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Original poster

OK, final name thread! One of us will be disappointed, who should it be?

214 replies

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 20/10/2011 13:05

We have two name choices. Neither one of us is happy about the other's choice. We have been through every name we can think of and, without a word of a lie, there is not one single name in the entire world that we agree on, believe me, we've tried and it's beginning to grind us down. We've just got totally different taste in names. So we've accepted that one of us will have to get used to a name we're not wild about.

Anyone else in the same position, what did you do? Is it possible to live with a name that's just ok and not The Name?

OP posts:
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iggi999 · 23/10/2011 09:19

Who is pregnant?
Who is having this baby?
I do feel you hold all the cards!

Original poster
GuillotinedMaryLacey · 23/10/2011 09:21

Oh I know but I'm Catholic, I do guilt really really well!

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 23/10/2011 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HettyAmaretti · 23/10/2011 11:01

I nearly posted the other day saying I though your DH was being a bit twattish about this, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Have now changed my mind. He is being rather twattish about this.

You've been more than flexible about your choices, if he's not willing to be flexible too then the choice of name is yours. No guilt allowed.

CakeandRoses · 23/10/2011 11:11

i've only read pages 1 and 4 so apols if i've missed something earth-shattering in the middle Grin but dh and i were in a v similar position with girls names for dc2. he had a few he liked but was a bit meh about them and i hated them all, i had a shortlist i loved and he hated.

in the end he let me go with my fave despite him having reservations of various kinds (it's a v frilly and slightly unusual name) and there being no obvious nickname.

now, 14 months on, she really suits her name, we get lots of compliments on it, ds coined her nickname early on and she gets called that 50% of the time. dh is happy enough with it all in all.

could verity work out like that for you?

CakeandRoses · 23/10/2011 11:18

i've just gone back and read the whole thread - your ongoing discussions with dh sound identical to the ones we had.

stick to verity if you LOVE it. it sounds as tho he'll be fine with it in the end.

ZombiePlan · 23/10/2011 11:29

TBH I think he's being a bit of a drama queen about this. He magnanimously tells you you can use your choice of name, then "was awake tossing and turning all night because he wasn't happy" - really? Hmm Not fair of him to reject all your suggestions and then pile on the guilt...

Go with Verity Madeleine. That way you both get a name you like and no names that either of you actively dislike.

Ephiny · 23/10/2011 12:43

It does sound like he's being a bit manipulative. I also think Verity Madeleine works very well.

comedaygoday · 24/10/2011 07:50

GML, please do not accept a name that you are not happy with, otherwise you may be back in 2, 5, or even 10th months wanting to change it.

FWIW, I think Julia is a lovely name. VeriTy isn't my choice, but is better than Madeleine. She will be your daughter though so please get a name for her that you love.

Original poster
GuillotinedMaryLacey · 24/10/2011 08:16

I know, that's what everyone, in RL too, is telling me. But we really are at stalemate.

And I'm pissed off with him over the Jennifer thing because he assured me on Saturday that he really liked it and would be happy with it, leading me to think we had a name that, although not perfect due to existing family member, was a definite back up should we really not agree on anything else. Now he says he really doesn't like it at all, was just saying he did.

We've been debating this since the BFP at Easter, why he thinks we'll reach an easy decision in the next few weeks and so shouldn't stress about it is beyond me.

It's really beginning to worry me, he won't back down at all, the only solution is for me to give in because he absolutely won't.

OP posts:
ZombiePlan · 24/10/2011 09:03

Why is the solution for you to give in? Just because he won't? Oh no sirree, that just won't do! I promise, in a few months you will be kicking yourself if you roll over and capitulate over this. Why should you just roll over, when he isn't even trying to compromise?

comedaygoday · 24/10/2011 09:09

Ok then, you are going to have to play dirty .

1 As soon as possible after giving birth, look into your new daughter's eyes and say "hello Verity,

2 claim to have had a dream that new child had to be called "Verity" and therefore the name is divinely ordained / chosen by fate.

Please note though these suggestions may not work and are not meant entirely seriously

Original poster
GuillotinedMaryLacey · 24/10/2011 10:13

:o I'll consider anything at this stage! He is so unbelievably laid back usually, so unbothered by everything, he's really surprised me. Shame it's over something like this rather than when his parents were insisting on putting dd in the wrong size car seat for example.

OP posts:
ShroudOfHamsters · 24/10/2011 11:41

Sorry but your DH is being a total twat over this.

You've offered lots of compromise names - he's offered none.

