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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Is this really an issue???

277 replies

Sim2 · 01/10/2011 02:33

My brother has a one year old called Eva..I have just called my daughter Eve- both girls have different middle and surnames yet my sister in law has fallen out with us!!!
Is this really an issue?!..surely it doesn't matter at all!!

OP posts:

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RedHotPokers · 02/10/2011 13:13

OP - I wouldn't fall out with you over it if I was your SIL, but I would find it decidedly weird, and slightly annoying.

FWIW, I have always loved a particular boys name, and thought that if I ever had children I would definitely use it. Then I met DH, and his brother had this same name, so my DS would have had the exact same first name and surname. I couldn't do it - so my DS is now called something completely different.

tryingtoleave · 02/10/2011 13:18

I wonder if the op will come back? She's started another thread in wwyd.

Original poster

Sim2 · 02/10/2011 14:03

I have been reading the posts and am surprised at how bitchy and nasty some of the comments are..I get that some people think this is an issue but I thought this website was full of mums who would understand issues and give constructive comments rather than upsetting comments to someone who has just given birth!

OP posts:

Catslikehats · 02/10/2011 14:14

No one has been bitchy. Just a lot of people think you have behaved rather
unreasonably.

You have also had both congratulations and constructive criticism (change your DD's name/apologise to sil/attempt to build bridges)

What you haven't had is much agreement. If you want people to agree with you regardless of the content of your post may I suggest nethuns

seeker · 02/10/2011 14:26

Bitchy? Is this some new definition of bitchy where it means " does not agree with you"?

Constructive suggestion- say sorry and think of another name for your daughter. Or say sorry and do nothing. At least accept that you have done something thoughtless.

Thumbwitch · 02/10/2011 15:12

I think it's the bjullying bjtch-style definition, seeker. Some people have said the Op was silly, pathetic, unreasonable - but while that doesn't correlate with my definition of bitchy, it certainly would for some who see packs of bjullying bjtches everywhere

cloudydays · 02/10/2011 15:30

I don't think people have been bitchy.

But I do think that some have lost sight of the fact that OP has just had a baby, and is therefore a bit vulnerable, and so some comments (such as those that imply that her child will be seen as 'an imposter', or that SIL will love her that bit less) are bound to be disproportionally upsetting to her.

Who wants to feel that they've made a terrible error of judgment in one of the very first, and most lasting, decisions of parenthood?

OP, to be honest I can understand why your SIL is upset, and I think that if you can bear to do it, you should really consider changing the first name. But if you're determined to keep the name as it is, I think that you should try to have a conversation with SIL in which you acknowledge that you 'get' why she's upset, tell her that you have always imagined having a daughter named Eve, and it was never your intention to upset her or to undermine the 'specialness' of your beloved niece's name. The worst thing you can do is approach her with the attitude that she's silly or unreasonable to be upset or that it doesn't matter at all. It clearly does matter to her, and you should be sensitive to that.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I hope that the drama over the name doesn't take too much from what should be a very, very special time in your life.

oohlaalaa · 02/10/2011 16:21

Congratulations Sim2.

I have the same name as SIL, and mum/dad do have to say Jane A, Jane B. Its fine though.

I think cousins names should be avoided. However, its done now, and Eve is a lovely name. Nobody has copyright on a name. I can see why your SIL is annoyed, but no doubt she will come round.

dizzyblonde · 02/10/2011 17:11

Flowerista Of course I would have reconsidered if my sister had been in the slightest bit upset but she thought the very idea of being upset was utterly ridiculous. I've recently checked again with her (15 years later) just in case she was being kind to a new Mum and she said exactly the same thing. We are very close and so are all the cousins. Funnily enough the two with the same names gravitated towards each other despite their 5 year age gap and have many of the same unsual traits.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 02/10/2011 17:15

nobody owns a name and every variant of it! And your sil is being childish in stopping speaking to you over it.

However.

Hand on heart here - if your Eve had come along first, and then your sil had named her child Eva - how would you have felt?

If you would have been anything other than totally unconcerned, I will eat my hat. people are generally unreasonable when it comes to names.

You're just going to have to wait for her to get over her strop about it.

BodyUnknown · 02/10/2011 17:46

It's really that you didn't seem to consider the grandparents, who will be telling people 'yes, I have two granddaughters, Eve and Eva. No, one's my son's daughter, and the other is my daugter's daughter. I know, right?'

