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Original poster

Is this really an issue???

277 replies

Sim2 · 01/10/2011 02:33

My brother has a one year old called Eva..I have just called my daughter Eve- both girls have different middle and surnames yet my sister in law has fallen out with us!!!
Is this really an issue?!..surely it doesn't matter at all!!

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FellatioNelson · 02/10/2011 07:19

Well none of have ownership rights over a name of course, but I can totally understand why they are highly irritated by it, and I would be too. I do think it is a little bad mannered of you I am afraid. Plus, I'd be a bit bewildered about why you would want to do it anyway. I would never do a thing like that, not just for other people's sakes, but for my own as well. I'd be trying as hard as I could to make sure my baby had her own 'identity' that didn't overlap with someone so close to her. Having said that, there are so many Eves/Evas around now that I suppose ultimately it makes no difference in the end.

CitizenOscar · 02/10/2011 07:21

I'd be annoyed but I'd get over it. If the name is that important to you, you'll just have to apologise to your SIL, explain as far as you can and say you hope you can get past it for family harmony.

Catslikehats · 02/10/2011 07:28

allhail I'm not sure it is comparable to ask your brother to refrain from marrying the love of his life in order to prevent confusion at familt get togethers Grin

Thumb your poor mum. I cannot believe anyone would be so insensitive as to name their own child after a family members recently lost baby Sad I gave my own stillborn Ds a quite unusual name that is rapidly increasing in popularity. I have a heart stopping moment every a boy is born to a friend before the name is announced because I don't think I would ever get over it if someone named their boy after mine (which I know sounds horribly precious but there it is).

PrincessFiorimonde · 02/10/2011 07:48

In my case, my mum and my cousin's mum were pregnant at the same time. My mum apparently made it clear that she liked a particular girl's name. My aunt had her baby first and she asked my mum if she would mind if she called her daughter a very similar name. Mum said she didn't mind at all, and then went on to have a son anyway. Three years later, my mum gave birth to me and gave me the name that she'd always liked, and checked that my aunt didn't mind that cousin and I would end up with such similar names.

Result: happiness.

Aubergine: I can't believe that you seem to suggest that your brother should not marry someone just because she has the same name as you. Have I read that wrong?

PrincessFiorimonde · 02/10/2011 08:00

Thumbwitch, I think this is all very different if someone in your family calls their child by the name of a child relative who has died. That seems highly insensitive to me, unless of course the bereaved parents are consulted and they are ok with the idea (and not just bludgeoned into agreeing with it).

Your poor Mum. How awful for her. Sad My own mum lost children, so I do feel quite strongly about this.

Thumbwitch · 02/10/2011 08:13

In fairness to my uncle and aunt, I don't know the exact dates (i.e. how soon after my Mum's baby died their baby was born), and I don't know if they knew that was the name my Mum and Dad were going to use (although it is possible) - and now I can't ask my Mum about it and my Dad wouldn't remember. Knowing my aunt (non-blood relative), it's quite possible she would have just ridden roughshod over any objections anyway, but I don't know whether or not that happened.

iskra · 02/10/2011 10:51

aubergine, my husband has the same name as my brother & grandfather. Slight confusion but not an issue.

SjuperWolef · 02/10/2011 12:17

my mil has a son lets say 'john'. when 'john' was 3 months old mils sister had a baby also called 'john' who sadly died. mil loves her sister and feels her pain having miscarried twice but still feels some resentment that her sister 'stole' her babys name and his name is now associated with her sisters sadness.

Kayano · 02/10/2011 12:23

My DH nana had a child called John.
DH Grandad had an affair, his mistress called her child John. Same surname

2 kid brothers with same name ....
The real John then forever associated his name with his dads infidelity despite them staying together an went by his middle name Rob, which was a shame for the nana as she picked te name first and loved it.

Not only had the other woman stolen her DH, she robbed her child of his name!

Eglu · 02/10/2011 12:25

I would be annoyed too. It would depend on how close we lived to the others and how often we would see them too though.

Thumbwitch · 02/10/2011 12:27

Kayano, that's not the first time I've heard of men doing that - I find it deeply disturbing that they think it's an ok thing to do, to have two children with the same name by different women. Almost as though one cancels out the other :(

My FIL (RIP) married a woman with the same name as his sister. They lost their first son (stillbirth) and then gave his names to their second DS. I find this very scary and weird as well, although apparently it wasn't that uncommon - but I'd hate to be named the same as a deceased sibling!

