Pretentious?

[SummaLuvin]

I see a number of names being knocked or dismissed here as certain posters deem them pretentious. Names like Aloysius, Lysander, Montgomery, Peregrine…

I guess this post has four questions/discussion points.

1. What makes a name pretentious?
2. Why does pretentious = unusable?
3. Surely by marking these names as off limits to ‘normal’ people they keep they air of pretension indefinitely, wider use will water down the preconceived notions about them?
4. I see a significantly larger amount of boys names labelled this way than girls, I wonder why that is?

OP, I can't answer any of your questions, really, but I do know that my children's names are deemed "pretentious" by MN (which is no bad thing, on the whole). I just chose names I loved.

Why would Charlotte, Archie, Percy or Cressida sound ridiculous

Not Archie. Or Charlie. Quite the opposite even. But Archibald and Charles - most definitely.

Names sound pretentious when they don’t ‘fit’ with the parent’s backgrounds.

@Dancingonmoonlight

Names sound pretentious when they don’t ‘fit’ with the parent’s backgrounds.

So a working class family with an interest in the classics can't name their children Hector and Artemis? I assume un upper middle class household would be ok to use the names as it seems more fitting for their background even if they have no interest.

Yes it sounds odd ;and pretentious tbh) when a working/middle class background introduce their children Arabella, Quentin and Aubrey.

So a working class family with an interest in the classics can't name their children Hector and Artemis?

I agree. Ridiculous to say that! Why should 'working class' parents not be educated and read classics? Why should they not name their children names they love?

Absolutely ridiculous. And only reinforcing this crazy notion imo.

Yes it sounds odd ;and pretentious tbh) when a working/middle class background introduce their children Arabella, Quentin and Aubrey.

It might sound odd to you

It doesn't sound odd to me at all, in fact I know a few young/teen aged Arabellas and Quentins - from lovely normal hard working families!

Ive not met an Aubrey but personally wouldn't make judgements before meeting one.

So a working class family with an interest in the classics can't name their children Hector and Artemis?
I don't think that would count as pretentious because they have a reason.

@SeanChailleach

So a working class family with an interest in the classics can't name their children Hector and Artemis? I don't think that would count as pretentious because they have a reason.

Yes but, for the most part, you have no idea for peoples reasons unless you are very very close to them, yet judgements are made anyway - if they are into Shakespeare or Greek mythology, if they just adore the way the name sounds, if the child is named after a departed loved one, or if they picked it to try and seem more upper class - and ultimately is that really a much worse reason anyway? I doubt those people are choosing names they actively dislike in order to prove their poshness, it might be the perceived benefit which means they name their son Horatio not Daniel if they are stuck between the two.

Okay come at it from the opposite side. What would you honestly think if you heard Joe Bloggs and his wife have named their English children Raphael, Gaspard and Delphine because they holidayed in France and loved the names?
Pretentious? Silly?
That is what other people think when they hear Aubrey and Horatio!

I love the names that people think are pretentious. I can't imagine asking someone to justify their children's names. However, I grew up in a situation where class was a huge issue. My parents had very posh accents and we lived in a working class community. It was uncomfortable, and we kids had no clue why grown adults hated us for stuff like our accents, our classical music. (Our names were of the truly posh fly-under-the-radar variety). As a teenager, i started to see doors open to me that would be (sometimes literally) slammed in my friends' faces. So yes, if you can carry it off, faking a higher social status can pay off, but there is a price to pay.

@SeanChailleach

I love the names that people think are pretentious. I can't imagine asking someone to justify their children's names. However, I grew up in a situation where class was a huge issue. My parents had very posh accents and we lived in a working class community. It was uncomfortable, and we kids had no clue why grown adults hated us for stuff like our accents, our classical music. (Our names were of the truly posh fly-under-the-radar variety). As a teenager, i started to see doors open to me that would be (sometimes literally) slammed in my friends' faces. So yes, if you can carry it off, faking a higher social status can pay off, but there is a price to pay.

That’s the missing piece though you have just mentioned. Fake. That’s what people see and hear and think when the names don’t fit the background.