It happens, but I guess I'd be a bit sad if I'd had daughter Joanna and then my brother's baby was subsequently named Joanne...

FWIW, I regret not changing DD's name when I had the chance. You know, with all the millions of little Eves and Evas out there, you might be glad that you had a change of heart. Of course, if your heart is set on it, no one can or should make you change it.

redglow · 02/10/2011 17:57

These are similar names, not the same, I think its fine when child starts school they might be three in the class what is she goin g to do then sulk I think she needs to grow up. Cally your baby what you like.

Whelk · 02/10/2011 18:16

We have an Ella (yeah yeah I know everyone on here hates it, doesn't think its unique enough, every second girl is called it blah blah so please no comments, I've heard them all).

My sil and bil had an Elsie.
Doesn't bother me. Elsie is gorgeous. I'm just excited to have a niece. Ella is delighted!

Greenshadow · 02/10/2011 18:26

Wouldn't bother me at all.
Even if they had been the same name.
As it is they aren't even the same and if people can't tell the difference between an Eva and an Eve, then tough.

Your SIL should see it as a compliment.

notlettingthefearshow · 02/10/2011 18:31

I'm afraid I am with your SIL, so I do think it is an issue. I would be properly annoyed, whether it's rational or not!

I wonder if it will be quite confusing/irritating in future for the cousins.

Having said that, both are very popular names at the moment, so maybe it's not so bad ...

rachel234 · 02/10/2011 21:58

It has nothing to do with 'owning names' - but with the purpose of naming someone - so they can be easily identified. Having two grandchildren called Evie (which they most likely will nicknamed) makes this job quite hard for their parents and grandparents.

Sorry, OP, but I agree with others that there are thousands of gorgeous girls' names out there that I'd re-consider my choice.

YouDoTheMath · 02/10/2011 22:04

Stick to your guns if you love it that much.

But if you're worried the backlash will outweigh any positivity, give it a rethink.

I'm more a quiet seether than a confrontational faller-outer. In your position, I'd wonder what her problem was. In her position, I'd seethe but say nothing (unhealthy, I know).

LalalalalalaSummerHoliday · 02/10/2011 22:09

To add to the "it's not an issue at all" brigade. I'm from one of those families with lots of cousins with same name. Was usual to name kids after grandparents and so lots of cousins have those name.

Now, my dad had 2 brothers with the same name... that wasn't unusual at that time in the Western Isles... but I still think it's bonkers.

frutilla · 02/10/2011 22:44

What about moving Eve to her middle name, but still calling her that as a compromise....

FellatioNelson · 03/10/2011 06:54

Sim2 who has been bitchy or nasty? You basically wanted opinions on whether or not your DB and SIL were being silly and over-sensitive to be upset at you, and you have been told overwhelmingly that they are not.

WE 'understand' the issue just fine, thanks, but I'm not sure what kind of 'constructive advice' you were expecting, but if it's contructive advice yuou want then I suggest this:

Change your daughter's name immediately and apologise to your brother.

marzipananimal · 03/10/2011 07:55

Sim congratulations on your baby. I think this thread shows that there are lots of people on both sides - so in that sense neither you nor your SIL is being unreasonable. Now enjoy your lovely new daughter and don't worry about the name issue - just try and make peace with your SIL as much as you can. If she continues to sulk then she's being very childish.

LydiaWickham · 03/10/2011 15:41

I still think there are lots of pretty names that can be shortened to Eve, making this a little easier for Grandparents and SIL.

But the main thing is, if you're going to keep the name, you have to accept it is an issue for your SIL (whether you think she has a 'right' to be upset or not). Her hurt is real, you caused it and therefore you need to find a way to fix it. If name changing isn't an option, you need to find otherways to build bridges. I'd start with an apology for not discussing it with them before DD was born, and hope that they will see you didn't intend to upset them.

Original poster

Sim2 · 03/10/2011 19:42

I wrote a nice email to clear the air straight away and said that it was never our intention up cause any upset..I apologised and explained..
I tried really hard to explain why we ended up with that name and the reasons why it shouldnt affect her daughter because of our own circumstances..
Its upsetting she hasn't even made any contact to ask how the baby is or how I am after having a section .there are more important things in life than a name..

OP posts:

redglow · 03/10/2011 19:50

Well you have done your bit. I think she needs to grow up.

seeker · 03/10/2011 19:59

"there are more important things in life than a name"

Exactly. So why not change your dd's name?

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