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DH's names driving me to tears

372 replies

BFPDec21 · 30/03/2022 22:25

I'm probably hormonal but has anyone ever had an argument with their partner over baby names? I've had a little cry because I can't see us ever agreeing.

DH keeps suggesting names like Ozymandias and Balthazar. Mine are more traditional like James, Isaac, etc. I'm open to more unique names but he won't stop with these bloody out there names.

For context, we live in the UK and there's no interesting heritage to warrant names he's choosing. I asked him for a 'normal' name and those were his normal names.

OP posts:
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SoupDragon · 31/03/2022 13:10

I now keep imagining a small boy on the top of a climb frame in a heroic pose declaring "My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings!". I would so train him to do that if I were enough of a numpty to have called my son that in the first place.

UniversalAunt · 31/03/2022 13:10

‘ Not sure if asking the PIL will help, one teaches and sees a lot of names so it could backfire! ’

As you say, one of his parents teaches & he has a traditional name, the PILs are more likely to think of the child at school & nix his ‘fantastic/gaming/esoteric’ names for several good reasons.

A workable outcome is that you may settle together on a short list of both your agreeable preferences & come up with a first & second name combination. The first name being one that your child can use (& spell) with ease & the second name as an a balance or compliment (not a compromise to a parent) to the first name. Once the child has grown, if they wish, they may choose the second name, or any other name, as their known name.

Which raises the question, why if your DH is so keen on these names, why does he not adopt one now? Just asking’ 😉.

As far as rocking up to the Registrars to name the child, although there are no UK laws about naming or naming conventions as there are in other countries, the Registrar may check or ask for confirmation that both parents present (or not) are happy with the names chosen.

As there are no legal grounds for refusal of a name, the questions about the name & agreement between the parents may be very clearly made. Once the name(s) are registered, it is an unusual & formal process to get the naming changed, hence the Registrars confirming that ‘unusual’ choices are a firm & agreed choice.

Although highly unlikely, if he tries to pull a fast one at the Registrars, make sure that you speak up at the time that you do not agree. You will be invited to go home, discuss & book another appointment when matters are settled.

Unusual, esoteric or obscure names may be interesting middle names, but as a first name it is not fair on the child.

SoupDragon · 31/03/2022 13:11

a big jumbo Christmas-special tin with nothing but Bounties in it.

I sincerely hope DD sticks to her claim that she is never having children than as those are her favourites. 😂

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/03/2022 13:14

Thewheelsfalloffthebus

We built this buffet, Vercingetorix is the name of the village chief in the original french language asterix comics.

Ah, I didn't know that, thanks - but it sounds like my instincts must have been correct, then!!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/03/2022 13:16

I sincerely hope DD sticks to her claim that she is never having children than as those are her favourites.

Oh, well - at least it would be 'character-building' for them, should they arrive at some point in the future Grin

Crumbleburntbits · 31/03/2022 13:19

@BFPDec21 My cousin was given a very unusual name by his twat of a father. He always hated his name. He changed his name as soon as he was legally allowed to.

Tell your DH that if he insists on a stupid first name for your baby, he will be given a sensible middle name so that he has a choice of not being bullied at school and having a better life. I can pretty much guarantee he will be known by his middle name as soon as he is old enough to understand how badly a shitty name choice will affect his life.

Is your husband always so nasty? If he’s as horrible as he sounds, you have bigger problems than baby names.

UniversalAunt · 31/03/2022 13:53

Some of the names listed here appall me, some I really like & some are already used in our family.

I am quite partial to Zadoc/Zeberdee,/Zebediah as a middle name, quite cool to have Z as a middle initial. Xavier or Xander for some X?

UniversalAunt · 31/03/2022 13:59

Well, if we are drifting into the realm of Goscinny & Uderzo, then Asterix is a stand out name.

Why he’ll even have his own symbol * , very Prince, very Musk.
So wry, so now!

