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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Any suggestions for my baby's surname please?

74 replies

imoscarsmum · 01/02/2008 14:51

Hope someone can help. DP and I are expecting and we are not married. We are married in every other sense - ie it's a full partnership and fully committed etc. baby's surname is going to be a problem though. He wants it to have his surname but I'm not happy with that, but my surname might not be a good idea either, as I am divorced and have never bothered to change my name back to my maiden name, so still use my ex-hubby's surname. Has never bothered me before, but now we're a bit stuck as dp does not want baby to have my ex's surname (understandably). I think we will get married one day but it's just not high on my list of things to do.
Help or thoughts anyone?

OP posts:

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Sunshinemummy · 01/02/2008 14:52

Not sure I can help as we just went with DP's surname. I don't like my last name (difficult to spell and pronounce) and DP's is nice and normal and goes with lots of things. When we do get married we'll all be the same.

WriggleJiggle · 01/02/2008 14:53

Go for his surname, with your maiden name as a middle name? Or the other way around.

Why are you not happy with using his name?

dilbertina · 01/02/2008 14:54

Why do you have a problem with it having his surname? sounds like the obvious solution... is it a really crap surname?!

cutekids · 01/02/2008 14:55

Why wouldn't use your partner's surname?

Twinklemegan · 01/02/2008 14:56

Why aren't you happy with the child having your DP's name? This happened to my DH in his first relationship and his children ended up having his then partner's ex's surname. That was always a problem for him, and I can completely understand why. Ironically the ex is now no longer an ex.

fryalot · 01/02/2008 14:58

Twould (imo) be totally wrong for the baby to have your surname which is, in fact, your ex husband's name.

If you think you will probably get married one day, what is the problem with giving the baby his surname?

witchandchips · 01/02/2008 14:59

i would flip a coin gamble on the sex or something between your birth name and the name of your dp. If your birth name won then i would go about changing your name in cases where it was not official. lots of people retain two names - one for work and one for documents etc.

AllBuggiedOut · 01/02/2008 14:59

Could you use your maiden name and his surname and hyphenate? You could change yours back to your maiden name, perfectly straightforward to do.

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 01/02/2008 15:00

it would be different if you used your maiden name, but as you dont, there is one one solution imo - use his name.

witchandchips · 01/02/2008 15:01

btw op is perfectly entitled to want to give child her own name. - may be only symbolic but the symbol is important

softmusk · 01/02/2008 15:52

if you plan to marry dp one day and dont want to have diff name from baby you could alway change ur surname to his or the other way round

u can get it done by stat decloration cheaply and easily

Original poster

imoscarsmum · 01/02/2008 15:55

Thanks for all the messages - I agree i don't want to use ex-hubby name. I'm worried about his cos then it'll be the 2 of them with one surname and me with another. I don't like the idea of collecting a child from school, say, and I'm his/her mum but we don't share the same surname. It just feels strange considering I'm going to give birth to him or her. DP's surname is OKish but wouldn't go with my maiden name.
Long way to go yet, so time to ponder....comments have made me think a bit.

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 01/02/2008 15:59

Why don't you give your child your maiden name hyphenated with your DP's surname?

Ie if your maiden name is Smith and your DP's name is Brown, give your baby Smith-Brown?

bogie · 01/02/2008 16:01

We went with dp's surname and will do dthe same for this dc when its here.

Chunkamatic · 01/02/2008 18:04

I wouldnt be too worried about the at the school gates scenario - its 2008 and lots and lots of people are having children before they are married and so end up with different surnames to their kids. However, if you think it would bother you personally then you could look in to getting your surname changed?

goingfor3 · 01/02/2008 18:07

My girls have dp's surname, I just have to get used to people sometimes calling me Mrs Dp's name.

PortAndLemon · 01/02/2008 18:34

If you think you will change your name to your DP's one day when you get married, just change your name to his now and give the baby that surname too. DH's aunt did that -- had same name for years and eventually got married when their DD was 11.

PortAndLemon · 01/02/2008 18:35

Or you could change back to your original surname, give that to baby, and it can become your DP's problem whether he wants to change his name to yours when you get married...

NoviceKnitter · 01/02/2008 18:46

What about getting married? If you think you will anyway? I know just where you're coming from. When pg I thought i was happy for LO to have DP's name. Never crossed my mind i would find it odd or difficult. But I do. Like you I don't want to be the odd one out. DD has my surname as a middle name and I have considered changing her to double barrel, but not keen on that and anyway, then we'd ALL be different. We've never thought we were the marrying type although like you we're all but married. But part of me now just wants us to be a family in name -sharing one name. It's really tricky. Good luck with finding the right answer for you.

lennygrrl · 01/02/2008 18:48

Message withdrawn

mrsruffallo · 01/02/2008 18:50

We went with DP's surname, I can't stand all that double- barelled nonsense

MarmiteMe · 01/02/2008 18:51

I wasn't married when I had DD (had never been married) but I insisted she had my name. He was OK with it and I'm glad I insisted as we split up soon after.
Anyway, I'm not saying that will happen to you but if I were you, I'd go back to using your maiden name now, give the baby that as a surname and then later, when you do marry you can change both your names and have it put on the birth certificate

MesaLoca · 01/02/2008 18:52

Don't go with DPs surname if you are unhappy with it. i agree with you on that and think it is illogical to give a child the father's name as it is usually the mother that the child lives with if the father leaves (excuse the doom and gloom here). You having your old husbands name makes it a bit more difficult though doesn't it. I think that if I were in your shoes I would revert to your maiden name and use it hyphenated.

My DD has a hyphenated surname which sounds a bit clunky really but we couldn't see any way round it.

JingleyJen · 01/02/2008 18:53

But if you think you are going to get married sometime you could use his surname then by the time the child is at school you could have the same surname anyway -
or
without getting married change your name by deedpoll to that of your DP.

nooka · 01/02/2008 19:05

How about you both choosing a new name together for your family? Maybe a bit radical! I worked with someone who changed his name to his partner's when they got married. Raised a few eyebrows at first, but then everyone got used to it.

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