What would you honestly think if you heard Joe Bloggs and his wife have named their English children Raphael, Gaspard and Delphine because they holidayed in France and loved the names?
Pretentious? Silly?
That is what other people think when they hear Aubrey and Horatio!

First, Raphael, Gaspard and Delphine are beautiful names and more memorable than say Joe, Steve and Harry? Who cares if the parents were inspired in France?

Second, Aubrey and Horatio are old English names. What's the problem?

@SummaLuvin Exactly. Maybe close family and friends might know, but most people (parents of their school friends, people you meet in the park, your child’s future colleagues) won’t know or care why you chose the name. And explaining your love for the Iliad whenever you introduce your child is more pretentious than any name can be.

Your motivation for choosing your child’s name won’t matter when he is introducing himself to a new group of friends - whether the name is chosen for a reason people on this thread think is reasonable or if they just want people to think they are posh. The name has to stand on its own. It’s just a shame that some names are considered unusable for certain people.

As a teenager, i started to see doors open to me that would be (sometimes literally) slammed in my friends' faces.

Isn't that in itself a good reason?

I honestly don't understand this need to 'justify' names. To justify your love for a name, whether inspired by literature, a trip to France or any other reason.

My kids have 'pretentious' according to this thread and I love them. So perhaps I'm pretentious too

P.s. I hope that there are people who don't judge us like some posters on here

Blubells They won’t say it to your face but they are undoubtedly thinking it. Even you yourself call them pretentious names - you must be aware that others do too.

@Dancingonmoonlight

Blubells They won’t say it to your face but they are undoubtedly thinking it. Even you yourself call them pretentious names - you must be aware that others do too.

But she’s said that she wanted to choose names that are pretentious. ‘Pretentious’ was in quotes so I assume that the names her children have are either in this thread or similar to names mentioned. Many people aren’t fully aware of connotations names have when they choose them or they are but decide that their reasons for wanting the name supersede that.

@toastofthetown

I don’t think it’s about trying to emulate the upper classes. If it was about that then surely you’d be calling your children George and Elizabeth. For me (at least) I just happen to like names that other people call pretentious. Obviously I haven’t formed my taste in names is a vacuum, but I think very few people think “people will think I’m so posh and clever if I call my children Lysander and Antigone”.

Agree. We're working class, we get benefit top ups, rent not own, bus not car. My taste in names runs to Cornelius, Balthazar, Gideon, Thaddeus, Ichabod, Artemis etc. I just think they sound nice!

@Dancingonmoonlight

Okay come at it from the opposite side. What would you honestly think if you heard Joe Bloggs and his wife have named their English children Raphael, Gaspard and Delphine because they holidayed in France and loved the names? Pretentious? Silly? That is what other people think when they hear Aubrey and Horatio!

Honestly I wouldn't think any of them silly or pretentious because not everyone is obsessed with keeping the classes in their boxes. I do think Gaspard is awful though. Gaspy?? The others are all beautiful names

Someone said I was being pretentious when I named my daughter Lola 😳
I can't answer any of your questions because I had to google what pretentious meant 🤣
Lola doesn't fit the bill at all 🤔

Lola is gorgeous but DEF not pretentious 😂😂😂

www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/gallery/2013/feb/11/whats-in-a-name

This is from 2013. The Guardian has always been quite obsessed with class and Oxbridge and I remembered this from a while back. I don’t think they’d do this now as there would be a bit of hand-wringing and disclaimers over stereotyping.

Zandathepanda

Interesting that there isn’t an Atticus, Sebastián or Quentin among them though 😝

@Dancingonmoonlight They won’t say it to your face but they are undoubtedly thinking it. Even you yourself call them pretentious names - you must be aware that others do too.

Of course I don't consider my kids' names 'pretentious'. I find them beautifu and I love them. I was saying that some posters on Mumsnet have described them as 'pretentious'.

I don't feel the need to justify my choices , so feel free to judge away

@Dancingonmoonlight

Blubells They won’t say it to your face but they are undoubtedly thinking it. Even you yourself call them pretentious names - you must be aware that others do too.

Presumably as aware as everyone else is that there are some crashing snobs around.