TatianaBis · 31/03/2022 14:00

I think it might you know because those names sound like normal names from other cultures (even if they aren't common names, few will know). Whereas Ozymandias is from a flipping poem and one about a cruel statue at that. Might as well call him La Belle Dame Sans Merci or Don Juan

They're not standard in the UK yet though that's the point. To a 10 year old Ozymandias could be big in Kazakhstan.

ChickenSkinny · 31/03/2022 14:08

Sue is apparently a very character-building name for a boy Wink

Ruralbliss · 31/03/2022 14:17

@Harlequin1088 someone I can't stand has a Loki.

Makes me snigger and eye-roll internally every time I'm reminded of it poor little sod.

MakingMemoriesIsShite · 31/03/2022 15:25

@SatinHeart

I love the pasting that my DS's names are getting here, btw

Everybody's DC names get a pasting on MN at some point - my choices are very classic so regularly get called 'boring' on other threads!

It's fine. I can cope. My children have fabulous names and are fabulous to match them glad we've not got started on Hephzibah yet
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2022 15:43

Me too - I know a Merlin, Archie, Gulliver. They're hardly out there.

Gulliver's Travels is horribly misogynistic so I hope the parents are fine with that, especially as it comes up in English Lit with horrible regularity.

I know a Zeus. When I asked his mum about it she said, "I was worried but then my adult friend Thor said to go for it". Grin No idea if he can style it out. My brother with a very unusual name certainly can't and used his middle for years.

Pyri · 31/03/2022 15:47

@UniversalAunt

Well, if we are drifting into the realm of Goscinny & Uderzo, then Asterix is a stand out name.

Why he’ll even have his own symbol * , very Prince, very Musk.
So wry, so now!

That symbol is called an asterisk, not an asterix!
WrongWayApricot · 31/03/2022 16:02

Just call his bluff.

Cindie943811A · 31/03/2022 16:20

Clovis might appeal to your DH.
Not too long but strong and with ancient roots.

HorseInTheHouse · 31/03/2022 16:24

@mam0918

HorseInTheHouse - Loki was no more evil than Jack (both just demons of mischief) and no one would consider calling your kid Jack weird or wrong.
That's silly. Jack is an extremely common name that has been short for John for hundreds of years. It does not have a particularly strong link to any demons or anything in particular. I can probably think of 100 Jacks, current, historical or literary, without even trying. Loki is only the figure from Norse mythology, and more recently the Marvel character loosely based on the figure from Norse mythology.

There is ambiguity in Loki's character and he's not 100% bad in all the stories, but in the end, in the struggle between good and evil in Norse mythology, Loki comes down on the side of evil and will fight with the forces of evil at Ragnarök. The absolute best interpretation of Loki is that he is a completely amoral sociopath. It's a very weird choice of name for a human child.

BFPDec21 · 31/03/2022 16:49

Wow, this thread has really blown up!

I suggested Castiel and a few others on this thread to DH last night and he scrunched his nose up. I do think he likes disagreeing with the names.

In a moment of frustration yesterday, I said I might find myself out for a walk to the registry office on my own and not tell him when the appointment is. However, he's begrudgingly said one of mine isn't so bad now.

I'm now on Kinder too, which is quite a fantastic app although I wish I could add our own names. Trouble is, I'm on there on my own.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 31/03/2022 16:52

@HorseInTheHouse quick ring the Swedes and tell them, they need your insight. Grin

RedToothBrush · 31/03/2022 16:55

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Everybody's DC names get a pasting on MN at some point - my choices are very classic so regularly get called 'boring' on other threads!

This is true - our DS's name is often criticised on here, but a lot of people also suggest it as a(in their opinion) good option.

I suppose it's just that, if baby names were a big tub of Celebrations that you were offering around to 'society', some people would definitely favour the Twix over the Mars, some would grab the Milky Way and leave the Malteser thing resolutely behind; but calling your DC Ozymandias or Vercingetorix is the equivalent of presenting a big jumbo Christmas-special tin with nothing but Bounties in it.

