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Original poster

Is this really an issue???

277 replies

Sim2 · 01/10/2011 02:33

My brother has a one year old called Eva..I have just called my daughter Eve- both girls have different middle and surnames yet my sister in law has fallen out with us!!!
Is this really an issue?!..surely it doesn't matter at all!!

OP posts:
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piprabbit · 05/10/2011 23:46

I think Dandy has a point.

TheCatInTheHairnet · 05/10/2011 23:58

My BFFs son and her sister's son both have the same name and it has never been an issue. BFF was really quite flattered.

My cousin was mortified when our mutual cousin called their dds the same name.

So, swings and roundabouts... Wink

meditrina · 06/10/2011 05:29

Fellatio: And let's stop focusing on the SIL. It's the DB who is annoyed too"

Oh no he's not! Or at least not according to OP yesterday morning when she posted that the family were fine about it.

Either she's invented a situation to make an amusing fictitious thread.

Or she is lying about the family being OK with it.

Or she is totally insensitive to the feelings of her DB, and actually doesn't count a sibling as a family member. That us a rather more complex situation, and must be very difficult across the entire family, will skew perceptions and reactions, and must be unpleasant in many ways. As it is not however described in OP, probably best not explored.

DejaWho · 06/10/2011 09:13

My middle name's Eve... I was given it after my grandmother - Eva. Far, far too similar.

Mind you last time I got pregnant I was presented with a large list of names SIL had dibsed for her child a month ahead of me... I subsequently miscarried and she used none of the names she'd made such a fuss about (not many of which I actually liked anyway) anyhow!

As for the dead relatives' name thing - we have twins running in our family and way back when - my great aunt (who is bonkers to use the scientific term) had two named Ruth Elizabeth, and Elizabeth Ruth - one died and they renamed the living twin after the dead one.

mathanxiety · 06/10/2011 16:22

Bonkers is not the word Hmm

KatAndKit · 06/10/2011 16:29

Dandy is right. The SIL got there first.
And you can't "dibs" a name. That is ridiculous too.
The OP was of course within her rights to call her baby whatever she liked but in my opinion the two names are far too similar and she should not have even considered it.

Scathac · 06/10/2011 20:15

I agree with almost everyone else - why are you even asking? of course you were bonkers to go ahead with the (almost) same name ... you are just trying to salve your conscience by asking for support for your point of view. Having said that ... I know of one friend who has a brother AND a father with the exact same name !!! It's true!!! 3 of them in one family!!!

cerealqueen · 06/10/2011 20:26

OP - you are getting mighty upset about this and we are all strangers! So consider how your SIL must feel!

  • were you very vocal that your first DD would be called Eve? If not, you have no right to be peeved yourself.... and if you did and are peeved then you must see how SIL feels - her Dd is already called her name!
  • You mentioned your niece when your DH wanted it - then carried on regardless so you kind of knew it might cause a problem.

Unless its a family name and everybody knows the score as to boys being called after GPs etc its just thoughtless.

However, I hope you sort it out with SIL, talk to her, see how upset she is (maybe she always always loved Eva??) and make it up with her, if you can.

Enjoy your new baby!

cory · 06/10/2011 22:25

This unique name thing seems to be quite a recent phenomenon. Have been doing dh's family tree and there are always cousins called the same as one another, named after some grandparent or other. Several Phoebes in every generation. Remember something similar from my own Swedish family tree. But people do seem very sensitive these days, about all sorts of things.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/10/2011 13:06

Maybe it's a manifestation of the baby as lifestyle choice thing, cory.

And yes, people do seem very sensitive about the daftest of things.

It's all very baffling.

nicebutjim · 11/10/2011 13:34

"Maybe it's a manifestation of the baby as lifestyle choice thing, cory."
I think that's true. As if their choice of name for their baby is a reflection on them, something they are going to be judged by.

This thread has been an education for me. I had no idea people cared so much about names. I suppose I should have, given all the baby name threads on here, but I thought that was just to pass the time while you're waiting for your baby to turn up. I didn't realise people took this so personally.

comedaygoday · 11/10/2011 14:35

Completely disagree. I think it's very narrowminded to say that just because a person does not want their child to share a name with a cousin, they have had children as a lifestyle accessory. FWIW OP I would have felt a bit upset and irritated in your SIL's position. I would not have fallen out with you as I would not want to make things difficult for the mutual grandparents, but secretly I would have thought you a bit thoughtless and odd.

