it's their name.

@Pinkdafodils , the name that OP has mentioned is so popular, that he'd be sharing it with an awful lot of people anyway.