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Original poster

Hurt by comments on name , should I change ?

166 replies

newmum332 · 19/06/2020 21:55

I’m due to have DT’s in 2 weeks. We don’t know what we are having but we had decided on names for all combinations. I’ve not shared names with family or friends up until now when my mum practically begged me (over text). I eventually relented and told her our name choices. She replied to the text ‘Oh I hate Stella’ (and no comment on the other names).

It’s made me doubt the name now, has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I go for the name anyway? I feel like if I do it will always be on my mind that she ‘hates’ it but I don’t want to regret letting her put me off either! Confused

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4amWitchingHour · 20/06/2020 07:51

How dare she say that to you, especially after badgering you to tell her! Ignore her, not her baby, she doesn't get to share her opinion. I'm sorry you had to deal with that shit.

NatalieH2220 · 20/06/2020 07:56

Definitely don't change it if you both like it. Everyone has an opinion before the baby comes but once she's here and has that name everyone will say how much it suits her.

sHREDDIES19 · 20/06/2020 08:00

@Fred578 yes, in the context of an online forum specifically discussing negative feedback received about a potential name. My point was that although irl there’s lots of names we probably all grimace at, it’s poor manners to say so as it really is nothing to do with anyone other than the parents. My own mother in law pulled the same trick but it made me want to keep it all the more.

TwentyViginti · 20/06/2020 08:08

Tell her Stella is the nickname, and you're actually naming her ConSTELLAtion Grin

Eskaa · 20/06/2020 08:54

Ooh. Yikes. I know it’d be none of my business but I don’t think I could hold back if my daughter wanted to use a name I absolutely hated.. Stella is pretty awful imo but that’s probably because of the beer?

Kiki275 · 20/06/2020 09:19

I think it's a lovely name but I can't help thinking if your mum hates it... she's probably already told several other people the name or at least her opinion of it.
Please use it but beware that it might not be a surprise for some people anymore x

WildCherryBlossom · 20/06/2020 09:20

OP Stella is beautiful.

My MIL strongly disliked our first baby's name. She had lobbied hard for us to choose a plain, single syllable name like Kate or John. We chose long, foreign names for all our children. She's over it now.

MiconiumHappens · 20/06/2020 09:33

Your gut instinct was not to tell anyone, you've been proven that it was for good reason!

Go with Stella it's a lovely name.

I would say that it would be good to mention to your mum that it has upset you and why, as you say it's out of character for her so she will more than likely just apologise and will have had no idea the feelings it has hurt.
Remind her how much you need her support right now and how important she is to you.

Also if you DONT now choose Stella and you regret it you'll secretly be quietly seething at your mum every now and then, and that's not good for your relationship with your mum.

Go with the name and listen to your instinctsWink

LouLouLoo · 20/06/2020 09:34

I really like the name but immediately ruled it out because of the beer and the fact it’s known as wife beater. If you like it then use it, you will not find a name that is universally liked and it’s your decision to make.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/06/2020 09:37

Your mum named her babies. It’s your turn to name your babies.

Stella is great.

steppemum · 20/06/2020 09:50

I like it. It is not at all a name that would have appeared on my list, but that is because I have a name style different to yours.
I think it sounds lovely, very different to all the Ellas etc too.

Tell your mum - Oh mum it is OK, as you don't like it, we have decided to change it, we are going with Hepzibah, much more unusual and original. Be really serious about Hepzibah, fake a nursery pick with it on the wall, ask her if she thinks Hepzibah goes better with Anna as a middle name or Jezebel?

Then when baby is born, she will be relieved that she has such a lovely name as Stella!

I hate my niece's name, didn't say anything, can't imagine her being anything else now. They will get used to it.

scatteredglitter · 20/06/2020 10:07

Stella is a lovely name.
If your baby looks like a Stella to you then name what you feel is right for her, don't worry your mum won't even remember in a few months she ll be so in love with her GC.
(I would however have a conversation with her about minding her own business and keeping any strong opinions on your life choices going forward to her self if she is unable to be supportive!)

MikeUniformMike · 20/06/2020 11:18

Not RTFT.
Stella is a nice name. I'm not keen on it shortened to Stell, but it's not too bad.
I had a dear friend called Stella, and it's not done Ms McCartney, the reassuringly expensive drink or the colour supplement from a Sunday paper any harm.
Use it. Your DM got to name her own DC.

roarfeckingroar · 20/06/2020 20:28

I love Stella and its meaning and I'm proper posh OP Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 20/06/2020 22:29

Not sure how to respond to her now?

'Wow, that was rude. Just to warn you then, I won't be able to get past any nasty comments like that spoiling the first couple of days with the babies so don't be surprised if we ask you to wait a little while to meet them until I'm feeling up to it.'

That will make her think!

RiverMeadow · 21/06/2020 20:04

I didn't tell anyone the names of my DC as their opinions were irrelevant. Anyway when DC2 was born we couldn't decide on a name, we eventually did and I called my Mum to let her know... her response 'Oh wow, that's the name of so and so's dead cat'

SnowsInWater · 21/06/2020 23:52

She was very rude, your baby your choice (I do love the name Stella though Smile).

Ellmau · 21/06/2020 23:57

Stella is lovely.

BabyLlamaZen · 22/06/2020 08:57

Ugh. Dont doubt yourself!

@Alpacamabags also love those both. Jasper is now top 8 btw!

Needtheadvice · 22/06/2020 09:31

Well at least it is clearly a girls name, baby born last year in the family is male and been given what is typically a girls nick name Hmm. In some cultures not related to the UK, it can be used as a boys name, but it is uncommon for sure. Not said anything though I still find the name odd, the little one just needs time to grow and for us to see the name connected with him. Same goes for many people, names are sometimes something one needs to get used to. Do have a name I disliked but like now due to the above: Nora.

SquirtleSquad · 22/06/2020 09:49

People are arseholes, we have 4 yo twins and an 11mo and didn't tell anyone any of our names until after they were born.
It's so easy to judge a name with no emotional attachment when it's written down or said but usually people won't be so rude (or even think anything negative) when they are introduced to a tiny baby!
Good luck, twins are great!

captainraymondholt · 22/06/2020 10:29

Stella is so beautiful.
Don't listen to her.
My friend has a Stella and it suits her so well; no one ever comments on the beer etc.

ExhaustedMom17 · 07/07/2020 17:02

well I think that alike the comments stella is a quite nice name. maybe they have a problem with stellas in their own life???? ask her.

Tappering · 07/07/2020 17:06

I'd reply:

Thank you so much for your rude and unhelpful response.

And leave it at that. What's the betting she tells people?

Flittingabout · 07/07/2020 17:13

I have never met a Stella and think it is quite lovely but ruled it put because of the lager connotations. However the point is it is your choice! I'd just have replied well that's a shame because we love it.