In both mine and DH's family names are not shared. My mother rejected one name for me because my aunt had alteady used it on a cousin and another name because another aunt had used it for a cat. Clearly ,many reasonable people would not want to have their DC sharing a name with a close familymember so even if it doesn't / wouldn't bother the OP, she should hahr discussed it with her brother and SIL.

ZuleikaJambiere · 11/10/2011 15:52

Congratulations on your baby girl, and a lovely name IMO

I have a friend who's DD has the same name as her cousin - they were born 6 weeks apart. Apparently my friend and her sister (who were very close) both wanted to keep their name choices as a surprise so didn't discuss it, but both fell for the same name. When sister 2 (who was due later) found out about the first baby's name she was so cross she didn't even congratulate her sister, and then vice versa, and both had 'other commitments' on the baby's christening days. It took about 2 years to restore their relationship to the closeness they shared before, very sad. Both girls are known by their middle names now, to avoid confusion within the family, so neither gets to use their most loved first name

I can understand not wanting to reveal name choices beforehand to all and sundry (we did that), but I think in this case a quiet word and a shared secret between the sisters would have saved a lot of issues. I hope you and SIL can past it quickly, not worth it in the grand scheme

hulabula · 11/10/2011 16:49

It has nothing to do with 'lifestyle' choices at all.

It has to do with common sense and with the question as to why we name a person, namely to identify him/her. It makes life very difficult if two cousins share virtually the same name. It is as simple as that imo.

Duhart · 11/10/2011 23:11

I'd be mightily pissed off.

With so many names in the world, I would be really taken aback by the absence of imagination and lack of consideration for the original name holder.

I'd say any rift that might have come about should be healed pronto or it's the type of thing that would make for awkward family gatherings to come.

Annakin31 · 17/10/2011 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo · 17/10/2011 13:42

I think your SIL might have already posted about this!

MeconiumHappens · 17/10/2011 16:43

If i were your SIL i would be furious and telling you where to poke your "im sorry if we upset you, but we're doing it anyway" email.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/10/2011 18:21

Bunch of loons, the lot of you.

Montsti · 17/10/2011 19:29

I would be VERY upset by this...my sister, in fact "stole" my girl's name even though I had spoken about it for years. I had been struggling to fall pregnant (she did at the drop of a hat) and when I commented about her possible name choice (a few months before the birth) she responded with, "well you might never have a daughter/child" which was obviously a real body blow. Anyway was gutted when she did choose the name, but got over it pretty quickly and luckily fell pregnant soon afterwards and had a boy! Now 8 weeks pregnant with no. 2 and have a real girl's name problem as my SIL "stole" my other girl's name...I'll probably have another boy!! One thing I won't be doing though is naming a girl after either of it's cousins so will have to think of another name..do you think it's weird using your sister's name I.e. If I have a daughter I call it the same name as my sister...before falling pregnant I did mention it to my parents and sister and my dad thought it was ridiculous but my mum thought it was a great idea and my sister didn't really care! They would be different generations so ok???

Annakin31 · 24/10/2011 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 24/10/2011 20:03

Why thank you Wink

Annakin - the OP didn't name her baby after her sister - nor indeed after anyone. She chose a name very similar to that of her niece.

The OP's sister-in-law got in a piss, which imo is daft.

Montsti · 25/10/2011 09:14

Ha ha good point Annakin31! I actually do have a good relationship with my sister - that was a bad episode that happened over 3 years ago. I wouldn't be naming DD after her as such as we just love the name and all the other names we like are out due to other immediate family calling their kids these names or names very similar I.e. The likes of Amelia/Isobel which basically rules out hundreds of names as there are so many similar to them...my sister lives on a different continent to me and I would regularly refer to DD with a nickname (my sister has always been called by her full name).

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 25/10/2011 10:47

Blush oops, I see Annakin was referring to you Montsi and not the OP.

Not even the frothers could object to you giving your dd the same name as your sister, could they? Family names are (or at least were) the norm (although I appreciate that you're not talking about naming her after your dsis as such).

Montsti · 25/10/2011 12:05

Thanks! To be honest I am probably over-thinking this and overly sensitive about what other people think...if I do, indeed have a girl I will definitely run it past my sister before finalizing the name but, as I said she doesn't seem to have a problem with it at all.

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