Whats wrong with bounties! I'd be made up with a box of bounties. I'm not that fussed about milky ways, hate maltesers, twix are meh and mars are ok.

Leave bounties out of this.

I think people get precious over whats 'useable'

Ignatious - sounds out there but I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid at Iggy these days.
Nicodemus - in the vein of Obediah but more restrained.
Maximillian - Ticks his boxes, whether he admits it or not
Magnus - again, you'd get away with
Titus - not as heavy on startrek as Tiberius
Cassius - I know some one who has used this. I've also met a Lennox
Luther - Why the hell not.

Obvious most people won't like these but I do think there is a part of very unusual you can go to, without also feeling like its 'alien' and utterly ridicilous too. Certainly today at any rate. The weirder you go the more older people and firmly middle class people freak out about it because they lean towards conformity more. Its just the way it is. Is this you as a couple? Or him?

My rules on what is workable and what isn't fits with that:

I would say that its worth pointing out it makes life easier for everyone concerned that if you go 'out there' it works better if you also keep it familiar enough to most people and make sure its something that people can still spell fairly easily.

Thats why something like Ozymandias or Vercingetorix isn't going to work no matter what. It just becomes a pain in the arse name not one to build character around. Most people don't get the reference. They will just think it pretenious bollocks (and they'd be right) and won't have a clue how to spell.

Also he has to have a good reason to go 'out there'. You have to be able to explain why you picked the name a thousand times over... No point picking something if you both don't feel confident and comfortable behind it.

Remind him that his son will get confidence from his parents as much as his name. If he is given a name that his mum is embarassed by, then the message he will get and pick up on is that hesitancy and dislike. And he will feed on that. You can't just fake that.

A strong name as a naming tool is only going to work if BOTH parents believe in it and are convinced by it.

IceVolcanoes · 31/03/2022 16:56

The absolute best interpretation of Loki is that he is a completely amoral sociopath. It's a very weird choice of name for a human child.

This is why it’s an excellent cat name.

I really like the name Loki. But I couldn’t name a child after a god of mischief.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 31/03/2022 16:57

I'm so sorry for you OP. My dh was so in love with me and so thrilled I was giving him children that he would refuse me nothing. I am so sickened when I hear of men being so ghastly and bullish. You are pregnant. You are making a baby. You get some rights.

Kanaloa · 31/03/2022 17:08

@Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin

Wait til baby is born...you have about a ten minute window to get in there with the name you want....after what you have just been through he will be in awe and agree to anything
I doubt it. He’s already bullied his way into naming the daughter without his wife’s opinion being taken into account, why do you think he’ll suddenly go starry eyed at this birth?
RedToothBrush · 31/03/2022 17:12

@IceVolcanoes

The absolute best interpretation of Loki is that he is a completely amoral sociopath. It's a very weird choice of name for a human child.

This is why it’s an excellent cat name.

I really like the name Loki. But I couldn’t name a child after a god of mischief.

The god of mischief was the problem for me too. Loki is a nice name otherwise!

It doesn't help that DH has a reputation for causing mischief either.

I'd never have got away with it.

Kanaloa · 31/03/2022 17:15

There’s also the very obvious Marvel connection. Obviously I know the character of Loki in Norse mythology but my first thought nowadays is Marvel. Same as if someone called their child Sherlock (genuinely seen this as someone’s favourite name on nameberry) I wouldn’t presume they were a big fan of detective novels. I’d think they were a Benedict Cumberbatch super fan and a bit cringe to be honest. Same with Loki, Castiel etc. For me too linked to fandom. And weirdly these people never seem to want to honour their favourite fandoms with names like Steven, Samuel, Dean, William, John etc. Always the big name that will be obvious, in your face, and embarrassing.

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