SjuperWolef · 02/10/2011 12:28

thats so sad kayano, i know of 2 brothers called robert - a good 20 years between them, both named after their dad - but not through any extra maritals!

funnily i also know of 2 stephens after their dad who didnt find out till theyw ere in their 20's, they'd been hanging round in the same friend group for a few months when they found out that older stephens mum had thrown out his dad for getting younger stephens mum pregnant! they're still good mates as far as i know but dont take with their dad who for all they know has 5 other stephens!

Thumbwitch · 02/10/2011 12:35

Still, the oddest one has to be George Foreman (who I keep bringing up on these threads because it still astounds me) - who named all his sons George. He has 5 sons and 2 of his 5 DDs also have George in their name (Freeda George and Georgetta) Shock

SjuperWolef · 02/10/2011 12:37

5 georges?! Shock thats taking michael jackson to extremes!

feelingratheroverwhelmed · 02/10/2011 12:44

DH and I love the name Isaac but we have a nephew called Zac so we've had to discount it. They are different names, granted, but the nn for Isaac would inevitably be Zack too, so it just wouldn't work. As everyone keeps saying, there are lots of names in this world so there is no excuse for chosing something so similar.

But I though this was a bit odd - DH's cousin rings his mum to ask if it's ok if they call her new baby the same name as DH's brother (so different generation, 27yrs apart, see each other maybe twice a year?). Mum said yes she certainly would mind and could they choose something else please.
Not a particularly unusual name, so far too precious if you ask me!

dizzyblonde · 02/10/2011 12:47

My sisters son and mine have exeactly the same name. I asked her first and she said it wasn't a problem. My parents,being reasonably intelligent people,coped perfectly well. We spend a lot of time together and it has never been an issue.

Flowerista · 02/10/2011 12:50

It doesn't matter to you OP because you got what you wanted.

Your SIL did not. Hence she is annoyed.

So yes, it is an issue created by you and DH.

Flowerista · 02/10/2011 12:53

Dizzy would you have reconsidered if your DSis had said she didnt like it?

tryingtoleave · 02/10/2011 12:53

Thumbwitch, I think it must have been normal. I remember some old book, can't think what it was, where two sisters had the same name because they thought one was dying while the other was born - but then she recovered. I wonder what the book was ...

Thumbwitch · 02/10/2011 12:55

oooer - that would be even weirder, tryingtoleave! Shock
Mind you, I remember reading in a book (can't remember which one) that an Irish family had 12 sons, the first one and the last both called Neil, because they ran out of names they liked - so they had Big Neil and Little Neil.

Coconutty · 02/10/2011 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Becaroooo · 02/10/2011 12:57

wouldnt bother me in the slightest tbh. Its not the same name is it??

(my youngest nephew has my ds1's name as a middle name)

Hulababy · 02/10/2011 12:59

I'd fine it odd for the grandparents to have two granddaughters with almost identical names.

Everyone is always going to think that you copied or "pinched" the older one's name too - from my pov, I'd hate people thinking that about me and my choice of name personally.

The children are very unlikely to be bothered about it in the future.

But I can see why sil is feeling aggrieved. I'd not be having a massive arguement about it but would be Hmm about it and inwardly ranting initially tbh.

There are so many thousands of names out there I;d have thought you could have had some originality and come up with something different to naming your daughter pretty much the same as your niece.

I agree that this situation is also very different to calling children the name of family member of a different generation.

Hulababy · 02/10/2011 13:06

It also wouldn't bother me if a family memember used DD's name as a middle name - to me that is very different again compared to using virtually the same name as a first name.

PrincessFiorimonde · 02/10/2011 13:07

Thumbwitch (I promise I'm not stalking you), I think that naming children after their dead siblings used to be quite a common practice in the days of high infant mortality rates. For example, when my cousin and I researched our family tree, we found three Elizabeths born of the same parents in the 1860s, each one born and named after the older one(s) had died Sad. I don't think this was unusual then. Maybe a lot more unusual for your FIL and his partner in the mid or late 20th century, though.

And yes, George Foreman's choice of names for his children (did his wife/wives get a say in their naming?) always strikes me as weird. But I think I read somewhere that he said he did this because he couldn't be sure if he'd be able to remember a variety of names. Possibly because he knew his memory was faltering because of the effect of all those batterings he took in the ring? (This is the 'nicest' explanation I can think of; the other possible explanations just involve megalomania.)