This is totally stressing you out, but he seems to find it mostly amusing -

'So, women of the jury, I put it to you that actually, his only objection to Verity is Just Because and when I did my and said right, that's it, pissed off now, had enough of this, Verity it is, he laughed and said ok. Does that sound to you like someone with a real problem with the name?'

-No, it doesn't, it sounds like someone who is enjoying winding you up. Angry

I'd have had enough by now if I were you, and I'd be telling him that the above conversation and especially his little giggle over the issue of him disliking the name Verity had pushed this into serious territory, and that I took him at his word the other day, and Verity it is.

Oh and I can't help thinking that the reason he is able to assert that he is Not Backing Down is because experience has told him that if he throws his weight around, you'll give in. (With that in mind, his little giggly play-about with the idea of Verity the other day seems even more nasty - 'Oh, I'm going to play cat and mouse with her for a bit, but no worries - when it comes down to it I'll have my way'.)

So don't back down, this time. Tell him you don't want Madeleine. That's it.

ShroudOfHamsters · 24/10/2011 11:48

Oh you could also just turn his behaviour back on him. Just say matter-of-factly that as he can't even have a decent honest conversation with you about it (messing around and saying he was ok with Verity after all, lying about Jennifer being acceptable for the compromise name) then there isn't any point in taking his views into account - hey, for all you know he might be lying about liking Madeleine too! The only sensible solution is for you to go for Verity - the name you at least know that one (non-lying) partner genuinely loves. :)

Tortoiseinadarkspell · 24/10/2011 12:12

Shouty Shroudy, have I told you recently how much I love you?

Listen to Shroudof, OP.

Although, if you are already having Violet as a middle, how would you feel about having Violet as a first instead as a compromise? Violet Madeleine? I like Verity, but I'm not thrilled about Verity Violet.

Original poster
GuillotinedMaryLacey · 24/10/2011 12:26

I love Verity Violet, alliteration fan! No, Violet is after my grandmother, not because I particularly like it IYSWIM. If she was Hilda it'd be Verity Hilda albeit through gritted teeth Wink

He actually has managed to whittle discussion down to the one name he likes. He's even ousted any of the other names he was thinking about earlier in the proceedings, he's just stuck on this one bloody name. Yes he is being a twat. If this was a holiday destination we were debating then I'd cancel our passports but it's one of the few things that you can't say sod it, let's not bother then. She has to have some sort of bloody name. I pity the day that the poor girl asks how we chose her name, especially as DD1's was so easy, fuck knows how!

You are right Shouty. I love Verity, anyone in RL who has heard it likes it, the majority of people on here like it so it's not a highly offensive name. I was thinking in the shower this morning that if I let him have bloody Madeleine the what could I call her as a nickname that wouldn't make me want to knife him everytime I used it. That's not right, is it?

OP posts:
AuntieMaggie · 24/10/2011 12:27

I agree with you about needing a strong name especially as your DD is called Harriet. I like Violet.

HettyAmaretti · 24/10/2011 12:29

No, that's not right.

Verity Madeline Violet? VV (as in very, very) could be unfortunate initials if your surname is (or is similar too) a noun..

Tortoiseinadarkspell · 24/10/2011 12:39

Ah, I suppose you either like alliteration or you don't, I'm the latter.

Right now, I think I would say an absolute veto NO to Madeleine, and then just leave the conversation for a bit. I know, I know that you have to have a name. But you don't have to have it today.

iggi999 · 24/10/2011 14:19

Which of you will be able to get to the registrar's office the quickest after the birth? That should settle it.

HettyAmaretti · 24/10/2011 15:11

WTF iggi - I assume that once the choice has been made either partner would trust the other to register the correct name.

MrsRetchingBloodAndGuts · 24/10/2011 16:35

So nothings decided yet then?

My dd is called Kaiya.

I need to get used to it.

Put your foot down and stick to Verity, I got to the stage you are at and said 'at this point i'll agree to anything' and I did... I was HAVING A CONTRACTION at the exact moment the final decision was made though!

MrsRetchingBloodAndGuts · 24/10/2011 16:37

The thing is, she doesn't look like a Leila...

Or a Natalia..

She seems stronger than those names but I do think she'd have suited Tyra. :(

mathanxiety · 24/10/2011 17:01

I think at this point you need to come up with a list of 20 names each that does not include the names Verity, Madeleine or Jennifer. The list could include names that have been brought up until this point but dismissed, but not those three names.

Don't let the name come between you -- maybe the only way to avoid this now is for both of you to drop your favourites and start again.